Tuesday, May 30, 2006
However, I did abuse my liver about all weekend. The tequila was flowing. The good stuff, not bargain basement crap. I mostly stuck to beer though.
Then, Monday, I got to spend some quality time with Tommy & Peaches. They had plenty of that wonderful South American wine, too. So we stayed up late visiting and imbibing. Have you ever had Pisco? Very tasty! I also got to meet Kagnaszty . He's a handsome devil. Quiet though. Sort of the strong, silent type.
I got home a little late today because of the weather, but not too late. I was very happy to see the SugarBabies and I think that they were glad to see me. Judging from all the hugs and kisses anyway. Nothing better in the world!
Aaaaaaanyways....I will have pictures to post & will do so in the morning. For now, I need to go to sleep. And rest my liver.
Saturday, May 27, 2006
Then, I get to spend Memorial Day with Tommy and Peaches. I am SO looking forward to that brisket. And I am crossing my fingers that they still have some of that Malbec left.
Have a wonderful holiday weekend, everyone! Pictures, etc when I return.
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Today, boys and girls, we are playing the Alphabet Game. I am supposed to pick ten things of importance to me that start with the letter 'A.' Holli assigned me the letter A after I told her not to give me a crappy letter like X or Q. She got V and that seemed pretty challenging to me. Well, folks, A ain't so easy, either. (if you want to play, let me know & I will give you a letter.)
Here we go, this is sure to get lame fast.
1. Air Force - the main controlling factor in my life. It dictates where I live, how much (or how little!) I see my husband, what kind of health care I get and when and if I get a vacation. Of course, it is also the reason that I MET SugarDaddy and the reason that I have gotten to go to some amazing places, so I suppose I won't complain too much.
2. Alphabet- the song that is sung approximately thirty times a day (at a minimum) for the past, ooooh, eight years or since SugarPlum started talking. I have enjoyed the many permutations over the years, including: H I J K Elmo P (Bear), HI (Mommy did you know that the word 'hi' is right there IN the alphabet?) J K L M NO (cool the word 'no' is too!)[SugarPlum], and compliments of a girlfriend's daughter H I J K Emma Emma P (Mommy! My name is in the Alphabet Song!)...just to name a few.
3. Aspartame- the sweetener in my beloved Diet Coke. No, I don't care that it turns to formaldehyde above 80 degrees, the stuff with Splenda is just nasty. (See, I told you that they would quickly become lame)
4. Advertisements- after the comics, my favorite part of the Sunday paper. In fact, many Sundays, I look for the Target ad first. Lately, I have been scanning the furniture ads for couches as well as Home Depot and Lowes ads for good deals on refrigerators. I know you wish you had my exciting life.
5. Anxiety- a constant in my life for the last few years. Mostly it is a result of the depression and questioning whether I am doing a good enough job as a Mommy. Lately though, my anxiety has been over buying this house and the prospect of being a single parent for twelve months. I was not designed to do this parenting gig alone.
6. Alcohol - See above
7. Airplanes- On Saturday I will be making my third airplane trip to TEXAS! in three months. This time to go to CRB's long awaited wedding to the Man of her Dreams. Incidentally, fifteen days after I return from this latest trip, we will leave Ohio for good, bound for TEXAS! and our new home.
8. Amitriptyline- an integral part of my crazy pill cocktail. It keeps my mind from spinning all night as a result of number 5.
9. Ass- mine just keeps getting bigger and bigger. Luckily all of the Girl Scout cookies are now gone from my house (thus, the ginormous butt). Hopefully, it will begin to shrink when I actually get off of it and, oh, I don't know, move around???
10. Additional Income- What SD says I will need to provide once we have purchased the house. Still looking for someone to pay me for blogging. Hint. Hint.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
He responded, "Well, I am four years old, Gram. How old are you?"
Gram replied, "I am fifty-four."
To which Bear said, incredulously, "YEARS old???"
Sunday, May 21, 2006
I have always called you my "unexpected blessing." And yes, it is true that I had no plans for baby number three. And when I first learned that you were in my belly, I was less than ecstatic. But, you made it abundantly clear very early on that God had big plans for you and you overcame so many odds to come into our world and stay in our world. And our world is so much better because of it.
Many people thought that you would never stop nursing, but our little secret is that it was Mommy as much as or more than you who wanted you to keep nursing. I loved how you always told me at bedtime, "Iona nuss." And how you called (and still call) my breasts "nursies." And still, six months later, when you are feeling tired, sad, or insecure, you still reach your little hand down (or up) my shirt seeking out my nursies for comfort. Yes, it is kind of annoying, and yes, sometimes it makes me think that you are a tiny little dirty old man, but really, I think a part of me will be a little sad when you don't need me to comfort you even like that anymore.
