Thursday, December 27, 2007

Disturbing

I just got home from Christmas at my Mom's house. (The very definition of FRESH HELL this year) and I was going through the mail.

And?

I got a VALENTINES DAY CATALOG.

What is wrong with you (catalog) people?

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Buttercup in Bloom!!


Yes, my secret mission is complete and I now have a new sweet, precious, beautiful god-baby! She is perfect. Just perfect. She went through quite a bit to get here -- and her Mommy went through even more -- but she is so gorgeous that I think it was worth it. You'll have to ask her very exhausted Mommy to be sure, but I'm almost certain that CRB would agree!


I will share the whole song story soon. But we have much too much to do before leaving for Gray Gray and Gram's house tomorrow. Merry Christmas!

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

The day is looming......



Christmas is only ONE WEEK AWAY!!! Holy Shamoley. I have tons to do, but am headed out of town on a most important mission. Top secret at this point, but I'll let you know as soon as I have clearance.

Until then, please, all of you, remember the REASON we are celebrating! Especially you there, in the parking lot. Chill out already. If you hit me or anyone else with your giant SUV, you will only further delay your shopping trip. What with the paramedics, police, and taking time out for your mug shot and all. So, take a deep breath, count to ten, and say, "Merry Christmas. You parking place stealer."

Must dash!!!

That awesome picture is courtesy of Rick over at Organized Doodles. Go visit and see his many fantabulous illustrations!!

Friday, December 14, 2007

I think Blogthings hates me

Okay, tell me if this sounds familiar. You are perusing blogs even though you are so very, very sleepy and you KNOW that you must go to bed. You tell yourself that you will just check one more because, really, you haven't been over there in ages and after all, she left you the nicest comment the other day so you really should at least pop in and say 'hi.' (also, you must watch those run-on sentences. HONESTLY)


So you pop over to that one last blog and lo and behold! There are the results of a quiz! How weird are you?" That sounds funny! I wonder how weird I am. I'll just take that quiz and see. HA! I'm 43% weird! Heh.


Oh, look! I wonder if I could pass Eighth Grade Geography. YEAH BABY! I totally ROCK eighth grade geography!


Oooooh! Seventh grade science? I RULE. I am so smart!


Hmmmm. What color IS my aura? Pink? I don't think so. I should take that again.


But WAIT! What Muppet am I? The Swedish Chef? Heh. I love him!


What kind of kisser am I? Well, that doesn't even make sense. *yawn*

What shade of blue am I?..... Azure? Oh, that is SO accurate.

I really should go to bed.

Right after I find out my porn star name. Oh, now, I don't care who you are, THAT is funny.


How orange am I? As long as I'm not burnt orange it's fine really. ::rubbing eyes:: DAMN.

::stretching back:: Okay. Just one more, then I'm going to bed.

Could I pass the US Citizenship test? Of course I could. See? With flying colors (red, white and blue, of course)!


What's my emotional IQ? Oh, I am good. So empathetic. (or pathetic....)

What kind of friend am I? *yawn* I am a wonderful friend. OF COURSE.

What Indy Band am I? I have never even heard of them. I'm so old.

All right. I am going to bed. ......

Right after I find out what shade of green I am.

WHAT? Internet Explorer has encountered a problem and must close. Sonofabitch.

Of course, perhaps this is God telling me to go to bed. Since it is 12:30.

I'm such a dork. But, it's not just me, right? RIGHT??!!??

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

All I want for Christmas...

Here's a question for you: Do you try to influence what your kids ask Santa for or do you use that Santa visit to find out what your kids want?

I'm more of the former. I know what my kids want. Or think that they want. I also know what they will actually play with. And what sort of things I want (and DON'T want) in my house. So, as the time for the great Santa con-fab nears, I start to propagandize (aka "brainwash") my kids as to what to ask for. That way they won't be disappointed on Christmas morning. And there won't be a bunch of noisy crap in my house that might make my head explode.

To wit: Bug started before Thanksgiving telling his friends that Santa was going to bring him a Transformers' Costume. The hell? First, no. Also....nuh-uh. He has about forty three different costumes and even if I DID want to get him a Transformer costume, those are only available at Halloween. Yes, I checked. But still. No. So, I have convinced him that he wants a VTech Nitro Junior Notebook. Because I know that he will actually play with that and that it won't encourage hitting siblings or playmates in the spirit of "being a superhero." Or whatever.

Bear wanted the Lego Mars Mission set. And, at first, I was not at all opposed to it. It has the whole space theme that seems to dominate our lives of late. Then I got to thinking....all those little pieces. Well, not really the pieces, because Legos don't really bother me (unless I step on them in the middle of the night - OW!). But, with the kits...or sets...or whatever...they only get put together correctly with the help of Daddy. (Mommy sucks at Legos.) When Daddy isn't around to facilitate the construction, there is much whining, frustration and angst. And I can't handle it. Consequently, I have brought Bear around to the virtues of the VTech Nitro Notebook.

BUT I have also convinced him and his brother that they want a couple of new buckets of Legos - but just the general, non-committal Legos that can become anything rather than a "kit." Due to the even distribution of Legos throughout my house (seriously, you can't lift a cushion or check a pocket in this place without finding at least one Lego), we are down to about fourteen Legos in the bucket. Fourteen Legos that are the catalyst for one brother to beat the shit out of the other brother at least once a day. So, Santa (or Mommy) is bringing Legos, by golly.

SugarPlum? Is getting to play soccer. She played in a tournament this past weekend with the competitive team that she played with in the fall. She has decided that she wants to play with them next season. So, I got the financial info for the team. And.....Holy Mia Hamm!!!! It ain't cheap to play for a club team. But, honestly, it's a good thing. She is happy playing with this team. And she is really improving. And the girls on the team are such good girls. And the parents are just cool as you can imagine. Not a bunch of snotty "soccer moms" like I was afraid of. So, it'll be good for all of us. Also? Her Christmas present. And birthday present. And Valentines Day. And Easter. And....Arbor Day present.

Me? I'd just like a little, tiny bit of sanity. Less chaos and uncertainty. To know maybe, just maybe, what in the hell is going on in my life and what is going to happen over the next few months and years. You know....omniscience. Is that too much to ask? Can the elves handle it? Please Santa? Pretty please?

Oh, and a month at tropical island resort wouldn't suck either.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

A note to my daughter:

Please, for the love of Pete, start your period already. I'm not convinced it will help your attitude at all, but at least then we will have a reasonable explanation for the moody, dramatic, hateful bull***t that keeps spewing from you. It's like non-stop PMS around here lately. GEEZ.

Did you not get the memo? MOMMY is the only one allowed to be moody, dramatic and bitchy. The rest of you are all supposed to gather 'round and sing my praises all day. And get me popsicles. Or maybe margaritas.

So cheer up already!!!

~Your loving Mommy

Saturday, December 01, 2007

I was cheering for the Generals

The Harlem Globetrotters game last night was really enjoyable for the kids. I remember watching them on TV when I was a kid and wishing that I could go see them in person. And it's entirely possible that I did. I'll have to ask my parents. I've slept since then. And given birth. Which led to the brain damage that destroyed my memory.

If you ever get the opportunity to go see the Harlem Globetrotters with a group of six year old boys, SEIZE IT. It is hilarious. I had far more fun watching them than the actual "game." They haven't figured out yet that it's just a show and not a real game, so watching them get anxious about it is quite humorous. At halftime, the Washington Generals were ahead and the boys were almost beside themselves.

"Oh, I hope the Globetrotters win! Do you think they'll win Mommy?"

"Gee, I don't know Bear. It's a real nail biter!"

At some point in the first half, one of the players gets "injured" and has to be helped off the court. When he came back on in the second half, on crutches, the boys were all so amazed at how well he can play with a broken ankle.

"Wow! He is TOUGH!"

Once the Globetrotters start to make their comeback, the boys really began to cheer.

"Go 'Trotters!"

When they would score, this one little boys would shout, "YEAH! That's what I'm talkin' about!"

From a six year old.

I. was. rolling.

Bug was really bored at the beginning but he started getting into it after a short while. He was having as much fun hanging out with his big brother and the other Scouts as he was watching the game. By the end, he could barely sit up, but he wasn't about to let me take him home early.

SD got the kids a ball ($25! Crazy!) and got it autographed for them. Very soon, it will destroy all of the breakables in my house, I am certain, because they keep trying to be Globetrotters.

"Under the leg! Behind the back! Now! Bounce it off your head!"

CRASH!!!

Hasn't happened yet, but if it doesn't dry out enough for them to play outside, we are headed for disaster. YIPES!

Tonight, SP is having a friend sleep over. I think we may go see Enchanted. I have head good things about that movie. The most surprising thing about it is that it has a PRINCESS in it and SP actually wants to go see it. This is a new one for me. I'll let you know how it is.

Nos,. since it is almost 2:00 in the afternoon, I guess I'll go shower. Just a thought.

Friday, November 30, 2007

Today I am bitching about:


  1. The odor emanating from my guest suite. This is pretty funny of you have talked to me on the phone in the past week or so.

