Sugar Mommy

The "C" Word ( among others)

2011-12-28T01:34:00.000-06:00

So much - too much - has happened over the past year or so. Much that I cannot (or rather choose not) to make too terribly public. Although there are people in my life *ahem* who would beg to differ about that last point, but I won't go into that either. Suffice to say, I have no desire to make this into another navel-gazing post about why I haven't posted. Or maybe that's exactly what I'm about to do. Who can tell?

It's funny when you have a blog that was at one time very frequently updated because then as your life gets to a point where you aren't blogging for whatever reason, you feel that you must explain why it is you've been absent. Only, you really don't want to explain, so you put off writing for even longer and it turns into a vicious cycle and suddenly, you find that you are blogging seasonally at best.** So, I'll leave it at this: We are all good. I hope that you ~~both~~ all had a lovely Thanksgiving, a fabulously blessed & joyful Christmas and that the New Year brings all the happiness in the world.

That should hold me till at least March, right? (Also, SugarPlum turns 15 next week. FIFTEEN. Oh. Em. Gee. Who let that happen?)

Now, I shall share a little story that sums up my life quite nicely these days. It takes place in the van yesterday after we dropped SP off at a friend's house. The boys were doing their "annoy the crap out of Mommy" thing and coming very close to making my head explode. I said something about them needing to take it down a notch or there would be unpleasant consequences. In the spirit of throwing your brother under the bus, this exchange took place:

Bug: "Bear said the "c" word today."
Me: "You know tattling is not o....WAIT, he said wha?? What "c" word did you say?"
Bear: .....
Me: "WHAT DID YOU SAY?"
Bear: (hesitantly) "um, 'crap'...."
Me: (small sigh of relief) "Well. Hm. That's not nice for kids to say. So, uh, don't say that."
Bug: "What? 'Crap'?"

And this is why I only have two kids now....

**Also? You find yourself writing ridiculous run-on sentences that will probably make you cringe once you take the time to actually LOOK at what you've written. AND THEN, you begin to wonder why you are writing in second-person since that seems awfully affected but you can't seem to find a way to stop, so you just keep typing until you decide that perhaps you should just hit "PUBLISH" already and get your butt to bed. Or not.

Never, ever forget

2011-09-11T09:54:00.002-05:00

This is a post I wrote five years ago as part of the 2996 Project, commemorating the life of one of those lost on September 11, 2001. My life has gone on and has changed for better and for worse since then. But the families & friends of those lost on that terrible day have had to live the past ten years without their loved ones. We cannot ever forget what happened and the terrible sacrifices our entire country has been forced to make.

As you know, I was born and raised in Texas. I have always considered myself fortunate to have been able to grow up in the United States and especially in Texas. In high school, I was very active in choir and dance. And, after high school, as you know, I went to college and became a teacher. I have had the opportunity to live in many different places. I am proud to be an American and proud of our country.

Carlos Samaniego was born in Uruguay on December 31, 1971. At some point in his childhood, I'm not sure at what age, he moved to Texas, not too terribly far from where I grew up. He attended Permian High School and, from what I gather, he was one heck of a baseball player. At one game in particular, he entered as the pitcher in the third inning and shut out the opponent. From there, he eventually became a Bond Trader in New York City.

On September 11, 2001, my family and I lived in England. My husband was a fighter pilot and I was the Ways and Means chairperson for the Officers and Civilan Spouses Club. I was the Mommy to four-year-old SugarPlum and three-month-old SugarBear. On that particular day, my father-in-law left after visiting for two weeks. We had taken several trips during his stay and we enjoyed him thoroughly, but we were exhausted and, honestly, I was glad that he was headed home. We made plans to see him and my sister-in-law and her family in Mississippi at the end of October. SD took his dad to the airport very early that morning and SugarPlum and Bear and I all slept in and had a lazy morning watching Nick Jr and playing.

Carlos Samaniego woke up on the morning on September 11, 2001, most likely at his home in Richmond Hill, NY. He probably ate breakfast or at least had some coffee. He went to work that day at his job with Cantor Fitzgerald on the 104th floor of Tower One of the World Trade Center. You know what happened after that. He was confirmed dead at the WTC site. He wasn't able to follow through with any plans he had made to visit friends or family members. He didn't get one last phone call to tell his mom or his brother or his girlfriend that he loved them. His life was snuffed out abruptly and violently by the cowardly, unfathomable acts of evil, evil people.

I did not know Carlos Samaniego. Pretty much all I know about him is what I have told you right here. From what I have read that friends and family have posted about him, he was a really great guy. One friend wrote of Carlos:

I cannot remember Carlos ever having a bad day. He saw the good in everyone and everything. I know Carlos made life better for people around him. My life is better having known Carlos.

He sounds like someone I would really like to meet. The chances of that happening would have been very, very slim, but you never know. However, it makes so very angry that I will never have the opportunity to know him. Yet, I am pleased that I have been given this opportunity to honor his life and be a voice for one who can no longer speak.. His life was more than one than 1/3000th of a tragedy. His death left a hole in our world that will never be filled by anyone else and we may never know how far the ripples of this loss will be felt. If by chance, a friend or loved one of Carlos stops by here, please know that you have my deepest sympathies for a pain that must be almost unbearable even five (and now 10) years later. God bless you all.

We will never forget....

To read more tributes to the victims of the 9/11 attacks, go here. Or just visit 2,996. You'll be glad you did! [This link no longer works, but I'm certain that there are countless others. God bless you.]

He has varied interests

2011-08-31T12:56:00.002-05:00

With the first week of school successfully completed (HALLELUJAH!), I looked through the kids' backpacks and folders this weekend. I came across Bug's (now in third grade HOLY COW!) Writing Journal (complete with backwards 'J'). On the front page I found this, which I will try to reproduce as precisely as I can as written. Needless to say, his knowledge is varied and, at times, alarming while AS ALWAYS, very hilarious:

THINGS I KNOW ABOUT by SugarBug Lastname

Harry potter
art
guns (backward g)
rocks
space
endangered animals
biology
warfaer (his spelling)
history
WW II
Air force
Army
Navy
Marines
bombs
deep sea
Afghanistan
boy scouts
John
brenden
egend (not sure what this is)
legos
hitler
Quantum physics
fish
weta (again, no idea)
zombies
eels
Pokeman

If he weren't an 8 year old boy, I would be worried. But they watched a LOT of the History and Discovery channels over the summer, so I'm going to laugh and appreciate his confidence....

Happy Birthday Maw Maw...

2011-07-01T03:19:00.002-05:00

Even though you have been gone over a year now, I still sometimes forget you are gone. And every July 1st until the end of time, that empty place in me will ache a little more. I always loved that you and I both had July birthdays. You were the one who showed me that the Ruby was our birthstone. I treasured the times that you would let me try on the various pieces of ruby jewelry you had. It was something that just you and I shared, our July birthdays.

There have been so many times lately I have wanted to call you and tell you something funny one of the boys has said. Or to boast about something one of the SugarBabies has done. Yes, even after all this time, your number is still programmed in all of my phones. As if I don't know it by heart. But I don't think I'll ever take it off. All week I have looked at my calendar and I've seen your name pop up on this day. July 1 - Maw Maw's Birthday. I wish I could just call and let the SugarBabies sing to you. You always loved that.

I wish that we could come to your house - me, my kiddos, Bek & Tell, Mom & Dad, T&L. I wish we could have one more time together. We are all okay. But we would be even more okay if you were here.

I'll bet birthdays don't even matter in Heaven, do they? You get to be with Paw Paw and your Mom & Daddy and with Aunt Ruby and so many other loved ones and just rejoice all the time. I know you are much happier there. And I guess that tempers my sadness some. But it doesn't make me miss you any less.

So know that I am thinking about you all day today. I may shed some tears, but they will be good ones. Because the fact that I miss you so much is only because you loved me so fully and completely and unconditionally while you were here. So I will celebrate you today, Maw Maw. And we WILL sing to you. I know you will hear it and smile and giggle. I love you so much. Happy Birthday.

Sorry about the lack of posting again, but....

2011-06-28T17:10:00.004-05:00

You know what I hate? I hate being unable to post and share what is going on with me and my kids and all of the funny, joyful, irritating, crazy, LIFE around here. And WHY am I unable to post? Because of the possibility that every word I type can be used against me (and probably is). And I hate that. It makes me angry. Because it shouldn't be that way. But evidently it is. So, sorry, all three people who still read around here. Just thought I'd give you an explanation.

As it is, everyone is healthy. Everyone is happy. It is summer, so everyone is whiny - especially me since I'm working my tail off in school, trying to get this MS done as quickly as possible AND spend time with my kiddos, because they are growing up so fast. I'll fill you in someday. I hope. Comments will be turned off on this post. Email or call me if you want to offer encouragement. I love you guys.

Of birthdays, and deuling, and other very BOY things

2011-06-15T00:18:00.012-05:00

Shamefully, I let the entire month of May and half of June pass without mention of the fact that BOTH boys had another birthday. While I have tried to strongly discourage any further growing or maturing or aging, these children stubbornly insist on growing up. *sigh* So disobedient. See? Right there? Hoodlums. ------->>

First, my Buggy Boy turned eight. He was truly looking forward to his birthday this year even though he knew it was going to be was very low key. Somehow, eight was a really big deal to him. It's hard having one of the last birthdays of the school year. But as Bear and I can both attest, it still beats having your birthday after school is out. His Daddy called from Overthereistan and I think he got to webcam with Daddy as well. Daddy got Bug the DSI xl (or some device with a similar acronym, I can't keep it all straight) that he wanted. Very exciting. Gram and GrayGray came for the weekend. A close friend brought his daughter over to celebrate - both of whom the boys think are pretty awesome. All the kids (Bear & Bug, SugarPlum, Little Miss & her Daddy) had a huge water gun fight in the back yard which was, in the words of the birthday boy "AWESOME." Bug got to pick where to eat supper - Buffalo Wild Wings, in case you were wondering...he thinks WINGS are the greatest food in the world right now. (I don't get it. Maybe it's a guy thing) Then back to the house for presents and his ARMY GUY cake.

Somehow, it has become kind of a tradition that the boys' cakes include some sort of action figures. This was actually born out of laziness and lack of skill on my part in making any sort of cool theme cake and now they look forward to the toys on the cake and I can include that as one of their gifts. Pretty much a win/win if you ask me. Anyway, after cake he opened presents, was slightly disappointed to discover that he did NOT get Big Game Hunter (or something like that) for the Wii, but he was pretty happy with all of his gifts.

Ten days later, we were in Candyland West (also known as Gram & GrayGray's house) for Bear's birthday. He turned 10. TEN. T.E.N. Double digits, folks. Oh. Em. Gee. But it hasn't done a thing to detract from his sweet nature. He was happy because he got to meet his precious new baby cousin (and my beautiful, precious new nephew! I'm FINALLY Aunt Buffi for real!) (we'll call the baby [my brother's] Tadpole for now....maybe Tad for short) and my Bear loooooves babies. And this is one of the sweetest, most laid back babies in the history of EVER. We got to go swimming at the home of one of my bestest friends from high school and then Bear got to choose where we went to dinner (a wonderful Italian place that has the absolute best calzones on the entire planet - including Italy) and we were joined by Gray, Gram, my two precious beautiful (and now-entirely-grown-up-adults-because-they-won't-listen-to-me-either) cousins, and our close friend. After supper, we had cake (Bear really wanted a Harry Potter cake but we could not find Harry Potter action figures - which is weird, right? BUT he was delighted to get a Phineus and Ferb cake - no pictures though because I cannot find my damn camera). Bear also got a special phone call from his Daddy, which ALWAYS makes him happy and got to open his gift from Daddy (same as Bug's) before we left Candyland. He liked ALL of his presents - especially the Banzai Samurai Dueling Sticks because now he and his brother can beat the crap out of each other with fewer drastic consequences.** I also have decided that any arguments are going to be resolved by going outside with the sticks and not coming in until they have reached an agreement. SugarPlum is not too keen on this idea.

So, now I have these older children. They are pretty fantastic when they aren't conspiring to make my head explode.....which, honestly is a good part of every day, I am quite certain. But they are funny and smart and well-behaved (when they aren't acting like meth-addled monkeys) and loving and cuddly and just imperfect enough to make them perfect.

**The "rules" on the box for the Banzai Samurai Dueling Sticks state that there are no "points" awarded for hits to the head, face or groin and a couple of other areas. I read through the rules carefully with them before and asked if they understood. They nodded enthusiastically, indicating that YES they did understand fully and could they please just go out and begin beating one another already. I also included a "Mommy Rule Addendum" that stated that any hits to the head, groin or face would result in a 24 hour suspension of Banzai Samurai Dueling Sticks privileges and the offender would have to clean the bathroom for a week. More enthusiastic nodding, accompanied by eye-rolling. I then asked if they knew what the "groin" was. And no, neither of them did, of course. And since it was the middle of the night in Overthereistan, it fell to me to explain. Good times, people. Good times. It took less than five minutes before someone came in crying. And I sent them right back out. No blood, no bones sticking out, no sympathy....

All Hell Breaking Loose....

2011-06-02T00:11:00.006-05:00

Okay I know I said "next weekend" or something like that. But I've been a little busy. You know. Life and kids and stuff. But I'll make like Paul Harvey and give you the rest of the story now....(I'm sure that this is full of all sorts of mistakes and grammatical errors that I will compulsively go back & fix later, but I'm going to bed now...) PART 1 click here

So, yes my instructions when I left the hospital after having the baby factory removed and almost bleeding to death were simply to rest and to go to the ER if I started running a fever. Well, I wasn't sure how long those instructions were for. Because, I went home on Sunday. On Tuesday or Wednesday (it's all a little fuzzy), I started running a very low grade fever. I SO did not want to go to the ER. But after some prodding and close to downright shouting from my mom & FB friends, I did phone the GYN on call and she said to take some Tylenol, that I probably had a UTI and to call my regular dr in the morning, which I did. He sent me to pee in a cup & put me on antibiotic which did NOT agree with my digestive system. I kept having the fever but just took Tylenol. The lab results came back I and I did NOT have a UTI and since the antibiotics were making me sick and unable to eat, the dr said I could stop taking them. This was Friday, I think.

The weekend was fairly uneventful. Like I said before the kids got to spend time with their dad. My uncle and cousin came by for a visit, I got out and walked a bit (per doctor's orders)....things were okay. Mom was even contemplating going home. My tummy was still a little upset, so Mom thought she'd stay at least one more night & get the kids off to school. Sunday evening, my stomach was really bothering me. ***Here's where you need to stop reading if you have a delicate constitution*** I felt really gassy & couldn't seem to go to the bathroom. I went for a walk and the stomach cramps about overtook me. I made it back into the house and to the bathroom in time to toss everything I had eaten that evening. And then everything I had eaten that week. I was doubled over and couldn't stop throwing up. Finally I was just throwing up bile. Mom called the clinic since I could barely speak and the doc on call said to take me to the ER. So, a wonderful friend came over to stay at the house with the kids since they were all asleep - and help me walk to the car (Mom seriously considered calling an ambulance, but I didn't want to freak out the kids or the rest of the neighborhood).

We got to the ER and Mom ran in and asked for a wheelchair since I couldn't walk. Evidently I was moaning pretty loudly and got triaged right back to a little ER room (there was a 3-4 hour wait otherwise). I kept calling for my "Mommy." (Amazing how we revert back when we are at our most vulnerable, isn't it?) And she just held me as best she could and yelled at those people to take care of me. Seriously, you don't want to get crosswise my mom over one of her kids. She will make you wish you were dead. They gave me lots of drugs and I finally stopped puking. Of course I also stopped being lucid at all. They took me for an x-ray. Then they wanted to do a CAT scan - can I just say that there are few things nastier than barium, especially when you've been throwing your guts up. I do remember trying to choke that crap down. I guess I didn't have any bleeds anywhere, but my fever had spiked to over 104, so they thought it might be a good idea to admit me. I have very little memory of being moved to my room. One of the nurses who was there said that they had to lift me because I was barely conscious enough to slide over. Evidently, I was in serious condition and there was talk of putting me in the ICU. Yeah. As it was I was on IV fluids, three different IV antibiotics and lots of pain and anti-nausea meds. And I was bloated up like a balloon in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade.

EVIDENTLY, I had developed an infection at the site of the repairs made in the second surgery. One of the abscesses was big enough that it was blocking off my bowel, essentially trapping all of the gas and *ahem* everything else from coming out of my body. That was making me a little queasy...and nearly septic. Because it was cellulitis. Which is really bad from what they tell me and to have it INSIDE is extremely rare. The doctor was a little freaked out.

My mom was keeping my friends & family updated on my condition and let them all know that I had cellulitis of the vaginal cuff. One of my friends later called to tell me "Um, your mom sent me a text about your vagina." NICE.

I stayed knocked out on pain killers and nausea meds for the first few days. By Wednesday, the first offending abscess had gone down enough for my bowel to be able to, um, deflate. Yeah, that was pleasant. Especially for the housekeeping staff. There are some great stories that could go with that day, but they are better left untold. In the meantime, doc came in every day and did a pelvic - oh, yes, just as awesome as you can imagine it would be. I also got to go for another x-ray, an ultrasound - both external and internal. I was wheeled to the sonographer by a lady who was very insistent that I wear those lovely hospital socks with the grippy things on them. She told me all kinds of stories about why this was important. Evidently it is crucial. Whatever.

Every few hours, they came to take blood, take my vitals, change one thing or another on my IV, give me medicine or something or just aggravate me. The good nurses (read: the ones I liked) would turn on the least intrusive light possible. All the hullabaloo and they changes in my meds had given me one doozy of a migraine & I wanted it as dark & quiet in there as possible. There were some terribly cheerful nurses who would burst in in the mornings and turn on all the lights and open the curtains - I had a corner room so I had two windows. I hated those nurses. The nurse I had the biggest problem with was a night nurse who kept insisting that I should take a shower, it would make me feel better. I had already taken one shower and learned that those were the worst showers in the history of ever. There was barely any water pressure and you had to rotate yourself to get completely wet. I was cold the whole entire time. One of the GOOD nurses had brought me some of those cleansing cloths to use so that I didn't smell like a lumberjack and I really didn't care what my hair looked like. Nurse Ratchet tried to blackmail me and tell me that she would take my blanket away if I started to run the slightest fever. I asked for the charge nurse and never saw Miss Smarty-Pants again. I may have been known as a pain in the ass but I just really don't give a flying flip.

My friend came to visit Wednesday night and as he left he told me I was hot. I laughed and said "Oh yeah, I'm hot. I look fantastic after laying in this bed for three days." He cracked up and said, "No, you are burning up, I'm going to go tell the nurses before I leave." Yeah, my temp was back up over 102. Super.

By Thursday afternoon, I was still running a pretty good fever most of the day. (Though I was no longer bloated so that was good) All of my blood cultures had come back clean. Nobody knew exactly what was making me sick. But I still felt like shit. I had another CT & it was decided that I was going to have a drain put in me to try to remove the infection from my vaginal cuff (I know, sorry). I thought I had a vague idea how this particular procedure might go. I was very, very mistaken.

The next day, they wheeled me off to CT and had me lay on my belly and zipped me in and out of the CT scanner dealio while the radiologist, Dr DeSade, inserted a tube from my right butt cheek through my lower abdomen to my (close your eyes) vaginal cuff to drain the infection.** BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE...while he was in there he took samples of the fluid to send to the lab to see if they could identify the bacteria that was trying to kill me. For the record, they could not. The little collection bag just kind of hung out there off the skinny little tube which was about 12 inches long or so. Surprisingly, once the tube was in, it really didn't bother me at all except that it was a little awkward trying to find a place to hold it when I went to the potty. It was good for freaking out visitors, though.

**Yes, I was awake thru all of this, but I did have some pretty good drugs on board to make me relax. Plus I did that breathing that they teach you in the childbirth classes. Nice that THAT finally came in handy!

The drain seemed to do the trick. By the next day, I was off all IV antibiotics (still taking two oral antibiotics, though. One for colitis which I developed at some point in there and made things even more fun.Good exercise though!) It was good that I was off the IV since most of my veins had been blown - all of them in both lower arms - and my last IV was in my upper arm near my left shoulder. Actually that was the only one that didn't leave any lasting marks AND it was the easiest to manage. You can still feel the knots in my lower arms where the veins have scarred. It's super-creepy. One of the nurses told me that one of the reasons that I blew so many veins was because of all the Phenergan they gave me for the nausea for all those days. And you know what? TOTALLY worth it. I hate feeling nauseated. SugarPlum says I was pretty funny on phenergan, too. Mom & I evidently had whole long conversations of which I have absolutely no memory. Same goes for phone conversations & actual in-room visits with several friends. So if you called or came by & I don't remember it, sorry. And, if you DIDN'T call but want credit for calling, you can say you did and I will have no way of knowing you are lying.

Mom brought they kids up to see me nearly every single day. I did let them open the window shades because there were pigeons nesting on the window sills and occasionally they would have eggs. They named one set on the birds "Coco & Loco" and one of their eggs was "Yoko" (get it? Yolk-o....they thought it was hilarious). Sadly, we never saw an egg hatch.

By Saturday I was SO READY to bust out of there. The doctor seemed inclined to send me home, too. Except that I still had that damn drain in and he wanted to leave it for at least 24 more hours. He actually was going to send me home with the drain. I was somewhat opposed to bringing a bag of bacteria home to my three children. He let me stay another day. Sunday, he came in to remove the drain. He had the little kit and as he got started, he honest to Doogie said "I think the radiologist said to cut right here...." The nurse and I both had the same look of shock and dismay on our faces. Then, with absolutely no warning, he just pulled that sucker right out of me. HO.LY. CRAP. He asked me if I wanted any pain meds for home. Uh, yeah. So he wrote me a few scrips for that and for antibiotics and I don't know what else and shortly after I signed all those papers, my Mommy took me home.

Oh, and they never did figure out what was making me sick. Every single culture came back clear. All of them. I had some mystery bug that tried to kill me. I am either Dr House's dream patient or his biggest nightmare.

All in all, I was in the hospital the second time for eight days, not counting the night in the ER before they admitted me. I lost about 20 lbs. Nothing at all tasted good. I read about four books. Thank goodness for having Kindle on my phone. I updated my Facebook statuses in the moments that I had the energy & could see straight. And I never did wash my hair. I know. EW. Shut up. The first thing I did when I got home was take a shower and climb into MY bed. That bed never felt so good.

Little by little I have been getting my strength back. I am still amazed at how tired I am and how much I MUST nap. I mean, it's been two months. But the doc keeps telling me to give it six months before I even approach being my old self again. I have gained back all the weight - I really didn't have much that I could lose - thanks to Girl Scout cookies and Haagen-Dacz. I managed to pull an 'A' in the class I was taking last semester in spite of my prof sending me home my first week back because I "looked frail" and I was "making her nervous." I sported the whole "heroin chic" look for quite some time - skin & bones, sunken eyes, tracks & bruises all up & down my arms. I looked terrific.

Bear still tells me almost every day that he is glad I'm all better and home. I hug my babies a little tighter and try to fit in some extra snuggles every day. Bless their hearts. In one week, their Dad deployed to SW Asia and their mom was suddenly back in the hospital at death's door (although they don't really know just HOW sick I was). SugarPlum has been amazing, as always. She is an astounding caretaker, especially for a 14 year old, and she is fiercely protective of me. And I have discovered some truly wonderful people in my life. I am honestly blessed beyond measure. I have realized who and what really matters.

God is good, all the time. And all the time, God is good.

And to think, this was the EASY part....

2011-05-13T14:43:00.007-05:00

Okay, since several people have asked "Just what the hell happened to you and the whole hospital thing?" here is the saga…..it’s long, but trust me it felt longer while I was laying there. (That’s what she said) (sorry I couldn’t help myself.) Today is just the first part, because, seriously, it is a SAGA. And if you get queasy easily, you might want to skip it. It ain't pretty.

I was scheduled to have a hysterectomy. Yes, I am only 40 but I have had tons of issues that are certainly more than most of you want to know so I won’t bore you with all of them. The biggest reason was that my CA-125 blood test (which is one of the markers for ovarian cancer, you know, what my mother had me totally freaked out about) had come back as above normal more than once. My GYN (Dr L) didn’t think it was “cancer high” but enough that we should probably take a look around in there and given my other issues, if he was going to “be in there” we might as well take it all out. Honestly, I was fine with removing the baby factory. After my last pregnancy and the ridiculous crap that accompanied it, I am done. D.O.N.E. And I was tired of all the girl stuff every month. So YAY! Fire sale: everything must go!

It was supposed to be very routine: LAVH (I won’t over-explain, if you want to know, you can click the link...hope you're not eating), overnight stay, home the next day. I scheduled the surgery for just before Spring Break so that I’d have nearly two full weeks to rest and recover before I went back to class. My mom was planning on staying a week, maybe ten days. I’d be tired for a few weeks but should have been back on my feet by the time Spring Break was over. Ha. Ha.

You know that nothing is ever easy with me. I am ALWAYS the aberration.

My mom came to take care of the kids and me. A friend took me to the hospital that morning at 6:15 (thanks Courtney!) and my mom was up there as soon as she got the kids to school. I remember checking in, joking around with the anesthesiologist, getting wheeled into the OR and talking a minute. The next thing I remember is the recovery room.

