Were you aware of this?

I read in the paper this morning that the day after tomorrow is THANKSGIVING!

How the hell did THAT happen? Wasn't it just September, like YESTERDAY?! Way to be there for me, people.

Suppose I should go buy a turkey and all the accompaniments? Or do you think that SD, Pop Pop & the SugarBabies would settle for that lasagna I have in the freezer?

Yeah. Me neither. Guess it's off to the commissary for me!

Things I don't understand

• Why my son (Bear) cannot stop breaking his pencils at school. No, I don't mean that the lead frequently breaks. I mean that he breaks his pencils in half. Not one or two. But many, many pencils.
• Why my daughter insists on doing just enough to piss ME off - thoroughly -, but not enough for anyone else to understand why I am so angry. It's a fine line and she consistently finds it. GIFTED. Yes.
• Why, no matter how tired I am, I cannot manage to go to bed before midnight at least four nights a week.
• Where are of this damn laundry comes from.
• How I am going to pay for Christmas presents this year.
• What the hell is wrong with Britney. (I'm so ashamed of my fascination with her train wreck of a life, but I just can't stop looking!)
• What is up with that Yo Gabba Gabba show on Nick Jr. It's like Sesame Street on acid.
• Why Bug is absolutely averse to doing anything any person in authority asks of him.
• Also, how he has figured out the whole "reverse psychology" angle.
• If my house will ever truly be clean and organized.
• Why my husband is still around. Being married to a crazy person cannot be easy. (Entertaining at times, though!)
• Why some people can't escape the roles they assumed in High School, no matter how many years it has been.
• Heroes. This show baffles me.
• How SD knew, without me having to even hint, that I needed ice cream. And not just ice cream, but Cappuccino Chocolate Chunk. How does he do that?
• What on earth possessed me to pledge to post every single day this month? I've been successful so far! Can I make it for ten more days?

Longest Baby Shower EVER

The baby shower was a huge success. If success can be measured by how long the people stay. If that is indeed the case, then I AM the hostess with the mostess. Because I finally got everybody out of my house at 1:00 this morning. AND? THEY CAME BACK. For brunch.

Seriously. This was such a strange situation for a shower. NONE of the people at the shower - other than the Sugar family - lives in Candyland. It just worked out that of the possible venues, my house offered the shortest average drive for everyone invited. Consequently, everyone who attended the shower (with the exception of two) stayed the night. Not at my house. Only the Mommy-to-Be (CRB) stayed here. Everyone else stayed at a nearby hotel. For a few hours anyway.

For everyone staying here in Candyland, SD and I prepared my world famous Kick Ass Fajitas for supper. And they were fantabulous, if I do say so myself. Then we all had a great time singing while SD played the piano. Well, we are a big bunch of choir geeks, you know. By 1:00 my head was pounding, Matt was falling asleep, SD had already been in bed for an hour.

Everyone returned this morning. Hungry again, of course. They are insatiable. So, SD, bless his heart, fixed Belgian waffles, bacon, scrambled eggs, and hash browns. He is so worth every penny I pay him.

We all had a blast. Especially watching Buttercup as she did the macarena in Mommy's belly. That little baby can bust a move. Much to CRB's dismay. We all can't wait to meet the little angel. I tried to talk her into being born here in Candyland last night, but she wasn't going for it. So inconsiderate. Everybody finally headed to their respective homes by about 1:30 this afternoon. And we are all wiped out. At least I didn't have to drive three hours!

NOW? Well, now, we prepare for PopPop to get here on Tuesday. This involves washing sheets, cleaning bathrooms, and...well, I suppose I should go to the grocery store for Thanksgiving dinner stuff. *sigh* When did November get here? And what the hell happened to it?

Heeeere's Buttercup!

I've been meaning to post this for a long time. Here are the most recent pictures of Buttercup (my sweet godbaby to be!)

Enjoy, the next pictures will be sometime next month. You know, when she's HERE!

Isn't she beautiful?!

Also? Pissed! Or, maybe sleepy.

Today was CRB's shower. At my house. I am so, so very tired. I will tell you all about it tomorrow. Or the next day. Hell, I need SOMETHING to post about. You'll probably hear more about it than you ever wanted to know!

ATTENTION SPAMMERS

• I do not want to take advantage of any unique work from home opportunities. Even if they do have the potential of earning me a million, frillion dollars a year.