I love our snuggle time together after we take Bear to school. How you curl up in my lap just so and we read books and sing songs.
I love your now encyclopedic knowledge of construction vehicles. When we drive down the road, you point out all of the trucks as we go. "Look! A dump truck!" "Look, Mommy a cement blower!" "Wow! Look at dat crane!" You get such pure pleasure and delight every time we see a truck. And garbage day is almost nirvana to you. You sit at the window all morning some days waiting to see the various garbage and recycling trucks. I suspect we may be saving some money on college tuition because you seem determined to be a garbage man when you grow up. I only ask that you be the best garbage man you can be.
I cannot imagine my life without your sly, naughty little grin or your gigantic sense of humor. One of my favorite, favorite things is when you make up your own silly words to songs and then laugh and tell me, "That's funny!"
You love your brother and sister with an intensity and ferocity that is admirable. When you see Bear come out of school and wait in line to get in the van you get all excited. You have taken to calling him and he calling you "Brother." Only when you say it, you say, "Brudder," and it is just one of the sweetest sounds EVER. You two are the very best of friends. And it makes my heart swell to see you play and grow and enjoy life together.
I love how you say your 'L's as 'Y's and vice versa. So that "yellow" comes out "lellow" and instead of "I love you," you say "I yove you."
Your favorite letter is still 'W.' When we are talking about letters and tell you that 'B' is for Bug, you frown and insist that, no, 'W' is for Bug! You can spot a W anywhere, anytime.
I love when you are playing firefighters and insist on being called "Fireman Bug" and calling me "Fireman Mommy." I love being Fireman Mommy.
I adore how you make the most of every second of every minute of every day. You do everything with intensity and enthusiasm. When you play in the mud, you don't just get a little messy. You ROLL in the mud and get covered. When you read a book, you sink into it and give it your full attention. If I didn't know better, I'd think you were really, honestly reading it. When you are mad, you tell me, "Mommy, I ANGRY!" and when you are happy, you sing and smile and shine and hug and kiss and love.
Thank you, my sweet SugarBug for coming into my life. Thank you for blessing it with more joy and love and fun than I could ever have imagined or hoped for.
Mommy yoves SugarBug.
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
I also have been checking my mom's fight status every few minutes on the computer. They are taking in a few minutes and I want to time my airport trip right so that I am there when she gets to the baggage claim but not there so long as to have to PAY for the parking. It's a delicate balance. As a result, I have been leaving the laptop open in the kitchen so that I can refresh the page every few minutes and see when she should be landing.
SOOOO, I was upstairs just now and was dismayed to hear this from Bug:
"Mommy! I swiffoh and now your 'puter is aaaaalllllll clean!"
AAAAAAAHHHHHH! So far, it looks okay. No harm done. And? It now has a citrus-y fresh scent!
Whew! Back to the trenches....
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
*I finally had my thyroid scan last Tuesday and Wednesday. The node on my thyroid was a "cold node" (that makes me sound like I have a stuffy nose...that is chilly) which means that the doc could, in good conscience, tell me that it was not malignant.
*That whole process was pretty interesting and really deserves a blog post unto itself, but, for now, I'm still all "meh."
*The end result of all of the tests for ME means that I am now able to take my thyroid medicine again. I just wish it would start working immediately rather than taking weeks to really take effect.
*This weekend, I went with a group of AF wives to the Longaberger homestead and to some villages around there. I got to make a basket.
*By the time I made it home, I had quadrupled my Longaberger basket collection, as I only owned one before Saturday. I think that the baskets are lovely, don't get me wrong, but I cannot pay that much for a basket.
*That said, I did pay to make a basket which was cool. I also WON a basket for singing "Swingin' on a Star," plus we got a really nice bread basket that was included in the cost of the trip.
*I am sick, sick, sick of all of this rain. My boys need to play outside. But when they finally get to, I know that they will be covered in mud. Somehow, I don't think I will care.
*Heh, the irony of me bitching about the rain is that I am moving back to the land of the drought. In a few months, you will read here about how badly we need rain. The grass is always greener...well, except where there is a drought.
*My mom flies in tomorrow. She will be staying with us until we leave (in 29 days!) for TEXAS! She is driving back with me.
*Because she loves her grandkids and wants them to make it back to TEXAS! alive.
*Pray for us all, because our last week in dreary old Ohio, we will be staying in a hotel. All of us. In one suite.