Here's the thing: I don’t do well coming out of anesthesia. And I am ALWAYS overwhelmed by much it hurts. But this time, even though I knew why I was hurting, something still didn’t feel right. I kept telling them that I was hurting but I couldn’t articulate that something was wrong. Drugs will do that to you, kids. They kept saying, “Yes, you just had surgery.” One jackhole actually “asked” me “Is this your first hysterectomy?” My mom almost punched him. I started feeling really nauseated. No REALLY, seriously pukey. I told them and I think they gave me some phenergan or something. But it didn’t help much.

At a certain point, they had given me all the pain and nausea meds they could. Between all the meds and still coming out of general anesthesia, everything is very swirly in my mind. I remember them giving me a basin because I felt sick. I didn’t have anything in my stomach, but I started dry heaving. I know that they took me from recovery back to my room. I remember telling them that I was bleeding and they said it was normal to have some bleeding after a hysterectomy. But every time I heaved, I felt a LOT of blood.

Evidently I kept saying “gushing” until a CNA came to change the pad on the bed and noticed that the whole entire bed was covered in blood – like horror movie style. She screamed out in the hall for someone to "get their asses in there" (as my mom informed me) and finally they took me seriously. They laid me back down in my gross, bloody bed, tilted the bed to head down (which made all of my stitched up insides hurt like a son of a bitch - that I DO remember) and wheeled me back down to pre-op where they started a blood transfusion. I remember my mom there by my head telling me what was going on, kissing me and telling me she loved me. I remember thinking that I would really just like to close my eyes and go to sleep if everyone would just STFU. But they couldn’t let me do that…something about lapsing into a coma or something, so annoying. They kept shouting at me, “BUFFI?! DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT’S GOING ON?” and I would nod. I was soooooo tired and but not scared, really. More aggravated. And very confused. I don’t remember going back into surgery. Dr L checked everywhere he had cut out anything (which was pretty much everywhere, because evidently I had an incredible amount of endometriosis all thru my lower abdomen - I am SUCH an over-achiever. There were no nicks or ruptures anywhere that he could see, except one place.

(Skip the next paragraph if certain anatomical words offend you or give you the willies)

Evidently, when I was dry heaving, a blood vessel in my vaginal cuff – where the uterus connects to the…you know – ruptured and caused the whole thing to start throwing clots & blow all the stitches. So, when I was saying "gushing" I was right. Good times. He stitched it all back up very carefully. They ended up giving me three units of blood. Which, evidently, means that I very nearly bled out. At least that's what one of the nurses told me. So much for quick and easy. I vaguely remember the recovery room again and remember my mom being there and a friend coming back to see me. I think he was a little freaked out. But, pretty much everyone was "a little freaked out." I looked fabulous, I’m sure. From what I’m told I looked slightly cadaverous.

**Also, the jackhole nurse came and apologized for his jackholery**

The doctors agreed it would be a good idea to keep me sedated for a long time to avoid the nausea and to keep my blood pressure down. I guess that every time I woke up a little, I hurt like hell and my blood pressure would spike. Also, they didn't want me dry heaving again and busting something else open.

The original plan for the boys was that SugarBug’s teacher was going to bring the boys home from school. Since the surgery was so early, I figured I’d be awake and in my room by the time they got there. And if things had gone normally, I would have. Instead, Mom kept in touch with the boys’ teachers and Mrs. Secondgrade took the boys to ToysRUs to get some Legos and bought them some pizza (she is so absolutely wonderful, I cannot even begin to describe her) and brought them up to the hospital…somewhere around suppertime maybe? I don’t know. I know that they were pretty freaked out. There I was in bed, no color at all, who knows how many tubes coming out of me and oh, so barely conscious. Bless their hearts. I remember telling them that I love them and that I was going to be okay. I remember them each giving me a kiss before my mom took them home. And then, I was out.

The next thing I remember was waking up when my friend came back. He was really nice and stayed to visit for a while. He (sarcastically) told me I looked great even though I was practically see-through. That is the first thing I remember clearly. I hurt some but not as much as earlier. My blood pressure was still wonky from all of the fluids and meds they had given me after I sprung the leak. Oddly enough, my blood pressure would go down whenever they gave me pain meds. Imagine.

After my friend left, I asked the nurses when I could get the catheter out because, golly I HATE those. They had to check with the doctor, who was thrilled that I was awake and lucid enough to ask to take it out. So they did. YAY! I went to the bathroom, I drank some water. I called the house to talk to the kids so that they could hear that I was okay. I needed to hear their voices too. The full impact of what had happened was beginning to dawn on me and OH, how it broke my heart to even consider the alternative ending. I still hate that the boys had to see me like that after I had told them the night before that everything would be just fine. Now I'm a big fat liar.

Random snippet: When I was more fully awake, I saw a small card left by one of the pastors at my church. It was funny because I remember at one point in my drug-induced haze thinking, "Wow, that doctor looks just like Danny Pastordude!" Heh.

I stayed in the hospital one extra day (yes, that’s all!) and they sent me home. My instructions were to eat, rest, and go to the ER if I started to get a fever. I got my prescription for the pain meds and my hormone patches and headed home. It felt good to be in my bed. I was happy to be with my babies. I was a little shaky, but felt like I was getting stronger & better. The kids went with their dad, who was in town for a Spring Break visit, and they had a grand time. It was good to see them happy and not hovering and worrying about me. I studied some (mid-term approaching) and tried to begin making my way back to normal. SD left, my Uncle and cousin stopped thru on their way home from a Spring Break fishing trip to check on me. Mom was in charge and taking great care of all of us. She was considering going home the next day.

And then all hell broke loose…..

(to be continued this weekend, I promise. Probably)

FINALLY, part 2

Phrases I rarely use in conversation with adults....It's been a while...

2011-05-04T18:15:00.005-05:00

It has been ages since I chronicled the ridiculous things that come out of my mouth while parenting. There are things that I never even imagined I would say. If you're feeling nostalgic, you can look waaaay back here to see other times I have pondered the utterings of a befuddled mom...

Stop throwing dirt in the air.
And no throwing rocks at people.
Play knights with your Nerf swords, not these sticks...that have nails in them. Sweet Fancy Moses, where did those even come from??
No, you do not need a spear.
You're fine. I don't have time to go to the ER today.
And don't bleed on my couch. (True story, I actually said that. SugarPlum about peed her pants.)
The tooth fairy doesn't want filthy teeth, so you'd better hope you brush well before that thing falls out.
Get dressed.
Get dressed.
For the love of little green apples, GET. YOUR. CLOTHES. ON.
I WILL take you to school in your pajamas. Wanna try me?**
Cleaning your room includes all around the edges AND in your closet AND under your bed AND the top of your dresser. It does not mean clearing a space beneath your ceiling fan.
If you pull all the leaves off that shrub, you'll have to buy me a new one.
Please don't break my house.
When was the last time someone flushed this toilet?? It smells like Woodstock in here!
If you keep screaming like that the neighbors are going to think that someone has been mortally wounded and call the police.
Cool Whip is not a "healthy snack."
Oh, ew. I think it's time you started wearing deodorant.
When I call your name, you get your butt in here, immediately. You do not simply shout "Yeah?"
What is so hard to understand about bedtime? PJs, potty, brush your teeth, dirty clothes to the washing machine. That's how it's been since you could walk. Are you new here??
"In the washing machine" means just that. Not somewhere in the approximate vicinity of the laundry room.
I know that you have heard Mommy say that word, but it is a word that is only okay for grown-ups to use. If you say that at school, you'll get detention.
No spitting water all over the shower.
How can you have been in the shower for 25 minutes and your hair is not even wet? But the light fixture is?
OUCH! *&^$ing Legos. (See above: words only grown-ups can use)
Don't sit on the dog.
Don't lasso the dog.
Leave the poor dogs alone already.
If you screw up SugarPlum's math project on the computer, I will let her beat you.
Everybody to the bathroom before we leave!
GAH! I told you to go to the bathroom before we left!
Why are you not wearing shoes? Which part of "going to the grocery store" did you not understand?
No, we are not going to McDonalds.
No we are not going to Taco Bell.
No, we are not going to El Chico.
WE ARE EATING AT HOME, we have groceries IN. THE. CAR. RIGHT NOW!
How much does your Mommy love you? More than anything in the whole wide world.
You little heathen.

**One day Bug piddled around and couldn't find two matching shoes. So he wore the right shoe of one pair and the left shoe of another. He's never had trouble finding his shoes since....

You may want to grab a bucket because here is where I go on and on (and on and on and on) about my amazing daughter. Really, it's nauseating....

2011-05-01T00:58:00.009-05:00

Okay, yeah, I know I promised to tell all about my extended stay at Club Med. But now that I've been out of the hospital for a month, I've grown weary of talking about it. I was too tired and then too busy to write. And now, it just annoys the crap out of me that it happened at all. I'm sure I'll finish that post sometime soon. It WAS a pretty significant event in my life. I think I'm just trying to process it all. I mean, I nearly died. TWICE. Yeesh.

What has had me preoccupied the past couple of weeks is the very act of counting my blessings. I have the most amazing children on the planet. I look at them and wonder how I got THREE great kids. It's like hitting the jackpot on the slots. They are truly miraculous. Those boys....oh, they are such boys. They do everything with such a ferocity and intensity. Loving, playing, beating the holy hell out of each other. Even the intensity of their apathy is impressive -- if that makes any sense at all.

But my sweet girl. My SugarPlum. She is what has me baffled and filled with joy and pride and anxiety and dread. She is 14. FOURTEEN. And she is just the best teenager in the history of ever. She is such a little bundle of contradictions. She has a wisdom and a maturity beyond her years. She carries herself with such confidence and self-assuredness and she really doesn't care what people think about her. When I was fourteen ALL I cared about was what people thought of me. I remember being so horrified that my mother wouldn't buy me Calvin Klein jeans. FIFTY DOLLAR JEANS! In 1984!! I won't even spend $50 on jeans now. Heaven forbid something came from KMart or some other discount store. Oh, the horror. My poor mother. But all I cared about was what the popular girls were wearing. And I swore then that I would do everything in my power to make sure my kids had what was "in style." But my girl just really couldn't care less where the clothes come from or what the label says. As long as it's comfortable and it fits her style, she's happy. I have actually offered to take her shopping and she says "no, I have enough clothes and shoes, I'm good." WHUCK? I got her a Vera Bradley purse last summer (which she does love because it's got her school colors) and now she finally carries a purse. But recently, when I asked if she wanted to look at some purses, she looked at me like I was crazy & said "I have a purse."

She has the coolest group of friends who are like her. They are all great girls, good girls, who are sure of themselves and don't feel the need to put anyone down to make themselves feel good. They are funny and smart and high-achievers like SP. They each have a wicked sense of humor, which I love. They don't feel the need to act out in any major way or use coarse language (like one of their moms who has a potty mouth that makes sailors blush at times....ahem). In fact, at any given time, I can open SugarPlum's email and if one of the girls has a reaction to anything they simply reply "STRONG WORDS!" instead of cursing. When they see the acronym WTF, while they do know what it actually stands for, they say "Wow! That's Fantastic!" (Try it. It's even better than saying What the F^*k!), and when they see BS, they choose to interpret it as "Bacon Strips" or "Bible Study."

Which leads to one of my favorite things about my sweet girl. She is so mature that she actually actively tries to maintain her innocence about the world. And I don't mean in a sexual way (although that too), but just in everything about the world. It's like she knows that there are situations and scenarios out there that once revealed will change her forever, and she tries to avoid them. Sort of an "ignorance is bliss" attitude, only in a healthy way. There are certain TV shows that I don't let her watch. And she's okay with that. She told me that she appreciates that I look out for her that way. This has led to me loosening the reins a bit and previewing some episodes of House and Big Bang Theory for instance that can sometimes have quite a bit of sex and adult situations, but also sometimes are very good TV and okay for her to watch. We talk a lot about what is on the episodes she doesn't get to watch and she is good with not seeing them. I know that many of her peers get to watch whatever they want on TV, but she is happy to work within the boundaries I've set.

She is also VERY athletic. Something she certainly didn't get from me. I mean, I did ballet and modern dance until I was a junior in college and I loved it. And I played soccer for a few years as a kid, but I did not love it. This girl LOVES sports. This year, she played volleyball, basketball and did track & field. All the while she played on her competitive soccer team. And she is GOOD. She is a goalkeeper - you have to have a lot of self-esteem and a pretty thick skin to play goal keeper. (And an even thicker skin to be the keeper's mom!) She is planning on limiting herself to soccer next year in high school. (HIGH SCHOOL!!! Oh. Em. GEE.)

She is also a big choir geek like her mom. She LOVES choir. She was in the honor choir and the show choir this year. She has been blessed the past three years with an amazing choir teacher who has instilled in her a love of music and vocal skills and just the artistry of it all. So, she is planning to pursue that next year as well.

In addition to all of that, she is ridiculously smart and is an officer in the Nat'l Jr Honor Society and the Fellowship of Christian Athletes. PLUS she was asked by one of her coaches to start and lead, along with her best friend, a girls' Bible study on Wednesday mornings. I can go in her room at night, after she should have turned out the light and she is reading. Her Bible. For real. I walk in unannounced and there she is, deep in the Word.

When I was in the hospital all that time and after I got home, she looked after me and her brothers. She is the best big sister in the history of ever. She loves those boys without reservation. Oh, yes, they make her insane. But she still loves on them and makes up games for them and will remember to tell me all the funny, crazy things they say & do while I am gone. I was never, ever that good of a big sister. When I have been out of energy and laying in bed (because this whole recovery thing has been much more taxing than I ever imagined), she will make supper for the boys and has even on occasion put them to bed. And that doesn't count all the hundreds of nights she's spent babysitting.

Why am I telling you all of this? I have no idea. I've just been overcome with how remarkable this sweet, amazing girl is. Through all of the turmoil of the past couple of years, she has kept her composure better than I. And she has been an amazing example to all of us. Is she going to therapy? Oh, yes. Nobody, especially someone 14, can deal with all she has dealt with and not need an outlet. But she's fine with that too, and acknowledges how much it's been helping her. And she talks to me. That is so amazing to me. She talks to me and she likes me. She tells me so, unsolicited. And her friends do too. Because they are awesome. Also, she does do the moody, eye-rolling, heavy sigh, slamming of the door thing. But when I step back, I am so grateful because it just reassures me that she is a REAL teenager and not some teen-bot.

So, I'm sorry for gushing. It's not even her birthday. But I am so thankful to God for this perfect child. There will never be enough words to thank Him for my Angel Girl. I wouldn't want to navigate this world without her. She's fantastic. For real. Please don't let me screw her up!

Dang, this is killing me

2011-03-19T23:03:00.001-05:00

I have honestly had every intention of blogging about the past week or so. About how I had most of my girl parts removed. How I almost bled to death right after. All the glorious aftermath of my medical adventures. But I am still so tired.

I mean, I knew from the gall bladder surgery and the ectopic surgeries that I would be tired. But for some reason I thought I would bounce back faster this time. I guess someone forgot to remind me that I'm 40. Middle aged. We don't bounce back so quickly any more. In fact, very little bouncing of any kind has taken place as of late. Because, you know, forty.

So, once I have the energy to blog somewhere other than on my phone while lying in bed; and once my head is clear of the anesthesia from two trips to the OR in one day, I promise to share the whole exciting tale with you. Though at this point, it might be sort of anti-climactic.

But for now, I'm going to sleep some more.

Doorknobs fear me....

2011-03-03T13:07:00.005-06:00

So, those of you who have read here for a while know that I have a bit of a history of with doorknobs. Don't try to keep me out of my house. I have no problem taking out a doorknob. Today was no exception.

A couple of days ago, Snazzy escaped - yes, again. She is one of the original Houdini dogs, after all. This time it was due to the fact that the fence at this house is quite old and should probably be replaced. Tuesday morning, I found Snazzy in the neighbor's backyard, having gotten there via a loose picket in the fence. She couldn't get BACK in our yard though and was very distraught. I found the picket, let her back in, checked for other loose boards (I thought) and then we had a nap. That afternoon, I went to pick up SugarPlum from school and when I got back, Snazzy wasn't there...McGee was, but no Snazzy. She had gotten out on the OTHER side of the yard thru a (missed) loose picket and the neighbor on that side has no fence across the front of her house. Hence, NO SNAZZY. SP begged me to go drive around and look for her, which I did until I had to pick up the boys. Then, we had to take SP and a teammate to soccer practice & then I had class. I was bummed. I had a headache. I was having major anxiety. I totally faked my way thru class that night. But when I got home, Snazzy was here - a lady about two blocks over found her, called & brought her home. Yay!

So...today...I had to go get a temporary crown put on at the dentist (or the "sadist" as my phone auto-corrected it to in a text HHAHA!!). I got home, noticed a picket that looked a little wonky & went out to check it. Both dogs were still back there, so I wasn't too worried. I secured the slightly loose board and then turned to come back in. Only the doorknob was locked. As was every other door to the house. My purse, keys and phone were sitting on the kitchen table. I COULD SEE THEM. But, short of busting a window, I couldn't get to them. Dammit.

I remembered my badassedness of a few years back. Only I had no hammer. So I grabbed the closest thing I could think of - the grill brush. That helped some but it wasn't terribly effective. SO, I scanned the back yard and realized that we have an abundance of loose bricks back there. (I have no idea why, but I wasn't feeling very inquisitive at that point) So, I grabbed a brick and proceeded to knock the crap out of the doorknob. Twice....and then about 900 angry ants came out of the brick. Oops. I survived that unscathed and found another brick that did NOT contain an entire colony of pissed off ants and continued the whacking. Eventually, the doorknob came off. But the door was still locked.

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FREAKIN' KIDDING ME. (may or may not have been the precise words used...)

So, I went and pulled the Brinks padlock off of the shed (the only thing in the whole vicinity NOT locked) and used the top part to reach up into the mechanism and try to pull the ring from around it and then get it to unlock. AND? I broke the padlock.

I BROKE A DAMN PADLOCK, PEOPLE. It's like I have super-human strength....only not enough to get my damn door open. I was sweaty. My tooth hurt. I was tired. I was hungry. I wanted to be INSIDE my house.

I used the really hard part of the padlock to beat the small parts of the mechanism again and then used the other half of the U that hadn't broken off and fiddled around with the odd bits inside the doorknob mechanism (also cussed a little) until FINALLY the door popped open. I was so happy. And feeling very empowered. With the exception of my tooth throbbing now and the growing migraine. But I DID have the presence of mind to take a picture to prove once again what a badass I am. Because - seriously, GO ME! Also, I took the time to post it on Facebook. And write an entire blog post about it. Because that's how I roll....

Moral of the Story: Don't piss me off. Especially if there are bricks around. Ants optional.

As long as I don't have to have the Cinnamon Roll hairdo....

2011-02-24T22:04:00.005-06:00

Since SD and I told the kids about the divorce, I have really worried about what effect this will have on all of them. SugarPlum is pretty good about talking to us both about what she is thinking and feeling, so far at least. And, since she is older, I know that she at least understands what is happening anyway.

As far as the boys, I have worried about whether they really "get" it. SD had to leave last April for school and so, it's been just the four of us for nearly a year now. I feel like, as parents, we have done a pretty good job of putting our kids first and trying to make this transition as painless as possible....though there is no possible way to make it NOT hurt.

After we told them, the boys seemed not that affected by the news. While I know that the change in our marital status changes their lives very little, I had a feeling that maybe they didn't really understand what we meant when we told them that we were getting a divorce. There was a part of me that thought that maybe when we said, "Mommy and Daddy are getting a divorce," we could have as easily said "Mommy and Daddy are getting a camel" and it would have meant about the same thing. Only the camel would have been way cooler, natch.

So...I asked them, "Do you understand what 'divorced' means?" No, they didn't. I told them that, basically, as far as their lives were concerned, all it meant was that Mommy & Daddy wouldn't be married anymore. Which means that Daddy might have a girlfriend. Or that one day, Mommy might have a boyfriend. I asked if that was kind of weird to think about. And yes, it was. They didn't really have much to say about what they would think if Daddy had a girlfriend. Hmm.

What if Mommy had a boyfriend? "We'd beat him up. And then shoot him with a rocket."

Damn.....

So, isn't there anyone that might be okay for Mommy to have for a boyfriend one day? They thought about this. For quite some time. And here is what they came up with. If, one day, I decide that I want to date, I have permission from my boys to date TWO guys.

Peyton Manning

(okay...I can deal with that)

Han Solo

Not Indiana Jones, only Han Solo

(mmmm....Han Solo!)

Sorry Guys. The SugarBoys have spoken. Unless you want to chance getting shot by a rocket.....

100 (or so) Things About Sugar Mommy

2011-02-19T14:00:00.011-06:00

A long, long time ago - a whole lifetime ago, it seems - I did the infamous "100 Things About Me" meme. So much has changed since then - it's almost like reading about another person - that I thought I might do it again. I'm not sure that I will make it to 100. I'm almost positive that there is nobody out there who cares that much, but I'm feeling vain, I suppose....

100 (or so) Things About Sugar Mommy

I am a Christian.
Thank goodness, because if I wasn't I don't think I would have survived the past few years.
I am a mom.
My children are, quite possibly, the three funniest people on the planet.
No, seriously.
I am a grad student. Going to school to become a counselor.
Amazing it only took me 40 years to decide what I want to be when I grow up.
My bachelor's degreee is in Human Development & Family Studies.
I taught kindergarten - which was exactly, precisely what I wanted to do after graduation.
After I had SugarPlum, I was a stay at home mom. Which was even more exactly, precisely what I wanted to do!
I've been very blessed.
Now I don't ever want to be a teacher again.
I've discovered that I don't like small children in groups for extended periods of time. I LOVE kids, but not groups of them.
Except for YOUR kid. Your kid is awesome and I would love to teach 30 of him/her all the time.
I'm slightly sarcastic.
Which is sort of like saying the surface of the sun is slightly warm.
Fortunately, my daughter shares this trait so we have some hilarious conversations.
She and I also share of love of words and wordplay. I can crack that girl up for 15 minutes with one really bad pun.
She and I make up silly names for people on reality shows like American Idol and Top Chef.
In the past we have giggled over "Blondie Tattoo Arms," "Scallop Girl," "Nipple Head," "Skanky Ballerina," "Old Dude" and so far on this season's AI, we have "Crazy" and "The Orifice" (the last on because I don't want to cuss, the guy really is a....poopy-head.)
The flip-side of the love of words is that I am a huge grammar freak. Not that I don't make mistakes, I do. Even on Facebook, I have to go back and correct mistakes. It's a disease.
I try not to inflict this upon others, but if I do, it is almost completely out of love.
However, a misplaced apostrophe can come close to sending me over the edge some days.
This does make me very good at editing papers. (you have no idea how many times I have gone back and corrected this post. Or how many more times I likely will.)
I suck at math. Seriously.
Almost as much as housework.
I REALLY suck at housework.
I'm prone to procrastination (another tremendous understatement).
Which means that I may never finish this list.
The irony of my procrastination thing is that I hate to be late to things. I'm not against being "fashionably late" to an event, especially if there is a social hour beforehand.
But it drives me crazy to walk in late to things.
I wasn't always like this, I'm not sure when the switch was flipped.
I suffer from a laundry-list of ridiculous minor ailments that give me fits. I know I must seem like a hypochondriac sometimes, but if I tell you I don't feel good, it's probably true.
I'm probably Dr. House's dream patient...or his worst nightmare. I'd love to find a way to put it all together and fix it.
I am very, very loyal and very forgiving - to a point. If you are my friend or someone I love, you have to do something REALLY major to get rid of me.
I've known one of my best friends since junior high. We have gone years at at time without talking before, but I don't think that either one of us to could live without the other. I love you CRB.
Another best friend was my pledge trainer in college. She's very bossy and a giant dork but I love and adore her and couldn't live without her either.
My OTHER best friend I met when we were stationed in England. We met the same day our three-year-old daughters did (at different places) and have been friends ever since. (Our girls have as well!) She's been through a lot with me. The Queen is amazing.
I sound like I'm in the third grade talking about my "best friends."
But I won't let anyone walk all over me forever.
I avoid conflict - sometimes to a fault.
I try to look at the big picture and try to decide if something is really worth confronting someone over (don't sweat the small stuff...).
Sometimes I'm right, sometimes I'm wrong.
I also try to step back and evaluate how my choices and actions will affect my kids.
I think it's very important to tell the people you love that you do indeed love them. Ask my close friends & family - I always say "I love you" when I get off the phone or when you leave. You never know when you won't have that chance again.
I am trying to learn how to be the mom of a teenager.
That's fun.
I thought I was the only one around here allowed to be moody.
Evidently NOT.
I must say, however, that my daughter is one of the most amazing teenagers in the history of EVER.
I love to cook.
But I don't cook low fat or low cal, so be aware.
My fridge is never without butter or heavy cream. And I almost always have the ingredients to make some kind of fresh pie.
Mmmmmm, pie.
I'm also one of those "healthy-food moms," ironically.
I read labels for everything. My kids don't get sodas or much juice or junk food. I check everything for HCFS and MSG and other gross chemicals that pollute food. I don't ban or prohibit foods with those things, I just figure the less we all consume of them the better.
And I don't try to tell other parents what to feed their kids (unless you ask me), or even mine for that matter. If my kids are at your house, they can eat whatever you give them.
That doesn't always work out well - last week someone let Bear have a Mountain Dew. He didn't go to sleep until midnight.
I'm very sentimental about things.
This could easily turn me into one of those people on Hoarders if I'm not careful.
Especially since my grandmother died, my mom has been bringing me some of her things. She calls to ask if I want something and I ALWAYS say yes. I don't know where I'll put it all but if it's my MawMaw's, I want it, by golly.
I honestly have no idea where I will put it all.
I really get into politics.
I won't climb on my soapbox.
But I will say that Ronald Reagan was the greatest president that we have ever had. Period.
I might be a tiny bit addicted to Facebook.
I love how FB keeps me in touch with friends and has put me back in touch with old friends.
I used to be addicted to Diet Coke.
But the aspartame really doesn't help with the chronic migraines. So I limit myself on Diet Cokes now. Some days, though, a girl REALLY needs a Diet Coke.
Now I'm more likely to go to Sonic for a cherry-limeade. Mmmmmmm. Heaven in a styrofoam cup.
Oooh, and chili-cheese fries. (#s 50 & 51 are exempted in cases of possible Chili-cheese fry/cherry-limeade consumption....but only for me)
I may be a bit of a hypocrite.
Also, I have a potty mouth.
I can make a fighter pilot blush.
I keep it clean in front of the kids and in polite company for the most part.
But don't piss me off.
Just ask TXU. (I wasn't kidding about the potty mouth)
Speaking of procrastination, I will have to come back and finish this later. Laundry beckons...
Laundry still not finished (see #26)
I am getting old.
At the eye dr last month I discovered that while I am still near-sighted, I am getting far sighted as well. How is that even possible?
I have to wear my glasses to watch TV or drive.
But I have to take them off to look at a menu in a restaurant.
That is so very wrong.
I nap more often than is probably considered normal or acceptable for most adults.
I have a very close and loving relationship with my pillow and we miss each other if we are apart for very long .
I have the most eclectic (that's a nice word for "weird") mix of music & artist on my iPod: Simon & Garfunkel, Audio Adrenaline, The Beach Boys, Third Day, Frank Sinatra, George Strait, Ben Folds, Casting Crowns, Amy Grant, Billie Holliday, Crosby Stills & Nash, Patsy Cline, Journey, Mahalia Jackson, Mercy Me, The Newsboys, The Police, Rufus Wainright, Sidewalk Prophets, TobyMac, Sister Hazel, Ziggy Marley, The Weepies....that's not even half of them. I'm such a dork. (Also? A little pissed that I can't get the Beatles from Amazon Mp3...)
Also....okay, it's not my iPod, it's really my phone - not an iphone - but iPod has become generic like Kleenex or Q-tip, right?
More to come....(more procrastination)
I am terrible with money.
I have gotten better at watching my spending, but I stink at keeping up with it all.
This may become an issue soon.
I really need my own accountant.
I think I want to learn to play golf.
I just don't know if I have the patience.
I also want to learn to shoot a gun.
I looooove the beach. I like to just sit on the beach and read and listen to the waves.
I just realized that I haven't done my reading for class tomorrow....so I guess I won't finish this list today after all.....
I have learned the last few years that I have to just trust God with everything without trying to manipulate a situation into going the way I want it to. And when I DO manage to trust Him, things seem to go much more smoothly. Or at least I have a peace about (and within) the chaos.
Believe it or not, that wasn't everything, but the rest will have to remain a mystery. Sorry to disappoint you.