• I do not want to meet black singles in my area.


• Or Christian singles.


• Or Young Singles.


• Or Big Beautiful Women.


• Or look at pictures of other singles in my area.


• I am married you idiots. And even if I weren't, I wouldn't be meeting that special someone thru a SPAM SITE.


• I am not interested in taking a short survey and receiving a gift card to Chilis, WalMart, Outback, Kohls or anywhere else.


• Bob Allen - I don't believe that you are the one to "jump start my success." YOUR success perhaps, but not so much mine. Also, I'd hate to think that I'd have top sink to the level of spamming people just to be successful. I'll leave that up to YOU, Bob Allen.


• I do not want to become a secret shopper in my area. (Okay, I actually think that would be fab, but I don't exactly trust the people who keep emailing me 1,000 times a day begging me to)


• I do not want to increase the size of my pen*s. Though that would be quite an impressive feat.


• I'm not interested in receiving prescription drugs, even at "ridiculously low prices!!" Or perhaps I should say especially not at ridiculously low prices.


• I'm fairly certain that I never bought a ticket for a lottery in Australia, so I'm thinking that it's another buffi who won.


• This goes for Canada and South Africa a well.


• I don't want to buy a foreclosed house. Vultures.


• Lasik? AS IF I would let somebody who advertises thru spam to do surgery. On my eyes.


• I'm not going to tell you which cola I prefer. Even if you promise me an iPod.


• I have no interest in earning a degree online.


• Therefore, I don't need student financial aid.


• And I don't want to consolidate all of my bills into one easy payment. (I have a sneaking suspicion that you all are in cahoots with the student loan people.) (Who are likely affiliated fairly closely with the "earn a degree online" folks.)(I'm sensing a trend here)


• Seriously? Colon Cleansing? GROSS.


• I don't want to buy a home security system.


• Not interested in becoming a "secret food critic." (See above: "Secret Shopper")


• Don't need life insurance.


• Or Viagra.


• Or Mega Vitamins


• Or a degree in Criminal Justice (but if I had one I'd be bringing all of you assholes down)


• I already have a cell phone, thank you.


• I have no need to learn to speak a new language in 10 days.


• Nor do I want any screen savers, emoticons, ringtones, or free e-cards.


• I am already in touch with all of the people with whom I graduated from high school that I DESIRE to be in touch with. The rest of 'em can suck it.
  

Is everybody clear on this? Are we all on the same page (so to speak)? Good. Now, for the love of Pete! Leave me alone already, wouldja!!!

Pay no attention to the obviously deranged Astronaut Cowboy

I have no explanation for the appearance of my son here. Other than perhaps, he's four and he has a HUGE sense of humor. This isn't even the funniest outfit he has come up with. Astronaut suit, teeny tiny cowboy hat, two different socks and underwear on the outside. It's just the funniest one I have happened to get a picture of. So you can only IMAGINE what he walks out here in some days.


But this post isn't even about Bug and his all too apparent need for a psychological evaluation -sooner rather than later.

This post is about furniture. Specifically, about the furniture in this picture. The sofas. Do you see them? Well, do you see the loveseat anyway? It is a good representation of the other three pieces that came with it. (Sofa, loveseat, chair and ottoman) Being exactly the same and all.

SD and I shopped our asses off last Christmas trying to find just the right living room furniture. (Sadly, my ass grew right back. Big as ever.) We narrowed it down to two. (sets of furniture. not asses.) One set at a chain store named after one of the Olsen twins. One at a chain that has several FURNITURE stores in a ROW. Ultimately, we went with the second store. We thought the sofa set we bought there would last us a long time and would be rugged enough to withstand our boys.

WRONGO.

I am so very, very unhappy with this furniture right now. Not a month after we got it, the fabric started getting "pulls" in it. Sort of coming unravelled. And not from some blatant abuse by the boys, but just getting caught on something as one of us passed by the ottoman. Now, there are pulls somewhere on each piece.


PLUS - and this is what is most aggravating - the fabric is "pilled" up ALL OVER the blasted furniture. It looks like it is about ten years old. And it is not even a year old. I am of the opinion that when you spend several thousand dollars on furniture, it should stay looking, if not new, then not OLD for...well, at least until you have paid it off! (The store offered no interest/no payments for two years or something like that)

In addition, it has gotten mushy and uncomfortable. I'm whiny, I know. But I am just so disappointed. SD talked to the manager about this a few weeks ago and he said that they would fix the fabric where it is pulled and that they could add more stuffing to make it firmer. But how do they fix the pilling? (It's a word NOW) I can only see that being remedied by totally reupholstering ALL OF IT. And that just seems crazy. PLUS what are we supposed to do for living room furniture while it's being fixed?

