This again?

My new therapist seems to be of the opinion that I need to journal more. When he asked if I had ever journaled, I told him about my blog & that I don't write nearly as much as I used to. I suppose there are several reasons why I don't write here much any more. I'm sure Facebook plays a large role in this. I am now able to express those passing thoughts in short bursts on my FB page rather than forming an entire post around what's going on. This is probably good & bad. I'm thinking that maybe I should give myself time to process my thoughts a little more. The instant feedback of Facebook is very satisfying.

Also, my kids are getting older and don't necessarily appreciate having stories about them broadcast to the whole internet. To be fair, though, at this point probably fewer people would see stuff on the blog than do on FB at this point. It's not like I get 300-500 hits a day like I did a few years ago when I wrote regularly. I was featured in the Best of Blogs book one year, for crying out loud! (I think it was 2005.) I'm still sad that Haloscan disappeared & took my comments with it. There was so much in those comments - humor, relationships, encouragement - that is just gone now. I had posts with over 100 comments. This just looks like a sad, sad blog that nobody's ever read now.

It's not really that I don't have the time. I mean, I am in grad school right now, but I still spend a stupid amount of time on the internet that could be spent writing. I mean, if I'm going to be on the computer anyway, I could at least write. Or, you know, I could do laundry or de-clutter my house, or study, or exercise, or something productive, but who wants THAT? How silly.

Something needs to change though. I have this great place, I should take advantage of it. Whether anyone reads or not is beside the point. I need to do this for me. I'll try to bring the funny, but I think it may take a bit to get back in the groove. I am going to try to write at least a little something several days a week, just to get back in the swing of things. Of course, looking back, I've said all this before, more than once even, so time will tell, I suppose....

Feel free to hold me accountable!

Like 50 Shades of Gray, but without the sex, or all the people reading it....

I haven't written anything in a ridiculous amount of time and now I'm posting a meme?? I know, right? But I can't figure out how to get started again, so maybe this will get the ball rolling. Maybe not. Who knows. Anyway, here we go....

(Stolen from Lauren at Filing Jointly, Finally)

1. What is your best friend's Mom's name? Much like a fifth grade girl, I have many "best friends." The Queen's mom's name is Patricia (I think). Elizabeth's mom's name is Susan. As for CRB (my oldest friend - meaning, we have known each other since jr. high), we don't say her mom's name out loud for fear of conjuring the old biddy up. She's like Voldemort...in more ways than you would believe.

Imagine this, with lipstick

2. Where is the weirdest place you have a mole?  I'm ridiculously fair skinned & have blazillions of moles all over. My grandmother told me that's where the angels kissed me. I have a strange one right next to my nose that looks like a giant zit. I had one on my belly for a long time, but the dermatologist decided that it looked funny & cut it out one day at an appointment. No time to prepare, no time for a Xanax, just "That looks ominous, we should get it cut out & off to pathology." BOOM. It was fine. No cancer.

3. Who was the hottest teacher you ever had? Hmmm, there was a coach in junior high who looked just like Magnum, PI. Golly, he was hot. I can't remember his name though. Wonder if he still looks like Tom Selleck. Because Tom is totally on my list.

Only they made Coach Hottie wear a shirt at school. Bastards.

4. Have you ever made out in a movie theater? Why? What have you heard?

5. What body part do you wash first?  Face. If I don't wash it first, I forget & then I end up with facial scrub in my hair at the end of my shower. I'm a genius that way.

6. Do you hover over the toilet in public bathrooms? I really don't have the leg muscles anymore to "hover." If it is especially gross, I will do my best, but if I can, I'll just hold it. Oh, the joys of getting old.

7. What's the strangest talent you have? In spite of the fact that my leg muscles are weak, I am ridiculously flexible. I don't know if it has to do with all of those years of ballet or just that almost all of my joints hyper-extend, but I am like one of those bendy-dolls. I'm not as flexible as when I was younger. I used to be able to slide my foot all the way up the wall & bring my nose to my knee. 

Also, I can crack almost all of my joints. People in class love that.

8. Do you have an innie or an outtie? I have an innie, but I've had so many surgeries that it's not quite as "in" as it used to be. Also there are surgical scars all around it. SEXY!

9. What's your favorite flavored Pringles? You know, I haven't eaten Pringles in a long time. Not since I found out that they are mostly NOT potato. But the plain ones were always my favorite back when I was naive and skinny and could eat whatever I wanted.

