Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Be nice. Or I'll breathe on you.

So, first, I'm sorry about going for over a week and then posting a quiz. Lame? Certainly. But I thought it was kinda cool & thought I'd share. Besides, you're just jealous.

I have been sick for...ever it seems like. I went for like ten days with a sore throat, telling myself it was viral because I had these ulcers all down my throat and knew that the doctor would just tell me to take motrin and drink plenty of water. Which I was doing. Although, by last Tuesday, every time I took a drink, I had to shout, "SonofaBITCH!" There may have been other profanities uttered through the day. I have no comment on these rumors. It was at this point that SD insisted that I go visit the flight surgeon. I complied with his request (phrased thusly, "Just go to the damn doctor already!!!) because by that point I had a lymph node on the left side of my throat that was the size of a ping pong ball and corresponding swelling inside my throat. All the same, I really hadn't run much of a fever, so I figured that a trip to the doctor was silly - prudent as it might seem.

The nurse whom I LOVE went ahead and swabbed my throat for a culture, telling me that it looked viral to her, too. Then Doogie the Flight Surgeon came in and made me love him just a little by saying, "Wow! You have lost a LOT of weight! You look great!" (He just got back from a deployment to Iraq.) I resisted the urge to kiss him on the face. Because that would have been inappropriate. Right? (And I DO look pretty damn good. In the past year, I have lost about 25 pounds. I can finally fit back into my pants that have single digit sizes!) (I'm so glad I didn't give those away!) *ahem*

So, Doogie looks at my throat and says, "Wow. That's really swollen and red!" Duh. He said that he didn't think it was strep, but he was going to give me some penicillin just in case and if the test came back negative on Thursday or Friday, I could stop taking it. Which, HELLO? Do you ever pick up a newspaper or watch television? Super-Bugs. Heard of them? No, I told him, I would take the antibiotic home with me and if they called me with a positive result, the I would start taking it. But, of course THAT wouldn't happen since I didn't have strep. He redeemed himself somewhat by prescribing me something called "magic Mouthwash" which has lidocaine in it and made little things like drinking and eating much less painful. Yay Doogie!

So....Thursday afternoon Nurse-whom-I-love calls and asks if I had been taking the penicillin. I tell her no and she says, "Well, you need to start. Your strep test came back positive."

The hell?!

So, now I am taking penicillin four times a day. Allegedly. Because I cannot for the life of me remember to take something four times a day. For crying out loud. Who can remember to do that? If I had thought for a second that I really had strep, I would have gotten the penicillin shot in my butt. Because that works so much faster. But no. I am just now, as of today, feeling better. Today, finally, my throat is not so sore. Though, when I tried to eat the french fries I got with my lunch, it felt like razor blades soaked in lemon juice. Not so bad as water felt a week ago, but enough to elicit a "crapcrapcrapcrapcrap" if not a "sonofabitch."

Maybe tomorrow, we can downgrade to a "Dang" and eventually an "Oof."

Until then your best chance of hearing from me is my extraordinarily dorked-out Twitter posts. I'm the dorkiest dork there ever was. But at least I'm no longer contagious!

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