This thing only took me two weeks to finish. Clearly, I need to take another look at my priorities....

I knew that time machine would come in handy!!

2011-02-18T17:40:00.003-06:00

Just found this in my spam:

You have won #1,625,000.00GBP in the MICROSOFT EMAIL PROMOTION AWARD
for the last quarter of the year 2011.Contact Mr Mark Anderson with your
full contact details.

See that? In the LAST quarter of 2011! Christmas should be great this year! Just gotta get all of my personal info to Mr Mark Anderson. I'm sure he's an honest, upstanding guy, right??

House Hunters...marital bliss?

2011-02-11T12:02:00.004-06:00

I don't know if it's because of my recent escapades in real estate or what, but I have become addicted to House Hunters on HGTV. I'm not sure what it is about it, maybe it's because they look at three houses, period, and then they have to choose. (Okay, also, I have a hunch that maybe they look at more than three houses, but only show three and have the people choose from those). I Think it's funny that nine out of ten times they pick the most expensive house. No matter how much over budget it is, they pick the expensive one. No matter how much better one of the cheaper ones might be, they pick the expensive one. It's weird.

I also find it disconcerting how many people can't see beyond the furniture that is already in the house (hint: the sellers are not leaving the furniture) or the paint colors (easily fixed). There are lots of things I wonder about as I watch this show.

BUT, I really want for their to be a follow up show...House Hunters Two Years later....to see how many of these people are still married. You can tell the good, healthy marriages and the ones that are going to fall apart soon. You can see the look in the eyes of the wife whose husband is going on and on about how "finally I can have a 'man cave' all to myself" when they have five kids...you can see her imagining the police finding his body in the man cave a few years later, having mysteriously choked on a Lil Smokie. Or the husband whose wife bitches about how the kitchens all need "granite and newer appliances" when they are looking for a four bedroom Colonial in the DC suburbs and have a budget of $125,00.

My absolute favorites though are the House Hunters International episodes where they tell us, "Dave and Susan have been living in the same Midwestern town for their whole entire lives. Now they have three kids. Since Dave's work has been taking him back and forth to Dubai for the past several months, the family has decided to pick up and move there so that they can have more time together..." Then Dave and Susan look at three properties. A crappy two bedroom apartment with "a great view of the city," a more suburban type home with four bedrooms, a western kitchen and bathrooms as well as amenities in the community, and a ridiculously expensive high rise apartment in the heart of the city with "amazing" views of the building Dave works in. Now, you know that Susan, having packed up kids and life, really wants just a little bit of familiarity with this move, given the sacrifices she is making for Dave's career. But Dave insists that the high rise is "just really all he envisioned with living in this city." Uh huh. I'll bet you good money Susan and the kids are back in their Midwest hometown within 18 months. Dave's an ass.

I also like on the International version when we hear that "Jim and Diane have been married for 22 years and have two kids. They have decided that they would really like a vacation home in Tahiti so that the family can go there whenever they want." I believe this translates to "Jim got caught screwing around and this is his last ditch effort to keep Diane from invoking the full force of that prenup." Because, geez. Who buys a vacation house in Tahiti? It takes 18 hours minimum to fly there. Not exactly a weekend get-away. Haven't these people heard of Key West or even Costa Rica? No, Diane is making sure Jim feels as much pain as possible and thinks twice before he unzips his pants for anyone else.

I'm continually baffled by the people who pick the house right on the freeway just because it has a hot tub. Seriously, they sell hot tubs all over town. You could put a hot tub in the yard of that house close to the park. Or the lady whose only gripe about a house is that they laundry room is "practically in the kitchen." Jeepers! Put up a divider or a curtain or even a door! The rest of the house is great. THAT is your one gripe?

With all of that said, I wish I had had House Hunters when I was looking for a house. I really like this house we are in now, but it makes you wonder...and the relationship stuff doesn't even come into play. Huh....

Snowpocolypse** 2011: One Mom's Chronicle

2011-02-04T19:48:00.026-06:00

Monday: Morning: What a nice day. I can't believe it's supposed to get cold again, dang it. I have a lot I want to get done this week. The weatherman always says that there's going to be all of this snow & ice, but then it's just cold and dreary. Ugh, I should probably get groceries anyway, just in case. We'll eat them one way or another. Afternoon: Can't believe they cancelled SugarPlum's basketball game because the weather might get bad. How bizarre. Those clouds DO look a little ominous though. And that wind is getting chilly. Oh, well, a free night with nothing to do! What a treat! Night: Huh, I think that is ICE coming from the sky. That's what it sounds like. Oh! And snow! Wow....I can't believe they actually called the night before to say that school is cancelled tomorrow. That's kind of awesome since I don't even have to get up and check in the morning!

Tuesday: Morning*ish*: What the hell is all that noise? Why are they boys up? Holy smokes it's 4:30 in the morning and they are up and watching TV?! I'm sending them back to bed. That's ridiculous. I'm not getting up at 4:30.... Still morning: I cannot believe how loud they are being. I can hear those boys all the way across the house! It's like they are right outside my bedroom window. ::stomps into boys' rooms to ~~kill them~~ scold them:: OH MY MAUDE! They are outside at 6:30am in the -23 wind chill screaming like banshees! Everyone to their rooms until I say you can come out!

Still morning: Bug wants to know if he can please eat some breakfast. FINE. Make yourself something to eat.

The rest of the day is kind of a blur. I talked about it here. Before I lost my ever-loving mind.

Wednesday: Morning: I put the boys to bed last night with strict instructions to NOT get up before 7:00 and that under no circumstances are they to go outside without express permission from me AFTER I am fully awake and have ingested caffeine. By the time I get up I'm pretty sure that they had been watching TV for at least 9 hours. As best I can tell, each one of them opened a new box of cereal and then didn't put their bowls in the sink.

I have no idea what time it actually is until I look at my phone because Texas is having "rolling blackouts" to compensate for the extra power being used due to the cold as well as the generators that have been lost...or they're just messing with us. The power has gone out more than once and the kids think it's pretty cool except that it totally screwed up their level on Wii Lego Star Wars. We all have to make sacrifices. I have decided to sacrifice doing laundry and vacuuming today so that my fellow Texans can have power. I'm selfless that way.

Afternoon: Kids want to go play outside. Which is fine with me. Bug puts on approximately 12 shirts (no exaggeration). He says that he is "Keeping the most special parts of my inside body warm & toasty." I'm not asking what that means. Those who can't find gloves opt to put socks on their hands. Whatever. At 4:00 Candyland ISD calls to announce that school is cancelled again tomorrow. This isn't fun anymore. Why didn't I go to the liquor store Monday when I had the chance? Actual Facebook post: Another damn day out of school. *ahem* What I MEANT to say was, "Yippee! Another 24 hours of quality time with my delightful and impeccably behaved children. What a blessing." Now, send vodka.

Evening: Kids have informed me that I have "mad pie skillz." Little brown nosers. They finished off the cherry pie and want me to make another. Which in reality, I totally would except that I am out of sugar. How did THAT happen? I also caved and did a couple of loads of laundry because I cannot get to my garage door if I don't. That seems like it might be a fire hazard. Turns out wearing 83 layers of clothes to go play in the snow creates one giant assload of laundry. Also, now I'm considering that a fire might not be a bad way to get rid of all this laundry. USAA doesn't read blogs, right?

Thursday: Morning: I have no idea what happened Thursday morning. I woke up at some point with a brain-splitting migraine and went back to sleep. All I have to say is my teenage daughter is one of the most amazing kids on the planet.

Afternoon: I tell SugarPlum that I am DETERMINED to get something accomplished around this house today. And I did. I totally redesigned the blog. Moments after the boys go to play out in the front yard, I see a figure pass in the yard that looks very much like one of our dogs...because it IS one of our dogs. CRAP. I find my snow boots (I find it quite remarkable that I have TWO pairs of snow boots here in Texas!, but I do) and start to chase her. (Incidentally the most exercise I have gotten in MONTHS) Bug corners her in a neighbor's yard and we finally manage to get her home. Snazzy is looking at us like "I don't see what the big deal is..." So, that was exciting.

*3:30* It's official, CLISD hates me. School is cancelled again tomorrow. It's like Mother Nature has put me under house arrest with a bunch of meth-addled monkeys. Even Bear has said that he is tired of snow days and that he is "homed out."

Evening: Trying to decide what to make for dinner and the kids ask if we could please have macaroni & cheese. Why, of course you can!! Also, Bear helps me make some brownies. (Which is always a good choice for meth-addled monkeys)

I have totally lost track of time now, what day is it? I let the boys stay up MUCH later than normal because the DVR is recording 2 shows at the same time and won't show the clock. Never noticed that before. While I put the boys to bed - which takes forever since they are "so tired they can't get ready for bed!" - SP reluctantly cleans the kitchen [points of clarification: reluctantly = bitching and complaining the whole. entire. time. and grumbling afterward; cleaning = gingerly swiping at some of the dishes that may be in the general vicinity of the sink with a scrubbing brush and then haphazardly tossing them toward the dishwasher].

After those two tasks are done (and I use the word "done" in its most loosely interpreted, general sense), SP and I watch American Idol together. She redeems herself somewhat by suggesting that one of the more horrifyingly bad contestants was "singing in the key of WTF." I love her.

Friday: Today has dawned (at the crack of 10) with Bear passing some very impressive level on Kirby's Epic Yarn (I don't know what that means. But he is very proud of himself). The child was supposed to be on week 2 of being grounded from all electronics, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Which means that I cracked by Tuesday afternoon. Ai Yi Yi.

Afternoon: SugarPlum has copped a bit of an attitude asking if I plan to go to the store today because she still needs snacks to take to the weekend youth retreat at church. Told her she wouldn't be going to the youth retreat if the kitchen didn't get cleaned. Still, I am so stir crazy, I have GOT to get away from these people. I assume that most of the grocery stores and especially Wal Mart are going to be insane today, so I went to Braums to get milk and also picked up some chips and sodas for Ms. Attitude to take with her. Because, who are we kidding? Kitchen or no kitchen, I have got to get that kid outa here before someone loses a limb. She may be the world's greatest teenager, but she's still a teenager. And I have been trapped in the house with her for four days now. SEE YA!

Evening: After taking SP to the church, we come home and the boys web-cam with their dad. Then they want to know what's for supper. And could we pleeeeeezze have those frozen pizzas? WHY YES YOU CAN. So, frozen pizzas, a couple of episodes of Psych from Netflix (we LOVE that show), and the boys are off to bed. Who knows what Saturday holds? Pray for SUN.

to be continued......

Saturday: Holy cow! It's in the 50's outside! So, why are these boys playing on the computer? The sun is shining! The snow is melting! You can see the sidewalks! I give them the choice to either go play outside or clean the house. Bug actually throws a big whiny fit about how he "just wants to read a book!" For realz. As if I generally forbid reading around here. Well, it's gonna be cold and nasty again tomorrow, so everyone can read then. Although, so help me if there is no school Monday I cannot be held responsible for the repercussions.

If those dogs don't stop whining, I may be tempted to "liberate" them from the backyard. And this time I'm not chasing them down. Same with the boys.

I have actually - finally - unpacked those two random boxes that have been sitting in my bathroom for two months. Wow...we've been in this house for two months! Have gone from a huge master bath with a dressing area, five cabinets, two medicine cabinets and four very big drawers to a bathroom with two (albeit decent sized) cabinets and two medium sized drawers. I know I am still very blessed with this house but I am having a hard time finding places for all this crap. Where did all these bottles of hair and body products come from and why did I move them?

>>>YOU ALREADY HAD TWO SNACKS. GO BACK OUTSIDE OR YOU HAVE TO SCRUB THE TOILETS.<<<

I think I may have earned some computer time...

I might actually cook supper. Meatloaf sounds good. What is the world coming to?

To be continued more later......

GOOD NEWS! The boys have a friend next door. A little girl who's in the 3rd grade and used to go to the same school that the boys did last year. They are all playing together right now. BAD NEWS: This girl is one of the most annoying, whiny children I have ever had the privilege of knowing as a sub. And her father was legendary at said school for being a real jackhole. And now I live next door to him. Awesome.

I CAN'T DECIDE NEWS: Whiny girl only lives there on the weekends. She actually lives in Oklahoma now with her mom. Hmmmmm. So will Jackhole Dad be better or worse w/ daughter not being there? Will the boys and/or dogs aggravate him? We shall see.....

UPDATE**It has been brought to my attention that Aunt Becky has come up with an even better name than "Snowpocolypse" for this storm. On her blog, she has called it "SnOMG 2011" and I really like that even better. (And not just because it is much easier to type) (though that might play into it some) (or even a lot) (but still). I've grown weary of "Snowpocolypse" since that's what everyone seems to be calling it now. She also called it "The SnoTorious BIG." But since that's harder to type we'll stick with SnOMG. (Okay, fine. Are you happy now?)

Alrighty then....

2011-02-02T23:37:00.004-06:00

So, a new life, a new template. A new start. I am starting over. Starting life as a single mom & a grad student. So I decided I needed a new look around here, too.

Some of you know what I am talking about. You've either been around here long enough, you've read my archives, or you know me in real life. I'm not going to go into it again because I'm weary of it. And it doesn't matter. I'm starting over. I'm going to be me again.

The old Sugar Mommy template came from the wonderful and generous Genuine who offered to design a template for me as a thank you for being the wife of a military member who has defended our country. Well, soon, I won't be. And so, a fresh start.

I don't know how many times I've said it, but I want to try to write more often. I mean, I've set the bar pretty low lately, so it's not that much of a challenge. But I read my archives from 2005-2007 and I see that I managed to preserve so many memories. And since then, I've let many monumental and minor memories slip away. That makes me sad. I want to preserve the things that are happening now. I mean, they aren't as little and cute. But all three of the SugarBabies say and do the most amazing things. And it would be a shame to let them be forgotten.

Most days, I'm not bitter. I'm sad about the way things have turned out, but I have had an amazing life so far and I have an amazing life in front of me. So, things are changing around here. But they are staying the same too. So. If you're interested, stick around. If not, then move along. If you're new here, read some of my archives, I used to be chock full of the funny! And if you're just here to get dirt on me, well, I'm trying to clean up my language, so I'll just keep those thoughts to myself.

**I'm a little pissy that I can't get Echo to install. So for the time being, I have lost all of my comments. There was a time when my internet buddies got me through the most horrifying times of my life as well as the most joyful. I'm still working to fix that.

Dear Jack Frost, what did I ever do to YOU?

2011-02-02T00:16:00.004-06:00

Tomorrow is day two of TEXAS! Snowpocolypse 2011.

Today the boys got up at 4:00. FOUR O'CLOCK IN THE F(&^*G MORNING. True story.

They went outside and proceeded to scream their bloody heads off at 6:30 in the f*^*(g morning. Way to make friends with the new neighbors, guys. Also, the wind chill was -23. No lie.

At 6:35, they were each banished to their respective rooms for two hours by a very cranky lady who may have been their mother...it's all such a blur.

At 8:35, Bug gingerly woke me to ask if he & Bear could please fix themselves some breakfast.

The rest of the day was filled with whining, complaining and pleas for more cookies. When the kids got tired of bringing me cookies, they asked to go back outside. Bug left all three (yes) of his winter coats at school, so he is wearing SugarPlum's old down parka from 3rd grade. Not pink, but DEFINITELY girly. Also, there aren't enough gloves for everyone since I threw out all of the mismatched ones in the last move, so it's getting a little cutthroat. AND Bear is wearing my snow boots since his are too small (and when did his feet get THAT BIG?). So SugarPlum is a little pissy until she finds the boots I bought last Christmas when we were at Candyland West (aka grandparent's house).

I made soup and a cherry pie for supper. Put the boys to bed on time and watched a movie with SP.

Since it never got above 16 degrees today, nothing melted and there is no school tomorrow. And I heard the weatherman say that this might not begin to melt until Friday. FRI.DAY. Folks, I didn't think to go to the liquor store before the storm hit. Something's gotta give. For the love of Frosty, let there be school on Thursday. Also, for everyone's sake, pray that those boys both sleep in. At least until 7:00. I'm a much better mommy after, say 9:30 or so.

No, she's 168 months old....

2011-01-08T03:19:00.005-06:00

Do you see that over there? ------>

In the sidebar, under profile? Did you notice the change? SugarPlum is now 14. FOURTEEN. Years. Old. It happened a few days ago. Nobody asked me if it was okay or anything. Just BAM....she wakes up Wednesday and suddenly, she is fourteen years old.

I mean I guess I saw the warning signs. She is a good three inches taller than me. She keeps stealing my shoes. When anyone folds laundry, they have to ask whose jeans those are, hers or mine (Which, can I say, is kind of awesome that I can wear the same size jeans as my teenage daughter? One of the few perks of the chaos that has been my life the past couple of years.). She has *ahem* curves and stuff. She has that eye rolling/heavy sigh thing down to a science.

But all-in-all, I think I hit the jackpot when it comes to teenagers. She likes me! Or at least she pretends to. But I think that she really does like me. She tells me that her friends think I'm hilarious - in a good way. She is so mature and responsible that it is almost scary. It's kind of a relief when she does do the heavy sigh/eye roll combo because it lets me know that she is a normal kid. And she is so unbelievably freaking smart. No, really. I could go into detail, but then I'd be obnoxiously braggy so we'll just leave it at that. And athletic - still playing soccer (she is such a kick-ass goal keeper!), basketball, volleyball, and track...and she has the muscles and body to prove it.

Her little brothers think she hung the moon. Bug told me recently that he LOVES it when SP babysits because it's fun and she makes cool stuff to eat and he likes how she puts them to bed. For real. She also makes up all these neat games for them that involve knights and dragons and all kinds of imagination. Plus, she snuggles them and reads to them and encourages them....

So much for not being obnoxiously braggy.

I guess that having a teenage daughter isn't so bad after all. But I know I'll pay for it with these boys. *sigh* Even though they are pretty awesome, too.

I love you SugarPlum!

I resolve....

2011-01-03T00:08:00.003-06:00

Okay, I usually refuse to make New Years Resolutions. Things that seem like a good (or at least achievable) idea in early January, don't always turn out to be so fantastic a few months later. But here are a few (I think maybe) I can actually attain:

1. Get at least three more boxes unpacked before school lets out for the summer. (I just moved the second week of December) I think I may have actually unpacked SIX boxes now! (1/28)
2. Fold the clean laundry before the children outgrow it. Woo hoo!! The laundry was all folded and put away for about four hours last week. I make no promises for the future. (1/26)
3. Clean out my purse. Specifically all of those useless receipts. Okay, this WAS done. But more receipts have taken their place)
4. More pie. *sigh*
5. Make sure that plate cover thingy stays in the microwave.
6. Cordless phones ON THE CHARGERS at least three times a week.
7. Toss out all of the stupid return address labels with the old address on them. DONE! Yay!
8. Figure out what happened to all of the boys' socks. still a mystery...
9. Hang up that one jacket that keeps getting moved from chair to couch to ottoman to chair....
10. Take another nap. I have been very successful in this respect. YAY ME!

I think I can achieve at least 50% success. We'll see.

Blessed be the pies that bind....

2010-11-23T13:30:00.007-06:00

It's that time of year again. I kind of love and hate this holiday madness that leads up to Christmas. I appreciate the significance of the holiday. God gave us His Son. GAVE us His son so that we might be able to spend eternity with Him in heaven. People talk about "Baby Jesus" as just a blip in history, but He's not a blip. He IS everything. That baby grew up to die for us. And His Father knew when time began that it would happen. It's mind boggling - especially when I look at my three SugarBabies and know that I won't even let the boys play in the front yard without supervision. Much less save mankind....

Anyway, the spiritual part of Christmas I cherish....the madness of the "Holiday Season?" Not so much. I don't like the pressure. I don't like the hurriedness. I don't like the anxiety. And this year, since my whole world has been turned upside down and shaken like a bottle of hot Dr. Pepper, I really was dreading it. In addition to the normal holiday stress, I am adding in a move, a MAJOR paper due for my grad school class, my Maw Maw not being with us, and various and sundry other emotional grenades that I am choosing not to blog about. It's a recipe for disaster, that's what it is.

Instead, I am choosing to forgo the crazy and appreciate this for what it is: the gift of time with my kids. The opportunity to carry on traditions an create new ones. We will put up the tree like we always do and decorate as soon as we are in the new house. Those decorations will NOT be shoved in the garage - they will be clearly marked and put in the living room where they belong and the tree will go up right after the beds are put together (priorities, people: sleep always wins). These sweet SugarBabies aren't going to be mine for much longer (when you look at the big picture). As fast as time has been moving, I know that if I blink twice, they will be off to college and then married with families of their own. So I am going to hold tight while I can and create memories.

Since an entire generation of our family has essentially passed on without our permission, I am now, finally, one of the grown-ups. Until now, we would go to my mom's house and then travel to my grandparents' or my Uncle's house for Thanksgiving. All I had to do was show up. Oh, sometimes, I would run to the store the night before to get an extra pan of dressing or some rolls, but I was never responsible for the BIG stuff. But this year, we are going to my Uncle Todd's house as usual - except my Maw Maw won't be there - and that will be weird and all kinds of wrong. There will be a hole. A huge gap where hugs and kisses and unconditional love and encouragement used to be. Oh, and no corn relish. She made it like nobody else can.

So, I've decided to take over pies. Maw Maw hadn't really done pies for years - my aunt did that. But since my Aunt is having everyone at her house and she and my mom are doing the lion's share of the food for dinner, I am taking over part of the pie making. Partly because I love making (and eating!) pies. And what's Thanksgiving without pie?! Also, and more importantly, because my kids like making the pies with me. And that is what I treasure most.

There's no cheating** either. We don't get the cans of apple or cherry or pumpkin pie filling. (Okay I guess we cheat a little, because we DO buy the canned pumpkin and the tart cherries in water. But only because there's no place to get fresh cherries here in Candyland like when we had our cherry tree in Ohio. And gutting a pumpkin? Ugh. No thanks.) But we DO peel and chop the apples. And we DO stir in the ingredients that turn the canned fruit into pie once it's baked. It's somehow magical to watch something as yucky as pumpkin guts turn into something as yummy as pumpkin pie. Same with the cherries. Every. time we make a cherry pie, one of the kids asks to eat one of the cherries before they go into the pan. And every time it's followed by an AWESOME pucker-face that I must get a photo of before it's too late.

