Tuesday, May 29, 2007

What is the opposite of Memorial?

I haven't seen it on the news or the internet anywhere, but from the events at my house yesterday, I would swear that it was not only Memorial Day, but also National Opposite Day. Because regardless of what I said, the children in this house (at least the ones possessing Y chromosomes) were doing the antithesis of whatever I directed.

Exhibit A: The result of my answering, "No, you may NOT play with the water hose. Go put it back and do not turn on the water!!": One boy in the tree house holding the hose while it sprays down on his buck nekkid older brother. Then, when commanded in a booming voice heard throughout Texas asked nicely to come over to the sidewalk, little brother in the tree house instead plunges himself, chest first in to the ginormous mud puddle made by the contraband water hose. What. the. fuck???

Exhibit B: "Pick up this living room" evidently means pullout every blanket, couch cushion, piece of paper, and toy (that hasn't already been confiscated due to not picking up) and distribute evenly across the room and into the entryway.

Exhibit C: "No, you cannot have a snack right now, we will be having supper in ten minutes" translates to "By all means, get yourself a popsicle and one for your brother. While your at it? Grab a cookie or two when you think I'm not looking."

Exhibit D: "Stay in your beds, be quiet and go to sleep and NO PLAYING" actually means, climb out of bed as soon as Mommy shuts the door and into your brother's bed and scream while alternately playing and beating the hell out of each other. And, just to be ironic, come interrupt Mommy reading to SugarPlum to tell her that "I bonked my head on Bear's bed."

I could go on & on, all the way to exhibit Z and beyond. But, I'm sure you get the idea. I think that they are trying to make my head explode. Because, come on, how cool would that be? And as an added bonus, I wouldn't be able to nag them to clean these brains up off the walls and floor, "right now, mister!"

They are awfully cute. And they give great hugs and kisses. Lucky for them. Because that's about all that's keeping me from selling them to the gypsies at this point.

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