*My mom and SD need at least 2500 sq feet to keep the fireworks at bay. This should be fun.
*Bug's birthday is Sunday. He will be three.
*We aren't having his party until later in the week, because SugarPlum and Bear both have at least two parties apiece that they are invited to.
*Bug won't know the difference, right?
*I have been having terrible insomnia lately, staying up until 2:30 several nights. Then I am sooooo exhausted during the day.
*I have been needing a nap every day, which just exacerbates this vicious cycle.
*I'm hoping the thyroid medicine will help this.
*I'm toying with changing my template. Zoot has a really neat one that I like, but I can't decide if I really want to change it. I think I'm just bored and restless. And fiddling with the template keeps me from folding laundry and cleaning toilets.
*Don't be surprised if there is a new template here later this week.
*Also, look for me on the news. I will be the lady whose family was killed my the mildew monster that grew out of the family's upstairs toilet.
*Someone be sure to tell the news crews to get a shot of my pretty new template in the story.
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Friday, May 12, 2006
Yes, Sheryl is just as cool and funny as you thought she would be. And she has the cutest, sweetest cocker spaniel EVER. What a lovable dog! Oh, and her kids are nice too. HA! Seriously, her kids are the best. And Emily sent SugarPlum the sweetest email this evening. My kids asked if we could go back sometime. I, of course, said NO! Because I like messing with them like that. Hopefully, we will have the chance to get together with Sheryl and her kiddos a few more times before we leave. (BTW, only 33 days until we leave for TEXAS!!) And hopefully the weather will improve. It was rainy and gross today. I think that the high was about 50.
Tonight, SD and I joined some friends for dinner. Several of us from his "class" have gotten together once a month or so for dinner at local restaurants. When you are only someplace for one year, you want to try to experience as much of it as you can. We always have a wonderful time and have had the opportunity to try some really wonderful places that we might have otherwise missed out on.
So...tonight we ate at a restaurant called El Meson, an "authentic" Mexican restaurant. It was really quite good. I had a kick-ass mojito and some really good flan (mmmmmm, flan!). My entree was nice, a grilled salmon fillet in a stack with a potato salad, fried plantains, black beans, and tomatoes. There might have been some other stuff, I'm not sure. It seemed sort of like an entree from Top Chef (Do you watch Top Chef?? It is fantastic!).
After supper we stopped at Marshalls so that I could look for a dress to wear to CRB's wedding in a couple of weeks. I love Marshalls and I can't believe I got to go after dinner. What a fantastic ending to a dinner out! (Incidentally, last Friday on our date night, SD & I went shopping as well. We went to a sporting goods place, to Sears looking at appliances AND to a furniture place to look at couches. We're crazy like that.) I actually did find a dress (yellow with butterflies...you have to see it to understand, because that sounds horrible typed out like that) and we found birthday presents for the boys (Battat trucks - a garbage truck and a crane - less than $20 for the two of them!). Then the babysitter called and said that Bug was running a fever, so we skedaddled home.
So, you would think that that would be the end of the festivities. That's where you would be wrong.
After the babysitter left, we decided to play a round of everyone's favorite game: What Stinks? (No, not THAT version of the game. I assure you that I would have totally won that version. Two words: black beans.) Every time we have opened the refrigerator the past few days, one of us has asked the infamous question, "Damn! What stinks in there?" Earlier this week, I cleaned out all of the leftovers that were more than a couple of days old and SD cleaned out the vegetable crisper of all old veggies. And let me tell you there were some science experiments in that drawer. BLECH. But it still smelled nasty. NAS. TEE.
By tonight, the olfactory experience was more than either of us could put up with any longer. So, we systematically cleaned out the meat/cheese drawer and then cleaned each shelf in the refrigerator and door. When we put it all back, it smelled better. But we have no idea why. The phantom stink. On the plus side, now my fridge is sparkling clean! Or as close to sparkling clean as it's gonna get. Let's be honest about who we are talking about here.
Don't you wish you were me?
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
*Please only pee IN the toilet.
*No, you cannot wear the same clothes to school that you wore to the campout.
*NO, that is dog poop, not a toy. Put it down. Now go wash your hands. With bleach.
*No rolling in the mud.
*Why are you muddy? Which part of "No rolling in the mud" did you not understand?
*No, you can't wear your Elmo sandals to church.
*You can have waffles, cereal, eggs or oatmeal for breakfast. Chips and salsa is not a breakfast option.
*(holding tissue up to child's face) Here, blow your nose. Blow. your. nose.
*Please don't pour sand on your head.
*Or your brother's head.