But a few hours later, once it's all cooled, those concoctions are suddenly the yummiest thing in the house. And the waiting becomes AGONY. Already, I am hearing cries of "We have to wait till THURSDAY to eat them?" Yes. Yes we do. But it's our reward for patience.

Then? The look of pride on the SugarBabies faces as family gushes about how amazing the pies are and what a great job they did making them. I wouldn't trade it for the world. And I know with out a doubt that my MawMaw and my Nada Jane and my Grandma are looking down with pride as I pass on the tradition of good food and family ties. Because the rest of it just doesn't matter.

So we are off to finish the pies. Oh, and FUDGE. SugarPlum makes the most amazing fudge. It's magical. I have no idea how she does it, but it is HER signature. Her tradition to pass down to future generations. <-------See there? I just blinked again. Gotta go make memories.

**Exemption to the cheating clause: Pie crust. Pillsbury makes a much better crust than I (read: edible) and the mess is then kept to a minimum. This way we all win.

Dear Maw Maw

2010-09-22T23:40:00.006-05:00

Dear Maw Maw,

You've been gone six months now. Some days - most days - I miss you so much that there aren't words that can describe how sad I feel or how much it hurts. I think back and regret so much the number of times I told myself that I would call you "tomorrow" only then I would forget. I even forgot to call on your birthday last year. And I know that you didn't mind. You always told me that you were just glad to hear from me. Once, when I called a WEEK late for your birthday, you said that any time you heard from me & the kids was like your birthday. But remembering that only makes me feel more sad. Because I could have & should have given you more "birthdays" than I did.

I found you a Christmas present tonight while I was shopping. This neat set of angels. They were kind of rustic and funky. I even had them in my cart before I realized that we wouldn't be opening presents with you this year. And I nearly lost it right there in the store.

I still have your number programmed into my phone. I can't bear the thought of deleting it. It would be like you never existed or something. Only, I can look in the mirror most days and see your face. God blessed me with your face and your voice and your mannerisms. I surprise myself some days when I hear your voice talking to my children. I know that you are the only reason that Bug is still alive. You are the reason I am able to laugh at most of the crazy things those boys do and appreciate them for the smart, funny, stubborn little men they are. You remind me all the time that the qualities that make me crazy right now are the very ones that will serve them well in the future. And you were right about SugarPlum from the first time you laid eyes on her and told me that she is a wise old soul. She is that indeed! You tell me constantly to let the little things go. To laugh when they have rolled in the mud. To appreciate the art in the "circus" they have drawn on the wall. In Sharpie. I know from you that what matters the absolute most is that they know that they are loved more than anything in the whole wide world and that nothing they could ever do will negate that love. That I have unfailing faith in their ability to achieve whatever they want in life.

So much has happened in the past six months. My whole life has turned upside down and I have laid in bed so many times and sobbed because all I want is to talk to you about it. Am I doing the right thing? Am I screwing up my kids? Am I strong enough to get through this? Because, sometimes the doubt eats at my very soul. You were always so soothing and wise and funny and knew just what to say to ease my worries. You also knew when to just be quiet and hold me and listen & not try to solve my problems. Your arms around me made me know that the world couldn't hurt me. I wish I could just lay in your lap and cry until I feel better. You always let me sob until there were no more tears. And you always had plenty of Kleenexes to clean up the snot.

But in those moments when I feel like I might just be ripped in two from missing you, I hear your voice in my head telling me, "You can do this, Buffi. You MUST do this. You can do what I never could for so many reasons. Be the mom and the woman I always wanted to be. Who I taught you to be. Stand up for yourself. Be the example those babies need. You are smart and strong and capable. And I love you and I am right here." So I am going to do the right thing for you, Maw Maw. And for me. And for those SugarBabies that we love so much. I promise I will make you proud. You spent nearly 40 years convincing me that I am everything you knew I was. You did that for all of your grandbabies. I can't speak for all of us, But I know that Bek and Tell and I wouldn't be who we are without your love and confidence in us.

But tonight, can you find a way to come in my dreams and hold me and let me cry until I know it'll be okay? Because missing you hurts almost as much as anything in the world. I know that I will see you some day soon. You and Paw Paw will come and get me in that ice cream truck we all heard in March (because really, why on EARTH was there an ice cream truck at a cemetery in March, if it wasn't you two?) and we will all be home together soon. But that seems like a long way away. And I have a lot to do before then. Even if it is just the blink of an eye up there in Heaven.

I love you so much Maw Maw. I'm glad that you aren't sad or in pain any more. And I am so thankful that God helped me find comfort in your memory. Kiss Paw Paw for me. And know that we miss you two more than we ever knew it was possible to miss anyone.

Love,

Buffi

My Quarterly Post

2010-09-06T20:56:00.007-05:00

A friend of mine who shall remain nameless *cough*Pam*cough* has requested that I post the silly Facebook "10 Second Interview" because she wants her mom to see it. Or something like that...I don't totally undertand. I think she's just bullying me into posting. BUT, since I haven't posted since MAY, I thought I'd comply and share. Enjoy.

In a zombie attack, will you hide, fight back, or just blend in?
This happens every morning. I just tell them to eat their breakfast already & get dressed for school.

Fork, spork, or chopsticks?
I prefer to be fed by my cabana boys.

No matter how badly I needed the money, I'd never...
Oh, never say never...that doesn't work out well for me

What question should they ask Miss America or Miss Universe contestants?
What is it that happened in your childhood that makes you seek the approval of millions of strangers rather than simply being confident in who you are?

What are the odds that this interview never ends and is just a psych experiment?
Oh, I thought that was a given...

Who do you take after? Mom or Dad?
depends on who takes first

You can see my place, but don't look in my...
I know you're trying to find where I hid the body, but you won't trick me THAT easily...

My friends would shocked if they knew...
nice try

I'd be the happiest person in the whole world if...
everyone would just do what I tell them to.

Winter, Spring, Summer, or Fall?
...all you have to do is call/ and I'll be there yeah yeah yeah/ You've got a friend. (What?)

Toilet Paper - Over the top, or under the roll?
Over the top - I have very strong feelings about this...

What memory would you rather forget?
I can't remember

What celebrity do people say you look like?
Tom Selleck

I will dedicate my life to the invention of...
a mute button that will work on children

The sitcom about my life would be named...
you mean my life ISN'T a sitcom? DAMN. Does that mean that people are *actually* laughing at me?

Jessica Alba or Jessica Simpson?
Jessica Rabbit

We should criminalize...
Justin Beiber

Do you typically bring da noise, da funk, or da jell-o salad?
I always bring da Xanax

What should you really be doing right now?
folding laundry, duh

Where is Waldo?
He's with Hoffa

Luke Skywalker or Han Solo?
Han Solo - always Han Solo...mmmmm

What are three ways you're making the world a better place?
SugarPlum, SugarBear and SugarBug (okay - once he makes parole)

Why did Jack and Jill really go up the hill?
Well, you what they SAY, but we all know what REALLY happened right? Jill is such a ho.

Which of the following describe you? Teenage? Mutant? Ninja? Turtle?
Ninja, totally (okay...Mutant...we all know it)

Ever broken a bone?
Mine or someone else's?

Do you sleep on your side, back, or stomach?
I usually sleep in my bed

Fame or Fortune?
Fortune...I want everyone to leave me alone

Where was sexy before Justin Timberlake brought it back?
I heard it was in Topeka...who knew?!

What would your olympic event be?
whining

Thongs are...
eeeewwwwww

Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, or Slytherin?
Gesundheit!!

I wish my cell phone had an...
app that would clean my house

What will spend your lotto winnings on?
shoes...and maybe some purses...

I collect...
dust

How many hours of sleep do you need?
far more than I actually get

I wish my boyfriend/girlfriend would...
my attorney has advised me to NOT answer this question at this time

What's your favorite comfort when you're ill?
my bed

Quick! Name a book you've recently finished reading!
Backseat Saints by Joshilyn Jackson

My philosophy is...
God said it, I believe it, end of discussion.

What's your favorite type of cheese?
Gorgonzola!

What's your favorite Jelly Belly flavor?
Grapefruit

Nothing beats...
like a nice sturdy leather belt.

Do you like thick milkshakes or runny milkshakes? Or are you one of those weirdos who calls them 'frappes'?
For some reason this whole question sounds vaguely pervy to me.

What color underwear are you currently wearing?
wouldn't you like to know?

What music should they play at your funeral? (example: Get On Up)
Why? Have you heard something I should know about?

What does the tooth fairy do with all those teeth?
Well, for the past several years, she has put them in my nightstand...

When I'm bored, I...
do stupid, time sucking apps on Facebook

What would be an appropriate name for your car?
I call her Odie.

Politics are...
something that raises my blood pressure

Naked food fights are...
When is food NOT naked?

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear. Fuzzy Wuzzy had no...
Rogaine.

How many traffic tickets have you received?
So now, USAA is asking the questions?

How many days past expiration are you willing to drink milk?
Milk never makes it to the expiration date in my house.

Milk chocolate, dark chocolate, or white chocolate?
Yes, please.

Is there anything you'd like to add before we continue?
Yes, $5million to my checking acct. Can you make that happen?

If I lived in the year 2100, my profession would be...
professional old lady

What's your favorite charity?
"Get Buffi to a tropical island resort ASAP, Internat'l." Won't you give to this worthy cause??

Waffles are...
yes, they are.

I am the eggman. They are the eggmen. I am...
On your way to a padded room?

If everyone would leave me alone, I could...
sleep

What's your ideal climate?
Lows in the upper-60's, highs in the mid-80's, about 30% humidity....all the time. Oh, and pollen free. If there is a place like this I am totally moving there.

Why does paper beat rock?
I have ALWAYS wondered about that

I squeeze my toothpaste from the...
tube

If at first you don't succeed...
do it the way your wife told you to, you dork.

What's the fastest you've ever driven?
Oh, no. You're not gonna trick me THAT easily officer.

What would your clown name be?
my name is already Buffi, what more do you want?

Which side is your good side?
the side where you don't piss me off

On a scale from 1 to crazy, I'm about a:
pineapple

I miss...
sanity

How many times have you broken your cell phone?
I have NEVER broken my cell phone. The toilet once tried to drown it, though.

My hourly rate is...
WAY more than you can afford

What's the most embarassing song you've done Karaoke to?
I don't do Karaoke...for that very reason

When I was little, I used to believe that...
my Daddy was Superman (actually, I still think that)

If I were pregnant, I'd probably crave...
arsenic

Quiet drinks in a lounge or loud rockin' party?
Quiet ALWAYS wins

Batman or Superman?
I'd settle for an HONEST man

Are you a glass half full or glass half empty person?
depends on what's in the glass

Have you ever fallen asleep at work?
I live at work. So, yes.

Which sport is the best to watch?
SugarPlum playing soccer

I'll wait until nobody is looking, then I'll...
take a nap

Do you have an innie or an outie?
wouldn't you like to know?!

Where do you go when you want to be alone?
I have three kids, I am never, ever alone. EVER.

What is/was your imaginary friend's name?
I had two: Suzy & Jennifer

What's your favorite song lyric?
He lives! He lives!

Fill in the blank: I'm a member of "Generation _________"
that's paying for all of the other generations, evidently

Have you ever been on TV?
yes, I was a total dork. I know you're stunned

What's your nickname?
Mommy

I love the scent of...
clean laundry

I feel naked without my...
clothes

If you had an extra toe, what would you do with it?
uh...give to someone who was lacking a toe???

I will never tell anyone...
exactly

What was the first thing you bought when you got your first credit card?
probably clothes

Righty or lefty?
Right...on so many levels

Quick! Make up a sport! (example: Awesomeball)
Ultimate Naptime

I believed in Santa Claus until I was...
what do you mean "believED?"

What's your favorite book?
To Kill a Mockingbird

I'd like to teach the world to...
stop whining

I think Global Warming is...
a load of crap

I have a pierced...
heart

What's the best compliment you've ever received?
SugarPlum told me that one of her favorite things about her best friend was that B reminded her of me.

People think that I'm...
far more stupid than I actually am, evidently

The 80's were a decade of...
BIG HAIR & Aquanet

Quick! Write the last sentence of your autobiography.
...and in my will, I'll be leaving trillions of dollars the charities I have supported all these years.

What's the weirdest topping you've ever had on a pizza?
corn & peas (it was England....I had no idea)

Make up a new word right now:
fringleschmertz

I'm the best at...
procrastination

I knew I was an adult when...
crap. I'm an adult?!

Everything is negotiable in a relationship, except...
honesty

I'd be totally screwed without...
EXACTLY

What's the worst that could happen?
Never EVER ask that.....

The key to success is...
on that keychain I lost in the last move

If I had a DeLorean, I'd...
be kinda pathetic

Complete this sentence: Life is like a box of...
spark plugs

Do you like your peanut butter crunchy or smooth?
smooooth

When the world ends, I will be...
Home already!

Boxers or briefs?
what kind of dog is a brief??

How many people have you dated?
why, what have you heard?

Metric or Imperial units?
uhhhhh

Would you rather own a dog named Growler or a parrot named Captain?
no, thanks

I wouldn't mind being stuck in a closet with...
a box of Girl Scout cookies

The best ride at Disneyland is...
That would require my going to Disneyland and dealing with the crowds and that never ends well for anyone

In retrospect, do you wish you had studied harder or had more fun?
yes

I'm afraid of...
facebook apps

I'd be nothing if it weren't for...
oxygen

Propose a new toothpaste flavor:
margarita

Beauty or Brains?
Aww...you're so sweet

Bikini, Tankini, or Linguini?
Lamborghini

When do you normally go to bed?
never before the third date

I can't believe I lost my...
don't even go there

What's your favorite restaurant?
Wherever you want to take me

I don't get mad. I get...
a martini.

I wish my ex would...
again, my attorney.....

Memorial Day 2010

2010-05-31T10:31:00.003-05:00

IT IS THE SOLDIER

It is the Soldier, not the minister
Who has given us freedom of religion.

It is the Soldier, not the reporter
Who has given us freedom of the press.

It is the Soldier, not the poet
Who has given us freedom of speech.

It is the Soldier, not the campus organizer
Who has given us freedom to protest.

It is the Soldier, not the lawyer
Who has given us the right to a fair trial.

It is the Soldier, not the politician
Who has given us the right to vote.

It is the Soldier who salutes the flag,
Who serves beneath the flag,
And whose coffin is draped by the flag,
Who allows the protester to burn the flag.

I'm a Berry Punny Girl!

2010-05-18T16:39:00.009-05:00

I think that I may have single-handedly pissed off all the birds in Candyland. That's quite a feat, when you think about it. But the avian population is all atwitter right now over my actions. <----- (See what I did there? Birds? Atwitter? Hahaha! Just me then?)

Remember a few years back when I was so pleased and happy with the abundance of butterflies on my driveway who were attracted by the strange little berries? Well, I have yet to identify the berries, but now I HATE the little buggers. My driveway is pretty much covered with those berries, only they aren't attracting butterflies any more. They are attracting birds. All kinds of birds: robins, grackles, wrens, pigeons, and I don't know what else. But what I do know is that well fed birds crap all over my driveway. Yes, the driveway attached to this house that I am trying to sell.

I have been at a loss as to what to do about the berries. They really do look like little albino blackberries. According to the birds, they are quite delish. Being that they are freshly fallen berries - full of juicy goodness - I knew that if I tried to sweep them up, it would only lead to a big, mushy mess and a ruined broom (I know this because of the time one of the SugarBabies - not naming names, but it rhymes with "Rug") accidently spilled a huge container of fresh blackberries onto my beige tiled kitchen floor. So much for that broom (for the record, however, Clorox spray bleach + Sonic Scrubber = clean floor!). When I was on the phone with SD, he suggested the leaf blower, but I really don't have anywhere to blow them to, plus when I tried to scoop them up, we're back to the big-old-mushy-mess problem.

Then, in a stroke of genius, I realized the solution to my problem. Two words: Shop. Vac. (Okay, technically, that may just be one and a half words). I unraveled the superty-duper long extension cord and hooked that Shop Vac and went to town sucking up those berries from my drive way.

And the birds? Are none too pleased with me. Even over the giant sucking sound (paging Ross Perot...) I could hear them berating me.Shaking their little birdy fists at me. They were practically SHOUTING, "No, don't suck up the berries! That's our schmorgasboad. (even spell checker is stumped by that word)! How will we feed our babies?!" I felt a little like the mean Homeowners' Assn lady in "Over the Hedge."

Then I realized that my life is not created by Pixar or Dreamworks. (Because if it were, I would totally have a nanny & a maid.) (And a live-in masseur.) (And Mark Harmon would be my husband). AAAaannyyways, I stayed firmly grounded and continued sucking up berries - which almost completely filled up the Shop Vac -until the boys who are doing my yard while SD is gone - offered to blow what little was left them into a pile and haul them off for me. Teenage boys are so great...at least to me. Until MINE are teenage boys and then I'll probably have a different opinion.

So, right now, I firmly believe that the ShopVac is one of the greatest inventions in the history of the world. Right up there with the microwave oven and TiVo (seriously, I can pause live television!). Sadly, the berries will probably be back tomorrow. But I will prevail. I WILL PREVAIL!

(Okay, you know that I have just tempted Mother Nature and now she is going to totally kick my ass)

My Maw Maw

2010-03-23T10:07:00.008-05:00

I know that I one of the lucky few, but up until about two years ago, all of my grandparents were still alive. I grew up 30 miles from both sets of grandparents and I have wonderful memories of all of them. In their own ways, they were each remarkable people who overcame so much to even grow up, much less have successful lives. They are each such a blessing to me.

Over the last two years, both of my grandfathers died. And last night, I found out that my Maw Maw died. Her husband (my Paw Paw, naturally) had a stroke about a year ago and died in October. I think that she finally just couldn't take living without him any more.

My Maw Maw (sorry, that sounds so childish, but that's who she is and I can't just call her "my grandmother) is probably who I was closest to. She grew up the youngest of four girls, born in the midst of the Great Depression in the middle of the dust bowl. They lived in a half-dugout house in West Texas. Her daddy died when she was 10. I know that it was a terrible, terrible death and that it influenced the rest of her life. How could it not? Eventually, they moved to Oklahoma and she met my very handsome (her words) Paw Paw. They got married when she was 16 and she became a mom at 18.

When I was little I thought that my Maw Maw was the most perfect person on the whole planet (and she likely was!). Her house always smelled like heaven to me. And anything that came from her house smelled like it - my brother & I would even say, "This smells like Maw Maw!" Clothes, toys, blankets...whatever, if it came from Maw Maw's house, I didn't want it washed until the smell had completely worn off. I can't even describe the mixture of Downy, potpourri, perfume, good food and grease from Paw Paw's machine shop. But all together, it was just perfect.

Maw Maw always made me feel like I was the smartest, most talented, prettiest girl in the world. If I was sad, being in her lap made things so much better. Or even the sound of her voice. I knew that I could tell her anything and my secret would be safe.

And as I grew up, she never wavered in her support. She told me more than once that I was the best mother that she had ever known. Which was HUGE because, evidently, she had never told MY mom that. Up until I had kids, Maw Maw was the best mom she ever seen. And you know that when you are in the middle of raising kids, hearing you are a good mom means the world. Especially when you hear it from the most perfect person on the planet.

Maw Maw also managed to make my kids feel so special and loved and appreciated. When she was going through chemo a couple of years ago, Bear made her paper hat to wear. And not only did she wear it, she made sure that my mom took a picture so that Bear could see her wearing it. And she would make a point to ask the kids to sing "Amazing Grace" or, really, any other song for her & followed it with lavish praise that would make the singer feel so proud and talented. Every picture they drew was beautiful and every poem or story they wrote was Pulitzer-worthy. Plus they were the smartest, most beautiful children on the planet. Just like their Mommy & Daddy (her words).

Maw Maw really loved nothing more than to sit and listen to her grandkids and great-grandkids play and laugh. My boys, of course, kept her in stitches. When my babies were born, she just wanted to hear them cry or laugh or make noise or just breathe.

I always thought that the phrase "a hole in my heart" was kind of trite and goofy. But really, I understand now. My Maw Maw made me who I am today. My confidence and self-esteem (and my deep, abiding appreciation for cute shoes) are in large part due her influence - her unfailing support and truly unconditional love - in my life. I'm having a very had time imagining this world without my Maw Maw. But, I know without a doubt that she is in heaven with my Paw Paw and she is happy and finally at peace.

I love you so much Maw Maw. Thank you for all you have been for me. Give Paw Paw a big hug and a kiss for me. I'll see you in heaven. Save a place for me.

So, who's the [insert horrifying name here] now?

2010-03-01T17:13:00.004-06:00

Here is something I forgot about the internet - nothing is a secret. Especially when you are stupid enough to link to your blog on your Facebook for the world to see. And when you do that, eventually, SOMEONE is going to find out that you called their kid an asshole. To the world. On the internet.

And probably, that person is going to be someone you consider a friend - a friend who is far more courageous than you are and who will call you and let you know that now ALL the moms know that you called their kids names. And THOSE moms? Those moms are really wonderful people who you like and respect and now you horrified to learn that they know you are a total moron. And probably think you are a total bitch. For good reason.

Here's the thing....for all these years, this blog has been my place to vent. Few people from my "real world" knew about this blog so I was free to go on about the things in my life - good and bad and funny and mundane. This was my safe place to get that out and get support from my "blog friends" who have gotten me through more than you can even imagine.

But, the internet is a funny beast. And as I spent more and more time on Facebook, my worlds started to inter-mingle and I went a step too far. I can't even fathom how your heart fell into your stomach and your anger rose when you read my words. And I apologize profusely. I know that the Mama Bear in you must be as furious about what I did as I was last week. Probably more so, because I am an adult who knows better. And, honestly, each of your boys is a sweet kid. I know that. And I am ashamed and mortified and heart-broken at how I have behaved and made you all feel.I know that there is no way that I can "undo" what I wrote and put out there, but I have taken it down and am so, so sorry. I hope that one day you can forgive me.

Grammar Nazi strikes again....

2010-02-16T20:26:00.003-06:00

Yes, I know it's been a loooonnggg time, and now I'm just posting a picture again, but this makes me laugh & I need to share.

"Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13

2009-11-11T13:26:00.001-06:00

Blessings Abound!

2009-08-25T13:56:00.004-05:00

Ever have one of those weeks where God is shouting at you, "I'VE GOT IT UNDER CONTROL! SEE??" Yeah, that's what last week was like. One big picture of God's mighty power & grace. Blessing did abound!

I posted last week that God had laid Philippians 4:6-7 on my heart and that it was getting me thru the week.

6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

I really just thought God was helping me thru the stress of the last week before school starts. Things were busy and tense and I needed to let Him take care of it. I had no idea

If you saw my Facebook Saturday, you know that the transmission blew on my van . In Dallas. While I was taking my mom & the boys to the hotel. It was 101 degrees outside. Bear noticed the smell and then I saw smoke, thinking it was one of those "junkers" beside us as we exited the George Bush Freeway. Yeah, the smoke was coming from MY junker! That's when I started getting stressed. Really, really stressed. Then, that's when the blessings began.

BLESSINGS

1. The smoke started less than half a mile from the hotel. I managed to get to the hotel, avoiding being stranded in traffic, in the heat, in the middle of Dallas. I got Mom & the boys somewhat settled at the hotel & called USAA, who towed the van to the Honda dealership.

2. SugarDaddy had left about 45 minutes before I did and had SugarPlum & my dad with him at the soccer tournament. So, we had 2 cars there.

3. Another one of the soccer families was staying at the same hotel as us, so they took SP & my dad back to the hotel & then to the next game so that SD could meet me at the dealership.

4. Mom took care of the boys the whole time, walking them over to Black Eyed Pea for supper and then back to the hotel to swim.

5. After being informed that it would cost us $5000 for the dealership to replace the transmission & determining that we couldn't make an informed decision about buying a replacement THAT DAY, SD & I made it to the second game in time.

6. My wonderful friends, Mr & Mrs Jackalord got us a trailer and towed the van back to Candyland (2 hours each way!) with Mr. J's pickup. Who does that? AMAZING friends, that's who. We really didn't know what we were going to do otherwise.

7. After we got home, my beautiful friend, Charity, offered us the use of a car for as long as we needed it. That keeps us from having to rent a car while the van is being fixed or...if that is just going to be too much, it keeps us from having to jump into something without taking time to make a wise decision.

AND THEN...just to put icing on the blessing cake....God decides to show me that He really does have it ALL under control.

8. We finally heard from both of the boys' football coaches. (I'd been worried about football practice & how it would all work since last year it was a big hassle getting all three kids where they needed to be since it sometimes required me to be three places at once) Both of them have practice this year at the same place...at the same time....NOT on a soccer night! Woo hoo!!! Go God!

I still haven't heard about the van. The transmission guy says it will be early next week before he can tell me something. But honestly, I'm not worried. God has made it clear that He's got this one. I just need to get out of the way. Which brings to mind another verse in Philippians:

And my God will supply every need...Phil 4:19

Why Milk?