  2. The Ron Paul for President people. You know I'm a Republican, but this guy is a little too fringe for me. (Didn't he used to be a Libertarian?) These people are every.where. I'd give you a link but I don't want to encourage them.

  3. TWITTER. Okay, I am loving the Twitter. But one of the people I am "following" is getting totally put of hand with the postings. It is making me crazy. When you stop following someone, are they notified? I don't want to piss this person off. If you are reading this and you think it might be you, trust me, it's not.

  4. My sidebar. Those archives are just out of control. I know that I've whined about this before, but does anybody know how to put them into some sort of drop-down thing with out ruining my very old template?

  5. The way Stacy and Clint (on What Not to Wear) say "pant" and "shoes." Like "Now this is a really great pant." or "You need a better shoe." They are PANTS and SHOES. Sheesh. (Okay, it doesn't trouble me enough to stop watching. I'm addicted. I even TiVo the reruns! Pa.the.tic.)

  6. Speaking of silly "reality" television....That prissy Christian guy on Project Runway. He makes me crazy. And his designs are all boxy and FUGLY. I'm quite over him and I'm ready for him to be Auf'd.

  7. My dogs. Their barking is going to push me right over the edge. I know. They are DOGS. And dogs bark. But it's the bossy bark at the door as if I am OBLIGATED to let her in or out whenever she chooses. It's like the Gospel According to Snazzy: "Behold, I stand at the door, and bark: if any man (or woman. or child. well, anyone who can work a doorknob) hear my voice - open the door already! I will come in to him, and will sup with him, (sleep with him, chew up his new shoes, shed all over his furniture and clothes)...and he with me." 1 Labradorians 7:14

  8. The end of NaBloPoMo. I really didn't think I'd make it a whole month posting DAILY. But it has been pretty cool. Hopefully, I can keep this up. Maybe not every day, but several times a week. We'll see.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Pink eye for all my friends!!!

Oh, yes. Less than 24 hours later and we have TWO kids on antibiotics and eye drops. I predict that by this time tomorrow, all three will be afflicted. Bug doesn't have bronchitis. Yet. But the dr thought that he probably has a sinus infection and his eye is just, well, gross.

Tonight, we were supposed to have some friends come over for dinner. Her husband is TDY (that's Air Force for "out of town") and our kids all get along really well. She decided not to join us tonight. Something about not wanting pot roast with a side of conjunctivitis. Sissy.

What a GREAT weekend I have to look forward to. We are all supposed to go see the Harlem Globetrotters with the Cub Scouts tomorrow night. Wonder if we will all get to go?

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

A medical quiz. I failed.

So when your six-year-old (who has seasonal allergies and is taking medicine for them) has a cough that sounds kinda gross, but also a little like it's just a post nasal drip cough, but no fever - there was never a fever - how long do you wait before taking him to the doctor?

Three days? A week?

Until he is waking you up at night coughing?

Until he has goop coming out of his eye?

Until he - the child who, most days, won't even accept your offers to stay home from school and snuggle Mommy all day - tells you he doesn't want to go to school because he needs to go to the doctor?

BINGO!

Since he was feeling so poorly that he didn't even want to go to school, I called the base appointment line and am told that they can get him into pediatrics on....Friday. Um, no. Thanks for playing. Try again, please. So they have the nurse call and give permission to take him to the Clinic Care thingy OFF base (and much, much closer to my house).

We get there, check in, and wait.....about two minutes. Seriously. I was STUNNED!!! They weighed Bear and put us in a room and THEN we waited....perhaps sixty seconds. Holy Cow! And who walks in? An actual doctor with an actual MD!! She examined Bear and was very nice. I'm starting to wonder what the down side is to going off base. Oh, wait! There isn't one.

So, what happens when you wait until your child is actually BEGGING you to go to the doctor? He ends up having bronchitis, a sinus infection, AND pink eye. Bless his little Bear heart.

BAAAD Mommy. Bad, bad Mommy.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

The Night the Lights Went Out in Candyland

First....can you believe that I have made it almost to the end of NaBloPoMo and haven't missed a day?! Shocks the hell out of me. I know, I have totally jinxed myself. But only three more days. Surely I can make it. Maybe I oughta give someone the keys, just in case I slip into a coma or get taken hostage by crazed toddlers or something. (Don't laugh. It could totally happen in my world!)

Actually, by some strange twist of fate, I ended up posting shortly after church Sunday rather than after the kids were in bed, as was the original plan. Thank goodness, or my posting streak would have ended and you would have heard my anguished cry for miles around.


We were sitting in the living room Sunday night, playing with the kids and generally having a good time, when zzzzzzzppp the lights went out for a second. They came back on and then *POW* they went off again in spectacular fashion. Kinda freaky. Especially if you are four.

Seems that just enough ice and snow had accumulated on the trees out back that they drooped down and rubbed the transformer, causing it to blow. (The boys were quite impressed upon hearing - at least they thought - that there were Transformers kasploding outside. Boy were they disappointed.)

First things first, SD found flashlights and we lit the fire in the fireplace. Score one for gas logs. Then we lit some candles and called the electric delivery people (hi Bob!). The recording said that the power should be back on by 9:00 PM. No problem. I might miss Desperate Housewives, but at least I'd get to see Brothers and Sisters. (Yes, I have my priorities straight!)

SugarPlum and I sat down by the fire and she remarked that she guessed that now we know how the pioneers felt. At least pioneers who lived in well insulated houses with natural gas fireplaces and stoves. And flashlights. And cell phones. Those pioneers. You remember Laura Ingalls Wilder lamenting about the time they had no internet access for several hours, right?


The SugarBabies remembered decided they wanted to call and tell GrayGray about the snow and the power going out. Bug relayed it in this way:


Gway! I went to the potty and I POOPED in the potty. Then I wiped and then I flushed. And When I FLUSHED? The LIGHTS ALL WENT OUT! It fweaked me out Gway!


My dad could. not. stop. laughing. All he could say was, "Well, Bug, that must have been one powerful poop!"

We sat around the fire for a while, but as it WAS a school night, eventually, we had to get everyone to bed. The boys were a little fweaked out about going to bed with no power. I tried to explain that IT'S NIGHT! It would be dark in your room regardless. But there's no reasoning with little boys. So, SD found a chem stick light and hung it from their ceiling fan and put batteries in their cd player so that they could hear their lullabyes. They thought that they would get out of brushing their teeth until SD pointed out that the electricity was out, not the water. With the aid of the flashlight, we were able to read a chapter out of Junie B Jones and everyone was off to bed. (That Junie B. She's a caution!)

I honestly expected it to be an up-and-down night for the boys, full of MOOOOMMMYYYY!!!s and the other tactics little boys use to avoid sleep. But, surprisingly enough, both boys went right to sleep. Perhaps the dark, dark hallway was too daunting for them. Or perhaps it was the death threats if they got out of bed. Hard to say.

Next, SP and I settled on the couch for a chapter of To Kill a Mockingbird, during which the lights came on for about a four seconds. Only to go off AGAIN in spectacular fashion. At this point, SD was back out seeing what the Oncor guys were doing. The power would come on and he said that you could see it arc and send sparks flying everywhere. That's always good to hear. Eventually, they had to call a tree trimmer to come out and cut away several branches. A tree trimmer. On a Sunday. Night. In the snow. Oh yeah, somebody got some hella overtime!

SD came back in and we settled in with some hot chocolate (hooray again for natural gas!) and Us Magazine War and Peace. Eventually, it became obvious that we were not going to have power anytime soon. I had already missed Brothers and Sisters (dammit) and now we were missing he news (which always pisses me off), so we decided to go to bed. After a while, we noticed that it was awfully quiet out there where they had been working. I called back to check on the ETA for the power while SD went back outside to see what was - or wasn't - going on.

On my end, I found out that "crews are working on your outage and your power will be restored as soon as possible." No actual time. That can't be good. SD returned, chucking, saying that they were indeed working and that our next door neighbor was giving them a piece of her mind. I'm sure that helped. Meanwhile I was texting my Twitter in order to chide Bob about my outage. Then, with lots of fleece and several blankets, we went to sleep.

SD got up at 5:00 AM to start the fire in the living room so that we wouldn't all freeze when we got up. He totally rocks. He said that the power FINALLY came on at about 5:30. Since we didn't get up until 7:00 or so, all was well for the rest of us in the morning. But SD was exhausted.

And the SugarBabies had a GREAT story to tell at school Monday. Now, I'd better get this thing posted so as to avoid any unforeseen delays!

Monday, November 26, 2007

This time it's SEVEN Random Things

I've done the random things meme several times. But, as it HAS been a while AND Ziff Niffer asked nicely (but not at all because I am totally out of things to blog for NaBloPoMo!), I will post another seven random things. Because if you have learned NOTHING in the past two and a half years (!) of this blog, it that my life is just CHOCK FULL of randomness!


1. I prefer watching shows on TiVo than when they are coming on. To the extent that I will WAIT to watch a show until it is a good 20 minutes in just so that I can skip the commercials.