*Don't draw on your sister's homework.
*You MUST put your homework and colored pencils away if you don't want your brothers to draw on it.
*Spit stays in your mouth.
*There are no winners here. Just buckle your dang seatbelts so we can go.
*I said that "seatbelts" is not a contest. Now zip it or I'll pull over and you can WALK to school.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Sunday, May 07, 2006
SugarPlum is fine. So fine, in fact, that when I saw her Friday afternoon (SD let me sleep in, so I didn't wake up till she and Bear were already at school. Yes, I know, he's a good man!), I asked her if she was feeling better and she looked at me like I was crazy. Finally, she remembered her chest and said that she was better. She even apologized for making me worry - which was totally unnecessary.
She went to her Girl Scout camporee this weekend and, I think, had a really good time. She is pretty tired, though, and cranky, so I may wait until tomorrow to hear all about it. However...she did answer the question on everybody's mind this weekend...
Just what IS the "Dahk movie"??!
I asked her if she knew what Bug was referring to when he said The Dark Movie, and she replied, "Aladdin, maybe?" Bug confirmed this guess with a hearty "YES!" and proceeded to describe the movie with "the guy in the dahk and the fi-oh (fire) and the funny monkey." I'm so relieved.
So there, now you can sleep tonight. (because I know your world revolves around me, right?)
Saturday, May 06, 2006
Me: What movie do you want tonight, Bug?
Bug: Ummm, the "Dahk" movie.
Me: The dog movie??
Bug: No, the "Dahk" movie.
Me: The Dark movie?
Bug: YES! The "Dahk" movie!
Me: What's the Dark movie?
Bug: Ummm, it's the "Dahk" movie!
Me: Who's in the Dark movie??
Bug: The guy. The guy in the dark.
So, can you help me out here. I have no idea what we are watching tonight, and the pizza is ready. I'll keep you abreast of any clarifications....
Well, we watched The Jungle Book. No, that's not the "Dahk" movie, and I still haven't figured it out, but all were happy. I asked if maybe the "Dahk" movie was "Finding Nemo" but, sadly, it is not. The mystery continues....
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
(giving her a hug) Oh, you probably overdid it today. That happens to me sometimes. Go ahead and get back in bed. After the boys are settled, I'll come in and snuggle you.
::get boys all finished with "one more potty trip" and in bed for good::
How are you feeling now, Sugar?
(trying to mask worried face) So, your chest feels heavy and your left arm hurts...
Yeah, it feels kind of like someone is pressing on me from the front and back. And my arm hurts, but just right here in this spot (pointing to the back side of her upper arm). ..
(strained smile, desperately attempting to hide the panic rising in my throat) Okay, well, lay down and let me go look some stuff up in my books and I will be back up in a minute.
::go downstairs and search bookcase for Taking Care of Your Child book. Look up heart problems...nothing, look up chest pain, read that it is most likely anxiety, confirming what I suspected most, and quelling, at least a little, my greatest fear::
Sweetie, how are you? Feeling any better?
I don't know. I just feel weird. ..
I think that you have just been feeling a lot of stress lately. We have a lot going on right now and so much coming up. All of this change can be hard to deal with, huh?
Yeah, that's true. And N (her ultra-moody friend next door) hasn't been very nice lately.
All of that really adds up. Maybe you just need to get a good night's sleep. And if you still feel like this tomorrow, we'll go to the doctor if you want.
Okay. But now I won't be able to sleep because my mind won't stop thinking.
Well, how about if I find you a nice, relaxing CD to listen to, would that help?
I love you, too, Angel Girl. More than anything in the whole wide world.
So this is how my evening went. I have been so tired all week. And while I have tried to keep my grouchies in check, sometimes they have really come through. But tonight, everything was put in perspective for me, if only for a moment.
Logically, I knew that SugarPlum wasn't having a heart attack. But, geez, all those health classes over the years have ingrained in me that that "heavy chest, pain in the left arm" meant heart attack. Fortunately, SD remained calm throughout my desperate search through the book. He assured me that if I thought I needed to take her to the ER, he'd be here with the boys. Eventually, I settled down and went up to comfort her.
Then I went and laid down in my bed and read a magazine for a few minutes. But I couldn't keep my eyes open, so I turned off the light at about 9:45 and went to sleep. For an hour.
I woke up from the most horrible dream. I had gone to wake SugarPlum up in the morning and she had died. I lay there in bed, telling myself, "She's fine, go back to sleep," but of course it was no use. I would start to doze off and think of what I would do if she wasn't with me anymore. I thought about how it felt to hold her as a baby. Her little smile when I would say to her in my sing-song voice, "Mommy loves SugarPlum." Because, I can assure you, that smile could light up a room. Then I chided myself for criticizing her smile today, telling her not to curl her top lip up under like that. Am I ruining her?
