I knew that time machine would come in handy!!

Just found this in my spam:

You have won #1,625,000.00GBP in the MICROSOFT EMAIL PROMOTION AWARD
for the last quarter of the year 2011.Contact Mr Mark Anderson with your
full contact details.

See that? In the LAST quarter of 2011! Christmas should be great this year! Just gotta get all of my personal info to Mr Mark Anderson. I'm sure he's an honest, upstanding guy, right??

originations peltately

I almost NEVER open my spam messages. As I have said before, I have no interest in purchasing anything, work for, or receive an education from anyone who sends out the same email to eleventy gazillion people at a time. HOWEVER soemetimes the weird "Bot" messages that come through just pique my curiosity, only for the WILD word choices. Especially in the title.

Today, this one cracked me out. Maybe comtemplating Bug's last day of school is more than I could handle & I'm just slap happy now. Who knows....



From:armore Draggett


to me


re:originations peltately


God dag,

My photo attachhed! <------ there was a photo attachment but I'm not so foolish as to DOWNLOAD anything from a spammer.


Look what I do!!!


You can too <------- This was a link. No freakin way I'm following that.

And these he suppresses insomuch that the servant and stones of lapis lazuli. Grasping that fierce animal life in all its forms, human existence, and cowards on the other. That
is it, sir nothing visible effort, as if the table had tried to hold tadousac and quebec, and every one has recognized there is a cry overhead and the figure of madeleine epist. ii. 1, 50. Simul ut: rare in cic., see may be obtained from friends.499 in consequence of the campaign, in which he had politely dubbed lying about, with arrows of golden wings scattered mancipation becomes his and in consequence thereof foremost of regenerate persons, filled with wrath, centre of the semicircle bounding my view, and of barbed wire, overturned carts, broken branches.

It's like poetry right? So romantic. ...."scattered emancipation......regenerate persons filled with wrath." It's enough to make you cry, isn't it?

ATTENTION SPAMMERS

• I do not want to take advantage of any unique work from home opportunities. Even if they do have the potential of earning me a million, frillion dollars a year.


• I do not want to meet black singles in my area.


• Or Christian singles.


• Or Young Singles.


• Or Big Beautiful Women.


• Or look at pictures of other singles in my area.


• I am married you idiots. And even if I weren't, I wouldn't be meeting that special someone thru a SPAM SITE.


• I am not interested in taking a short survey and receiving a gift card to Chilis, WalMart, Outback, Kohls or anywhere else.


• Bob Allen - I don't believe that you are the one to "jump start my success." YOUR success perhaps, but not so much mine. Also, I'd hate to think that I'd have top sink to the level of spamming people just to be successful. I'll leave that up to YOU, Bob Allen.


• I do not want to become a secret shopper in my area. (Okay, I actually think that would be fab, but I don't exactly trust the people who keep emailing me 1,000 times a day begging me to)


• I do not want to increase the size of my pen*s. Though that would be quite an impressive feat.


• I'm not interested in receiving prescription drugs, even at "ridiculously low prices!!" Or perhaps I should say especially not at ridiculously low prices.


• I'm fairly certain that I never bought a ticket for a lottery in Australia, so I'm thinking that it's another buffi who won.


• This goes for Canada and South Africa a well.


• I don't want to buy a foreclosed house. Vultures.


• Lasik? AS IF I would let somebody who advertises thru spam to do surgery. On my eyes.


• I'm not going to tell you which cola I prefer. Even if you promise me an iPod.


• I have no interest in earning a degree online.


• Therefore, I don't need student financial aid.


• And I don't want to consolidate all of my bills into one easy payment. (I have a sneaking suspicion that you all are in cahoots with the student loan people.) (Who are likely affiliated fairly closely with the "earn a degree online" folks.)(I'm sensing a trend here)


• Seriously? Colon Cleansing? GROSS.


• I don't want to buy a home security system.


• Not interested in becoming a "secret food critic." (See above: "Secret Shopper")


• Don't need life insurance.


• Or Viagra.


• Or Mega Vitamins


• Or a degree in Criminal Justice (but if I had one I'd be bringing all of you assholes down)


• I already have a cell phone, thank you.


• I have no need to learn to speak a new language in 10 days.


• Nor do I want any screen savers, emoticons, ringtones, or free e-cards.


• I am already in touch with all of the people with whom I graduated from high school that I DESIRE to be in touch with. The rest of 'em can suck it.
  

Is everybody clear on this? Are we all on the same page (so to speak)? Good. Now, for the love of Pete! Leave me alone already, wouldja!!!

Oh, HELL No

Just when I thought that the spam recipes couldn't get any worse, today, upon opening the Spam folder, I was greeted with this:

Spam Fajitas ?!?!

Sacrilege. It's the end of the world. It has to be.


(For a realistic fajita recipe, check out my world famous Kick Ass Fajitas!)

It's Spam-a-licious!

Every time I click on my Spam file in my Gmail account, I notice that in the little "random link bar" across the top of the page, it a link for various Spam recipes. Each one more gross sounding that the last. I have been known to throw up in the back of my throat a little when reading some of these.

Of course, I couldn't keep all of that Spam-tastic goodness to myself, so I have decided to collect these links and share them with you. Misery love company.

Spam Vegetable Strudel (Spam! and vegetables! in phyllo!)

Creamy Spam Broccoli Casserole - The name just says it all (urp!)

French Fry Spam Casserole The hell?

Spicy Spam Kabobs I don't even want to know...

Vineyard Spam Salad (Spam, grapes, and peapods - doesn't get any better than that!)

Spam Veggie Pita Pockets they're trying to make it sound healthy. it's not working.

Spam Quiche Ew. That's all. Just EW.

Spam Primavera?! Now they're just messing with me

Do you get the feeling you're in a Monty Python sketch?

If any of you decide to try one of these recipes, please let me know the results. Once you've recovered from the aftermath, that is. Try not to be too graphic. I've a weak constitution.