2009-07-22T13:44:00.003-05:00

Every summer I am amazed at just how much milk these people drink. I am not exaggerating when I tell you that I buy - at a minimum - six gallons of milk a week. It's unreal. They drink milk -- lots of milk -- with every meal. You can include me in that as well. I love, love, love milk. Nothing like it. And it doesn't hurt that milk helps you maintain a healthy weight, stave off hunger between meals, is great at hydrating, and of course makes your bones strong.

I watched my grandmother and four of my great-grandparents suffer the effects of osteoporosis. I know how easy it is to prevent that. And with the amount of milk these kids drink, I am fairly confident that we have a fighting chance at avoiding that particular malady! I know that I am blessed in this regard because I have many friends whose kids refuse to drink milk & have trouble working enough calcium & vitamin D into their diets.

The Milk Council has a new site called Why Milk? that offers facts, articles, recipes & suggestions for working milk into your diet. We tried this Strawberry-Banana Smoothie and loved it! And more importantly, SugarPlum's milk-hating buddy liked it as well. Her mother was thrilled! And while I haven't tried it yet, this recipe for Mom's Mocha Indulgence Smoothie looks like a little bit of heaven!

The Why Milk? site has an abundance of information including studies about the benefits of milk; tools such as a Beverage Analyzer to show the impact your beverage choices have on your health, Calorie Calculator, and workout recovery tips; contests and sweepstakes; and of course, you can look at all those celebrity "Got Milk?" shots (although, Dana Torres gives me a complex. No woman should be THAT buff at my age!).

But really, the recipes are my favorite part. They have suggestions for every meal as well as snacks. And, most importantly for me, they are easy, sensible recipes with ingredients (MILK?!) that I normally have and that don't take all day to prepare!

So, go visit the Why Milk? site. Your bones will thank you!

FREE STUFF!!! (any questions?)

2009-07-15T08:32:00.005-05:00

Celebrate summer with the Mom Central Summer Giveaway Bonanza! Each week, Mom Central will post new giveaways just for Moms and their families on MomCentral.com. They'll have tons of great prizes throughout the summer for you and all members of your family. Some of the giveaways include:

• Hoover Cyclonic Bagless Upright Vacuum: This new vacuum from Hoover removes more dirt than other cyclonic bagless vacuums due to its patented wind tunnel technology and embedded dirt finder. With power controls on the handle, it reduces bending to get to those hard-to-reach places and easily moves from hard floor to carpet.

• Crayola Play Sand: Transform an ordinary sandbox with a splash of color or design colorful art projects with a 20 lb. bag of Crayola Play Sand. The sand doesn't stain hands and features an easy-to-carry handle to make transporting easy on Moms.

• Jeep Tandem Stroller: Built to accommodate your growing family, the Tandem Traveler Stroller features sun canopies, reclining seat backs, car-seat adaptors, and cup holders that will leave you feeling like the coolest mommy on the block.

• Razor Jr. Electric Wagon: Put a modern spin on the classic wagon with the Razor Jr. Electric Wagon. Traveling safely at 2-3 miles per hour, parents have assistance while cruising the block.

This is only a sample of the great stuff they are giving away all summer. Head over there now & sign up. You KNOW you love free stuff! (You can thank me later!)

So wrong it's right....

2009-07-11T16:08:00.004-05:00

I just read the following exchange on my Facebook & about wet my pants. These are people I have known since elementary school. Ryan now hosts a radio sports show & has two young kids....

Ryan:
oddly enough, they don't sell Backyardigans CD's at Local Liquor. Who knew???

Karen at 1:30pm July 11
Try Pinkies.

Ryan at 1:37pm July 11
Good point. They might even have Imagination Movers.

Matt at 1:39pm July 11
they should have Handy Manny. That guy knows how to tilt a Silver Bullet

Karen at 1:41pm July 11
I thought Manny was probably a bud light man.

Matt at 1:42pm July 11
no, before bidness picked up he was a Natty lite guy.

Ryan at 1:43pm July 11
Wonder if Kelly is mixing up drinks at that hardware store all day long...

Matt at 1:44pm July 11
The "tool" are Double X.

Karen at 1:45pm July 11
I feel like I've stooped to a new low. But I am laughing at this.

Matt at 1:45pm July 11
It's Saturday. She is usually dancing 3 shows at Jaguars.

Ryan at 1:48pm July 11
I'm pretty sure I just heard her ad on SportsRadio 1234!

Matt at 1:49pm July 11
We won't talk about Mr. Lopart's whiskey induced trip to the playground to see the kids.

Karen at 1:50pm July 11
Or what Ms Portillo sells out the back door of her kitchen.

Matt at 1:50pm July 11
nothing goes with sports radio like strip clubs and booze.

Carl at 1:52pm July 11
Kelly, always has what Manny "needs".

Matt at 1:52pm July 11
i hope the 5 & Under crowd still don't read Ryan's updates.

There was a fiasco with the Mayor and 2 of her younger interns.

Matt at 1:57pm July 11
Remember the very special episode where Manny cleaned Kelly's plumbing with help from Pat and Philipe.

Matt at 1:58pm July 11
OK- Shame on me....

Carl at 2:00pm July 11
Anyone remember the "Honey-Do" Man, that worked here in town? The side of his van said, "Let me snake your drain." Forgive me if I crossed the line with that one.

Tessa at 2:18pm July 11
That was WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!! You all should be ashamed of yourselves!!! Go release a balloon and repent!!

Matt at 2:22pm July 11
but you laughed.

Don't let the donuts win!

2009-06-26T16:04:00.004-05:00

You know what's really loud? No, I mean make-you-get-out-of-bed-to-make-it-shut-up loud?

Krispy Kream Donuts. They are loud. And? Somehow they know my name.

My wonderful, handsome husband bought one of those "fundraiser" boxes of KK's yesterday. I didn't see them until we got home from soccer last night. And, since it was 104 at soccer practice last night, the only thing that sounded good to eat was something COLD. As such, I was able to resist the siren song of the plain, glazed bites of heaven. Then I went to bed & had actually forgotten about them. Hard to believe, but true, nonetheless. I was lying in bed reading Atlas Shrugged, minding my own beeswax when I heard it. It was faint at first...

"Buffi...."
"Buuufffffiiiiii...."

I brushed it off as the wind in the trees and my imagination working together & continued to take in Dagny & Hank's intense relationship & Ayn Rand's eerie prophecy. (OMG!!!) But then it got louder & more insistent:

"Buuuffffffiiiii!"
"Yo! Buff!"
"Buffi! C'mon!"

Finally, I had to get put of bed & make it stop before it woke the kids. Because they really, really needed their sleep. We can't have stupid donuts waking them. So, I made my way to the kitchen, book in hand, with every intention of merely speaking to the donuts and asking them to please be quiet, it was the middle of the night and people were trying to sleep, for goodness sake.

But those donuts would NOT shut up. So, I opened the box and took one out so that I could look it in the face & make myself clear - but its eyes sorta glazed over (<-----ha! see what I did there?!). I did what I had to do. I ate the little mf'er. And then? I ate another one, just to ensure that they got the message. I know, you're amazed at my self-sacrifice for these children. That shut them up for a while. Late this morning, I had to eat another one, just in case they got ballsy later this evening. Because I will not tolerate insubordination. Alas, their numbers are so depleted at this point, I think we may be safe. However, I think I may have heard the survivors snickering and saying something about my ass getting bigger. I'll probably have to put a stop to THAT before the night's over!

Things that get me thru the day.....

2009-05-29T17:49:00.004-05:00

Okay, things have been crazy, crazy crazy around here. The last few weeks of school are always insane & this year has not disappointed. I find myself wondering when we can all just sit down and eat together amidst all the activities that come along with having three kids.

One extraordinarily useful tool I recently discovered (thank you MomCentral!) is MakingLifeBetter.com. This site has it all - recipes (real recipes for REAL moms who don't have time or budget for anything too fancy, but still want to actually cook dinner for their families) with demo videos!, coupons, time and money saving advice, beauty and health tips....but it's not aggravating or condescending. I don't know exactly how to explain it, but it really makes me feel "empowered" (as goofy as that sounds) and not incapable. It sometimes makes all the difference when you're feeling overwhelmed. Check it out! You'll be glad you did!

The other site I found that I love is Mamapedia. What is hysterical about this is that "Mamapedia" is my nickname among some of my friends. I can't decide if that is a compliment or an insult, but I just tell myself that it's because I have a lot of random knowledge that I am always happy to share. NOT that I am a bossy know-it-all. Right? Don't answer that.

Anywho......if you have a question ANY question about parenting, pregnancy, child development, illness.....anything, really, you can find an answer on Mamapedia. And not the clinical, research-y answer that leaves you with as many questions as answers. Mamapedia gives you answers from other moms who have already tackled what you are wondering about and are sympathetic to your plight and ready offer advice, recommendations and sympathy. You get answers that make sense and don't leave you feeling more confused than you already were! As SugarPlum approaches the teen years, I am looking forward to input from those moms who have been "in the trenches." And, as the mom of two little boys there are always questions and frustrations. ALWAYS

Please check out Mamapedia. I am confident that you will really come to appreciate it!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And on that note, I am off to take SugarPlum to a "Hooray, School's Out!" sleepover. And then to hang out with my boys. Hopefully, I will find time to share some of our antics this summer. These people are HILARIOUS!

Plant a Seed to Grow a Healthy Kid!

2009-05-22T14:59:00.003-05:00

You all know that between soccer, football, basketball, volleyball and any-other-ball that sports plays a HUGE role in the lives of my kids & thus in my life. We have been fortunate, thus far anyway, to always have wonderful facilities & fields for our kids to play on. However I know that not all families or communities are so blessed. So I feel compelled to share this with you...

Mom Central teamed up with Kellogg's Frosted Flakes back in January to let our community know about its Earn Your Stripes (EYS) field renovation program that aimed to renovate neighborhood sports fields across the U.S. Since that time, thousands of fields were nominated some with as many as 700,000 supporters! Those fields have now been narrowed down to 100 finalists and your vote will help determine the winning fields.

The semifinalist fields were chosen based on the feasibility of the field makeover, the location and age of the field, how often it gets used, how many events take place, what teams use it, the number of other athletic fields in the community, the demand, condition, and the impact a field renovation would have on the community.

From May 1st through the 31st, you can vote for your favorite semifinalist field at www.frostedflakes.com. Do you have a field in your area that got nominated or do you like one with a particularly compelling story? Those who nominated these fields described the conditions as having inadequate grass, equipment, uneven playing surfaces and other problems. These renovations will help to build community and provide better places for kids to stay active and play.

If you have a second (and you know you do!) go vote and help some kids have a better chance to be active & healthy!

Because my hypochondria wasn't heightened enough....

2009-05-07T16:14:00.006-05:00

I've been seeing the flight surgeon quite a bit lately in the hopes of figuring out what, exactly, is wrong with me. (Physically - I gave up on my mental health years ago.) I've had quite a myriad of bizarre symptoms - joint pain, headaches, and soul-crushing fatigue. Every test that he does comes back normal. In fact, the doctor has been laughing that I am "abnormally normal." My blood counts are good, blood sugar is good, cholesterol, thyroid, iron, all normal. He had me do a sleep study - which turned out fine. (Oooooh...I need to tell you about that soon!) Even my CT scan was clear. I'm ridiculously healthy for someone who feels this crappy.

So, Monday, my mom sends me the "Ovarian Cancer" email. You know the one that goes around every few months that talks about how ovarian cancer is a "silent killer," that it can't be detected on your PAP smear, that its symptoms "whisper" and lists all the "whispering" symptoms. Really, it is one of my biggest fears.

As I said, mom sent me the email this week, and she highlighted all of the symptoms of ovarian cancer that I have. Each in a different color. SERIOUSLY. She's thoughtful that way.

Now I am obsessing over the fact that I am dying of ovarian cancer. The flight surgeon is going to love me when I call to tell him this. I always say, you can't have too many neuroses!!

I apologize now for the blatant abuse of parentheticals....

2009-05-05T12:15:00.001-05:00

Tuesday morning....you are not my friend.

This morning started out okay. SugarPlum & I overslept a little, but only like four minutes. However, she has her morning routine down to a science, so four minutes can make or break her some days. Luckily, nothing of hers needed to be ironed, so SugarDaddy was able to get her out the door and off to school by 7:00. (Yes, 7:00 am. I know, right?)

Bug had woken up early & ate breakfast with SP. Normally he eats at the same time as Bear, but he was "really, really hungry!" so I went ahead and fixed his breakfast, too. But it just sort of threw my morning off. After SD & the girl were off, & after a few snuggles with Bug, I woke Bear up. This isn't an easy task, in that he is MY child and hates to wake up in the morning. It takes songs, back rubs, and silly little jokes - it's vital that he wake up happy or everyone's day is ruined. Then I fixed is cereal & scrambled eggs w/ bacon & cheese, got the boys' clothes ironed and actually on their bodies. (This is more difficult than it sounds most mornings. More than once Bug has been *thisclose* to going to school in his pjs. Oh, yes I would!) We actually ended up with enough time for the boys to play for a few minutes before they went to school! YAY!

This is where it started to fall apart. Okay, not that bad, but still.

The phone rings. SD( who had a monumentally bad day yesterday & had not had a good night's sleep leading to him misunderstanding my "I-just-woke-up-voice" for my "I-hate-you-you-are-a-moron-voice" - which doesn't exist but evidently is interpreted as such more often than I deserve)** had left his flight suit at home. Being a commander he never knows what uniform he will need at a particular point in the day, so he goes to work in jeans & t-shirt and changes there. But....I washed his flight suits last night & he left it here. So I agreed to bring it to him after I got it ironed & got the boys off to school. (And can I just say that flight suits are a BITCH to iron.)

At this point, the boys were ready except for shoes & socks - which didn't seem to be a priority for them. So after much shouting, bribery & threats, I finally got them off to school. Then I headed to the base with SD's clothes. After a brief chat, I volunteered to go to the coffee shop on base to get SD a Venti Caramel Macchiato and some tea for his secretary. (Always take care of the secretary. Secretaries make the world go 'round!) I was happy to be able to do something for SD since we had been a little cross with each other this morning.

I get over to the base library (home of the coffee shop) & find followed my nose to the coffee shop. There, I found the little barista chick, sitting in a cushy chair reading. She hops up & takes my order...which took a second, because I was unsure of what tea to get. When she rings me up, I discover that I have no cash & have to use my credit card. I am - evidently - visibly aggravated by that fact.

While she is making the drinks, I said something, can't remember what, but barista chicky says to me, "Yeah, you seem a little strung-out."

What?

THEN she says, "I'd say that's okay, but it's only Tuesday."

So, twenty-year-old chick who works at a very NOT busy Starbucks, is telling the mom of three kids who's day just got busier that I seem strung out. And that it is clearly not okay, because it's only Tuesday? Seriously?

I didn't even know what to say. I know that I am being over-sensitive, but who made her the arbiter of who gets to be stressed out? Seriously? Already, I am looking at this & laughing. But at 8:30 this morning, I was just pissed.

She SO didn't get a good tip.

ICE CREAM!

2009-04-17T09:00:00.003-05:00

First, just let me say...I KNOW, three months without posting and now I'm posting a review?! It's been so unbelievably insane here the past three months. Hospitals, work, sports, school, sick kids....blogging sort of fell off my radar. Basically, if it couldn't be expressed in less than 140 characters or so on Twitter or Facebook, it wasn't going to get posted. I feel like I am beginning to get a handle on things again, so hopefully, you will be hearing a lot more from me from now on. But first, this (which will be moved to the review site as soon as I get the ball rolling here again)....

When Mom Central asked if I'd be interested in participating in the Haagen-Dazs Five blog tour, the answer, of course was, "Well, DUH." I assumed I would get some coupons for a pint or two of scrumptious ice cream so that I could try and tell you all about it. And of course, being Haagen-Dazs, I knew it would be a rave review.

I was mostly right.

In the middle of a week where I was helping care for my grandfather here at Candyland General Hospital and on the very afternoon that I had to break it to my kids that our dogs had escaped the night before - with no collars - I was pulling into the driveway with a sobbing SugarPlum (just told about the dogs) when I noticed a rather large box on the front porch. Upon bringing the box in & opening it, I found FOUR PINTS OF ICE CREAM. Absolute, irrefutable proof that Jesus loves me. Ice cream! On my front porch! On one of the worst days of my life!!

SugarPlum and I cracked open a couple of those cartons with great haste. And let me tell you, these weren't just any old Haagen-Dazs pints. These are the new Haagen-Dazs FIVE ice creams. They are little pints of pure, unadulterated ice DREAM - just five all-natural ingredients of milk, cream, sugar, eggs, and one "hero" flavor ingredient such as vanilla bean, mint, coffee, ginger, or milk chocolate. No color, no HFCS, no nothing but pure ecstasy, baby! This means that the mint isn't garishly, unnaturally green, the passion fruit flavor isn't pink, or orange or whatever color some marketing guy thinks passion fruit should be.

I grabbed the mint. This ice cream is straight from heaven. I am harshly critical of mint ice cream, especially. I don't like "peppermint" or "wintergreen" flavored stuff. This mint was just creamy, minty wonderfulness.

SP picked the brown sugar flavor. She described it as "Cadbury Cream Egg mixed with soy sauce...but in a good way." I personally can't imagine any scenario where that combination might happen "in a good way," but the ice cream tasted pretty good to me.

They also sent ginger, which was unusual,but I really liked it. I do think, however, that it's something you have to be in the mood for. All three kids thought it was "yucky." So it must be more of a sophisticated taste. Like asparagus. Or martinis.

The kids really enjoyed the Passion Fruit. It was the boys' favorite. I found the flavor a little off-putting, but I just don't like that flavor of anything. I can see that some folks would really, really like it. It's very fresh tasting and creamy.

I was happy that I could give my family this ice cream with no guilt since the simplicity of it also gives it less fat! SERIOUSLY. I am looking forward to trying the other Haagen-Dazs Five flavors - with the free coupons I got along with the ice cream! Yes, really! It's available in Mint, Ginger, Vanilla Bean, Milk Chocolate, Passion Fruit, Coffee, and Brown Sugar. To learn more visit the Haagen-Dazs Five website.

Thanks Mom Central!

As long as they don't start emulating Freddie Mercury....

2009-01-12T09:54:00.004-06:00

Bug & Bear found a book of nursery rhymes Friday. They paged thru, reciting the ones that they know ( most of them). Then they came to Wee Willie Winkie and all hilarity broke loose as they started doing this song, ala Queen:

We will, we Will-ie
WIN-KIE!
*boom boom BAM boom boom BAM*
We will, We Will-ie
WIN-KIE!

At this point Bug attempts some sort of rap-type-thing that went something like:

I'm Wee Willie WINKIE
I run thru the TOWN
Upstairs & Downstairs
In my NIGHT GOWN!

(you get the idea)

SD and I were laughing so hard that we could hardly catch our breath. And the best part was that they did this for well over 20 minutes. Oh, dear lord in heaven, it was so stinking hilarious. Some days, I love living in this house with these people!

My New Years Resolutions for 2009

2009-01-03T22:12:00.004-06:00

Okay, I know that I am running behind with these. But I've barely had time to check my email except for when I was in bed with the nastiest cold I've had in a long time. Bleh. Anyway, these are the things that I have been thinking about for the past few weeks. Things that are important to me to resolve to work on in 2009.

Focus on being the wife my husband needs me to be. I have choices in this life and I am choosing to make my marriage stronger and happier. I love this man more than anything & he deserves the best.
Take more time to listen to what my kids are saying to me rather than insist on immediate compliance. Sometimes I am so focused on what I want them to do or not do, I don't wait to hear the explanation of WHY they are/aren't doing something.
Make my husband and children feel treasured and adored. Because they are. Each one of them.
Laugh more and yell less.
Practice more patience as SugarPlum enters these preteen years. This is a very scary, crucial time. I have GOT to remember to take a deep breath and think before I judge or act. She needs to be able to trust me as much as I need to trust her. Heaven help me.
Continue to eat healthier and go to bed at a reasonable time (ie sometime before midnight!)
Remember that I started this blog to write about my life and to make a record of all the cool, funny things my family says and does. I have lost what should have been so many wonderful memories the past few months because I have been at a loss about what to write. I want to get my "mojo" back.

I appreciate those of you who have been here to support me in the past few months. It's been a roller coaster and you have been invaluable to my life! Happy New Year, y'all!

When ornaments feel naughty

2008-12-22T07:43:00.001-06:00

I aspire to be Grammar Girl

2008-12-18T10:19:00.002-06:00

A list of things that have been making the Grammar Nazi in me go NUTS as of late

(subtitle: It may be time to adjust my meds)

People who say, "I could care less..." If you could care less then that means that, at the moment, you DO care a little. The proper phrasing of that is, "I couldn't care less..." or, possibly, you could say, "AS IF I could care less..." (yes, I am SO aware of the irony of what is going on here.)
Apostrophes. Good heavens, people. Apostrophes show possession OR a contraction. Which means that if you are talking about "all the good girls & boys," there should be nary an apostrophe in sight. When I see "all the good girl's and boy's" I wonder what on earth it is that belongs to those children. Also, if you are selling something, say....apples, your sign should read Apples - $1/lb. NOT Apple's - $1/lb. I have been known to refuse to purchase items from a store using superfluous apostrophes. (It's an affliction, I realize this.)

People who use the word "myself" when they really mean "me." Military people are particularly guilty of this, "...if you have any questions, you can talk to either Lt. Jones or myself." Evidently, they think that this makes them sound more official? Or smarter? Honestly, it just makes you sound stupid. Think of it like this, take the other person's name out. Would you say, "...if you have any questions ask myself," or "...if you have any questions, ask me." (hint: the answer is B).

Also, while I'm at it:

Your = possession (your car) You're = a contraction meaning you are (you're going to your car??)
You & I vs. You & Me in a sentence: You and I are going to ride in your car. (I do something) Mom gave the car keys to you and me. ("Me" is the recipient of something) Use the same trick as in "myself" above: take the other person out of the sentence. I am going to the store." Mom gave the car keys to me."
As a corollary: He/She & I vs Her/Him & me He/She & I is the subject (He and I got married.) Him/Her & I is the object(recipient) (The boss questioned both him and me about our living situation.)
There are probably many many more, but I will be merciful and not subject you to them. Merry Christmas!

Toy Packaging

2008-12-17T08:28:00.002-06:00

This is has the distinct possibility of becoming my favorite Christmas song EVER.

Christmas Carols from SugarBug

2008-12-15T12:00:00.006-06:00

Rude-off the Red Nose Reindeer (reindeer)
Had a very shiny nose (like a flashlight!)
And if you ever saw it (saw it)
You would even say it glows (like a flashlight!)
All of the other reindeer (reindeer)
Used to laugh and call him names (like Pinoklio)*
They never let poor Rude-off (Rude-off)
Join in any reindeer games (like Fronokoly)**

Then one foggy Christmas Eve,
Santa came to say (ho ho ho!)
Rude-off with your nose so bright,
Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?

Then how the reindeer loved him (loved him)
As they shouted out with glee (Whip Cream!)
Rude-off the Red Nose Reindeer (reindeer)
You'll go down in history (Like Fronokoly!)**

*Pretty sure that this is Pinocchio

**I think that this is the five-year-old word for "Monopoly," but he just looks at me like I have brain damage when I ask him about it.

Cynical much?

2008-12-08T16:52:00.005-06:00

I got a review copy book in the mail today from a PR firm who shall remain nameless - mostly because I think that they are really nice & I don't want to burn any bridges (or cut off my book supplier). Inside the front cover was a bookmark with a quote that, I think, was supposed to be deeply profound:

"If you were far out in space, you would see that the sun neither rises nor sets, but that it shines continuously"

~Eckhart Tolle

WTF does that even mean?

You know, if you were far out in space, you'd better hope like hell you were in - or attached to - some sort of space craft or the rising and/or setting of the sun would be the least of your worries.

Yeah. It's Monday. And I'm crabby. Got vodka?

A leeeeeetle freaked out here.....

2008-12-04T09:12:00.008-06:00

So, my mom calls last night, a little after 10:00. I was in bed, reading & just about to turn off the light. Honestly, I thought that the call was for SD, since his job brings late night calls several times a month. But...no. It was my mom.

She tells me that my brother had been assaulted when he stopped to get gas for his girlfriend's car. He got out, started pumping and the next thing he knew, there was a fist hitting his face, knocking him to the ground. Then the guy took off. My brother's wallet, watch and a laptop were in the car & the guy took nothing.

Then my brother evidently drove back to his girlfriend's house and she totally freaked out. She took him to the ER where they determined - as of last night, anyway - that he has a broken jaw and one of his teeth got knocked out. They were going to do a CT scan to see if he had a concussion and to make sure that he hadn't inhaled the tooth, since he couldn't find it. How scary is that?

This happened in the "good part" of town - a gas station on a major intersection in the early evening. The police managed to get the surveillance video. They didn't see the guy's face but they did get his license plate. They seem to think that it was a case of mistaken identity. Someone who was planning to kick some guy's ass then realized he had the wrong guy & took off. Especially since my brother wasn't robbed. Regardless, I told my mom (who couldn't bear to go to the hospital & sent my dad) to make sure that all of the doors were deadbolted. Because who knows if it wasn't someone he knew and who is CRAZY?!

