Just so you know...

There are many things that get on my nerves as a mom. Loud noises. Repetitive noises. Loud, repetitive noises. Whining. Loud, repetitive whining. Asking for candy every. single. blessed. day. after school. You get the picture.

But one of the biggest banes to my maternal tranquility is TATTLING. Lord have mercy, that drives me nuts. If someone isn't causing damage to person or property then just keep it to yourself already! Unless someone or something is on fire or bleeding from his or her eyeballs, I don't want to hear about it!

• "Bug isn't picking up the toys!"
• "Bear said a potty word. You wanna know what he said? Do you? He said POOP. And, also? He said BOOTIE."
• "The boys are just playing in their closet instead of getting dressed!"
• "SugarPlum is calling me names! Plus, also, she won't let me play with that ball I like!"

It never ends. The other problem is that the tattling almost always results in the bickering (I did not! Did too!), but that is another post entirely. No matter how many times or how many different ways I tell them to CEASE WITH THE TATTLING, they still seem to feel the need to come and report to me every minute action of their siblings. WHY? WHY? WHY?
Occasionally, I have sort of, um. spontaneously combusted and maybe, a little bit yelled at them for tattling. Usually this is in the car when I am right there bearing ACTUAL WITNESS to the acts about which the tattler is tattling. I have come close, but have so far avoided screaming "What the fuck is wrong with you people?!?!" But, oh, it's there my friends. On the inside, just under the surface, it's there.
The one who really gets me is SugarPlum. She's ELEVEN YEARS OLD for crying out loud. She knows better. Yet she can't help herself. She does, however think that she has found a loophole in the whole "No-Tattling" clause of the Parent/Child Contract for Peaceful Living(tm). It seems that, in Eleven-Year-Old-Land if you preface any reporting of any kind with the phrase, "Just so you know..." it is no longer tattling. Just simply a relaying of information. As in

• Just so you know, the boys are playing in their room instead of going to sleep
• Just so you know, the boys are playing in the mud and are both reeeeaaaalllly covered.
• Just so you know, the boys have gotten themselves some chocolate pudding for a snack even though you told them they could only have fruit or cheese.

See? She isn't tattling. She is just giving me information to act upon as I see fit. If her brothers get into trouble for it, more's the better. But she isn't tattling. No siree Bob. Not her. She just wanted me to know.
Note to SugarPlum: Just so you know, I may ka-splode the very next time I hear that phrase. There could be collateral damage. You act upon this information as you see fit.