2. That said, I have been known to back it up for a good commercial. I'm slightly ashamed to admit that these have included, but are not limited to: Sonic commercials and most anything with Peyton Manning.

3. I've discovered that this laptop? It is from the devil. Once I get on it, I am sucked in for hours. And it's not just me. SugarPlum and Bear have fallen victim to the evil Dell lately, as the Webkinz site won't work on the desktop.

4. I have a sneaking suspicion that Webkinz have some sort of demonic connection as well. All three SugarBabies are ADDICTED to them.

5. SugarPlum still wants me to read to her every night at bedtime. And sing her the same lullabye I have been singing to her since she was a baby. I consider myself SOOOOO lucky. I don't know how much longer it will last, but I am savoring every bedtime!


6. We don't read "kiddie books." Right now, we are reading To Kill a Mockingbird. It is my all time favorite book. It has prompted some really interesting coversations about social injustices and the changes that have taken place in the past 70 years. It's encouraging to see the moral outrage that she's expressed in response to the subject matter. She is SUCH a great kid.


7. After this heavy book, though, we have decided to read Mary Poppins. I'm excited. I mean, Mary Poppins is one of my very favorite movies, but have you ever read the book? I haven't. I'm excited to see how it's different. We'll have to remember that the book came first.




So there you go. AGAIN! I'm not tagging anyone right now. I'm lazy that way. (Oooh! Bonus random thing!) If you do it, let me know. I want to see how random YOU are!

Sunday, November 25, 2007

What are they teaching them in Sunday School these days??

Conversation going on around the dinner table. We were dicussing the names of people in our extended family:


Bear: Matthew, Mark, Luke and John!

Me: And what is that?

Bear: It's the INTESTINES of the the Bible!


and then Diet Coke came out of my nose

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Friday, November 23, 2007

The post where I use the phrase "Pull-Ups" 950 million times***

SUBTITLED: HELP!!!!

You know what I will, one day, be truly thankful for? When I don't have to buy pull-ups any more. Those things are expensive and it irks me to no end that I am still buying them. My mind boggles at the Christmas gifts I could purchase with the money I am spending on pull-ups every month.


Both boys must wear pull-ups to bed every night. And, oh, say five nights out of seven, we go through three if not four pull-ups. This is because, in spite of my insistence that they go pee before bed and the trips they make when I haul their poor sleepy selves out of bed to take them to the potty, they STILL pee in their sleep. Many nights, when I take them to the potty before I go to bed, they have already wet their pull-ups. So, I change them. Then? At least three times a week I have to change the sheets on one or both beds because they have leaked in the night IN SPITE OF a)having a pull up on; and b)having been taken to the bathroom in the middle of the night.


I try limiting their fluid intake in he evenings. I make sure that they pee at least once before they go to sleep. Just what in the hell is going on here? Sometimes, their pj's and beds will be soaked, yet the pull-ups are barely damp. What is THAT about? I am certain that they have the proper size pull-ups and that they are on correctly. (This shouldn't be a problem since they are clearly marked, yet many times I have discovered a boy with a backward pull-up.)

But truly, the most disturbing thing is: these boys are FOUR and SIX YEARS OLD!! Shouldn't they have the nighttime incontinence thing conquered by now? SP did by the time she was three. I KNOW. Boys are different and take longer than girls. But COME ON. This is crazy, right?

Bear is dying to have a sleep-over or to go to sleep at a friend's house. But, I can't in good conscience send him to another house just to pee the bed. Not to mention that he really, really wants to go to church camp next summer. That ain't gonna happen if he has to wear pull-ups and be changed in the night. At the very least I'll have to insist that they give him a bottom bunk!

Is this one of those terribly common, yet shameful things that nobody speaks of? Or are my boys freaks? Will they need college roommates who won't mind taking them to potty in the night? WHAT CAN I DO????? Any advice would be welcome. As long as it is constructive. My ego can't handle a beating right now.


***I almost titled this post "Pissed Off" but I decided that I wouldn't be THAT obvious. Though, I am a punny girl!***

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Happy Thanksgiving! (in the year of recycled posts)

To give you a clue as to what I am about to start cooking, I will give you the recipe to my all time favorite Cranberry Sauce . This recipe came courtesy of the Queen and was originally posted two years ago.


Spiced Cranberry Sauce

1 C. Water
1 C. Sugar
1 3" piece fresh ginger, peeled
1 firm pear, diced
1 tsp grated lemon peel
1 12oz pkg. cranberries
1 small can mandarin oranges, drained
2 Tbsp lemon juice


Bring first 2 ingredients to a boil in a heavy saucepan, stirring constantly(who actually stirs CONSTANTLY??). Boil 5 minutes. Add pear and lemon peel, return mixture to a boil and cook for 3 minutes, stirring occasionally. Stir in cranberries, reduce heat, simmer without stirring 3-5 minutes until cranberry skins pop. Remove from heat, cool. Remove and discard ginger. Add mandarin oranges. Cover and chill. Stir in lemon juice just before serving. Enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As a corollary, I give you this little piece of information, posted shortly after Thanksgiving 2005.


Handy Household Hint

If, while cleaning the remaining Thanksgiving leftovers out of the fridge, you notice that the dishwasher is getting awfully full, so you decide to leave some of said leftovers in their Tupperware containers on the counter for a couple of days few hours rather than deal with them at this moment, be sure to vent the lid on the cranberry sauce just a little bit. Failure to do so will lead to the fermentation of the sugars in the fruit which will lead to the lid POPping off and flying across the kitchen to the great delight of Bear and Bug any little boys in the vicinity.

Um, I read that in a magazine somewhere. Something like that would never ever happen here in Candyland. Excuse me now. I have to go buy more paper towels.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Last minute list....

Turkey? Check
Dressing? Check
Cranberries (fresh)? Check
Ginger (for cranberry sauce)? Check
Green Beans? Check
Potatoes? Check
Gravy? WHOOPS!
chocolate pie filling? Check
whipping cream? Check
Pie crust? WHOOPS!
Rolls? Check
Wine? Double Check
(father-in-law is here, after all)
Pumpkin Pie? (not making from scratch since I found that the local bakery puts mine to shame) ummm...later today

Shopping list for the dreaded "Thanksgiving Eve" trip to the grocery store:
Gravy, pie crust, pumpkin pie, extra whipping cream - because you can never have enough whipping cream...)

What am I forgetting????

Ah, yes. Valium for me, paregoric for the SugarBabies. And? Vodka.

Any other suggestions?

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Were you aware of this?

I read in the paper this morning that the day after tomorrow is THANKSGIVING!

How the hell did THAT happen? Wasn't it just September, like YESTERDAY?! Way to be there for me, people.

Suppose I should go buy a turkey and all the accompaniments? Or do you think that SD, Pop Pop & the SugarBabies would settle for that lasagna I have in the freezer?

Yeah. Me neither. Guess it's off to the commissary for me!

Monday, November 19, 2007

Things I don't understand

  • Why my son (Bear) cannot stop breaking his pencils at school. No, I don't mean that the lead frequently breaks. I mean that he breaks his pencils in half. Not one or two. But many, many pencils.
  • Why my daughter insists on doing just enough to piss ME off - thoroughly -, but not enough for anyone else to understand why I am so angry. It's a fine line and she consistently finds it. GIFTED. Yes.
  • Why, no matter how tired I am, I cannot manage to go to bed before midnight at least four nights a week.
  • Where are of this damn laundry comes from.
  • How I am going to pay for Christmas presents this year.
  • What the hell is wrong with Britney. (I'm so ashamed of my fascination with her train wreck of a life, but I just can't stop looking!)
  • What is up with that Yo Gabba Gabba show on Nick Jr. It's like Sesame Street on acid.
  • Why Bug is absolutely averse to doing anything any person in authority asks of him.
  • Also, how he has figured out the whole "reverse psychology" angle.
  • If my house will ever truly be clean and organized.
  • Why my husband is still around. Being married to a crazy person cannot be easy. (Entertaining at times, though!)
  • Why some people can't escape the roles they assumed in High School, no matter how many years it has been.
  • Heroes. This show baffles me.
  • How SD knew, without me having to even hint, that I needed ice cream. And not just ice cream, but Cappuccino Chocolate Chunk. How does he do that?
  • What on earth possessed me to pledge to post every single day this month? I've been successful so far! Can I make it for ten more days?

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Longest Baby Shower EVER

The baby shower was a huge success. If success can be measured by how long the people stay. If that is indeed the case, then I AM the hostess with the mostess. Because I finally got everybody out of my house at 1:00 this morning. AND? THEY CAME BACK. For brunch.

Seriously. This was such a strange situation for a shower. NONE of the people at the shower - other than the Sugar family - lives in Candyland. It just worked out that of the possible venues, my house offered the shortest average drive for everyone invited. Consequently, everyone who attended the shower (with the exception of two) stayed the night. Not at my house. Only the Mommy-to-Be (CRB) stayed here. Everyone else stayed at a nearby hotel. For a few hours anyway.

