Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Does this ass make my pants look big?

Do you find yourself, each season, wearing a "uniform?" You know, you realize after several weeks into a season that you are wearing that same pair (or two) of pants with everything and find yourself in a quandary when both pairs of said pants (or shirts, or jackets, whatever...work with me) need to be washed. A laundry quandary, as it were.

Please tell me that I am not the only one.

Last winter and Spring, I found myself always reaching for the same pair of stretch denim jeans that I got a JJill when the Queen and I were in DC. If those were in need of washing, then I usually had on this great pair of black velour drawstring pants. Don't look at me like that, the were comfortable. And honestly, they look really good on me. Shut. up.

So, with the recent outrageous expansion of my ass (which I blame on the Girl Scouts), I have been reluctant to wear shorts in public this summer. And trust me, as hot as it has been, that is saying a LOT. I have basically stuck with a pair of stretch denim capris (are you sensing a trend here?) and a pair of black cotton cropped pants that I bought on Land's End the summer after Bear was born. They hang nice and loose and they are quite comfortable. Those black pants are my very, very favorite garment this summer.

When I first got them, as I said, I had just had Bear and thought I was HUGE. However, the truth is, I lost most of my baby weight very quickly and so the pants looked really cute. But I didn't wear them all that much in the intervening years. They looked cute when I did wear them, but I had other uniforms at that time.

THIS summer however, I am left wondering what I was thinking not wearing those pants because why would you NOT wear them with all their cute comfiness?!! (yes, it's a word. let it go) Was I crazy? Oh, yes, I guess I was.

The anxiety I have about them is that I am not so, um, petite as I was when these pants were purchased. And say all you want about how slimming black is, my ass is still ginormous. And those pants just are never going to be the same. I am worried that when I go to put them on next spring that they will be all misshapen and stretched out and look terrible on my once-again-slender frame. (Hush) AND Land's End doesn't make those pants anymore. I don't know WHAT they were thinking. Perhaps they just couldn't keep up with the demand for the comfy black cotton cropped pants and gave up. I'm sure that's it.

I have been looking in my closet, pondering what my winter uniform will be. I realized today, that if my ginormous ass doesn't begin shrinking, and I mean SOON, I will have to purchase some pants that will cover it. And that is an investment that I don't want to make.

My weight-loss mantra: No New Fat Pants!

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