10. Have you ever been tied up? Um, no. Not as far as you know.

11. What was the last thing you ever got grounded for? Well, since I'm old, I have no idea about the LAST thing I got grounded for. Probably smarting off to my mom. The last one I remember clearly was the week before I turned 16. My grandparents had bought me a car (nothing fancy...it was a 1977 Oldsmobile Delta 88. It was HUGE. BUT, this was the mid-80s, so it's not like it was that old). ANYWAY...it was summer and it was Texas and it was HOT, so I decided that instead of walking the three blocks to the swimming pool, I would drive there. You know, I'd get home long before my mom got home from work and no one would be the wiser. Of course, my mom came home from work EARLY and showed up at the pool pissed off and I was grounded for like, a month. Way to celebrate, right?

It was just like this only red.

12. Do you parallel park or drive around the block? Oh, I can't parallel park to save my life. I just drive around and around until I find a space I can pull into. That's why I leave for class early. SugarPlum is learning to drive right now (I KNOW, RIGHT?) and I told her she'd better get her Daddy to teach her to parallel park while she's up there with him. That man could parallel park a Mac truck. It's ridiculous.

13. Have you ever had two dates in one night? No, I'm not that cool. Or slutty.

14. How many times have you been cussed out?  In person or on the internet?

15. Which shoe do you put on first? Whichever one I find first.

17. Have you ever been to a gay bar?  I have been to a drag show. Does that count?

18. Girls   rule, boys drool. 

19. Is there one thing all of your love interests have had in common? Ummm, me?

20. Did you French kiss before you were 16? What kind of a slut do you think I am? Don't answer that.

21. Have you ever been cow-tipping or snipe-hunting?  No.  (to borrow from Lauren) "Cow-tipping is mean.  How would you like if if you were just sleeping in your own bed and then suddenly you woke up on the floor with a couple of drunk cows hovering over you, mooing in amusement.   You would feel fucking scared right?"

22. Who is the last person you usually think about before you fall asleep?  Usually one of my kids. Depends on whether anyone has wet the bed.

23. Have you ever had a poem or a song written about you? My sophomore year of high school, this boy named Charles wanted to ask me to homecoming, but he was nervous. So, like a day or two before, he finally handed me a note with this poem written on it asking me. I don't have it any more, but I remember that it started, "Roses are red, Grass is green, I am a coward and you are a queen..." I had SO MUCH fun at homecoming with him that year. We stayed good friends until we graduated. I sure wish I could find him. Anyone from Candyland HS know whatever happened to Charles Green?

24. If you had to choose to not ever wash your bed sheets again or not wash your bath towel ever again, which would you rather not wash? EW. How gross are you?

25. Have you ever found anything in your parents' bedroom that was questionable? My parents' bedroom still has the original 1970's green shag carpet. That's mighty questionable if you ask me. Also? Nasty.

26. What was your childhood nickname? My mom's side of the family (being from West Texas & Oklahoma) all have double names - Tommy Ray, Lena Faye, Katie Beth, Bessie Jean, you get the picture. My name is very long and has lots and lots of syllables. So most of my life, I was called Buffi Lou. Also, my daddy still calls me "Pete" and 2D Bug. I have no idea why.

27. When is the last time you played the air guitar? I might do that when I'm goofing around with the boys. I remember these guys in college whose house we would go hang out at on the weekends, we called it "The Homestead." As it would get later, when certain songs came on they would hold their hands & arms like they were playing guitar right against their chests. They called it playing "titty guitar."

28. Have you ever peeked in the opposite sexes locker room? Oh, my no. Have you SMELLED a men's locker room? I can barely stand to walk by.

29. What's the weirdest thing you have done while driving?  I have three kids. I cannot think of all the weird things I've done while driving. Administered spelling test? Changed clothes? I don't know. I may have to come back to this one.

30. Have you ever bitten your toenails? Mine? No. 

31. How do you eat your cookie? Out of the vicinity of the children, lest I have to share.

32. When working out at the gym, do you wear a belt? HAaahaa!! "When working out at the gym?!" That's the funniest assumption I've heard all day. 

33. Name something you do when you're alone that you wouldn't do in front of others. I don't know. I'm pretty shameless. 

36. How many drinks does it take before you get drunk? I really don't get drunk anymore because the hangovers last for DAYS. Although, if you ask my cousin, a bottle of mojitos will definitely kick my ass, no matter how thick that glass is. (totally inside joke that only one person is going to get, sorry)

37. Have you ever sniffed an animal's butt? ::sigh:: Not on purpose.

38. How often do you clean out your ears? Every time I see the Q-Tips. It's a weird compulsion.

39. Do you scrunch or fold your toilet paper? Really?

40. About how many times a day do you pick a wedgie?  Ew. Haven't counted. Don't plan to.

41. Do you have any strange phobias? I really hate crowds. I don't know that it's a phobia, but it's definitely an aversion. Also, I sometimes have to take a Xanax before I can go into WalMart. True story.