For everyone staying here in Candyland, SD and I prepared my world famous Kick Ass Fajitas for supper. And they were fantabulous, if I do say so myself. Then we all had a great time singing while SD played the piano. Well, we are a big bunch of choir geeks, you know. By 1:00 my head was pounding, Matt was falling asleep, SD had already been in bed for an hour.

Everyone returned this morning. Hungry again, of course. They are insatiable. So, SD, bless his heart, fixed Belgian waffles, bacon, scrambled eggs, and hash browns. He is so worth every penny I pay him.

We all had a blast. Especially watching Buttercup as she did the macarena in Mommy's belly. That little baby can bust a move. Much to CRB's dismay. We all can't wait to meet the little angel. I tried to talk her into being born here in Candyland last night, but she wasn't going for it. So inconsiderate. Everybody finally headed to their respective homes by about 1:30 this afternoon. And we are all wiped out. At least I didn't have to drive three hours!

NOW? Well, now, we prepare for PopPop to get here on Tuesday. This involves washing sheets, cleaning bathrooms, and...well, I suppose I should go to the grocery store for Thanksgiving dinner stuff. *sigh* When did November get here? And what the hell happened to it?

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Heeeere's Buttercup!




I've been meaning to post this for a long time. Here are the most recent pictures of Buttercup (my sweet godbaby to be!)

Enjoy, the next pictures will be sometime next month. You know, when she's HERE!



Isn't she beautiful?!




Also? Pissed! Or, maybe sleepy.

Today was CRB's shower. At my house. I am so, so very tired. I will tell you all about it tomorrow. Or the next day. Hell, I need SOMETHING to post about. You'll probably hear more about it than you ever wanted to know!

Friday, November 16, 2007

ATTENTION SPAMMERS


  • I do not want to take advantage of any unique work from home opportunities. Even if they do have the potential of earning me a million, frillion dollars a year.

  • I do not want to meet black singles in my area.

  • Or Christian singles.

  • Or Young Singles.

  • Or Big Beautiful Women.

  • Or look at pictures of other singles in my area.

  • I am married you idiots. And even if I weren't, I wouldn't be meeting that special someone thru a SPAM SITE.

  • I am not interested in taking a short survey and receiving a gift card to Chilis, WalMart, Outback, Kohls or anywhere else.

  • Bob Allen - I don't believe that you are the one to "jump start my success." YOUR success perhaps, but not so much mine. Also, I'd hate to think that I'd have top sink to the level of spamming people just to be successful. I'll leave that up to YOU, Bob Allen.

  • I do not want to become a secret shopper in my area. (Okay, I actually think that would be fab, but I don't exactly trust the people who keep emailing me 1,000 times a day begging me to)

  • I do not want to increase the size of my pen*s. Though that would be quite an impressive feat.

  • I'm not interested in receiving prescription drugs, even at "ridiculously low prices!!" Or perhaps I should say especially not at ridiculously low prices.

  • I'm fairly certain that I never bought a ticket for a lottery in Australia, so I'm thinking that it's another buffi who won.

  • This goes for Canada and South Africa a well.

  • I don't want to buy a foreclosed house. Vultures.

  • Lasik? AS IF I would let somebody who advertises thru spam to do surgery. On my eyes.

  • I'm not going to tell you which cola I prefer. Even if you promise me an iPod.

  • I have no interest in earning a degree online.

  • Therefore, I don't need student financial aid.

  • And I don't want to consolidate all of my bills into one easy payment. (I have a sneaking suspicion that you all are in cahoots with the student loan people.) (Who are likely affiliated fairly closely with the "earn a degree online" folks.)(I'm sensing a trend here)

  • Seriously? Colon Cleansing? GROSS.

  • I don't want to buy a home security system.

  • Not interested in becoming a "secret food critic." (See above: "Secret Shopper")

  • Don't need life insurance.

  • Or Viagra.

  • Or Mega Vitamins

  • Or a degree in Criminal Justice (but if I had one I'd be bringing all of you assholes down)

  • I already have a cell phone, thank you.

  • I have no need to learn to speak a new language in 10 days.

  • Nor do I want any screen savers, emoticons, ringtones, or free e-cards.

  • I am already in touch with all of the people with whom I graduated from high school that I DESIRE to be in touch with. The rest of 'em can suck it.

Is everybody clear on this? Are we all on the same page (so to speak)? Good. Now, for the love of Pete! Leave me alone already, wouldja!!!

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Pay no attention to the obviously deranged Astronaut Cowboy

I have no explanation for the appearance of my son here. Other than perhaps, he's four and he has a HUGE sense of humor. This isn't even the funniest outfit he has come up with. Astronaut suit, teeny tiny cowboy hat, two different socks and underwear on the outside. It's just the funniest one I have happened to get a picture of. So you can only IMAGINE what he walks out here in some days.


But this post isn't even about Bug and his all too apparent need for a psychological evaluation -sooner rather than later.

This post is about furniture. Specifically, about the furniture in this picture. The sofas. Do you see them? Well, do you see the loveseat anyway? It is a good representation of the other three pieces that came with it. (Sofa, loveseat, chair and ottoman) Being exactly the same and all.

SD and I shopped our asses off last Christmas trying to find just the right living room furniture. (Sadly, my ass grew right back. Big as ever.) We narrowed it down to two. (sets of furniture. not asses.) One set at a chain store named after one of the Olsen twins. One at a chain that has several FURNITURE stores in a ROW. Ultimately, we went with the second store. We thought the sofa set we bought there would last us a long time and would be rugged enough to withstand our boys.

WRONGO.

I am so very, very unhappy with this furniture right now. Not a month after we got it, the fabric started getting "pulls" in it. Sort of coming unravelled. And not from some blatant abuse by the boys, but just getting caught on something as one of us passed by the ottoman. Now, there are pulls somewhere on each piece.


PLUS - and this is what is most aggravating - the fabric is "pilled" up ALL OVER the blasted furniture. It looks like it is about ten years old. And it is not even a year old. I am of the opinion that when you spend several thousand dollars on furniture, it should stay looking, if not new, then not OLD for...well, at least until you have paid it off! (The store offered no interest/no payments for two years or something like that)

In addition, it has gotten mushy and uncomfortable. I'm whiny, I know. But I am just so disappointed. SD talked to the manager about this a few weeks ago and he said that they would fix the fabric where it is pulled and that they could add more stuffing to make it firmer. But how do they fix the pilling? (It's a word NOW) I can only see that being remedied by totally reupholstering ALL OF IT. And that just seems crazy. PLUS what are we supposed to do for living room furniture while it's being fixed?

Do you think that they will just replace it? Do you think that we an pick something else or at least a different fabric? Do you think that I will stop whining any time soon?


Nah. Me neither.

**I do realize that if this is the biggest problem in my life, that I have so much to be thankful for. And I am, truly. But I must whine. It's my job.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Ending Hunger. With Chocolate! And Fun!

Here's something fun!

You know Ferrero. Yes, you do. Ferrero Rocher, those uber-yummy, decadent chocolate-hazelnut gems wrapped in gold foil. And now they are going to have a new one that has dark chocolate! (more on that later) Oh, I get all tingly thinking about them.....

Hmmm?

Oh, yes, yes. Hunger. Ended. And fun! How could things get better?

As part of its partnership with Share Our Strength (SOS), one of the nation’s leading organizations working to end childhood hunger in America, Ferrero has created a Web site called Share Something Sweet (sharesomethingsweet.com). With this site, you can send virtual snow globes to friends and family that can be customized by uploading photographs as well as personal messages. As part of its work on SOS, Ferrero will be donating $20,000 to the charity. You can join us in supporting this cause by sending a personalized e-card snow globe and spreading the word.

AND? Do you live in or near New York City? Lucky YOU! Get this.....

Ferrero is also supporting SOS through sponsorship of SWEET, “New York’s Biggest Dessert Party," a culinary festival at which visitors can sample creations from New York’s most renowned pastry chefs, confectioners and chocolatiers. All proceeds from the event benefit SOS. SWEET takes place on November 16, at 9 p.m. at The Waterfront, in New York. Delicious photos from the SWEET event will be posted on http://www.sharesomethingsweet.com/ later this month. (If you go, I want to hear ALL about it. I'll be vacuuming the house that day. Charlie. JOY.)

So? End Hunger in America! Or help to, anyway. At least put a smile on the face of someone you love! I sent a snowglobe to Gray Gray and Gram already. You may be getting one in your inbox soon. Lucky, lucky you!

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Moon Pies, Anyone?

Bug made his third trip to THE OFFICE yesterday. His teacher told me, trying to stifle a giggle, that while standing in line for the water fountain (or something), Bug dropped trou and proceeded to shake his bootie for the class. The only saving grace was that he kept his Superman boxers up whilst "entertaining" his classmates. *ahem*

Perhaps he has a future with Chippendale's?

