6 For a child is born to us,
a son is given to us.
The government will rest on his shoulders.
And he will be called:
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. 7 His government and its peace
will never end.
He will rule with fairness and justice from the throne of his ancestor David
for all eternity.
Yesterday, at the grocery store (by myself...yea SD!!!), as the girl was loading the groceries into the back of the Candy-Van, she asked me if I had a baby. I assumed that she saw the stroller folded up in the back, and said, "No, a three-year-old...and a ten year-old...and a five year old."
She mentioned that she saw the car seats and that is what made her wonder. I told her that all three of my kids still have car seats. She looked at me like I had lost my ever-loving mind. "Even the ten year-old?!" she asked, totally aghast.
Yep, that is the recommendation if the NHTSA. I'll admit, SugarPlum is just now tall enough to ride without a car seat, but she likes having the headrest when we are on a longer trip. And the seat we bout for her is mad for children up to 100lbs. But none of my kids have ever questioned the car seat thing. In fact, they get a little stressed if they aren't buckled into their seats properly. "NOOOOO! Carseat Mommy!" Once, one of SP's friends commented about the car seat and tried to make fun of her. "Your mom makes you ride in a car seat? My mom doesn't make ME ride in a car seat!
SugarPlum, far from being upset or embarrassed, simply replied, "Yeah, well, my mom loves me!" How could you not?
I will also admit that I come by my car safety paranoia honestly. I rode in one of the very first carseats ever on the market long, long ago. My mom always made us buckle our seatbelts regardless of where we went. We never owned a car without seatbelts. Which is saying a lot for the early 70's! When TEXAS!! passed the seatbelt law in the 80's, it was no big deal to us, we had always had to wear ours.
I have friends who question my car seat "nazi" tendencies. But I just don't care. If there is something so simple that can keep my kids safe, I'm all for it. I don't understand why people don't put their kids in car seats. And I don't mean weirdos like me whose almost ten-year-olds are still in car seats. I'm talking about those people I see driving around withe their two-year-old standing in the front seat. It scares the bejeebers out of me. I want to take them to Target and buy them a car seat. Somehow though, I don't think that would make that much of a difference. In fact, it might just get me a black eye.
So, am I an unreasonable freak mom? Do your kids (if they are elementary school-age) still ride in car seats? Am I justified in my paranoia or do I need to take some extra Xanax and get over it all ready? Not that I'm gonna. Pbbbbbbtttttttt!
I know that you are probably so sick of my whining that you can barely stand it. Hardly anybody is even commenting anymore. I have a feeling that most everyone is adhering to that childhood rule "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." And quite honestly, I appreciate that. Harsh words might just send me over the edge at this point. And I am just barely hanging on by my fingernails right now.
I was looking at my posts from this time last year and realize that I have almost completely lost my funny. I even blogged some about my depression last fall, but at least I had some perspective. Or from my writing, I seemed to, anyway. It's like a whole lifetime ago, reading that. I suppose a lot has happened and my whole life and reality changed in the space of a few weeks there. But golly. I just am not holding up well under the pressure. Last year, I spoke of how I felt like I was being dragged under and needed help coming back up. I really thought that I had overcome most of that. I thought that with my thyroid being treated, that I was doing so much better. But over the past couple of months, my crazy has returned with a vengeance.
I went to the doctor a few weeks ago and asked to have my antidepressant dosage upped because I was feeling like I was going under again. For a week or two I was feeling so much better. I was cleaning the house, enjoying my kids, being a Mommy. But as Thanksgiving approached, I found myself sinking faster than I ever had. I get home from picking the kids up from school some days and go get in my bed. SugarPlum, bless her heart, entertains the boys for me and come to tell me when it's time for me to make dinner. This isn't every day, but FAR more often than it should be. No nine year old should have to take that much responsibility for her family.
I have days where I get stuff done. I will get the whole entire kitchen clean. Or I'll sort through two rooms worth of clutter. But it's never enough to get caught up. Which is why I was so relieved that the whole family wasn't coming here for Thanksgiving. I had decided that it was better to make the drive to Gram & Gray's than to try to get this place up to snuff. But by Wednesday morning (when I had told my parents I would be leaving) I had nothing packed, the house was still a disaster & needed to be at least tidied up as we were having a kid come and stay here to dog-sit. I needed to clean out my van and fold the laundry. And I was paralyzed. I hid in the guest room and cried for a good half hour. I had no idea why I was crying other than I felt like I was losing my mind & didn't know how to rein it in. I seriously contemplated staying here and having turkey sandwiches for Thanksgiving. Eventually, I could hear the kids screaming at each other on the other side of the house and went in there to keep them from killing each other. They saw my red eyes and puffy face and got very somber. I started crying again and told them that i couldn't get this done on my own and that I needed their help if they wanted to go.