My brother has made some really, really bad choices in his life and has suffered the consequences of those choices. He's like a living example for my kids of what NOT to do. In spite of that he is one of the sweetest, most caring, empathetic people I have ever known in my life. If he loves you, then there is truly & honestly nothing he wouldn't do for you. He adores my kids and they adore him. My heart has always hurt for him because he is simultaneously the toughest and most fragile person in the world. He takes things so personally and feels things very deeply.

I'm just scared for him right now, though. I really hope that the police are right & this was just a random case of mistaken identity. Because I hate the thought that someone is out there who wants to hurt my baby brother! But if I do find out who did this, I may have to unleash some big sister revenge. Because even when we are middle aged, nobody better mess with my baby brother!

***UPDATE***

Spoke to my dad this morning & my brother's jaw is broken in two places and the tooth that got knocked out broke off, leaving the root (also the site of one of the breaks, the other being where fist met jaw). OW. He is scheduled for surgery this afternoon and will have two plates in his jaw and lots & lots of stitches. No word from police yet. Good times.

**UPDATE #2***
He's in surgery now. His jaw was actually broken in three places. Both joints and then around his chin - something about the force of the impact going all the way through. He'll have three titanium plates put in and then the dr will try to but his teeth all back the right way. I'm thinking I'll get him a milkshake machine for Christmas.

**POST_SURGERY UPDATE***
He did really well in surgery. He ended up w/ four titanium plates (two in his chin!) and 26 screws in his jaw. ZOWIE! He seems to be okay. He was talking a little bit last night. And that tooth that got knocked out? There was no tooth knocked out. What looked like a broken tooth on the x-ray was actually the break in his jaw bone. It was so huge and jagged that it looked like a broken tooth. (Yeah. Insert expletive here.) I'm buying him a hockey mask.

Thank you for all of your prayers and good thoughts & messages. It got me through yesterday! I love you guys!

It's the most Stressful Wonderful Time of the Year

2008-11-25T17:14:00.001-06:00

How does this happen every year? How is it that I plan, VOW, from Dec 26, I will get my Christmas presents bought little by little over the year? And then, every year, it is suddenly the week of Thanksgiving and I realize that, CRAP! I haven't been buying presents!! I've been making mental lists of all of the cool things that I plan to get my loved ones for Christmas. And I have been mentally paring that list down as I realize that all those trips to all those out-of-town soccer games have left our finances a leeetle tighter than they were last year. Note to SugarPlum: Surprise! Your Christmas present is that you get to play soccer. That is the most freaking expensive present that anyone in our family is getting - by far.

I actually do have a couple of gifts already. There's the huge Lego set for the boys that I found on clearance at WalMart in July. The miracle there is that a) I remember, four months later, that I bought it; and b) that I remember, four months later, where I put it! Yay me! I also managed to nab a couple of gifts at a recent holiday bazaar that we went to, but that was totally happenstance.

As for that mental list, I had every intention of making those purchases well before, well, NOW, because I hate, hate, hate shopping at Christmas. People are so ugly and mean when they are Christmas shopping. And that makes me sad....and pissy. So, I've decided that I am going to make most of my purchases online. This wears me out because I am always determined to find the best of what I am looking for: best telescope, best video mp3 player, best (gift that I am getting for SugarDaddy). So, I go to several different sites to read reviews and then to compare prices. Then, inevitably, my short attention span gets the best of me & I forget where I found the best buy and have to start over. It's almost as exhausting as getting out and actually physically shopping. Only without the rude people.

THEN I found Shop.com. And this place rocks. I know that there are lots of comparison shopping sites. But those always end up frustrating me. Shop.com is designed for women. Don't ask me how, it just makes more sense to me. I like it. I can find what I want and, regardless of which store I am buying from, it all goes into one cart and gets paid for at once. No forgetting where I found the good buys!

Mom Central describes it thusly:

Shop.com is a comparison shopping site specifically designed for women that allows you to shop from over 2,000 merchants all in one place. Purchases can be conveniently made using one universal "shopping cart" to buy everything at one time or by clicking over to participating merchants' sites.

SHOP.COM gives busy moms an opportunity to ease the stress of holiday shopping with tools to help us figure out what to buy, find recommendations, and pinpoint which stores have the best price. With a combined total of over 20 million products, we can stop running from store to store to find the best deal or the perfect gift for the impossible-to-shop-for relative.

Additionally, SHOP.COM provides expert advice, shopping tips, and articles, while giving easy ways to save money via price comparison tools, coupons, and rebates.

See? Cool. And stress reducing. I am SO using this site this year. It'll save me a ton of money on Xanax alone!!

Happy Shopping!

Thanksgiving Giggle.....and a chance to save a life?

2008-11-24T09:00:00.002-06:00

UPDATE:

Occasionally, I get over to read The Domestic Diva, who is really quite wonderful. Today, though, Lisa is pleading for help in saving her daughter's life. Marielle is in dire need of a kidney. This sweet "Sunshine Girl" has been in so much pain lately and Lisa has had such a hard time getting the hospital to help, that she has changed Marielle's hospital. Go, read about this precious family and see if you or someone you know might be able to help.

I share because I care, people.

2008-11-20T15:15:00.003-06:00

I received this in an email from a friend. It's too funny not to share....

IMPORTANT HEALTH ADVICE FOR WOMEN.

Do you have feelings of inadequacy?

Do you suffer from shyness?

Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Chardonnay.

Chardonnay is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Chardonnay can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of Chardonnay almost immediately and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live! Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living.

Chardonnay may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Chardonnay. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of m oney, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister!

WARNINGS: -

* The consumption of Chardonnay may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

* The consumption of Chardonnay may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

* The consumption of Chardonnay may cause you to think you can sing.

* The consumption of Chardonnay may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

* The consumption of Chardonnay may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

Please feel free to share this important information with as many women as you feel may benefit!

Now Just Imagine What You Could Achieve With a Good Dry Merlot!!!

See - GENIUS! I told you!

2008-11-16T22:30:00.003-06:00

Why do people argue with me? I told you I'm always right!!

There Are 0 Gaps in Your Knowledge

Where you have gaps in your knowledge:

No Gaps!

Where you don't have gaps in your knowledge:

Philosophy

Religion

Economics

Literature

History

Science

Art

Do You Have Gaps in Your Knowledge?

The last political post for a while (and you thought the others were rambling and incoherent!)

2008-11-05T08:26:00.006-06:00

Okay, no, my team didn't win. And yes, I am very disappointed and more than a little scared. But I also have a very strong faith and I know that God is still in control no matter who is in the White House. (But I am wearing black all day today. Because the stores are all sold out of sackcloth and ashes)

That said, before I can "move on," I must vent.

I figured that this was how the election would turn out. I really hoped and prayed that John McCain would end up winning, but bless his heart, there are just some things he refused to do or say just to get elected. Which is one of the many things I do admire about the man. He has integrity enough for all of us.

What has me cranky right now, is one person in particular who asked me to go read her post about how great this all turned out. So, I did and left what I thought was a respectful comment. But I did feel that I had to mention my uneasiness about the socialist, big government leanings of our now-president-elect. This person responded (very politely and respectfully as well, I will concede) by implying that I was simply responding to "campaign rhetoric and fear mongering." Well, socialism is socialism. And "spreading the wealth" is straight from Karl Marx and is pretty much the dictionary definition of socialism - at least when the government is who gets to decide where and to whom my "wealth" is spread.

I am not a selfish person. Nor are most conservatives. From the research I have done (and I don't have time to provide links to the places I have researched, but rest assured I am not just assuming or repeating what I have heard), my family and I give a much greater percentage of our income to charities and to help those in need than either of the incoming members of our executive branch. I am afraid that I won't be able to give to these people and agencies any longer if the government is going to be taking that money in the form of taxes. Or at least I won't be able to give as much. Because I will still give what I can. This is what the Bible - and my conscience - says to do.

I am an intelligent, well educated woman who thinks for herself and I form my opinions based on what I see and hear from the candidates themselves. Not what people tell me to think, not what any campaign says.. I know that there are lots of us on both the left and the right. I just really resent people assuming that I don't know what I am talking about. Or that I am some sheep. I don't drink the koolaid. Anyone's koolaid.

:::DEEP CLEANSING BREATH:::

That said.....I will not be forced into being some bitter, pessimistic person who is toppled by one election that I am dissatisfied with. I will not be like those people four and eight years ago who said that if their guy didn't win, they were moving to Canada or France or wherever (but, golly, why didn't they?). Because I am an American. And damn proud of it. We're better than that. And even though my guy didn't win, it was the result of a free election and votes that were cast by secret ballot. And any citizen of this great country of ours was free to cast that vote without fear of retaliation or any other threat. And that is a remarkable and precious right and freedom. And we get to do this every four years. We have no dictators, no kings, no "ruling class."

This country we have is one amazing place. One man, one election cannot change this. And, you know what? I agree with Chris. I could be totally wrong about this new president. He may be just what we need. He may be able to bring us together and not ruin our economy and keep us safe. And I will be among the first to admit if I was wrong. I am reserving judgement about that. But either way, we will survive. Because God is good and I trust HIM.

So congratulations Sen Obama. I have already started to pray for you and will continue to do so. I will respect you, if for no other reason than you will be our President and the leader of our country. And those who show disrespect for that hurt us far more than they help. God bless you, Mr Obama. And God Bless America.

Red State has posted an Obama Administration Survival Guide. It actually has some great points and isn't vitriolic at all. Very good, encouraging thoughts and advice.

Our most precious, amazing right....

2008-11-04T07:48:00.003-06:00

I think you can pretty much figure out how I am hoping you vote. But mostly, I just hope that you VOTE. Better do it now, though. If things go wrong, who knows how much longer we'll have that right. (sorry, I'm a little anxious)

UPDATE: Okay, so, obviously, I'm not thrilled with how things have turned out tonight. But I did read Chris' post at My Vast Right Wing Conspiracy and it made me feel a little better. Or at least it gave me a kick in the pants I needed to get over it and move on already. If you need a boost go read it!

Socialism: Not so "fair" when it's YOUR wealth being spread....

2008-10-30T16:04:00.003-05:00

Green Works!!!

2008-10-29T10:48:00.005-05:00

I've been meaning to post about this for weeks & keep getting caught up in other "issues" and forgetting.

Obviously, I am not an "earthy, crunchy" tree-hugging type of person. But I have also told y'all plenty of times about how I prefer to use the most natural foods possible in feeding my family. The same goes for cleaning my house. BUT I also want to use products that are going to be the most effective and help me get housework done as quickly as possible, with the least effort, and with the longest lasting effect. For example, I use baking soda to scrub my sink. Not just because it is natural and doesn't hurt my skin, but also because it works at least as well as any scouring powder I have ever used. Plus, if it somehow ends up in someone's cup or bowl, it won't require a trip to the ER.

Now, I have been trying various "green" products over the past few years, honing in on what works best. I tried several "green" dishwasher detergents and still haven't found one that gets my dishes as clean as I'd like. I've also tried various multi-purpose sprays and glass cleaners. Most of those haven't worked well at all and/or the smell has made me crazy. (Lilac and lavender both gag me and give me a nasty headache!)

MomCentral invited me to take a look at the new site, 30 Days to Natural, from Green Works cleaners (by the makers of Clorox). It's a really cool site with lots of tips on how to make cleaning your house a little more natural. You can have little tips emailed or texted to you each day. They even have a list you can print of easy ways to make you kitchen more natural.

I was lucky enough to get a bottle GreenWorks All Purpose Cleaner. I was pleasantly surprised at how effective it was. Even on my nasty stainless steel stove that is a giant PITA to clean, usually. I used it on the countertops & sink in the kitchen and then took it to clean the bathroom sink & the outside of the toilet. AND? My hands weren't burning when I finished, nor did I have a headache! We have a winner.

I'm looking forward to trying the GreenWorks glass cleaner and toilet bowl cleaner next. I am really enjoying this new "Natural" me!

No, SERIOUSLY

2008-10-27T23:29:00.007-05:00

SOCIALISM. "Spreading the wealth" - that's called SOCIALISM. That's what they want to bring us. Everything else just falls into place after that. Their version of "morality." They get to choose how you live, what you do....don't you people SEE THAT? Is that what you want?

And don't be fooled. There are rich people and poor people under socialism, too. Only the divide is much, much greater. And the chance of "anybody" being able to make it through hard work is just a joke. Look at Cuba. Look back at Russia. Look at China. There are/were very wealthy people there. They were the ruling class and they live(d) high on the hog. At the expense of everyone else in that country.

And you people want to CHOOSE THAT?

You are freely VOTING FOR THAT? It's insane, that's what it is. Before you vote in seven days, take a few minutes to look at "Spreading the wealth" and how well it has worked. Look up Karl Marx. East Germany. That little country that used to exist called the "Soviet Union." See how taking all incentives for excellence and hard work "improve" a nation. They don't. They lead to its downfall. We are better than that.

You want change? That's all you're going to have left if you make the wrong choice. The change in your pocket. About 37 cents. The rest of it is going to the government. If we aren't wiped off the planet first.

Don't do this to us. We are the greatest country in the history of the world. Don't blow it.

Sorry, I'm freaking out a little. Please excuse me. I realize this probably isn't even coherent. I should never post right after watching the news. Nothing to see here....move along folks....

UPDATE: Lizzi at The Bitten Word explains the whole tax cut/increase scam in her post What Obama's Tax Plan Means For You. It is fantastic & explains things much more clearly than I ever could.

Revealing my Red Side

2008-10-22T09:55:00.003-05:00

It won't come as a big surprise to anyone how I am voting. I have made no secret of the fact that I am a Republican. Have been since I was 10 years old and Ronald Reagan was running for his first term. My parents took me to both the GOP and the Democrat headquarters answered any questions I had. It didn't take me long to come to figure out what makes sense and what....was crazy. Also, I fell in love with Ronald Reagan. Understandably.

I have tried really, really hard to keep my mouth shut and be happy, happy and non-political here. Which is one of the reasons posting has been so sparse. The thing is, I LOVE politics. And I have STRONG opinions. I try to educate myself about all sides of an issue. I am compassionate. But I am also sensible. And I have to tell you that this Presidential race has been driving me crazy for months & months.

McCain wasn't my first choice for the GOP. He's a very good man and I admire him. But he was not my ideal candidate. I was a Fred Thompson girl. But McCain got the nomination. And, considering the alternative, I am behind him all the way. I am a social conservative as well as a fiscal conservative. I am NOT a single issue voter. But when it comes down to the big picture? It's all about taxes and national security.

Taxes. The economy. DUH.

The whole "punish the rich" frame of mind confounds me. Even my 11 year old has figured out that raising taxes on the rich & on corporations doesn't help anything. I don't get why people don't understand the whole taxes/revenue thing. It's very very simple. When taxes are lowered, tax revenue increases. Seems paradoxical? Not really. Think about it. When people get to keep more of their money instead of giving it to the government, what do they do? They spend it. And when they buy stuff, who benefits? The people who make the stuff and sell the stuff. And when more people are buying more stuff, then more stuff needs to be made which...creates jobs. And when jobs are created, that's more people to pay taxes and? more people to buy stuff. See the circle of prosperity? More taxpayers = more tax revenue.

Conversely.....if I am forced to give more of my money to the government, I am going to buy less stuff, much like most people I know. And if we are all buying less stuff, there less of a need for people to make stuff & therefore FEWER taxpayers & lower tax revenues.

The other argument is that they are taxing corporations. That's great. After all, corporations are things, right? And if you are taxing a corporation then nobody gets hurt, right? Ummmmm....no. See, when corporations (businesses) are taxed, then that is money that they don't have to hire new people. And/or they have to raise the price of their products. Businesses don't pay taxes. YOU pay their taxes. And not because they are greedy, money-hoarding assholes. But because in order to pay their employees, their share-holders, and their bills, they must turn a profit.

Here's what SugarPlum and I discussed. Say you have a lemonade stand. You are selling lemonade at 25 cents/cup. Then your mom tells you that for every cup you sell, you have to give her 10 cents. What are you going to do? Well, my 11-year-old tells me that she will start charging 35 cents. And this is what most businesses do. Only, in addition to raising their prices, they are also forced to reduce their costs - either stop hiring and/or firing employees. Which means? Fewer taxpayers. Less people buying stuff. Lower tax revenue. Hmmm.

I am not in any way saying that we should abolish the income tax (though, a flat tax or a National Sales tax makes more sense to me). There are many very necessary services that our taxes pay for. National Security for one thing. They also pay for US Mail, the FCC, the FDA, Social Security, highways, schools, etc, etc, etc.....some things I agree with, some I do not. But, I won't be opening that can of worms. For now.

But, I DO take issue with the whole "spread the wealth" philosophy that is being spouted right now. That is called SOCIALISM and it doesn't work. It fails - every. time.

I know that I mentioned National Security up there, too. But this post is long, rambling ,and incoherent enough. There are very strong, divisive views on the wars and about our National Security out there. I'm sure I'll get worked up enough again soon to share that as well. If you want to hear more about that, let me know. I can get that posted here, too. If you dare.

If I start talking politics, you'll never get me off my soapbox....but this is too funny

2008-10-13T20:18:00.005-05:00

" I keep thinking we should include something in the Constitution in case the people elect a fucking moron."

Sorry...the print is very teensy, so I transcribed!

Things I swore I would never, ever say to my kids (and then I became a Mother!)

2008-10-07T21:39:00.002-05:00

If you aren't asleep soon, I'm coming in there and spanking your bottom!
How can you possibly call this room clean?
Please just stop talking. For five minutes. That's all I'm asking.
I didn't ask if you wanted to, I told you to clean off the table/pick up the legos/go feed the dogs......
Really? That's how you are going to do your hair for school?
I embarrassed you? Well, then, my work here is done!
You can eat it or not eat it, but this is what we are having for supper.
When you get a job, you can have all the (insert toy/food here) you want. But I don't have any money for that today.
Yeah, well, LIFE'S not fair! Get used to it.
I don't care that your friends get to. If it's that important to you, maybe you should live there.
Yes, you can (insert activity here). As soon as you get your room cleaned up.
Because I'm mean and evil through and through.
Also? Because I said so!

Now it's your turn. What did I leave out?

Now, where was I?

2008-09-18T12:02:00.002-05:00

Oh, hi! Fancy meeting you here! Someone reminded me recently that I did, in fact, at one point in my life, maintain a blog. Since it has been so long since I was here, I had totally forgotten about that. Imagine!

Okay, no, not really. But life has been wild lately and as much as I love you people, posting here hasn't been as big of a priority as, say, my marriage. Or my children. Little things. Crazy, I know, but true.

Oh, yeah. And I went on a cruise with four friends to celebrate my friend Matt's 40th birthday. (Just for the record, I have had a crush on Matt since the 7th grade. Unfortunately for me, his partner, Andy, won his heart. So, instead we sat on a ship to the Bahamas together last weekend and evaluated the hot guys. And drank Pina Coladas. All in all, that was pretty cool.) Anyway...yes, went on a cruise, didn't get a sunburn, didn't get rip-roaring drunk, got enough sleep, didn't gain a single pound (I know, right?!)...I was the very picture of all things in moderation. I realize that this DOES officially make me an old person. But you know what? I don't care. I got to have a fantastic time and then come home to my family and not be wiped-out exhausted and on the verge of illness - as I might have in the past.

I guess that the last time I woke up the morning-after-the-night-before saying, "I'll never do THAT again," I really meant it. Some people can wake up with a hangover, take some aspirin, drink some coffee and get on with the day. For me, a hangover is a three-day affair. On the up side, I usually end up losing about five pounds. On the downside, as soon as I can keep water down, I gain it right back.

So, I was careful about my consumption on this trip. It was only a three day cruise, so if I got drunk the first night, that would pretty much have ruined it for me. And then, I would have been PISSED. Because I had been looking forward to this trip for months. Also? I got a new bikini and I look HOT in it. If I do say so myself.

The only crappy part of the whole thing was not being able to call home. As much as I looked forward to some totally kid-free time, I missed the little buggers. And their daddy. My bestest friend CRB missed her hubby and kiddos, too. Especially the cutest baby in the world, my Buttercup**. So when she decided to dash it all and phone home from Nassau, I looked pitiful until she handed me her cell phone and let me follow suite. It was like a junkie getting a fix. Hearing my babies voices made it all better. Especially since I would be home like, 24 hours later. I'm so lame.

This was my first cruise. And it was fun. I mean, laying on a private beach, under a palm tree, with a frozen drink in my hand and a warm breeze blowing across me and is pretty much my idea of heaven. It was the first time in a long time that I have been totally relaxed. But I could have dealt with a bigger room. An 8'x10' cabin for three women is asking a lot. The whole "rocking boat" thing I could have lived without. I think I'm more of an All-Inclusive Resort kind of girl. I really dig the beach part & would have like to have STAYED there. But if anyone else wants to take me on a cruise for free, I certainly won't say no.

**If you scroll down to about the third post or so, you can see a picture of Buttercup with her Aunt Buffi - the person who loves her the most!

Things I have been excited about that, in retrospect are just flat-out irritating

2008-09-04T15:01:00.002-05:00

"Wow! Gas is only $3.62 at that station!"
"The boys actually stayed in bed all night!"
"Hmmmm, it only got up to 101 today. So much better than 110!"
"I'm down to four loads of laundry! WOO HOO!"
"If I listen to children whine for five hours straight without killing anyone, will I get a prize?
"I got out of Target under $100! I ROCK!"
SugarPlum's sneakers still fit. That means I only have to buy shoes for the boys....and "nice" flipflops for SP."
The boys now wear the same size nighttime pull ups. Now I can buy just one size! (for the five and seven year olds who still pee all night...)
I'm so glad that my parents were never judged by the horrifyingly bad choices I made when I was seventeen....

Conversations with Bug & Bear

2008-08-22T10:43:00.004-05:00

Bear (looking at a red SAAB convertible): That's a sweet convertible, isn't it, Mommy?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I told the boys that since they didn't get the Legos picked up, that they wouldn't get to play with them for a week.

Bug: A week? I can live with a week.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bug: Mommy! Guess what my favorite thing is!

Me: Umm...snuggling your Mommy?

Bug: No!

Me: Kissing your Mommy?

Bug: No!

Me: Hugging your Mommy?

Bug: NO!

Me: Taking a nap...with your Mommy?!

Bug: No, Mommy!

Me: What then? What's your favorite thing?

Bug: NINJAS!

(The Bloggess would be so proud)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bug: When I grow up, I will live in a different family. I will have a family of my own and i will be the Daddy.

Me: How many kids are you going to have?

Bug: Six.

Me: (!) Wow. Boys or girls?

Bug: Well, I guess whatever they come out as!

Me: giggle

Bug: But, I hope that they are all girls because boys make REALLY big messes!

All's well in Candyland

2008-08-18T14:35:00.005-05:00

I know, I know. TWO WEEKS. Two weeks since my last post. Crazy, right?

I'm fine. Everyone is fine. Things were a little tense around here, but nothing too extraordinary. I have just been trying to re-prioritize since things have gotten a little out of whack. We went to visit my parents for a few days. Then we all went to the lake for a couple of days and even rented a boat! A good time was had by all.

Now I am focusing on spending time with SD and the SugarBabies since school starts next week. I am reeeaaaalllllly happy that school is starting next week. But it is also a little bittersweet. I am looking at all the time I wasted when I could have been taking the kids to the water park or the library or the park....or just spending time enjoying them more. I hate that. Fortunately, they had each other to play with (and fight with).

All three kids are SO excited about school starting. SugarPlum starts jr. high and is just beside herself. Last night she went to the Candyland Junior High 6th grade skating party. She had a blast and got to see her buddies and meet a few new kids, too. She is growing up so very, very fast. I'm torn between being proud and being sad, once again at how time flies. She gets her schedule and locker, etc Thursday evening. She is really looking forward to it. She's been speculating on what classes she will get and who will be in them. I remember not being able to even imagine what jr high would be like. She seems much less apprehensive than I was. But she has always had such amazing self confidence and maturity, so I'm not surprised.

Bug starts Kindergarten and is about to burst with excitement. Candyland Elementary only has one Kindergarten class, so we already know his teacher (who is NOT the old biddy who was Bear's kindergarten teacher, thank goodness!) and he loves, loves, loves her. And she seems to already be pretty fond of him. This is such a relief, considering what a hard time we had with Bear's teacher. Mrs. Kindergarten sent them all a postcard a couple of weeks ago and he was over the moon! I'm really looking forward to this year with her.

Bear starts 2nd grade. He seems happy to be starting, but I think a lot of that is that he is just so bored at home! I'm a little concerned for him because he just doesn't seem to be able to focus lately. And he seems too quick to freak out over things. His teacher last year loved him and really tried to find ways to help him learn. She recognized that he is highly intelligent and she worked with me to figure out his learning style. I am hoping that his teacher this year will be as accommodating. He is such a sweet child but can be really, very frustrating. Right now, I am having him work on handwriting because his somehow got worse by the end of last school year. I may have a new ulcer by the end of the week.

So....that's what's going on. I'm going back to my babies. I should be posting more regularly once everyone is settled into the school routine. Until I find a job anyway. We'll see. Thank you to all of you who have checked in on me, emailed, called, Twittered. I am so happy to have you. People who don't blog just don't get how I can have these friends from all over the world who I love like I do you all. That's too bad for them. You all are wonderful.

What do I want to be when I grow up?