We tried to impress upon him that mooning people is simply not acceptable. He gave us an apathetic reply - the four year old version of "Yadda yadda yadda." Every day is an adventure in this house, I'll tell you.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Oh, HELL No

Just when I thought that the spam recipes couldn't get any worse, today, upon opening the Spam folder, I was greeted with this:






Sacrilege. It's the end of the world. It has to be.


(For a realistic fajita recipe, check out my world famous Kick Ass Fajitas!)

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Conversations that make my mom laugh her ass off (last one...for now)

What precipitated this exchange? Who knows. Does it really matter? It happens about fourteen times a day. One day it will end horribly. Mark my words.


Bear started it!

Nuh, uh! BUG started it!

No I didn't!

He's lying!

Am not! YOU'RE lying!

No, you are. 'Cuz YOU started it



(that's the sound of my head exploding)

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Conversations that make my mom laugh her ass off (which is really starting to sound like me nagging)

Me: SugarPlum. Throwing all of your clothes into the laundry basket is not "putting your clothes away." There are clothes in here that are folded! And LOOK! These have TAGS on them! How could they possibly be dirty if you have never EVER worn them? There should only be actual dirty clothes coming in here in the hamper. You'd better cut this crap out or you'll end up doing your OWN LAUNDRY from now on. Capisce?


SugarPlum: :::stomping::: followed by :::slamming door:::


Are you sensing a theme here?

Friday, November 09, 2007

Conversations that make my mom laugh her ass off (10 year-old version...continued)

SugarPlum: My room is all clean!

Me: Did you really get it all clean or did you just push everything to the edges of your room so that the middle *looks* clean but if one pays any attention at all, she can see the piles of CRAP lining the perimeter? Because if it's the latter, I will have to say, no, it is NOT clean and you cannot go to Izzy's house until it is.

SugarPlum: :::BIGGEST SIGH EVER::: followed by *slamming door *

That's what I thought.


Me: Slam that door again and I'm taking it off the hinges!

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Comversations that make my mom laugh her ass off (10 year-old version)

Me: SugarPlum!

SP: ............

Me: SUGARPLUM!!!

SP: what??? (very distant)

Me: SUGAR!PLUM!

SP: ::walking in, batting eyelashes:: Yes, Mommy?

Me: When I call you, you come here. Don't yell "What," you come the first time.

SP: ::eye roll:: What did you need Mommy?

Me: I have no idea anymore.

*sigh*

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Conversations that make my mom laugh her ass off (Theme for the rest of the week)

Remember when your mom told you, "One day you will grow up and have kids and I hope that they will act just like you are now!"! Well, evidently, it worked. And my mother is experiencing unspeakable joy over this fact.

To wit:


Me: ::standing in the kitchen, cooking dinner::

Bear: Mommy, may I please have a cookie?

Me: Buddy, we are going to be eating supper in about 15 minutes.

Bear: So, can I have a cookie?

Me: No, because it's almost suppertime.

Bear: Well, can I have a yogurt then?

Me: Bear! We're eating supper soon! No yogurt.

Bear: Well....a popsicle then? I can have a popsicle?

Me: *sigh* Supper! 10 minutes!! No popsicle!

Bear: But I'm starving!!!

Me: Well, call CPS then because you are not getting anything before supper. Now, go play.

Bear:.........can I have just one piece of candy?

ME: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

It's Spam-a-licious!

Every time I click on my Spam file in my Gmail account, I notice that in the little "random link bar" across the top of the page, it a link for various Spam recipes. Each one more gross sounding that the last. I have been known to throw up in the back of my throat a little when reading some of these.

Of course, I couldn't keep all of that Spam-tastic goodness to myself, so I have decided to collect these links and share them with you. Misery love company.

Spam Vegetable Strudel (Spam! and vegetables! in phyllo!)

Creamy Spam Broccoli Casserole - The name just says it all (urp!)

French Fry Spam Casserole The hell?

Spicy Spam Kabobs I don't even want to know...

Vineyard Spam Salad (Spam, grapes, and peapods - doesn't get any better than that!)

Spam Veggie Pita Pockets they're trying to make it sound healthy. it's not working.


Spam Quiche Ew. That's all. Just EW.

Spam Primavera?! Now they're just messing with me

Do you get the feeling you're in a Monty Python sketch?

If any of you decide to try one of these recipes, please let me know the results. Once you've recovered from the aftermath, that is. Try not to be too graphic. I've a weak constitution.

Monday, November 05, 2007

Ask me anything! (within reason)

Okay, a few posts back, I lost my mind and actually encouraged you people to ask me questions so that I could stock the old blog...as it were. So, here are some of the questions and answers. You people are crazy. Ask more if you want. I promise to try to answer as best I can. Unless you are a smarty pants like Bob here:


Q: Why does string theory require at least ten dimensions?

A: Archduke Franz Ferdinand (hey, makes as much sense as anything else I might come up with.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next question comes from my dear precious friend CRB (who, incidentally is the mother of Buttercup, who should be making her appearance next month):

Q: Why is it that some people don't hear or maybe don't have the little voice in their head that tells them to S.T.O.P what they are doing before someone goes postal on them????!!!!

A: Gee are we talking about any ex-husband person in particular here or is this just something you've been pondering for a while? I have no answer for this one either, though if I did, I would probably be able to write a book, make a gazillion dollars and then we could escape to a spa for a month or so. AND? perhaps hire somebody to "take care of" these problem ex-husbands people of whom you speak.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Karin and Angel asked me a couple of really great questions, but, as I am trying to make this theme last several posts, you will have to wait until tomorrow to see them! Now, what else do you want to know?

Saturday, November 03, 2007

SugarBabies Halloween 2007

Everyone here in Candyland just enjoyed the heck out of Halloween this year. Not much trick-or-treating was done, but plenty of candy was cpllected to drive Mommy crazy for weeks to come. These shots were taken just before we went in to our church's carnival.



No, Bug isn't wearing a skirt. I couldn't find the trick-or-treat bags, so we went retro and used pilllow cases. You know, like in the olden days.






Cleopatra hams it up.









In related news.......all Halloween candy faces likely relocation to the bin due to many, many conversations much like the following:
Mommy? Can I have a piece of candy?
No Bug. You just had a piece of candy two minutes ago.
That's okay, I'll get a different kind.

But it's still candy. No.

No, Mommy! It'll taste completely different than the other one. I'm getting chocolate this time.

Wha? No. No more candy. *sigh*

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Yes, indeed, I have lost my ever lovin' mind

For some reason, that I still cannot understand, I signed up for NaBloPoMo - National Blog Posting Month. (See badge in sidebar) This means that I pledged to post each and every day in November. Because I have been so consistent about posting in the past year and a half or so. Yeah.

I haven't even managed to post every WEEK, much less every day. Maybe this is my subconscious way of getting me back into the swing of things. I suspect that it is simply my subconscious fucking with me. Bastard.

So, do you think I can do it? I have no idea. It's worth a shot.

Wanna help? Since I am needing blog material, I am actually encouraging you to ask me questions. You know, everything you ever wanted to know about Sugar Mommy but were afraid to ask.

Be nice.

Perturbed

I have a question that I'm not sure if anyone who reads here will have the answer to. But here it is:

What the hell is so funny, cool, or whatever about taking pumpkins and other decorations off of people's front porches and lawns and smashing them in the street? I'm assuming it is teenagers roaming around at night, but I can't be sure. I just don't understand what it is about tearing up the prized decorations of children and of other people that is so appealing. To anyone.


Now, my kids' pumpkins get put out on the back porch every year for this very reason. But the very sweet lady next door goes all out every year decorating her house for the season. It is always very tasteful and lovely with neat looking pumpkin topiaries and jack-o-lanterns. And every year, they get smashed in the street. This just makes me angry. And even though, they aren't ours, my kids are devastated that someone would do that to Ms. Sherry's pumpkins. They just don't get it.

If someone can explain it, please do. Because I am feeling very unforgiving right now. I guess that I just don't get it either.


Halloween pictures of the SugarBabies will be posted later, I promise. I have to get to work just now....

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Some days you're the doorknob, some days you're the Giant F'ing Gorilla

Last night, I was the gorilla. And this doorknob pissed. me. off.



Yesterday was crazy. An absolute clusterfuck of activities. Totally exacerbated by the fact that SD was night flying and was therefore unavailable for transporting SugarBabies about town. He's so selfish. Working and all. So, the schedule was this:

3:30 Parent/Teacher conference
4:00-6:00: SP's soccer practice
6:00-7:00: Bug's soccer practice
6:30-??? Bear's Boy Scout meeting

Allegedly.

So, I bust my ass getting back from the conference to get SP to soccer practice on time. And we made it! But? Nobody was there. Because practice actually started at 4:30. No worries. We hung out for a few minutes and some people showed up. I remembered that I hadn't grabbed Bear's Cub Scout uniform, so I ran back home to fetch it and then came back. (Remember this...this is key) We hang out at practice and by 6:00, I needed to go pee. I mean REALLY needed to. And there is no bathroom at the practice field. So, as soon as SP is dismissed from practice, we hightail it to McDonalds, so that I can potty and so that we can get some food.