42. Have you ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? Mmmm...not that I can remember.

43. What is the stupidest thing you've ever done at a bar? Early in my marriage to SD, we were at the Officers' Club one night and I decided that I could out-drink a couple of the guys in his squadron. Two pitchers of beer later, it got ugly. We'll leave it at that.

4. Have you ever been dared to do something you totally regretted?  See above: two pitchers of beer.

45. Have you ever called your love interest by an ex's name? Nope. Never.

46. Have you caught a guy/girl farting while on a date? Well, yes. Because I date human beings, not robots. 

47. Have you ever played naked Twister? Oh, my. No.

48. Have you ever been drunk at work? I think probably in college there were a couple of mornings where I showed up to sell shoes still a little tipsy. I'm not proud to admit that.

49. Have you ever found your date's/lover's brother or sister more attractive? No

50. Do you want to bring sexy back? Didn't Justin Timberlake do that a few years ago? Yes. Yes, he did.

Fun with tags...

I know, it's been a long time. Oh well. This is cool though. I made this tag cloud on a site called Tagxedo.com VERY FUN to do! I may frame it. Hee hee!

The "C" Word ( among others)

So much - too much - has happened over the past year or so. Much that I cannot (or rather choose not) to make too terribly public. Although there are people in my life *ahem* who would beg to differ about that last point, but I won't go into that either. Suffice to say, I have no desire to make this into another navel-gazing post about why I haven't posted. Or maybe that's exactly what I'm about to do. Who can tell?

It's funny when you have a blog that was at one time very frequently updated because then as your life gets to a point where you aren't blogging for whatever reason, you feel that you must explain why it is you've been absent. Only, you really don't want to explain, so you put off writing for even longer and it turns into a vicious cycle and suddenly, you find that you are blogging seasonally at best.** So, I'll leave it at this: We are all good. I hope that you both all had a lovely Thanksgiving, a fabulously blessed & joyful Christmas and that the New Year brings all the happiness in the world.

That should hold me till at least March, right? (Also, SugarPlum turns 15 next week. FIFTEEN. Oh. Em. Gee. Who let that happen?)


Now, I shall share a little story that sums up my life quite nicely these days. It takes place in the van yesterday after we dropped SP off at a friend's house. The boys were doing their "annoy the crap out of Mommy" thing and coming very close to making my head explode. I said something about them needing to take it down a notch or there would be unpleasant consequences. In the spirit of throwing your brother under the bus, this exchange took place:


Bug: "Bear said the "c" word today."
Me: "You know tattling is not o....WAIT, he said wha?? What "c" word did you say?"
Bear: .....
Me: "WHAT DID YOU SAY?"
Bear: (hesitantly) "um, 'crap'...."
Me: (small sigh of relief) "Well. Hm. That's not nice for kids to say. So, uh, don't say that."
Bug: "What? 'Crap'?"

And this is why I only have two kids now....

**Also? You find yourself writing ridiculous run-on sentences that will probably make you cringe once you take the time to actually LOOK at what you've written. AND THEN, you begin to wonder why you are writing in second-person since that seems awfully affected but you can't seem to find a way to stop, so you just keep typing until you decide that perhaps you should just hit "PUBLISH" already and get your butt to bed. Or not.

Never, ever forget

This is a post I wrote five years ago as part of the 2996 Project, commemorating the life of one of those lost on September 11, 2001. My life has gone on and has changed for better and for worse since then. But the families & friends of those lost on that terrible day have had to live the past ten years without their loved ones. We cannot ever forget what happened and the terrible sacrifices our entire country has been forced to make.

As you know, I was born and raised in Texas. I have always considered myself fortunate to have been able to grow up in the United States and especially in Texas. In high school, I was very active in choir and dance. And, after high school, as you know, I went to college and became a teacher. I have had the opportunity to live in many different places. I am proud to be an American and proud of our country.

Carlos Samaniego was born in Uruguay on December 31, 1971. At some point in his childhood, I'm not sure at what age, he moved to Texas, not too terribly far from where I grew up. He attended Permian High School and, from what I gather, he was one heck of a baseball player. At one game in particular, he entered as the pitcher in the third inning and shut out the opponent. From there, he eventually became a Bond Trader in New York City.