2008-08-05T22:36:00.004-05:00

As much as I hate to, I am thinking of going back to work. I'm not even sure what I would want to do. I haven't had a job in nearly 12 years (other than working in the baby room at the Mothers Day Out on Thursdays...occasionally). I have a degree in Early Childhood and I'm certified to teach thru sixth grade. I really don't want to go back to teaching. There are many things I would like to do, but I have no idea how to achieve any of them. At least not any time soon.

No secret that I'd like to be a lactation consultant and/or a doula. But I'd have to take lots of and classes and put in lots of volunteer hours to do this. And I just don't have that in my now. Something else I'd like to do is be a Family Life Educator. Honestly, I could probably get some sort of job that is kind of like that right now.

I'm not wanting to get rich. I just need to find a way to not be dependent on anyone else. Just to prove to myself that I can. I mean, I know I can...but I have been having a lot of self doubt. I've been trying to find some writing jobs. I really like writing and would love to do it more. But, it's difficult in the summer when the kids are home and all over the place. I can't concentrate enough to write anything of quality. (I know...obviously!) I want to spend time with my munchkins. They are actually pretty cool kids...when they're not making me homicidal. I try to write at night, after everyone is in bed, but then, evidently, I'm cheating my husband of time. BALANCE. It's elusive.

*sigh* Maybe after school starts in a few weeks. Yeah, because things always get EASIER after school starts. *hmph*

I don't know. I'm feeling sad and lost and introspective. I'm not caught in the "whirling vortex of despair," but I can see it from here. There is a lot going on that I really don't want to talk about right now to the whole internet. Sorry to subject you to this. I suppose I'm just hoping that someone will have some good advice for me. Time for me to put on my big girl panties and act like a grown up, I guess.

Thanks for listening....if you didn't fall asleep first.

My Hero!

2008-08-02T22:44:00.004-05:00

SugarBug decided to be a Superhero today. SUPER BUGGY!

(it was hard not to giggle at him!)

Obviously I need to censor myself better...but at least it wasn't the f-bomb

2008-07-31T23:39:00.005-05:00

Bear, noticing the rather large ding in my windshield:

"Wow! That was a damn big rock!"

Me: *coughcoughcough* What did you say?

Bear: "That was a damn big rock!"

Yes, we discussed how that wasn't a word that is okay children use, blah, blah, blah....

LATER:

after telling SugarDaddy about the earlier conversation: *snicker* "Well, at least he used it correctly!"

Me: That's what I was thinking! hee hee hee

Again, where was my camera?!

2008-07-28T11:58:00.004-05:00

Driving home from, yes, another soccer tournament yesterday, we passed the Adult Video & Bookstore that is out in the big middle of Nowheresville. I have mentioned it before, not that long ago. Well, this time SD was with us and he was the one who noticed the sign that said:

Adult Video sale! RISE TO THE OCCASION!

Seriously? I have to hope that the meant to do that.

Help! I'm melting! (and a SugarPuppy update)

2008-07-27T11:26:00.005-05:00

W0e are at another soccer tournament in DALLAS this weekend. Seriously, it's like 147 degrees. It is miserable. Though, watching my girl play goalie like a pro makes it totally worth it. She is amazing. It would be even better if it was about 85 degrees.

I know, bitch & moan, bitch and moan......

On a good note, we got Snazzy home Thursday! SO happy. Actually a lady found her about five blocks from our house. That she was sighted with Yogi when he was found about 8 miles from our house, makes it a miracle, I think. She was coming home.....again! Everyone seems healthy and happy! My kids are still beside themselves.

Okay....off to sweat to death at our final game. Pray that I don't melt!!

More random crap about me....just what you wanted, right?!

2008-07-22T20:04:00.006-05:00

My lovely friend, Faith, from Momma's Tantrum has tagged me for a meme. I have done this one before, with varying numbers of required "random things." So, I will try to think of six MORE random things...but if I repeat myself, sorry.

Six Random Things About Me

I am a dog person. I have had at least one dog all my life except for the first year I was married and for the 2 1/2 years we lived in England. And I was so sad without one. In fact, I got my first dog after I was married on my first anniversary. Her name was Mischief (for a reason!) and she was one of the best dogs ever. Right now, we are anxiously awaiting the return of Snazzy, who escaped Saturday night with Yogi. Yogi was found by a very nice lady about eight miles from our house. But still no Snazzy puppy. We are all profoundly saddened by this. :(
I have a real need to watch the local news every night. I get twitchy when I can't watch it.
I can read encyclopedias for HOURS. I love Google and how handy it is to look up information (sometimes too handy - re: medical issues!). But when I am at my parents' house I look stuff up in our old encyclopedias and end up with seven or eight of them stacked around me later and reading about whatever has caught my attention. Sort of Informational ADD.
I have an inexplicable, almost unnatural love for Gorgonzola cheese. I put it on pizza, pasta, salad. LOVE IT. Maybe it's because it's one of the few foods I don't have to share. At least not with the kids, who run screaming when I say that's what I'm eating.
I. cannot. stand. Celine. Dion. No, seriously. I still have never seen Titanic because of her. She is quite possibly the most over-rated singer of all time. And she is weirder than weird. Ugh.
I don't understand hockey. And I REALLY don't understand why we have hockey in the South. It is a COLD sport, people. It's crazy that there is hockey in DALLAS, TEXAS of all places. When Dallas won the Stanley Cup a few years ago, I heralded it as the first sign of the apocalypse. Truly. It's that disturbing.

THE RULES:

Link to the person who tagged you.

Post the rules on your blog.

Write six random things about yourself.

Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.

Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.

Let your tagger know when your blog entry is up.

So, since I have to tag six people, I guess it'll be....

OH HELL. You know I can't tag anyone. Everyone gets pissed at me when I tag them. If you want to do it, please, DO! And leave me a comment and let me know that you did. (Though, Faith, next time I have to do this, you are SO getting tagged back - love you!)

Why Bug is my favorite right now

2008-07-19T11:53:00.004-05:00

Since my surgery, the boys have been all about gallbladders, the digestive system and just anatomy in general. So, last weekend, I bought them one of those science books about the human body with sections on muscles, nerves, different systems, the brain, skin, etc. And it has those cool overlays and really great descriptions and explanations of the various parts of the body. All three kids have been poring over it daily.

So, the other night, SD and I were looking through the book with them and they came to the section about the brain. We were talking about how different parts of the brain control different parts of the body and its functions. SD told them about how the front lobe controls personality and, essentially, about frontal lobotomies. How doctors do this (albeit RARELY) to "cure" sever mental/personality disorders.

Then SugarBug - totally seriously - says, "Is that what happened to you, Daddy?"

Perspective

2008-07-18T08:30:00.002-05:00

You know, no matter how many lost wallets, extracted gall bladders, screaming kids, marital issues and other crap I have endured, never in all my days have I had to deal with what Lisa has had to deal with today. Never have I had to contemplate telling my children and everyone else that I love that I, most likely, am dying. AND? That while I am getting sicker and sicker I don't know how we will afford to put food on the table or a roof over our heads. It is a nightmare that I can't even let myself imagine. And yet, Lisa is living it. Right. now.

And to make things even more unbearable, someone is trying to take advantage of her situation to make himself look good. How is it that parasites like this are allowed to continue existing on this planet? Incomprehensible. And disgusting. That's what that is.

I apologize for every single time I have complained about my life. Because my life is amazing and comfortable and healthy and carefree and wonderful. I wouldn't trade this life or these people for anything in the world. So to those who might not be sure, know this: I love you. I appreciate you. I will not take any of you or any day God has given me for granted.

If there is any way you can help Lisa and her family through this, please try. Even if all you can afford is prayers, I'm sure that they would be welcome. Isn't that what we are all here for? To support each other?

THIS IS NOT A DRILL

2008-07-15T21:00:00.004-05:00

ATTENTION ALL CANDYLAND HUSBANDS:

Four days until your wife's birthday. You still have time to get her a great gift! She has even made it SUPER EASY for you by putting her Wishpot wishlist in the sidebar over there ----->

Click on that or go to the site. Buy one of the many wonderful things she has expressed an interest in having. The sparkly, ones for the ears will get you lots of good karma. (If that's what the kids are calling it nowadays) (Not OUR kids....::shudder::)

Act now before it's too late!!!!!

(attention all IRL friends of Candyland. Help SugarDaddy out here & remind him. No excuses!)

(All the rest of you: Go check out Wishpot.com. It's a really, really cool way to get your wishlist going or keep track of those things you find on the interwebs and then wonder, Now where did I see that?)

How to make an ass of yourself for three days solid (A Step-By-Step Guide)

2008-07-14T14:17:00.006-05:00

Go to get your haircut.
and one for your daughter.
When it's time to pay, realize that you must have left your wallet in the car.
Go look in car.
Realize that you must - for some unknown reason (probably those rotten boys) - have taken your wallet out at home and left it.
Go back in hair place, offer to leave daughter as collateral and run home (with daughter since the hair ladies are terribly trusting) and tear house apart (as well as car).
FREAK THE HELL OUT because you can't find your wallet.
Call CVS to see if you could have possibly left your wallet there when you went to get (yes, ashamedly) Hairstyle magazines.
FREAK OUT EVEN MORE because the lady says your wallet isn't there.
Dig out the credit card that you were going to stop using from the desk drawer so that you can go back and pay for the haircuts (which, incidentally, was possibly the worst haircut you have ever received and make note to self to never, ever get hair cut at "Kidz Kutz" ever again).
Consider very real possibility that some kid at the hair place took the wallet from your purse during the 29 seconds you turned your back to talk to lady cutting daughter's hair (which, incidentally was the most fantastic haircut ever - maybe THAT lady could cut your hair)
Pick boys up from kind friend's house and see if there is any chance that you took your purse in for the 5 minutes you were there dropping boys off and left your wallet.
Of course not.
Drag everyone home and bribe them all with $5 for who ever finds the wallet.
No dice.
Admit to husband that though yes, that very day, he escorted you to get a new military ID because you had lost yours just days before, you have now lost your wallet (containing new ID) and it was most likely stolen by some little hoodlum at Kidz Kutz.
Consider the very real possibility that the UNIVERSE IS FUCKING WITH YOU.
Wait for husband to come home and look for your wallet because he is always great at finding lost things.
Still. no. wallet.
Call all credit card companies to report stolen cards.
Call bank to report stolen ATM cards (yes there were 2)
Contact credit bureaus to flag your & husbands SSNs because they are on (brand freakin' new) military ID.
Realize that there was a $25 Old Navy gift card, $5 Starbucks card about $85 in cash in stolen wallet. Fucking hoodlum.
Realize that only good news is that drivers license was NOT in wallet because you'd had it out all week to get on base w/ the temp pass while husband was TDY (out of town).
Apologize to husband 900 times for losing wallet even though he is being very gracious and kind - which couldn't be easy for him - about the whole situation.
Sulk, bitch and moan all day Saturday about the little hoodlum who took your wallet even though you know that it won't do any good.
Go to Sunday School even though you're still feeling sore & crappy from surgery and grouchy about lost wallet.
Yell at children who ask for offering money because ALL OF MY MONEY WAS IN MY WALLET you foolish children!
Come home from Sunday School to discover a message on your voicemail from the manager at CVS.
Call and discover that your wallet was at CVS all this time, locked in the safe, but that the stupid girl that you AND husband talked to wouldn't even go to the trouble of asking her boss if a wallet was found.
Resist urge to curse stupid, stupid girl once you realize that if you had half a brain then you would have put the wallet in your purse and not left it on the counter by the register.
What the hell is wrong with you anyway?
Throw a big "I found my wallet" Party all day long. (Okay, that's an exaggeration. Perhaps what is closer to the truth is call your best friend and sing the "I found my wallet" happy song and make a total fool of yourself.)
Still believe that the universe was fucking with you because, COME ON.

A Poem for that "friend" who just won't go the hell away

2008-07-09T15:00:00.002-05:00

Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow.

Don't walk behind me, I may not lead.

Just walk the other direction and get the fuck out of here already.

Geez, take a hint.

Deep Thoughts from SugarBear

2008-07-08T22:17:00.002-05:00

I wasn't sure how to interpret this, but it was so sweet and awfully wise for a seven-year-old.

Mommy, I can't wait until I have grandkids.

You'll have to be a Daddy, first, Bear. You'll be such a good Daddy.

Yeah, but when I'm a Granddaddy I can really play with my grandkids and just have fun. That'll be good.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How sweet is this kid?!

Thanks to all of you for your prayers, comments, and nice emails. I'm getting better every day. Still pretty exhausted though. New post tomorrow...or sometime soon....

Happy Independence Day!

2008-07-04T12:57:00.003-05:00

I shall go celebrate by taking a Vicodin and a nap.

Be safe all of you!

Home again, home again jiggety-OOMPH

2008-07-03T17:29:00.004-05:00

Well, I am home and without gall bladder. I hurt like hell, but not anywhere NEAR as bad as I was afraid I'd feel, so at least there's that. I will tell you all about it later, but for now I am going to take some more drugs and lie down.

Thank you all for the prayers. I've no doubt that they helped unbelievably!

Hugs & kisses to you all!

Say a little prayer for me...

2008-07-02T17:30:00.009-05:00

Well, it's official. I am going to the hospital at 6:30 tomorrow morning to have my gallbladder removed. I am a little anxious, but I'm so ready to have this over with that I'm just relieved. Maybe I'm just fooling myself though, because I have been queasy and irritable all day. I don't like letting myself get all spun up over things like this. I don't think I slept but maybe 2 hours last night. I'm hoping that will work in my favor tonight & I will be so exhausted that I'll just pass out. 5:45 is going to come early, no matter what.

That said, Holli's pictures today reminded me that I have wanted to share these pictures I took on Father's Day (after the water balloon fight) of this very tiny praying mantis. Seriously, he couldn't have been more than an inch long but he was just so dang cool. Getting the shots was kind of difficult because he was so tiny. My auto-focus kept focusing on the trees or the roof in the background. But if I turned off the auto-focus, I couldn't get him at all. I did manage a couple of cool shots though.

by this point the little guy had had enough & was trying to flee the paparazzi thing I had going on

So, if you don't mind, if you have minute on Thursday, take a cue from the tiny, little, green guy up there and say a quick prayer for me and my surgeon! Much appreciated!

Soon to be gall(bladder)-less

2008-07-01T08:53:00.001-05:00

Okay, so I saw the surgeon today. I sat for over an hour in the waiting room and yes, I was a leeetle pissy about that. I may have posted a slightly nasty Twitter about that way. Yet minutes later, I was back in the exam room with the surgeon, all was forgiven.

I am officially declaring my love for Dr. Gallbladder.

She had already read my records and looked at my ultrasound (okay, this may not seem like a big deal to you, but realize that I am accustomed to the military health care system and...well, let's just say that, while there are some really great doctors, there are some truly, ridiculously clueless and horrible "physicians" who walk into the room and say "Hey how's it going?" Yes, I'm serious.) and came in prepared to to talk with me about my options. Which, pretty much "suck it up and deal with it" or "get that sucker outa there!"

She reviewed the function (and MALfuction) of the gallbladder and then went over the surgery veeerrry thoroughly. She actually answered the only question I had (after my over-researching it with Dr Google) and she left me feeling very confident and secure about this.

She asked when I was wanting to have it out. I told her the sooner the better. So? It looks like it should be Thursday. Yes, THIS Thursday. My own little Independence Day! Woo hoo!! (assuming the hospital and insurance all agree) (which is a HUGE assumption)

So, listen up you crappy malfunctioning little organ in there: Your days are numbered! Two to be exact. Say your good-byes because it's the end of the line for you, you pain causing jerk!!

(You realize I have totally jinxed myself and now this won't be out until sometime in November, right?)

I've Got a Lotta Gall (stones)

2008-06-27T07:53:00.002-05:00

I have been bitching on Twitter about this for a while now. And now I am subjecting you to it. Because I think my Tweeps may be sick of hearing about it. Lucky you.

While I was pregnant with Bear (7 1/2 years ago!) I found out from the sonographer I had at least one BIG gallstone. (seriously, the guy was like, "WOW! wouldja look at that!) Later on, I was told that I have several. I have asked doctors about this over the years and have been told that if they aren't giving me any problems, then I should just not worry about it. So, while it has remained in the back of my mind for all this time.

Until lately.

When I was visiting the Jackalords recently, I had trouble sleeping one night. I had this weird pain in my back. And sort of in my chest. It kinda felt like when you've drank too much soda all at once and you need to burp. Only you can't. So it hurts. But, I took some Motrin (and maybe some Xanax) and all was well.

For a few days.

Then just after Fathers' Day, the pain was back. With a vengeance. That Monday, I woke up SICK. SD stayed home for part of the morning until I started feeling better. Also, because SP started this sports conditioning camp & I certainly couldn't drive her there. I felt okay by mid-morning except that the pain was back in my back & chest AND it was now wrapping around my ribcage and shooting down my spine. My mind started racing...heart attack? Not likely- it was on the right side. Reflux? Didn't really feel like that. Anxiety attack? Nope. Still there after Xanax. Hypochondriac? There you go.

First I asked my Twitter buddies, and, while concerned, they didn't really have any solid answers other than GO TO THE DOCTOR ALREADY, Sicky McWhinypants!

So, I asked Dr. Google. And realized, DUH! Gallbladder!

Then, I DID call the doctor. On Tuesday. And again on Wednesday. And I finally got in on Thursday. I was told if it was so bad I needed to get in NOW? I could go to the ER. Hmph. Though they did have me go ahead and have my blood work done so that the doc could see the results as soon as I got there. "We're so sorry you feel like total shit. HEY! I know! You can go and have a needle stuck in your arm & three vials of blood drawn! FUN!"

By Thursday, I was unable to eat much more than toast, crackers, plain pasta...pretty much the Anti-Atkins diet. Also, you could FEEL my gallbladder bulging out of my abdomen. Oh, yeah, that was pleasant. My blood work all came back good, so I didn't have a blockage or an infection. Good. The doctor told me that it was probably my gallbladder. (!) And that he would put in a surgical consult. Also, I should head over to radiology and have an ultrasound. Now.

So, I bop on over to radiology (oh, yes I was ALL ABOUT bopping) and walked up to the check in window. I handed the guy my ID (USAF hospital) and said that I was there for an ultrasound. He looked at me funny and said, "We're not doing those today."

WTF?

I told him that this was rather urgent and he said that I'd have to go to the little office next door and make an appointment because they didn't have a sonographer today. (So glad I wasn't having a heart attack, "Sorry, we're not doing CPR today.") So I signed the sheet and sat down to WAIT to make an appointment for an urgent ultrasound. Finally the appointment lady came back (smoke break?) and said that she could get me in...WEDNESDAY. Um, no. Weeelllll, she could probably squeeze me in early Monday morning but that was it because the sonographer was gone till Monday. If I needed it before then...go to the ER. *sigh*

I spent a fairly miserable weekend at home. Though Saturday, I did manage to get several loads of laundry done that had piled up during the week. Then, Sunday, I was a big crying mess because I hurt so bad. SD took me to the ER. Where they drew more blood and told me that my blood pressure was a little high. No kidding? Pain. Heard of it? The ER doc thought that maybe I had indigestion (seriously) and had me drink the nastiest concoction I have every tasted. Maalox, viscous lidocaine, and some other nasty shit that almost made me throw up just from the horribleness of it. And - no surprise - my gallbladder still hurt. (seriously, why won't these people listen to me? I am always right!) But my digestive tract was numb. Good times. Oh, and he said that he didn't want to give me any more medication than I already had. I could take Fioricet (which I already have) for the pain. Asshole. I think that gallbladder pain deserves at least a little Vicodin. Just in case. Right?

Monday, I had the ultrasound. The nurse called me that afternoon (while I was napping) to tell me that I had gallstones (!) and that some were in my bile duct, so that was why I was having pain. Also, to be sure to keep my appointment with the surgeon. (As. if.) Which I didn't have yet. So...I called the referral fairies (seriously, it's like they are magic or something) and they told me...eventually, that my referral had been sent up to the base surgeon (who is leaving soon) and that he would review it. If he couldn't do it, then he would send it back to them and they would send me off base. I should call back THE MIDDLE OF NEXT WEEK to find out.

Um, no.

I wasn't waiting to have a mole removed. I have an internal organ that is malfunctioning. I need something ASAP. I finally got through to the surgeon yesterday and my appointment is Monday. Seriously. That's the best they could do.

The irony is that right now, I am feeling pretty good, all things considered. I have eaten supper two nights in a row now. And not just toast. REAL food. I had a burger last night and we went out for Italian tonight. I have been SO HUNGRY. I figure, either I finally am not hungry & am okay, or my gallbladder starts to freak out, I have emergency surgery and finally get that fucker out! It's a WIN-WIN!

And if you have lasted through this whole long-winded post YOU deserve some Vicodin, too.

Thoughts while perusing my 20 Year HS Reunion Website

2008-06-24T15:22:00.001-05:00

* Oh, look! She finally got married. Bless her heart.
* WOW! He's lost ALL of his hair in the past ten years!
* Wonder if she's still a bitch....of course she is.
* So glad to see that they are still married. They were always my favorite couple.
* LOOK! She has a blog! AND she Twitters!
* Really? He's married? To a GIRL? I would have bet it all that he was gay.
* Holy shit! SEVEN KIDS?
* Damn, he still looks good.
* She alive? I would swear I heard that she OD'd.
* He invented THAT? I knew I should have gone out with him when he asked.
* Oh, dear...still has that 80's hair doesn't she?
* Who the hell is that? I don't remember her at all.
* Wow. He reproduced? How unfortunate.
* Really? Posted your prom picture? Not your best moment, hon.
* Aw, cute kids! Wait. She has a 21 year old? That means that during senior year, she...hmmm. I have no memory of that.
* He made parole? Scary.
* She was always so skinny! No fair!
* Mmmmm. He still looks like Jason Bateman!
* I can't look at her with out hearing her sad, sad performance of Total Eclipse of the Heart in my head. Make it stop!!!

Oh, yes it also occurred to me that perhaps, MAYBE I have become a bit of a judgemental bitch. But let's keep that to ourselves, shall we?

She's 29! Again!

2008-06-23T16:33:00.003-05:00

Haaaaaappppppy Birthday to you!

Happy Birthday to you!

Happy Birthday...

Chiquita Rosita Banana (who is NOT Yvonne's daughter!!!)

Hhaaaaaaaaapppppppyyyyyyyyyy

Birthday to YOOOUUUUU!!! (cha cha cha) <----- this is from Bug)

Happy Birthday my beautiful, precious friend. You have seen me thru years and years and years and years (okay, I'll let it go now) of joy and pain. I can't imagine my life without you! I love you soooo, much.

All I need is a jury full of moms....

2008-06-19T23:32:00.002-05:00

This is what happens when I am trapped in the car with a five- and seven-year-old boy. Consider that this was all in the time it takes to get from Wal-Mart (*sigh* I KNOW, right?) to home. Not. that. long.....unless you're in the car with Abbot & Costello here:

Hey Bug! Knock, knock!

Who's there?

Knock Knock!

Who's there?

Knock Knock!

Who's there?

Banana

Banana Who?

Aren't you glad I didn't say Knock Knock again?!

Hahahahaha1 Hahahaha! heeee! heeeee! heee! hoo!!!

Boy that was funny, huh?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hey, Bear Look! There's a flying monkey....oops! it's gone!

Look, there's ANOTHER flying monkey! Oh, there it went!

Oh! There's a spider on your forehead

::Bear smacks his forehead::

*^*^*^uncontrollable laughter*^*^*^

Hey Bug, YOU have a spider....

On my forehead?

No! On your FIVEhead!!!!

*^*^*^uncontrollable laughter*^*^*^*

Look! There's something on your fivehead!

No! YOU have something on your SIXhead!

HA! HA! You have something on your SEVEN head!

Ka-PLOWEEEEE! (this was the sound of my head exploding)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

::whispering::Hey Bear! Bootie!

{giggling}

::slightly louder whisper::Hey Bug! Bootie!

Me: Boys! Cut it out!!!

{more giggling}

Doodie!

Doodie!

DOOOOODIE!

BOYS!!!!!!!

We weren't saying bootie!

ahahahahhahahahahaa!!!!!!!!

Bootie doodie pootie flootie!!!!!!!!!

~
~
~
~
~
~

and then I had to kill them.

The language of my insanity

2008-06-18T16:47:00.002-05:00

I've been contemplating my depression and all its facets. No, I'm okay right now, really!, just being introspective. Sometimes I wonder what it means when you realize you are crazy. Does it mean that you are reeeaaalllly crazy or does it mean that the meds are working you have gotten enough better to SEE that you are crazy & how bad you WERE? Does this even make sense?

Probably not. When I started writing this post, I said that I was okay. But I think that I was very much NOT okay, because the next day, I was having a "discussion" with SD and ended up shaking up my big bottle of crazy and spewing it all over him. It actually ended up being a good thing, though at the time, I am almost certain that he considered calling the men in the white coats. More than once. But by the end of my incoherent rant (which differs from my blog posts how?), I felt much better having given voice & words to the depression and anxiety that I have been dealing with over the past several years. It ebbs and flows, my depression. I mentioned possibly being bipolar a few weeks ago. I really don't think that I am. But I do think that I cycle in and out of depression quite often. I just don't get the "manic" parts of bi-polar. No, I still haven't talked to Dr. C about this because...well, I suppose because I still am not sure I can handle the answer.