If you paid any attention to that schedule up there, it required that I be in two places at once. I'm good....but not cloned yet. Bug's practice got ditched. He's four. He'll get over it.

SO. We eat our crappy fast food on our way to the scout meeting - Bear still hasn't changed clothes. We get to the church right at 6:30! Wooo hoooo!! But wait! There's no one here. Not a soul. The doors are locked. the lights are out. CRAP.

Actually, not all that disappointed. I was ready to go home and chill. So, we head to the casa and everyone unloads their crap I go to unlock the deadbolt and discover that someone has locked the doorknob. I don't have a key to the doorknob. SD is flying. Crap.

So, I try hitting the door with my shoulder like the cops on TV do. Guess what. That shit hurts. Also, it doesn't work. So, I try to jimmy the lock with a credit card. That doesn't work either. Last resort? I start whacking the holy hell out of the doorknob with a hammer until it opens. It was actually pretty cathartic. Though, poor SD got home and thought that someone had tried to break into the house.

I'm such a badass.

Friday, October 26, 2007

I'm feeling like the gorilla....you know who you are


Also...I need some help. After blogging for over two years now, my archives in the sidebar are taking up a ridiculous amount of room. Can anyone tell me how to make them into a drop down menu that doesn't take up so much dang space over there. It's getting on my nerves. I'm afraid I may go "gorilla" on someone soon because of it.
One thing that may make a difference: My template is old. Very old. Almost as old as the blog. But I still love it. SO the nifty little fixes that you can do on the NEW blogger templates don't work in "classic" templates. (I'm like an oldies station. And nearly as stale! If I start streaming The Eagles' "Witchy Woman" just do us all a favor put a cap in my ass.)

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Be nice. Or I'll breathe on you.

So, first, I'm sorry about going for over a week and then posting a quiz. Lame? Certainly. But I thought it was kinda cool & thought I'd share. Besides, you're just jealous.

I have been sick for...ever it seems like. I went for like ten days with a sore throat, telling myself it was viral because I had these ulcers all down my throat and knew that the doctor would just tell me to take motrin and drink plenty of water. Which I was doing. Although, by last Tuesday, every time I took a drink, I had to shout, "SonofaBITCH!" There may have been other profanities uttered through the day. I have no comment on these rumors. It was at this point that SD insisted that I go visit the flight surgeon. I complied with his request (phrased thusly, "Just go to the damn doctor already!!!) because by that point I had a lymph node on the left side of my throat that was the size of a ping pong ball and corresponding swelling inside my throat. All the same, I really hadn't run much of a fever, so I figured that a trip to the doctor was silly - prudent as it might seem.

The nurse whom I LOVE went ahead and swabbed my throat for a culture, telling me that it looked viral to her, too. Then Doogie the Flight Surgeon came in and made me love him just a little by saying, "Wow! You have lost a LOT of weight! You look great!" (He just got back from a deployment to Iraq.) I resisted the urge to kiss him on the face. Because that would have been inappropriate. Right? (And I DO look pretty damn good. In the past year, I have lost about 25 pounds. I can finally fit back into my pants that have single digit sizes!) (I'm so glad I didn't give those away!) *ahem*


So, Doogie looks at my throat and says, "Wow. That's really swollen and red!" Duh. He said that he didn't think it was strep, but he was going to give me some penicillin just in case and if the test came back negative on Thursday or Friday, I could stop taking it. Which, HELLO? Do you ever pick up a newspaper or watch television? Super-Bugs. Heard of them? No, I told him, I would take the antibiotic home with me and if they called me with a positive result, the I would start taking it. But, of course THAT wouldn't happen since I didn't have strep. He redeemed himself somewhat by prescribing me something called "magic Mouthwash" which has lidocaine in it and made little things like drinking and eating much less painful. Yay Doogie!


So....Thursday afternoon Nurse-whom-I-love calls and asks if I had been taking the penicillin. I tell her no and she says, "Well, you need to start. Your strep test came back positive."

The hell?!

So, now I am taking penicillin four times a day. Allegedly. Because I cannot for the life of me remember to take something four times a day. For crying out loud. Who can remember to do that? If I had thought for a second that I really had strep, I would have gotten the penicillin shot in my butt. Because that works so much faster. But no. I am just now, as of today, feeling better. Today, finally, my throat is not so sore. Though, when I tried to eat the french fries I got with my lunch, it felt like razor blades soaked in lemon juice. Not so bad as water felt a week ago, but enough to elicit a "crapcrapcrapcrapcrap" if not a "sonofabitch."

Maybe tomorrow, we can downgrade to a "Dang" and eventually an "Oof."

Until then your best chance of hearing from me is my extraordinarily dorked-out Twitter posts. I'm the dorkiest dork there ever was. But at least I'm no longer contagious!

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Like I said.....



How grammatically correct are you? (Revised with answer key)


You are a GRAMMAR GOD!

Congratulations! If your mission in life is not already to preserve the English tongue, it should be. You can smell a grammatical inaccuracy from fifty yards. Your speech is revered by the underlings, though some may blaspheme and call you a snob. They're just jealous. Go out there and change the world.
Take this quiz|

Join|Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Sweet Nothings from Sugar Bear

Bear, who, along with is brother has been told several times to settle down and go to sleep:

"Mommy, it's just hard to go to sleep when you are six. Akshully, it's just hard to be six with Bug around."

Thursday, October 04, 2007

BOB Books...finally

Oh, I have been horribly, horribly remiss. Several weeks ago, I was scheduled to review the BOB Books. First, I had the wrong date written down. Then my grandfather died. After that, I was simply overwhelmed with....life I suppose. Ironically at the same time, I seemed to be suffering from the blahs. Is it possible to die of ennui? Finally, Marjorie shot me an email earlier this week asking, ever so nicely, (because Marjorie is one of the most diplomatic, lovely people I have ever met on the internets) if I had any plans to ever review the books because this was the last week of the campaign. So I am suitably shamed. And if I had checked my email earlier this week, I would have been shamed much, much sooner. Thus, here is my review.

I am no stranger to BOB books. As a former kindergarten teacher and staunch proponent of phonics, I like to stay familiar with the various phonics programs. SugarPlum seemed to have taught herself to read, so I never ventured to purchase anything like that. But last year, as Bear started learning to read, I got a set of BOB books to help him along (you know, since Mrs Kindergarten seemed to think that he was brain damaged or something). Then when I had the opportunity to have another set for him, I jumped at it!

Simply stated, BOB Books are lovely. They aren't flashy, colorful or exciting. Not that there's anything wrong with that. But these books have spare, simple stories with fun, minimalist drawings. Enough to help a young reader along in his/her reading but not so much as to distract. They have easy to relate to characters with easy names - Mat, Sam, Dot, and Cat. The books help early readers to stay focused on sounding out words and figuring out the "trick" of reading. Using a step-by-step process, they build skill and before you know it, your kid has read a whole book! How cool is that when you are FIVE?! They are great for building confidence in young readers - giving them a taste of reading success and assurance that soon, they will be able to read those exciting, interesting books that they bring home from the library. Bear beams when he reads one of these to me or SD. And he is always quick to grab one to read to Gray or Gram when they visit Candyland. In fact, he likes them SO MUCH that he asked to take them for Show & Tell. I'm going to talk to Mrs Firstgrade about that before we send them. Don't need to piss off another teacher!

As such, BOB books are not something that will hold a child's attention when he is being read to. Case in point, Bug was SOOO excited when I pulled the books out. That lasted about two minutes. He declared them "bowing." (That's "boring" to those of us without a speech impediment. Though not nearly as adorable.) These are not the books that he will pick for you to read at bedtime. They aren't, in my opinion, something to pick to get your three year old interested in reading. But that's okay. Save them for a couple of years when he can start to read to himself. At least that is what I am telling myself about Bug. If he makes parole by then.

Monday, October 01, 2007

Balance? Perhaps I should just work on focus

Balance. Ah, yes. Seems to be coming a little at a time. See? I'm posting!! Okay, well, right now I'm just typing. We'll see if this makes it to an actual post. However, it stands a much better chance than the many many posts as of late which have existed solely in my head. (Lots of space there, you know.)

I was able to play on the computer a bit, take the wrecked van to the shop for an estimate (don't ask...it's painful), go to physical therapy, do a load of laundry - including folding and putting away! - pick up the living room, cook supper, take Bug to soccer practice and even make a valiant attempt at putting the badges on Bear's Tiger Cub uniform. WHEW!

Sadly, I was decidedly unsuccessful at that last task as said badges were not, as I (erroneously) assumed, iron-on. And, as my sewing talents are sadly lacking, Bear went to his Scout meeting with a (gasp!) naked uniform. Oh, the humanity. BUT WAIT! SugarDaddy to the rescue! He is taking the uniform and patches to a tailor near base who will them sew the patches on securely so that Bear can attend future den meetings with his head held high.

geez...can you say tangent?!

