House Hunters...marital bliss?

I don't know if it's because of my recent escapades in real estate or what, but I have become addicted to House Hunters on HGTV. I'm not sure what it is about it, maybe it's because they look at three houses, period, and then they have to choose. (Okay, also, I have a hunch that maybe they look at more than three houses, but only show three and have the people choose from those). I Think it's funny that nine out of ten times they pick the most expensive house. No matter how much over budget it is, they pick the expensive one. No matter how much better one of the cheaper ones might be, they pick the expensive one. It's weird.

I also find it disconcerting how many people can't see beyond the furniture that is already in the house (hint: the sellers are not leaving the furniture) or the paint colors (easily fixed). There are lots of things I wonder about as I watch this show.

BUT, I really want for their to be a follow up show...House Hunters Two Years later....to see how many of these people are still married. You can tell the good, healthy marriages and the ones that are going to fall apart soon. You can see the look in the eyes of the wife whose husband is going on and on about how "finally I can have a 'man cave' all to myself" when they have five kids...you can see her imagining the police finding his body in the man cave a few years later, having mysteriously choked on a Lil Smokie. Or the husband whose wife bitches about how the kitchens all need "granite and newer appliances" when they are looking for a four bedroom Colonial in the DC suburbs and have a budget of $125,00.

My absolute favorites though are the House Hunters International episodes where they tell us, "Dave and Susan have been living in the same Midwestern town for their whole entire lives. Now they have three kids. Since Dave's work has been taking him back and forth to Dubai for the past several months, the family has decided to pick up and move there so that they can have more time together..." Then Dave and Susan look at three properties. A crappy two bedroom apartment with "a great view of the city," a more suburban type home with four bedrooms, a western kitchen and bathrooms as well as amenities in the community, and a ridiculously expensive high rise apartment in the heart of the city with "amazing" views of the building Dave works in. Now, you know that Susan, having packed up kids and life, really wants just a little bit of familiarity with this move, given the sacrifices she is making for Dave's career. But Dave insists that the high rise is "just really all he envisioned with living in this city." Uh huh. I'll bet you good money Susan and the kids are back in their Midwest hometown within 18 months. Dave's an ass.

I also like on the International version when we hear that "Jim and Diane have been married for 22 years and have two kids. They have decided that they would really like a vacation home in Tahiti so that the family can go there whenever they want." I believe this translates to "Jim got caught screwing around and this is his last ditch effort to keep Diane from invoking the full force of that prenup." Because, geez. Who buys a vacation house in Tahiti? It takes 18 hours minimum to fly there. Not exactly a weekend get-away. Haven't these people heard of Key West or even Costa Rica? No, Diane is making sure Jim feels as much pain as possible and thinks twice before he unzips his pants for anyone else.

I'm continually baffled by the people who pick the house right on the freeway just because it has a hot tub. Seriously, they sell hot tubs all over town. You could put a hot tub in the yard of that house close to the park. Or the lady whose only gripe about a house is that they laundry room is "practically in the kitchen." Jeepers! Put up a divider or a curtain or even a door! The rest of the house is great. THAT is your one gripe?

With all of that said, I wish I had had House Hunters when I was looking for a house. I really like this house we are in now, but it makes you wonder...and the relationship stuff doesn't even come into play. Huh....

I'm a Berry Punny Girl!

I think that I may have single-handedly pissed off all the birds in Candyland. That's quite a feat, when you think about it. But the avian population is all atwitter right now over my actions. <----- (See what I did there? Birds? Atwitter? Hahaha! Just me then?)

Remember a few years back when I was so pleased and happy with the abundance of butterflies on my driveway who were attracted by the strange little berries? Well, I have yet to identify the berries, but now I HATE the little buggers. My driveway is pretty much covered with those berries, only they aren't attracting butterflies any more. They are attracting birds. All kinds of birds: robins, grackles, wrens, pigeons, and I don't know what else. But what I do know is that well fed birds crap all over my driveway. Yes, the driveway attached to this house that I am trying to sell.

I have been at a loss as to what to do about the berries. They really do look like little albino blackberries. According to the birds, they are quite delish. Being that they are freshly fallen berries - full of juicy goodness - I knew that if I tried to sweep them up, it would only lead to a big, mushy mess and a ruined broom (I know this because of the time one of the SugarBabies - not naming names, but it rhymes with "Rug") accidently spilled a huge container of fresh blackberries onto my beige tiled kitchen floor. So much for that broom (for the record, however, Clorox spray bleach + Sonic Scrubber = clean floor!). When I was on the phone with SD, he suggested the leaf blower, but I really don't have anywhere to blow them to, plus when I tried to scoop them up, we're back to the big-old-mushy-mess problem.

Then, in a stroke of genius, I realized the solution to my problem. Two words: Shop. Vac. (Okay, technically, that may just be one and a half words). I unraveled the superty-duper long extension cord and hooked that Shop Vac and went to town sucking up those berries from my drive way.

And the birds? Are none too pleased with me. Even over the giant sucking sound (paging Ross Perot...) I could hear them berating me.Shaking their little birdy fists at me. They were practically SHOUTING, "No, don't suck up the berries! That's our schmorgasboad. (even spell checker is stumped by that word)! How will we feed our babies?!" I felt a little like the mean Homeowners' Assn lady in "Over the Hedge."

Then I realized that my life is not created by Pixar or Dreamworks. (Because if it were, I would totally have a nanny & a maid.) (And a live-in masseur.) (And Mark Harmon would be my husband). AAAaannyyways, I stayed firmly grounded and continued sucking up berries - which almost completely filled up the Shop Vac -until the boys who are doing my yard while SD is gone - offered to blow what little was left them into a pile and haul them off for me. Teenage boys are so great...at least to me. Until MINE are teenage boys and then I'll probably have a different opinion.

So, right now, I firmly believe that the ShopVac is one of the greatest inventions in the history of the world. Right up there with the microwave oven and TiVo (seriously, I can pause live television!). Sadly, the berries will probably be back tomorrow. But I will prevail. I WILL PREVAIL!

(Okay, you know that I have just tempted Mother Nature and now she is going to totally kick my ass)