We finally hit the road at about 2:00, which was when my parents expected us to be arriving not leaving. My mom started to give me shit about it, but I just got off the phone with her quickly. I didn't need her help. I was still such a mess that when I got behind a truck that I couldn't pass (crappy two-lane roads), I was on the verge of tears over it. It was one of the longest three-hour drives of my life.
Unraveling. That is what I feel like I am doing. Like somebody has hold of the yarn that makes up the sweater that is my sanity and is pulling every so often so that when I turn around to look, there is less and less of it.
That is what I wrote the week after Thanksgiving. And things just kept looking more and more bleak. I finally went back to the doctor this past Friday and told him everything that had been going on. I was desperate. He doubled my antidepressant dosage (from what the other dr. had increased it to in November), and had me get another thyroid check as well as testing for some auto-immune and auto-inflammatory diseases. He asked me if I had been getting much exercise and I told him no. When he asked why, I responded, "Because I don't want to." I didn't feel the need to make excuses. HELLO? Did you hear the part about the depression? Yes, I know that exercising will prompt a change in my brain chemistry resulting in me feeling better. I am a well educated woman. Who is suffering from depression. And when my Crazy and my Lazy get together? There will be minimal physical activity, I can assure you.
Sitting there, talking to the Dr, I ticked off all of my symptoms: weight gain (seven lbs in about two weeks - this is what prompted the exercise question), irritable, withdrawing from activities (I quit working at the church on Thursdays and stopped helping at GA's), not getting much of anything done in my house and in the past few weeks have only managed to shower once or maybe twice a week (I know, EWWWW!). I felt like one of those freaking commercials for depression. Ridiculous.
So, he wants me to try this increased dosage and come back in about three weeks. But already I can tell a HUGE difference. Which is good, because I didn't want to be this way when SD gets home (IN TWO DAYS!! YAAAAAY!!!!). And I really feel like I need to be on my game because my SD's dad (aka PopPop) - always a joy to have about - comes for a visit next Sunday. But, mostly, I couldn't do this to my kids any more. They need a Mommy who is present. Who wants to spend time with them. Who doesn't hide in the guest room and cry.
Time to get out the knitting needles and put the sleeves back on that sanity sweater. Okay, is it just me or is it time to give that metaphor a well deserved break? Or burial.
Hopefully my funny will be back soon. I enjoyed having a sense of humor. I suspect that SD packed it in his suitcase and took it to Turkey with him. Please bring it back honey, okay?
(Heh, did you know that if your finger slips just a little bit, you can end up typing hiney instead of honey?)
It has come to my attention that many of you are upset that folks are taking My name out of the season. Maybe you've forgotten that I wasn't actually born during this time of the year, although I do appreciate being remembered anytime.
How I personally feel about this celebration can probably be most easily understood by those of you who have been blessed with children of your own. I don't care what you call the day. If you want to celebrate My birth just, GET ALONG AND LOVE ONE ANOTHER. Now, having
said that let Me go on.
If it bothers you that the town in which you live doesn't allow a scene depicting My birth, then just get rid of a couple of Santas and snowmen and put in a small Nativity scene on your
own front lawn. If all My followers did that there wouldn't be any need for such a scene on the town square because there would be many of them all around town.
Stop worrying about the fact that people are calling the tree a holiday tree, instead of a Christmas tree. It was I who made all trees. You can & may remember Me anytime you see any tree. Decorate a grape vine if you wish: I actually spoke of that one in a teaching explaining who I am in relation to you & what each of our tasks were. If you have forgot that one, look up John 15: 1 - 8.
If you want to give Me a present in remembrance of My birth here is my wish list. Choose something from it.
1. Instead of writing protest letters objecting to the way My birthday is being celebrated, write letters of love and hope to soldiers away from home. They are terribly afraid and lonely this
time of year. I know, they tell Me all the time.
2. Visit someone in a nursing home. You don't have to know them personally. They just need to know that someone cares about them.
3. Instead of writing George complaining about the wording on the cards his staff sent out this year, why don't you write and tell him that you'll be praying for him and his family this year. Then follow up. It will be nice hearing from you again.
4. Instead of giving your children a lot of gifts you can't afford and they don't need, spend time with them. Tell them the story of My birth, and why I came to live with you down here. Hold them in your arms and remind them that I love them.
5. Pick someone that has hurt you in the past and forgive him or her.
6. Did you know that someone in your town will attempt to take their own life this season because they feel so alone and hopeless? Since you don't know who that person is, try
giving everyone you meet a warm smile. It could make the difference. Also, you might consider supporting the local Hot-Line: they talk with people like that every day.