Anyway, these are the words that I have associated my depression & anxiety. (How much more of a downer could I be?)

despair
alone
overwhelmed
dark
helpless
agitated
ashamed
pit
hopeless
anxious
ache
sleepless
exhausted
empty
numb
hurt
fatigue
pretending
smoldering
unfocused
disappointing
angry
stress
blurry
crazy
inadequate
difficult
medicated
moody
distracted
insane
trying
misunderstood
spinning
ill
brain
dying
low
over-stimulated
sensory deprivation
messy
apathy
misunderstand
suffering
distorted
cloudy
worthless
incapable
dishonest
black
lifeline
adrift
entangled
pathological
joyless
abyss
reason (or lack of)
rain
undeserving
bottomless
falling
regret
frustrated
disorder
therapy
fear
lost

**As an aside, does anyone know how I could have made this list into two columns? I couldn't figure it out and it about pushed me over the edge (just kidding)!

War is Hell (Fathers Day was pretty awesome, though)

2008-06-15T22:06:00.001-05:00

So. Fathers' Day. It kicked ass. The kids actually gave SugarDaddy his gift on Saturday. They gave him....a water gun fight. We gave him a big bag filled with five water guns. Yes, folks FIVE. He got the big gun (insert obvious joke here) and we each got a smaller gun. As you see, he was merciless.

And yet, he got almost as good as he gave.

But it was every man for himself. And Daddy had no mercy for any sweet SugarBaby. Or for Mommy. However, since I a) was the one holding the camera AND b) at this point wearing a white cotton tank top - a WET white cotton tank top - I was not included in the photos. Pity.

However a good time was had by all. Especially SugarDaddy, who declared it the Best Fathers' Day EVER. (Even if it was a day early).

Look at these rouges. It's like Bonnie & Clyde. And Darryl & Darryl.

You know, the last few weeks have been rough. I know I have whined before, but marriage is HARD. And sometimes, it's almost too hard. But somehow, we both decide that it's worth it and we keep on plugging. And it is worth it. Because you can see that he is, quite possibly, the BEST DADDY IN THE WORLD. (and I should know because I grew up with the best Daddy in the world - who set the bar REALLY HIGH.) He really does all he can to show these sweet kiddos that they are loved thoroughly and unconditionally. And I am trying harder every day to show HIM how much I love him and that I am listening and trying to do the things he as expressed as being important to him. And he is doing the same for me.

So, SugarDaddy - Thank you for being the Daddy our children deserve. And thank you for sticking with me through all the hard parts. I am looking forward to celebrating Grandparents Day with you. A LOOOOONG time from now. I love you. More than ever.

No funny today

2008-06-10T16:42:00.003-05:00

I just received some sobering and devastating news. And it's making me count my blessings at a time when I have really been feeling less than blessed. God has a way of smacking you upside the head, sometimes, doesn't he?

Not long before we moved to England, a good friend of ours who was already stationed there, lost her husband in a one-person car accident. He had just returned from months of fighting in Kosovo and they had two small children, one was two and the other about four months old. It was life shattering to say the least.

But my friend moved back close to her home where there was an Air Force Base, and began to rebuild her life. A couple of years later, she met and married a lovely, sweet man who was a doctor. He was the perfect husband for her and a wonderful daddy to her children. He was a blessing to their lives.

In order to move up in his chosen field, my friend and her new husband moved their family to a place where he could receive training and become even more accomplished in his field. They had another baby, giving them, all together, four kids. They were very happy.

Then this precious man learned he had cancer.

Through a mutual friend, we were kept in the loop about how this sweet man and his family were doing and lately, it wasn't looking good. And today, I got an email from my friend the her husband passed away yesterday. I can't fathom the pain that she feels. She is only 34 years old and has buried two husbands. Her kids have lost two daddies. How do you explain that to yourself, much less an 11 and 9 year old?

My heart aches almost more than I can take for my friend. And I feel petty and ridiculous about the complaints I have had with my life considering we are all healthy and vibrant.

Please keep my friend Kim and her family in your prayers. And go hug and kiss your kids and husband or wife. Be sure you say I love you. Because you never, ever know when it will be the last time.

UPDATED! Why didn't I have my camera? WHY? WHY? WHY?

2008-06-09T16:21:00.005-05:00

Okay, y'all, seriously. I'm still laughing about this.

As I was driving home from our little adventure yesterday, I espied something that I have seen a zillion times, yet never really noticed. And people, it was HI-Larry-OUS!

So, as we are zipping down the highway, I glance over at the XXX Outlet <-----actual name of the place, not a euphemism or anything, I swear. The XXX Outlet is a store advertises that you can get, well, pretty much what you would expect of an establishment whose name is XXX. And at OUTLET PRICES! This is NOT what made me laugh. What made me laugh is the sign immediately next door to XXX Outlet. The sign that read: World's Best Beef Jerky!

And all I could think was, "Yeah, I'll bet."

After telling SD about this, he reminded me of the time we were driving the same route and, a few miles past the XXX Outlet, we passed the "Adult Bookstore"<---------also the real name, marketing GENIUS, right?! The sign outside the Adult Bookstore read: COME IN FOR OUR SPRING BLOW OUT!

Diet Coke came out my nose. Yes, as I've said before, I am a 12 year old boy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
UPDATE:

Okay, I was feeling all sad and depressed and then I received a comment from Belinda at Ninja Poodles which pointed me to THIS PICTURE. And now I may be laughing for the next four hours. Damn her. I really need to get some sleep.

Yeah, a list post. Because it's too hot for paragraphs.

2008-06-02T09:43:00.001-05:00

The past two weeks have been truly insane around here for lots of reasons.
Last weekend was Bug & Bear's birthday party and it went well. NINETEEN children were in my backyard, armed with water guns, water balloons, and other weapons of mass (lawn) destruction. A good time was had by all.
And then we all passed out.
Last week was Bear & SP's last week of school. I attended the awards ceremonies for both children. Which is always a bucket of fun.
Though both kids DID get certificates for All 'A' Honor Roll. (patting self on back even though I had very little to do with it).
Bug is on a bit of a tear. And by "a bit of a tear" I mean the child has been a little shit -testing every limit that we have EVER established and falling to the ground screaming when I enforce said limits. Yesterday was the real corker though because he threw a big stinking fit during children's church and our children's minister had to come get me out of the church service. Oh, I was furious. But I did hold it together enough to not yell at him. I didn't even cuss!
I'm a little freaked out because Bug is no longer a "preschooler" AND SugarPlum is no longer an elementary school student. I have a child in junior high. That's just wrong.
I got notification of my 20 year HS reunion. THAT is seriously fucked up. I am definitely not old enough to have been out of high school for 20 years.
I am officially addicted to Twitter. And it is pissing me off because it has been seriously jacked up lately. That flying whale is officially my least favorite thing to see now.
I saw this "Cuss-o-Meter on somebody's site (can't tell you who any more). It looks at the first page of a blog and gives you the percentage of cussing yours has compared to other pages on the web. So, mine? 0% Zero. Percent. That is fucking unacceptable.
I finally watched last week's episode of "Top Chef" and was dismayed that my secret crush, Spike, had to pack his knives and go.
I am consoled only by the fact that "So You Think You Can Dance" is back. I love me some Nigel Lithgow! (And Tice DiOrio is really nice to look at, too)
Have twice answered the phone this weekend and impressively restrained myself from saying, "Are you fucking kidding me?" Really, you wouldn't believe how much self-control that took.
Finally, my favorite kid-quote of the month: "For breakfast I want a fried egg. No, wait, Mommy. I want a Mond Egg. And tomorrow, I want a Tuesd Egg." Silly boys.

That ought to bump me up on the cuss-o-meter!

Seven, count 'em, SEVEN candles!

2008-05-31T23:11:00.003-05:00

My birthday boy (and his chocolate truffle birthday cake...guess who picked that out!)
All in one breath!

Mmmm! Tasty!

Feeling Yummy?

2008-05-30T13:26:00.006-05:00

I asked, practically begged , Mother Talk to review this book. I am hoping to soon start "studying" under a friend of mine who is a doula and to take some classes to start me in that direction as well as to be come a lactation consultant. This doesn't come as news to anyone who has read here for very long at all. I've talked of it often. In addition, I am really interested in becoming certified to teach family life education classes - parenting, child development, etc.

I thought that Anna Johnson's The Yummy Mummy Manifesto would make an excellent addition to my library for new moms. It's quirky, it's fun. This is no What to Expect... book by any means. Unless, of course, it's maybe What to Expect when Carrie Bradshaw is Expecting. Written by the Fug Girls.

I'll be honest. I cannot see myself as a "Yummy Mummy." But I can use what Anna Johnson has to say as a starting place to finding my way out of the frump that I sometimes find myself in. Oh, come on, you've been there, too. We wear our uniforms - jeans and a t-shirt, and our hair "styles," my current fave is the "two days unwashed with a bandana tying it up" style. You know, just like Katie Holmes and J Lo. Heh. Is this how I WANT to look? No, but most days, it's as good as it gets. Johnson encourages moms to forgo the "uniform" and indulge yourself with sexy accessories, soft textures, etc. She also points out that if you MUST wear a t-shirt that crew necks are flattering to very few women. I haven't put this to the test yet, but I have found myself wearing more v-necks and button down shirts, so there is that.

Her chapters directed toward pregnant women are unlike any I've ever seen. Her chapter "Confessions if the Horny Pear" is well, just what you think it is. I can't say that this is a phenomenon I ever experienced. Once I was past the puking stage, I felt big as a house and not sexual at all. But I have had friends who were very, um, amorous, during pregnancy and thought that it was weird. Evidently, it's not. And the author encourages moms to indulge that desire! And I'm all for it. (But if you aren't feeling this way, do not, whatever you do, let your husband read this chapter. You'll never hear the end of it.)

She has a section on the pregnant bride - "The Bride Wore Stretch Lace." And a fantastic chapter on baby names. (Her son's name is Marcello. How awesome is THAT?!) As well as the obligatory chapters on what to eat, what to take to the hospital, actual childbirth and breastfeeding. Though, all of these chapters have a certain edge and candor to them that set the book apart from all others.

As I mentioned, she talks a great deal about mommy fashion. And I find some of her advice a little far fetched for those of us not living in Manhattan, LA or other trendy, major metropolitan areas. Yes, of course, wearing a cute, short skirt with a low cut blouse and push-up bra can do wonders for your self esteem. But in most of the little military towns where I have lived most of my married life, I would feel like I was headed to a costume party. (Okay, I will admit that in the past year, I have become a huge fan of the push-up bra. Mostly because when you have as little up front as I do, a little padding & pushing up does wonders for your self confidence). What I HAVE chosen to do is use this as a starting place to evaluate myself before I leave the house. Am I just "getting by?" Or am I looking the best that I can, appropriate to the situation? Because the stained t-shirt and sweats are doing nothing for me. Short of evoking pity.

But all in all? This book is brilliant. She discusses candidly and logically(!) key mommy sore-points such as house keeping, fighting with your spouse, dealing with the day-to-day drudgery that is parenting, finances...you name it. Just reading the table of contents will make you giggle:Morning Sick in Manolos: Finding your feet & holding your ground; Breastfeeding: Going with the flow; Crafts: For Women Who Hate Them; How Old is a Young Mother? The knees are going but the rebellion carries on. Okay, I won't give them all to you. Go get this book for yourself. Even if (like me) your youngest is five. Because what you read might change your life. Or at least make you smile.

originations peltately

2008-05-26T08:26:00.004-05:00

I almost NEVER open my spam messages. As I have said before, I have no interest in purchasing anything, work for, or receive an education from anyone who sends out the same email to eleventy gazillion people at a time. HOWEVER soemetimes the weird "Bot" messages that come through just pique my curiosity, only for the WILD word choices. Especially in the title.

Today, this one cracked me out. Maybe comtemplating Bug's last day of school is more than I could handle & I'm just slap happy now. Who knows....

From:armore Draggett

to me

re:originations peltately

God dag,

My photo attachhed! <------ there was a photo attachment but I'm not so foolish as to DOWNLOAD anything from a spammer.

Look what I do!!!

You can too <------- This was a link. No freakin way I'm following that.

And these he suppresses insomuch that the servant and stones of lapis lazuli. Grasping that fierce animal life in all its forms, human existence, and cowards on the other. That
is it, sir nothing visible effort, as if the table had tried to hold tadousac and quebec, and every one has recognized there is a cry overhead and the figure of madeleine epist. ii. 1, 50. Simul ut: rare in cic., see may be obtained from friends.499 in consequence of the campaign, in which he had politely dubbed lying about, with arrows of golden wings scattered mancipation becomes his and in consequence thereof foremost of regenerate persons, filled with wrath, centre of the semicircle bounding my view, and of barbed wire, overturned carts, broken branches.

It's like poetry right? So romantic. ...."scattered emancipation......regenerate persons filled with wrath." It's enough to make you cry, isn't it?

Pomp & Extenuating Circumstances

2008-05-22T21:09:00.005-05:00

This year, I did a wacky thing, I put Bug into two different preschools. I decided that after my whole single-parenting experiment last year, I needed for Bug to be in school every day. We had a little too much one-on-one time.

I work at our church's Mother's Day Out on Thursdays and Bug went to preschool there last year Tuesday/Thursday. Since I work there, I get discounted tuition for Bug - $45 a month. 9:30 - 2:30. Can't pass that up! But....it's only two days a week.

So, I got him into a preschool that is just down the street from our house. MWF 9-2. YAY! That pretty much freed up my week. In theory. Except that having more time in your week is sorta like having more storage in your house. It always gets filled up. ALWAYS. But at least I was able to do all that stuff sans kids. (Okay, so maybe a good chunk of that time was taken up by NAPS some ~~weeks~~days. Do I make YOU justify YOUR time?)

IS there a point to all of this?

Um, yes.

See, two preschools = two preschool graduations.

Preschool graduations are something that I have a tough time justifying. They are TOTALLY for the parents. Sorta like, "We'd better get our money's worth out of this preschool. HEY! A diploma!" The kids have no idea why they are wearing the funny cap & gown. (One little boy in Bug's class had a COW over wearing a gown. Only girls wear gowns, he told us.) They stand up there and sing their cute little songs, we watch a slide show, we cry, the kids walk up onto the "stage" and get their diploma and then we get cake. Really, it's all about the cake.

Let me just say that I am SO glad that they don't make the whole high school and college graduates sing at their ceremonies. Can you imagine?! What would they sing? No, don't answer that.

SD swears that he remembers his preschool graduation. I don't. I'm not certain I even went to preschool. I'll have to ask Gram about that.

Tonight, we went to the first graduation. Bug was, predictably, adorable. He did some little class clown thing on the stage while they were singing. He's lucky he's cute. Then? CAKE! And? More cake!! Then we had to get them home and to bed. Which is so easy when they are all sugared up on cake. But to sleep they must go because tomorrow....

Graduation #2!

At least it's in the morning. 9:30 in the morning. And then? The after-party! Yes, you read that right. A graduation after party. For preschoolers. That's madness, right? What are they going to do? Slam Capri Suns? Do Jello Shots? With ACTUAL JELLO? I don't really worry too much about make out sessions - you know since girls are gross and all.

Anyway, I'm sure I'll have an interesting update with pictures. Since I really can't seem to come up with a good enough excuse to get out of it. And keep an eye on Twitter. I'm sure I'll have plenty of snark to share!

He keeps saying, "It's My Birthday!!"

2008-05-21T14:44:00.005-05:00

This is what a five year old looks like.

Then again, so is this....

Happy Birthday, my Buggy Boy!

TMI doesn't even BEGIN to describe this post.

2008-05-20T08:20:00.001-05:00

So, I had a realization the other day. A horribly embarrassing realization. About a trip to Target. And my period. (Really this is so TMI, I am truly horrified. Yet, I feel compelled to share. And it's too long to put on Twitter, dammit)

I am terrible at remembering when my period is due. SD can tell with uncanny accuracy. As can my children, most likely. I have too many other things to think about. Like ears, bathroom antics and whether or not I have a legitimate mental illness** (as opposed to an illegitimate mental illness)(you, in the back there, hush). I sometimes find myself wondering if, perhaps, I should be on the lookout for Aunt Flo.

Heh.

Looking back, I see that it couldn't have been more obvious. I was at Target walking around, seeking great deals (as you do). By the time I checked out, I placed on the conveyor belt: one bag of Jamaican Jerk potato chips, one bag of Wasabi Mustard potato chips, one bag of Salt & Vinegar potato chips (yes, really), one bag of Sweet & Salty Snack Mix, a box of Dove dark chocolate Promises, THREE tins of Wasabi & Soy roasted almonds, a Hersheys Extra-Dark chocolate bar, two 4-packs of Blood Orange Italian Soda, eight cans of Pomegranate Soda, and (wait for it) TWO BOXES of....tampons. <------all entirely true - I can provide a receipt if necessary. And I had the nerve to be SURPRISED when I got my period a few days later!

Can you imagine the poor kid checking me out?! I practically had a neon sign atop my head that flashed "PMS." I'm not sure, but looking back, I think I may have heard a security alert issued about a "possibly unstable woman entering the parking lot....stay out of her way AT ALL COSTS!!"

But I'm feeling much better now.

**I think that this post should settle that question once and for all.

It's a Party! Wanna Come?

2008-05-19T08:42:00.004-05:00

The boys' birthdays are only ten days apart. In the past we have had their birthday parties together and it worked out well. Last year, though we did Bug's party at the Big Rat Pizza place - on a Tuesday morning...the only time I will go there - but it was while the other two were in school. Bear was less than pleased because he ended up having no birthday party, save family. So this year, they wanted to do their party together. at a park. Unfortunately, both of the city parks that THEY wanted were booked already. I got another park, but they don't want that one. SO, we are having the party HERE. at MY HOUSE. A situation I am (as a rule) morally opposed to.

HOWEVER, the deciding factor is that it IS the end of May and usually end of May = ungodly HOT. My house? Has a/c. The park pavilion? Not so much. So, I figure, give 'em all water guns and water balloons and lock them outside. INSIDE, we will have beer and margaritas for the parents. KIDDING. Tequila is expensive - so just beer. (You know I'm joking, right?) (Maybe).

For the past eight months, the boys both wanted a "Space Birthday." Then, last week, they decided that they wanted an "Army Guy" birthday party. Which works out well for me, because this camo paper was on sale at Hobby Lobby. AND I don't have to worry about stupid party favors. I bought 24 water guns and some camo head bands (ala Rambo!) for them to play with at the party. Then take home - because I definitely don't need an overabundance of water guns post-party!

My only concern is my hardwood floors. MUST KEEP CHILDREN OUTSIDE!!! Also must keep grown ups from spilling beer. (I KID!)

All I have left to do is order the cake (if I thought I could do camo icing, I would totally do it myself, but that is just a disaster waiting to happen.) and clean the house. Which I am totally willing to hire out for. Know any cleaning ladies that like getting paid in water-guns?

When to worry.....

2008-05-16T10:46:00.004-05:00

Boys in the bathroom, with the door closed, sounding entirely too mirthful....

ME: What's going on in there?

Boy: We're...oh....um.....nothing!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You know that this won't end well.

*********************UPDATE************************************

So.....Once I go into the bathroom I find out that the boys have discovered, "if you press your fingers up against the faucet and THEN turn the water on? You can make it spray the ceiling!!" As if this were a GOOD thing.

And, I suppose that in the mind of a 4-and 6- year old, it is one of the coolest things EVER.

However, here in Mommy-land, not. so. much.

Because, not only does it spray the ceiling, it also get on ALL the walls, the floor, the mirror, totally soaks an entire roll of toilet paper., gets INTO the medicine cabinet (I have no idea HOW because that thing is practically hermetically sealed when it's closed - and it WAS closed). I also discovered the next day, that water somehow got into the cabinets under the sinks and dampened all of the towels and washcloths stored there. That smelled nice. ONE WHOLE LOAD OF LAUNDRY, thankyouverymuch.

Oh, yes. There was some shouting. And they cleaned that bathroom but good. I felt sort of bad because, until I asked what they were doing, I really don't think that they thought that there was anything reason that spraying water all over the bathroom might be a bad idea. But not sorry enough to drive home the point that this had better never happen again. But I'm not holding my breath. Except when carrying out moldy towels.

You put your finger WHERE?!

2008-05-14T23:02:00.004-05:00

The doctor told Bear that he should keep from putting anything, including his fingers, in his left ear - the one that has the patch and needs to heal. Because anything that went in the ear could cause infection. He made it nearly two whole days. Then, tonight...

aaaaahhhhh!!!!! Mommy!!! I accidentally put my finger in my ear!!!!!

You ACCIDENTALLY put your finger in your ear? How do you accidentally put your finger in your ear?

I thought it was the dry one!

*?*

Am I going to get sick now??

No, I think you'll be okay if you just don't do it again. Now go to bed.

It huuurrrrttttssss *sniff* *sob*

Well, there's nothing I can do for you. You will just have to go to sleep.

*sniff, sniff* Okay.

from the bedroom.....

waaaaahhhhhh!!!! Mmooooommmmmmmeeeeeeeee!!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yeah....it's gonna be a long night. (actually after a little snuggle, he settled down and went to sleep)

PS Can one of you tell him that he won't be able to swim at the Cub Scout Family Camp Out on Saturday? I'm afraid.

Oh yes, you read that right. FAMILY camp out. I'm going camping. Because I love these children. They better give me some awesome grandkids someday. They owe me.

The tubes come in & the tubes come out....

2008-05-13T00:38:00.005-05:00

Tomorrow morning (okay....later this morning), my SugarBear goes to the Surgi-Center to have very minor surgery to have the tubes removed from his ears**. I know that it is no big deal. I know that he will most likely be fine and running around driving me crazy by noon. But there is still that little part of me that is panicking. THAT is the part that is keeping me awake. Even though I have to be up in less than six hours. To take him in to have this done. So I can sit in a lobby and wait and worry for the...oh, 20 minutes that it is probably going to take. Being a mommy is tough sometimes.

I will update as soon as I can. I suppose I should try to get some sleep now. TRY being the operative word here. Prayers are gladly accepted if you are so inclined....

**Yes, they should have fallen out by themselves by now. Two years after the trauma of putting them in....along with taking out his tonsils and adenoids. Maybe that is what has me freaked out. The tonsil & adenoids part was tough to recover from! But he'll be fine. Right?

******UPDATE***********

10:30

We are home from the surgi-center. The pre-op took longer than the actual procedure. I'm pretty sure that the worst part for Bear was the atropine shot. He woke up all calm and mellow. He was drinking a Sprite when I got back there. Followed by two ice pops and some Lorna Doone cookies. He's thinking that this whole surgery thing worked out pretty well!

One tube was just lying in the ear canal. He has a patch on the other ear drum because the tube was still totally in there. So no water in the ear & no blowing his nose for a few weeks. I'm thinking maybe the height of allergy season AND one week before the water park opens wasn't the best timing on this. Oh well.

Now he is laying on the couch for a MythBusters marathon. He's a little pissy because he can't go out & ride his bike. I'm so mean. Must dash. Jamie & Adam are busting MacGyver myths. COOL!

What's in a name?

2008-05-12T12:58:00.002-05:00

I have a thing about nametags. I really think that they should be required in any an all situations where I am meeting people - and not just for the first time. I have a terrible short term memory and it takes me FOREVER to learn people's names.

This is especially bad in a flying squadron. Fighter pilots (and other flyers, sometimes) all have call signs (think Top Gun - Maverick, Goose, Ice, Hollywood, etc). The problem is, they all call each other by their call signs most of the time. So, truly, I don't know some guy's names. If I am friends with their wives (okay, SPOUSES - it is the 21st century), sometimes I know the guy's name, although, sometimes the wives call their husband's by the call sign as well. I usually know a guy's call sign or his real name -- rarely both.

As an aside, I have a theory that if you aren't sure of a fighter pilot's name, you can say Dave, Mike or Jim and be right at least 65% of the time.

Anyway, I have been campaigning for years to have the guys, when we have a function with couples, wear a nametag stating their call sign, their actual name, and to whom they belong. For example: SugarDaddy Lastname, "Maverick"**, Buffi's husband.

(oh, please like you still dont have a tiny crush on Maverick from Top Gun. NOT Tom Cruise, just Maverick. don't kill my fantasy here.)

Reciprocally, I would be perfectly willing to wear a nametag saying Buffi Lastname, Maverick's wife. Then we can all put the pieces together and know exactly who it is we are talking to. This will also help avoid those awkward situations where you are going on and on about what an ass some guy is only to find out that A) you are talking to his wife and B) her husband is YOUR husband's boss. Oh, yeah. Like THAT'S never happened.

I also think that we should wear nametags like this in other situations. At church, after-school pick up, PTA (Buffi: Bug's Mom), dinner parties, Target (because, seriously I cannot go to Target without seeing at least four people I know, at least peripherally), weddings (Buffi: college roommate of Bride), etc.

I think that this would be helpful at funerals as well. We were at a Memorial Service recently and I just couldn't help feeling bad for the wife and extended family of the deceased because they looked at so many people like "who the heck are you?" As did all of the other folks at the funeral. I wondered how some of these folks fit in. I just think that it would be better if you had your name and "Jim's sister-in-law," "Jim's ex-wife's brother" "Jim's barber" "Jim's boss's wife" "I work for the funeral home" "I'm a creep who just likes to go to funerals."

Could this get out of hand? Yes. But would it be SO MUCH FUN? For me anyway? Absolutely.