I was however remarkably successful in the dinner department, preparing a very quick chicken stir fry that inspired two of the three SugarBabies to ask for seconds and then? THIRDS. So yummy it was. (Pay no attention to Bug. He is protesting most food right now and it is vexing me because my children have always been good eaters. Other parents ask to have my kids over for dinner just to watch them eat. Asparagus? More please! Salmon? Yes! Mushrooms? Peppers? Brussels Sprouts? Mmmmmmmm! (Okay maybe I'm pushing it with the Brussels sprouts, but, they are remarkably good eaters.) I know that this is why Bug is not eating. Because that child must make a liar out of me every chance he gets.)

School still seems to be going okay. Bug has only made one more trip to the office in the past month. For hitting. Brute. He's really not even the slightest bit contrite about it. He feels very justified in his actions most of the time. *sigh* He is going to be a Baptist preacher some day, I just know it. They all start out as little turds and then mellow. Well, mellow may not be the word but....oh, you know what I mean.

Bear has started coming out of his shell some as well. Heh. His teacher still loves him. But he is exploring his boundaries a little more lately, resulting in a conduct cut or two. Nothing office-worthy, though. Today, Mrs. Firstgrade told me that some of his classmates have complained that Bear has been hugging and kissing them. I have witnessed this and talked to him about it. But today we had to have a more direct, in-depth conversation to establish that this isn't acceptable at school. He was crestfallen. Bless his heart, he just gets so overcome with happiness and love for his friends, he wants to kiss them. I told him so save up all those kisses for me.

If you're really nice, I'll save some for you, too. Of course you'll have to come to Candyland to get them, but it will totally be worth it. Bear kisses are some of the sweetest in the world! Not that I'm partial.

Saturday, September 29, 2007

Paging Dr. Phil....

For obligatory apology, see here and/or here.

What to do, what to do....I am having a really hard time trying to find a balance between family time and "me time." Because "me time " is the only time that I have to post or check email or read everyone else's blogs. In the not too distant past I tried to merge "me time" and family time with less than stellar results. I found myself saying "Wait a minute. I'll get you some milk/supper/attention after I finish this post. Which then turns into "..when I finish reading this person's post."

I had to ask myself, when did reading about other people's lives and children become more important than living my own life and spending time with my children. While SD was gone, blogging was my refuge. I got so much wonderful support from my blog friends and I felt a little less alone. But, I was using my time with the kids to do so. I am needing to find balance and it's not easy.

I am really tired of whining here. I used to have a sense of humor. My kids do really freaking funny things every day. And I should just get on and share the little tidbits. I guess I'm afraid that if I turn on the computer, I will be here for six hours and that's no good. A little self control would be helpful here. Does Amazon sell that? No, I didn't think so.


So, the funeral and the trip down there wasn't as bad as I was afraid it was going to be. In fact it was, I am somewhat ashamed to say...fun. It seems like such a cliche` to say that we all only get together for weddings and funerals, but it's true. And this time I got to meet cousins I had never really seen before. Or at least not in at least 15 years. And given that they were small children then, it was cool to get to know them. One cousin who is getting married in the Spring declared that I must come to the wedding because I am one of the "cool cousins." And for my down in the dumps, frumpy feeling 37 year old self to be declared cool by a 25 year old was very satisfying indeed. Of course it's not too much of a challenge to seem cool when the other cousins are self-righteous teetotalers who really have no clue how to have fun. (did I say that out loud?) We are considering havin a secret family reunion. You are only invited if you can kick back and have a beer with us. Or at least not judge us if we do enjoy and adult beverage or two.

My poor grandmother was so confused. She, at times, had no idea who any of us were. She thought that the "cool cousin" was me because she had long blonde hair like I used to. However this cousin also has these huge b00bs, so that should have been a dead give away. My grandmother did come up to me and tell me how pretty I was several times, though. Really. She would come up and stroke my cheek and say, "You're so pretty!" She had no clue who I was or what I was doing there. And it was hard not to laugh when I was showing her pictures of the kids and she kept saying things like, "Now what's that one's name? How old is he?" I hope people are nice to me when I am old. I totally won't deserve it.

The drive itself was fairly uneventful. It was strange to be in the car with just my parents and my brother. It was almost like I was twelve again. But without the choking on cigarette smoke or the "he's touching me" game. Oh, and I had to drive part of the way. The trip down was almost pleasant until we got stuck in Houston traffic and I had to pee so bad I seriously would have gone in my pants but I would have never been able to live THAT down. Daddy finally pulled into a McDonald's so that I could potty. Two minutes later, we were at my cousins'. Natch.

The drive home would have been okay except that I had a horrendous migraine and my mother would not shut the fuck up. She had something to say about every billboard, every restaurant and every other driver on the road. She's lucky that the migraine had rendered me almost paralyzed or I might have reached up there and ripped her vocal cords out. It was a satisfying fantasy, anyway.

I arrived back home to a clean house and happy children. And damn SD for being able to maintain things while I was gone. I never can commiserate with other wives about the whole house-falling-apart-after-I-was-gone-for-only-three-days thing. He does a damn good job at that and I am so grateful.

The marriage? It seems...better....I think. You know, nobody tells you how hard it is being married. Or staying married anyway. But, damn it's a lot of work. It should really be in the pamphlet. I think it is a miracle that my grandparents celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary just before he died. Because he was an old curmudgeon. I would have divorced his ass long ago. Love is indeed a many splendored thing.

Monday, September 17, 2007

Just another rambling, disjointed, and slightly whiny post

Seems like every post lately has started the same way....sorry for the lack of posting.

And I really am. Sorry, that is. Also sorry for the lack of visiting everyone else's blogs. I have been severely limiting my computer time lately. I have been trying to give more time to my family and my house and my "real" life in an effort to improve my marriage.

Has it worked? Hell if I know. Husbands are hard to read, you know? At least mine is. I go all along la-tee-dahing for months and years and at time thinking life is all happy and fine and whammo! Not so much. No, I'm not saying anything is wrong per-say. Just that I don't know how things are. *sigh*

The start of school always throws me. Especially this year, since Bug is going to preschool every day. I thought I'd have all this time and get a lot done. HA! Somehow, I have at least two to three appointments a week of some sort or other. I'm really not sure what happens to my time. the only thing I know is I'm not on the computer that's for sure!

Bug started preschool after Labor Day. He is so funny. He was so excited and so freaking adorable. Then he had to go and be....Bug. Yes, my four-year-old got sent to the office on the second day of preschool. Did you even know that preschool HAD an "office" (In the ooooh! you're in troouuuubbblllleee!" sense of the word)? Seems our little rebel didn't want to help his classmates clean up the toys and started throwing blocks. One of which hit a little girl in the face, requiring an ice pack. Thus, the trip to the office.

Later that same day, he was kicking the crap out of some little girl on the play ground.This prompted a teacher to tell him that "We don't do that to our friends!"

To which Bug replied, "She's not my friend!"

Yeah. It's gonna be that kind of year. Heaven help me. It's a good thing he's cute.

Bear had a bumpy start to first grade. He was having trouble staying focused and getting all of his work done. Blessedly, Mrs Firstgrade chatted with me about it on afternoon, telling me that he is such a smart boy, but he needed to really focus and finish his work. She said that it was something that she would work on with him at school as I said I would at home. She was so gracious and sweet about it. I nearly kissed her. It was such a nice change from Mrs Kindergarten. And let me tell you, Bear has already turned around and is finishing his work every day. He's so proud! He had his first spelling test Friday and made 100%! Same for his reading test. He was about to bust his buttons he was so proud. WHEW!

Friday night, SD, Gray Gray and I took the kids to the fair. We all had a good time, though Bug was a little pissy because he didn't get to ride the bumper cars. None of us adults could ride with him. You know, I've had enough "bumper cars" over the last few months to last me for a while! Also, at the fair, my dad got a call that my grandfather had died. He'd been sick for a while, so it wasn't totally unexpected. Still, sad. But mostly weird, because I am 37 years old and until Friday, all of my grandparents were alive. I'm afraid that this is going to be happening more often and to the grandparents I am closer to, which will NOT be good for my mental health. I'm trying not to think about it.

So, I am heading to Houston tomorrow for the funeral. I'm leaving the kids here with SD. Pray for him. Also, I am riding in a car with my parents and brother for several hours each way. Pray for ME. I don't want to go to jail. You have no idea how real that possibility might be. Also? Houston. Heat. Humidity. Emotions. Angst. Family. This can't turn out well.

Hopefully this catches me up. I'll try not to go two weeks between posts, but I don't know how that will work out. Hopefully, I will find a way to balance blogging and the rest of my life. I still need to review the BOB books that MotherTalk sent me (they are fantastic) and the novel, A History Lesson for Girls (wonderful, wonderful!) for another firm that asked me to. I enjoy reading these books and sharing them with you. It's just that lately life keeps coming at me and won't stop. What's up with that?


Must go pack my black dress and other funereal stuff. This should be fun.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

If you're blue and you don't know where to go to.....

So, we are back from our weekend of partying (she said, tongue firmly placed in cheek). This was supposed to be a relaxing weekend, spent visiting friends and family. Instead, like always, it felt hectic, over-scheduled and somewhat disappointing.