7. Instead of nit picking about what the retailer in your town calls the holiday, be patient with the people who work there. Give them a warm smile and a kind word. Even if they aren't allowed to wish you a "Merry Christmas" that doesn't keep you from wishing them one.
Then stop shopping there on Sunday. If the store didn't make so much money on that day they'd close and let their employees spend the day at home with their families.
8. If you really want to make a difference, support a missionary, especially one who takes My love & Good News to those who have never heard My name. You may already know someone like that.
9. Here's a good one. There are individuals & whole families in your town who not only will have no "Christmas" tree, but neither will they have any presents to give or receive. If you don't know them (and I suspect you don't) buy some food & a few gifts & give them to the Marines, the Salvation Army or some other charity that believes in Me & they will make the delivery for you.
10. Finally if you want to make a statement about your belief in and loyalty to Me, then behave like a Christian. Don't do things in secret that you wouldn't do in My presence. Let people know by your actions that you are one of mine.
P.S. Don't forget; I am God and can take care of Myself. Just love Me & do what I have told you to do. I'll take care of all the rest. Check out the list above & get to work; time is short. I'll help
you, but the ball is now in your court. And do have a most blessed Christmas with all those whom you love and remember, I LOVE YOU.
**Although I wish I could take credit for this, I must admit that I got this in an email Friday and decided it was too good not to share. Merry Christmas!
No, not for you. But, I am hoping that I can get some answers...
1. When you would like a particular snack after school, your odds of getting said snack will increase most by:
a. Asking every three minutes.
b. Walking around saying, "I'm staaarrrrrving" and sighing heavily.
c. Maybe starting your homework and picking up your bedroom.
d. Throwing yourself on the floor and crying, "I want my Daddy!"
2. When you would like some milk, the best way to ask is to say:
b. May I have some milk please, Mommy?
3. In the morning, the best way to get out the door for school without having to hear Mommy scream at you is to:
a. eat breakfast, get dressed, make sure your backpack is ready to go, then play with your brother if there is time before we have to go
b. Stretch and lay in bed for 15 minutes, complain about your breakfast choices and then eat at grand total of three bites of what I finally make for you, play with your brother, cry because Mommy screams at you, go into your room, wrestle with your brother, cry over the screaming again, whine while Mommy helps you get dressed, finally get in the car but forget your backpack, more screaming...you get the idea
c. Throw yourself on the floor and cry, "I want my Daddy!"
d. feign death
4. True or False: Mommy is really just joking when she says that about putting your toys away and getting ready for bed.
5. A reasonable amount of television viewing for a child is:
a. 2 hours/day
b. 16 hours/day
c. I'm sorry, can you ask me at the next commercial?
6. The snack you are most likely to get is:
a. a yogurt
b. a banana
c. a bag of cheetos and a can of Coke
d. if you don't stop that damn sighing, you aren't getting anything, missy!
7. When Mommy asks you to clean your room, that really means:
a. clean your room
b. get out what toys were still put away, pull all the books from the bookcase, strip the beds of sheets and run around naked screaming at the top of your lungs**
c. go outside
d. throw yourself on the floor and cry, "I want my Daddy!"
8. If you see Mommy digging around in her purse and then taking those little white pills, you should immediately:
a. lower your voice about 12,000 decibels
b. Sit down on your bed with a book and your hands folded nicely in your lap
d. all of the above
e. throw yourself on the floor and cry, "I want my Daddy"
9. When Mommy is on the phone you should interrupt her:
a. only if you are on fire or bleeding from your eyeballs.
b. whenever a thought enters your brain, regardless of how inane or relevant it is
10. Bedtime is:
a. no later than 8:30, no exceptions.
b. the best time to remember that one last homework assignment or thing you HAVE to have for school tomorrow or you will be in really big trouble.
c. an ideal time to play "jump out of bed as many times as you possibly can and poke your brother"
d. always the right time to throw yourself on the floor and cry, "I want my Daddy" (are you sensing a theme here?)
ESSAY: Daddy will be home in eight days and then you will get to see how "wonderful" things are when he is here. What, exactly, is it that you think that you will get way with while he is here that you haven't with me? Discuss.
**ISO wish that I was kidding about or exaggerating this particular event
"You have a Midland accent" is just another way of saying "you don't have an accent." You probably are from the Midland (Pennsylvania, southern Ohio, southern Indiana, southern Illinois, and Missouri) but then for all we know you could be from Florida or Charleston or one of those big southern cities like Atlanta or Dallas. You have a good voice for TV and radio.