Words that strike fear in my heart

.....from the kitchen

"Mommy! I'm doing an experiment!!"

Someone get my mother out of my brain!!

I have been dismayed as of late by some of the things that have come out of my mouth. Phrases that, years ago, I SWORE I would never use on my children. Yet now, I am hearing my mothers voice come out of my mouth and it is disheartening to say the least. Though, on more than one occasion I've almost been moved to call and apologize for my childhood. Almost. There is still enough inner-teenager at work that I cannot give her the satisfaction.

Phrases I swore I would never use:

• Washing the dishes is not the same as cleaning the kitchen. When the counters and table are still filthy, the kitchen is NOT clean. Only the dishes are.


• I can't believe that I buy you nice clothes just to see them wadded up in your bedroom floor. Nobody appreciates anything around here.


• Did you brush your hair? Really? Well, maybe you should go back over it again and this time try to get the tangles out.


• Either YOU clean up your toys or I will clean them up. But when I clean them up, I use a garbage bag.


• Fine. Wear that to school/soccer/outside if you want to. But I don't want to hear about how cold you were all day.


• Stop tormenting your brother. He will be bigger than you someday and you will regret all the mean things you did to him. Trust me.


• Well, I'm not (random friend's name)'s Mom, am I? You'll have to see if you can move in with him/her if that's what you want.


• Why don't you have a piece of fruit instead?


• Not until your room is clean.

See what I mean? Oh, the humanity!

Were you aware of this?

I read in the paper this morning that the day after tomorrow is THANKSGIVING!

How the hell did THAT happen? Wasn't it just September, like YESTERDAY?! Way to be there for me, people.

Suppose I should go buy a turkey and all the accompaniments? Or do you think that SD, Pop Pop & the SugarBabies would settle for that lasagna I have in the freezer?

Yeah. Me neither. Guess it's off to the commissary for me!

*scratch, scratch* HELP! *scratch, scratch*

Any advice on how to get rid of fleas in my house QUICKLY? I'll be the first to admit that I am not the tidiest person in the world, but this is ridiculous. The dogs don't have 'em. I took them to the vet a few weeks ago and they didn't have any then and they have been of flea preventative now for a while.

We have had SO MUCH rain lately that I guess that it somehow drove them in. But how, I don't know. Doesn't matter because the kids and I are covered in bites and scratching ourselves in a most unattractive way. Bug and I have it the worst. If I didn't know better, I'd think that we had chicken pox. But last night, SP both saw little bugs hopping on the beds in our rooms. (mama called the exterminator and the exterminator said, "no more buggies jumping on the bed!") EW. Makes it a little had to get a good night's sleep to tell you the truth!

And this is just my FEET, people! My legs, arms and back are eaten, too. But the feet are the worst!

So, any advice will be greatly appreciated. We may have to go stay at a hotel for a night or two so that we can treat the house. I hate this.

Admit it, though. You're itchy all over now, too, aren't you?!

Hot tea hurts when it comes out your nose

Conversation at the breakfast table


Me: So, Bug, your letter this week at school is "V." What are you going to take for Show & Tell tomorrow?

Bug: My Volcano book!!

Me: Gosh, I haven't seen that in a while. In case we can't find it, what do you want to take?

Bug: Just my Volcano book.

Me: Okay....but let's think of some other things that start with "V" just n case.

Bear: Violin! Valentine!

SugarPlum: Veterinarian! Vibrate! Hey, do we have anything that vibrates? You know, I'll bet that Bug would be the only one with a vibrator at school!

Me: *sputter* *cough* *cough* WHAT?

SugarPlum: You know, if we find something that vibrates, like that funny ball PawPaw got Bear for Christmas that year. He could say it's a vibrator!

Me: Um...yeah. SOOO! Why don't you go look for that Volcano book for me....while I clean up this tea I spewed all over the table.


*for the record, we never found the Volcano book. We did, however find a Velociraptor book, thus saving my family years of embarrassment at the Baptist Church preschool....*