I feel like all I do anymore is complain about her, not taking the time to appreciate the loving, giving, wonderful young lady she is becoming. Why can't I praise her for all of the hard work she does and for how she is always the one who sticks up for the underdog, sits next to the girl who always sits alone, is the first person to offer a smile (a beautiful, radiant one) and a hug to the friend who is having a bad day? Why must I nit-pick until she has to leave the room, almost in tears? Why don't I tell her more how proud she makes me every single day of her life? How I admire her willingness to take risks, to try to shoot that basket, kick that goal, try out for the musical, the spelling bee. She is the smartest, most courageous person I have ever known. I need to tell her that more.
And what would my life be without her? For so many years it was her and me against the world. SD would be deployed to the Middle East or working long hours in a fighter squadron and SugarPlum and I made our way through it together. Lots of times she was my reason for getting out of bed. I look back and I treasure those four and a half years that we had - just us girls. After Bear was born, she was such a huge help and demanded so little for herself.
Her smile and her usually optimistic attitude have gotten me through some really tough times. I frequently call her my "Sunshine" or my "Silver Lining Girl." When I have questioned an assignment (unhappily), she will remind me that "God always sends us where He knows we need to be!" How can one so young be so wise? If anything happened to my SugarPlum, I'm just not sure how I would be able to go on.
And so, I climbed out of bed and walked across the hall to her room. I laid down next to her and, wrapping my arms around her, marveled at how long and lean and strong she has become. I remember laying in bed with her nine years ago, her tiny, blanket sleeper clad body lying atop me. I hold her tight and just feel her heartbeat, steady and strong, her breath slow and deep. I breathe in her scent, now so different yet still uniquely her. And I thank God once again for the miracle that is my little girl. And I pray that she will always be around to make me crazy, to make me angry and to make me appreciate what she is.
I love you my Angel Girl, I whisper. More than anything else in the whole wide world.
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Monday, May 01, 2006
Good: Sulk around the house, sighing over how bored you are every time your friend next door can't or won't come play with you. Bonus points for the big snit you have when I present you with the long list of ways I can relieve your boredom.
Better: Leave your Girl Scout project out in your room, next to the glue bottle AND leave your door open. THEN act all surprised when one of your little brothers goes in there and pours said glue all over the little wormy/butterfly things you were making for the camporee swaps.
As an added bonus, get pissy and yell at me when I tell you that you will have to pay for half of the cost to replace the craft materials. You know that your brothers like to go into your room and you have been repeatedly "encouraged" to shut and lock your door if you don't want them in there.
Best: Come downstairs at 9:30 at night, a full hour after I tucked you in and said very clearly, "Stay in bed and go to sleep. I don't want to see you unless you are on fire or bleeding from your eyeballs." Then tell me that you need to find your math journal.
Proceed to look for your math journal for a few minutes and proceed to lose your shit when you can't find it.
Become frantic and insist that the boys must have taken it from your backpack the day prior.
When faced with fairly concrete evidence to the contrary, get truly hysterical and tell me that your teacher is going to be mad because...
(wait for it)
...because you haven't had your math journal in class for the past several days. So, really, all that about your brothers taking it out of your back pack was a load of crap.
Then, ask me to write a note to your teacher (saying what, that you can't find your math journal? She already knows that) and get mad when I say that the math journal was your responsibility and now you must face the consequences of not keeping up with it. Including buying a new one if necessary.
Honestly, the whole crying yourself to sleep thing did make me feel a little bit bad for you, but not overwhelmingly. I have been saving your butt a little too often lately and it's time to grow up a little. Life sucks sometimes. Figure that out and come to terms with it now, little girl. Might not make it any easier, but at least it won't be such a big surprise.
***The missing math journal? The one that either A)up and walked off by itself; or B)SugarPlum's brothers absconded with and destroyed, leaving behind absolutely no evidence whatsoever?? Remember that (if not, see above)? IT HAS BEEN FOUND! Miracle of miracles. It was beneath a box upon the dining room table. The table which our girl insists she thoroughly searched, leaving no stone (or box) unturned. How did it get there? Magic? The Borrowers? Evil Mommy bent on destroying her life by the end of the third grade? It's a real conundrum.
Well...now the glue for her Brownie project is missing. So, never fear, there is enough anger and accusation to go around. Line forms to the left.****