On September 11, 2001, my family and I lived in England. My husband was a fighter pilot and I was the Ways and Means chairperson for the Officers and Civilan Spouses Club. I was the Mommy to four-year-old SugarPlum and three-month-old SugarBear. On that particular day, my father-in-law left after visiting for two weeks. We had taken several trips during his stay and we enjoyed him thoroughly, but we were exhausted and, honestly, I was glad that he was headed home. We made plans to see him and my sister-in-law and her family in Mississippi at the end of October. SD took his dad to the airport very early that morning and SugarPlum and Bear and I all slept in and had a lazy morning watching Nick Jr and playing.

Carlos Samaniego woke up on the morning on September 11, 2001, most likely at his home in Richmond Hill, NY. He probably ate breakfast or at least had some coffee. He went to work that day at his job with Cantor Fitzgerald on the 104th floor of Tower One of the World Trade Center. You know what happened after that. He was confirmed dead at the WTC site. He wasn't able to follow through with any plans he had made to visit friends or family members. He didn't get one last phone call to tell his mom or his brother or his girlfriend that he loved them. His life was snuffed out abruptly and violently by the cowardly, unfathomable acts of evil, evil people.

I did not know Carlos Samaniego. Pretty much all I know about him is what I have told you right here. From what I have read that friends and family have posted about him, he was a really great guy. One friend wrote of Carlos:

I cannot remember Carlos ever having a bad day. He saw the good in everyone and everything. I know Carlos made life better for people around him. My life is better having known Carlos.


He sounds like someone I would really like to meet. The chances of that happening would have been very, very slim, but you never know. However, it makes so very angry that I will never have the opportunity to know him. Yet, I am pleased that I have been given this opportunity to honor his life and be a voice for one who can no longer speak.. His life was more than one than 1/3000th of a tragedy. His death left a hole in our world that will never be filled by anyone else and we may never know how far the ripples of this loss will be felt. If by chance, a friend or loved one of Carlos stops by here, please know that you have my deepest sympathies for a pain that must be almost unbearable even five (and now 10) years later. God bless you all.

We will never forget....


To read more tributes to the victims of the 9/11 attacks, go here. Or just visit 2,996. You'll be glad you did! [This link no longer works, but I'm certain that there are countless others. God bless you.]

He has varied interests

With the first week of school successfully completed (HALLELUJAH!), I looked through the kids' backpacks and folders this weekend. I came across Bug's (now in third grade HOLY COW!) Writing Journal (complete with backwards 'J'). On the front page I found this, which I will try to reproduce as precisely as I can as written. Needless to say, his knowledge is varied and, at times, alarming while AS ALWAYS, very hilarious:

THINGS I KNOW ABOUT by SugarBug Lastname

• Harry potter
• art
• guns (backward g)
• rocks
• space
• endangered animals 
• biology
• warfaer (his spelling)
• history
• WW II
• Air force
• Army
• Navy
• Marines
• bombs
• deep sea
• Afghanistan
• boy scouts
• John
• brenden
• egend (not sure what this is)
• legos
• hitler
• Quantum physics
• fish
• weta (again, no idea)
• zombies
• eels
• Pokeman

If he weren't an 8 year old boy, I would be worried. But they watched a LOT of the History and Discovery channels over the summer, so I'm going to laugh and appreciate his confidence....

Happy Birthday Maw Maw...

Even though you have been gone over a year now, I still sometimes forget you are gone. And every July 1st until the end of time, that empty place in me will ache a little more. I always loved that you and I both had July birthdays. You were the one who showed me that the Ruby was our birthstone. I treasured the times that you would let me try on the various pieces of ruby jewelry you had. It was something that just you and I shared, our July birthdays.

There have been so many times lately I have wanted to call you and tell you something funny one of the boys has said. Or to boast about something one of the SugarBabies has done. Yes, even after all this time, your number is still programmed in all of my phones. As if I don't know it by heart. But I don't think I'll ever take it off. All week I have looked at my calendar and I've seen your name pop up on this day. July 1 - Maw Maw's Birthday. I wish I could just call and let the SugarBabies sing to you. You always loved that.

I wish that we could come to your house - me, my kiddos, Bek & Tell, Mom & Dad, T&L. I wish we could have one more time together. We are all okay. But we would be even more okay if you were here.

I'll bet birthdays don't even matter in Heaven, do they? You get to be with Paw Paw and your Mom & Daddy and with Aunt Ruby and so many other loved ones and just rejoice all the time. I know you are much happier there. And I guess that tempers my sadness some. But it doesn't make me miss you any less.

So know that I am thinking about you all day today. I may shed some tears, but they will be good ones. Because the fact that I miss you so much is only because you loved me so fully and completely and unconditionally while you were here. So I will celebrate you today, Maw Maw. And we WILL sing to you. I know you will hear it and smile and giggle. I love you so much. Happy Birthday.