Now, to those of you I visited this weekend, don't get me wrong. I had an absolute blast seeing everyone and don't regret a minute I spent with you.


For everyone else on the planet (high expectations here), I went home for the 20 year reunion of all my high school friends. Confused? Well, you're not the only one. With one or two exceptions, my best friends from high school all graduated a year before me. So, when it came time for their reunion this year, I was delighted to have been invited to the reunion by a friend who thought it would be nice to have the gang back together. I had every intention of attending all of the reunion events. But over the summer, my grandmother was diagnosed with lymphoma and started chemo. So, I tweaked my plans some and decided that we would still go to Candyland West this weekend, but I would just go to the dinner and the get together with all of the choir gang on Sunday. Those plans were further altered when several of us realized that the dinner was going to cost $120 per couple. For barbecue. As much as I wanted to attend that dinner, I really didn't want to spend that much. For barbecue. So several of us decided to go out to a nice dinner at one of the better restaurants in Candyland West.

I was really looking forward to this trip. I was so excited to see some of these people I haven't seen in years. And some I hadn't seen in weeks. But Wednesday I started feeling nauseous and it didn't go away all weekend. I don't think I ate more than three bites of anything for several days. On the upside, I lost a few more pounds, so at least there was a silver lining. Of course the cloud inside that silver lining included the migraine that wouldn't die. I'm not sure which the cause and which was the effect, but I had either a headache, a tummyache or both all stinking weekend. Ugh.

THEN! We awoke Saturday morning to the dulcet tones of barking coming from the boys' room. More specifically, from Bear's bed. Crap. It's croup. While SD steamed up the bathroom, I found some benedryl and motrin in the medicine cabinet at Gram's house. Had I brought the nebulizer? No. Of course not. It's summer! He doesn't get croup in summer! Also? I never even thought about it. The steam seemed to help (no ER trip!), so I decided to pull myself together quickly and get up to my old high school for the tour.

I don't recommend this. A high school can change a LOT in twenty years and not all of it will make you happy. By the time I got there, the tour was headed out to the gym. Which has been expanded a great deal and is now two gyms plus a lot more stuff that I didn't see. We started to go into the "old gym" - the one we all remembered - but there was a volleyball game going on and we couldn't go in. But the poor little Student Council (class of 2009!) rep was happy to show us the new gym! Um, yeah. But that is not a part of our past. It's not where we had our pep rallies and saw our beloved basketball team get trounced time and time again.

Back inside. We go through the door back into the school, look to the right and see that the dance studio no longer exists! It appears to have been turned into a janitor's closet. Sacrilege! Then? We learn that the gymnastics gym? Is now the new library. What is wrong with these people. The gymnastics team was the only team we had to brag about!!! And little student council rep/tour guide? Seems PROUD of the fact that the gym was ripped out to make their new state-of-the-art library! FOR SHAME! Why look at all those computers! Back in my day, we had to make an effort to do a research paper. We didn't have computers to look up stuff. We had do dig through microfiche and plow through the stacks to find the articles and books we needed to get that one perfect quote! These kids today have it so easy....

::deep cleansing breath::


That's better. { /rant}


We made our way up to the choir room. Sure that that would satisfy what we came for. But it was locked! Oh! The disappointment. We were all so pathetic standing on tiptoe, peeking int he little windows on the doors. Noticing the what changes we could see. There was much sadness. Luckily, we all made our way down to the auditorium, which still looked and smelled the same. That was happy. We climbed up on stage and forced out significant others to take photos of us as we tried in vain to remember the words and steps to some of our show choir numbers. I think little student council boy was very impressed! You know, if a bunch of old people singing off key and fumbling around on a high school stage is his idea of impressive.

Other tour highlights:

~ Student Council boy telling us how the bell tower is haunted since a person was murdered up there in the mid-80's (you know, waaaaaaaaaay back in the 80's). We told him that we thought we probably would have remembered that.


~ They have elevators now. We reminisced about how we used to sell "elevator tickets" to clueless sophomores. "Now where are the elevators?" "Right next to the swimming pool." Oh, yeah. We were clever.


After the tour, the rest of the gang (read: the people who actually graduated in '87) went tot he picnic. SD and I planned on going over to visit my grandparents, but a wave of nausea gripped me and turned me green and I decided that I didn't need to expose Maw Maw to that or to Bear's cough, given that she has zero immune system after two rounds of chemo. I promised that we would go over Sunday, after the choir gathering.


Dinner Saturday night was good. And, if SD's veal chop alone hadn't cost $42.95(!), it might have been less expensive than the reunion dinner. But the conversation was great, and they had amazing creme brulee which made one of our group declare, "This is what the gods bathe in!" We had a lot of fun, so I suppose it was worth it. Sadly, later that night, my stomach rebelled again and I didn't get to enjoy the fun at the hotel with everyone. This also precluded any visits to see my grandparents Sunday. Much, much sadness.


Our choir party was even more fun than I had hoped! I was happy to see everyone who showed up. I am proud to say that among us, we have the most beautiful, well behaved, smartest group of children in the world. It must be something in the water in Candyland West. It makes for good genes to pass down!


Meanwhile, back in Soccer Land.....SugarPlum played as a guest player for one of the uber-competitive club teams in our town. They have been pursuing her for a while, but she hasn't wanted to make the commitment that the team requires. She had a lot of fun and the team won second place in their tournament. SP is thinking that maybe she would like to play for them next season. I'm not AS opposed as I once was. They only practice twice a week and they are a great group of girls. The parents are pretty cool too. I suppose that the only thing holding us back will be whether we can get a second mortgage on our house to pay the astronomical fees that are required to be on the team. Plus the tournament fees, travel expenses, etc. *sigh* She's ten. I don't know if I'm ready for this. Seem like it's gonna happen whether I'm ready or not.

So..how was YOUR Labor Day??

Thursday, August 30, 2007

This post is for Peaches...

...who is tired of seeing the book review that has been up for a week now.


I have about fourteen blog posts in my head about various things that I can't seem to form into actual coherent posts. So, you are getting a list of sorts of the randomness that is my life. Otherwise, I have no idea when I will sit down and do this again.

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School started Monday. With as much bitching as I have done about the children driving me crazy and how in the hell could they have pushed school back two weeks, I was surprised to find myself feeling a little sad Sunday night. I really do enjoy my kids. Except of course when they are beating the crap out of each other. Or whining. Or waking me up at five o'clock in the morning for no reason.

SugarPlum and Bear both looked so grown up Monday morning! While I was a little sentimental seeing them, I was stunned when SD had to leave the room so overcome was he by the appearance of our oldest two. My sweet, marshmallow husband was brought to tears!

As expected, SP loves the fifth grade and the fifth grade seems to love her, so far. She has some good friends in her class, though not the child with the batshit crazy momma (whom I have decided not to expand on here because the woman really is mentally ill and it seems cruel and in bad taste to pick on her. If things get out of hand, however I reserve the right to rant about her!) She is really looking forward to being able to do PE again after missing the last six weeks of it last year after the broken collar bone.





I was a little apprehensive about Bear going into first grade. Mrs. Kindergarten had both of us worried about how Bear would do in first grade. Fortunately, Mrs. Firstgrade seems to love our Bear and said that, so far, he has been very well behaved and that he has done really well on his work. He got a 100/A+ on the first paper he did!! I like her so much. Honestly, it was all I could do not to hop in the car, drive over to Candyland Early Childhood Center, stick out my tongue, and say "Nyah Nyah Nyah!" to Mrs. Kindergarten. But, as I AM trying to set a good example, I chose to just walk around with a look of smug satisfaction on my face. And, of course praise Bear lavishly. Isn't he adorable?!

Bug, on the other hand is pissed. His school doesn't start until next week. And he doesn't understand WHY?!! Personally, things would have been much easier this week if he had been in school. I have about eleventeen appointments and other things to do. But we're managing.

Bug had a cavity in one of his molars a few weeks ago. He has something called hypoplastic enamel on a few of his molars (SugarPlum has it on her permanent molars - joy). So, Tuesday he went in to have a silver crown put on that molar to save him from further decay on that tooth. We decided to make it a cool thing for him to get a "silver tooth." Gray Gray told him that he would be like a pirate, which was just about the most awesome thing he had heard in a long time! He did pretty well. He was mostly mad that morning because he had to be NPO after midnight. That really wasn't a big deal in his mind until he woke up and he was hungry! Then he decided that perhaps we should do another day. Too bad for him. He looks cool now though. And he has told everyone he sees that he has a silver tooth.

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Well! Look at that! I guess I did have enough for a blog post. So I guess that now you will have to wait to hear all of the other exciting stuff that has been going on. Like how I had another freaking car accident. Yes, really. WTF is wrong with me?

And how we had a bunch of people over here for a party after SD rode in a bike race that morning and I was suffering from PTSD after that accident the day before.

And how, even though she doesn't want to play on a competitive soccer team, SugarPlum is traveling without us to a tournament as a guest player on the club team that is pursuing her. This should be interesting...