Do you think that they will just replace it? Do you think that we an pick something else or at least a different fabric? Do you think that I will stop whining any time soon?


Nah. Me neither.

**I do realize that if this is the biggest problem in my life, that I have so much to be thankful for. And I am, truly. But I must whine. It's my job.

Ending Hunger. With Chocolate! And Fun!

Here's something fun!

You know Ferrero. Yes, you do. Ferrero Rocher, those uber-yummy, decadent chocolate-hazelnut gems wrapped in gold foil. And now they are going to have a new one that has dark chocolate! (more on that later) Oh, I get all tingly thinking about them.....

Hmmm?

Oh, yes, yes. Hunger. Ended. And fun! How could things get better?

As part of its partnership with Share Our Strength (SOS), one of the nation’s leading organizations working to end childhood hunger in America, Ferrero has created a Web site called Share Something Sweet (sharesomethingsweet.com). With this site, you can send virtual snow globes to friends and family that can be customized by uploading photographs as well as personal messages. As part of its work on SOS, Ferrero will be donating $20,000 to the charity. You can join us in supporting this cause by sending a personalized e-card snow globe and spreading the word.

AND? Do you live in or near New York City? Lucky YOU! Get this.....

Ferrero is also supporting SOS through sponsorship of SWEET, “New York’s Biggest Dessert Party," a culinary festival at which visitors can sample creations from New York’s most renowned pastry chefs, confectioners and chocolatiers. All proceeds from the event benefit SOS. SWEET takes place on November 16, at 9 p.m. at The Waterfront, in New York. Delicious photos from the SWEET event will be posted on http://www.sharesomethingsweet.com/ later this month. (If you go, I want to hear ALL about it. I'll be vacuuming the house that day. Charlie. JOY.)

So? End Hunger in America! Or help to, anyway. At least put a smile on the face of someone you love! I sent a snowglobe to Gray Gray and Gram already. You may be getting one in your inbox soon. Lucky, lucky you!

Moon Pies, Anyone?

Bug made his third trip to THE OFFICE yesterday. His teacher told me, trying to stifle a giggle, that while standing in line for the water fountain (or something), Bug dropped trou and proceeded to shake his bootie for the class. The only saving grace was that he kept his Superman boxers up whilst "entertaining" his classmates. *ahem*

Perhaps he has a future with Chippendale's?

We tried to impress upon him that mooning people is simply not acceptable. He gave us an apathetic reply - the four year old version of "Yadda yadda yadda." Every day is an adventure in this house, I'll tell you.

Oh, HELL No

Just when I thought that the spam recipes couldn't get any worse, today, upon opening the Spam folder, I was greeted with this:

Spam Fajitas ?!?!

Sacrilege. It's the end of the world. It has to be.


(For a realistic fajita recipe, check out my world famous Kick Ass Fajitas!)

Conversations that make my mom laugh her ass off (last one...for now)

What precipitated this exchange? Who knows. Does it really matter? It happens about fourteen times a day. One day it will end horribly. Mark my words.


Bear started it!

Nuh, uh! BUG started it!

No I didn't!

He's lying!

Am not! YOU'RE lying!

No, you are. 'Cuz YOU started it

~~~~~\\\\\\\*******KA-PLOWEE!!!!!*****///////~~~~~

(that's the sound of my head exploding)

Conversations that make my mom laugh her ass off (which is really starting to sound like me nagging)

Me: SugarPlum. Throwing all of your clothes into the laundry basket is not "putting your clothes away." There are clothes in here that are folded! And LOOK! These have TAGS on them! How could they possibly be dirty if you have never EVER worn them? There should only be actual dirty clothes coming in here in the hamper. You'd better cut this crap out or you'll end up doing your OWN LAUNDRY from now on. Capisce?


SugarPlum: :::stomping::: followed by :::slamming door:::


Are you sensing a theme here?

Conversations that make my mom laugh her ass off (10 year-old version...continued)

SugarPlum: My room is all clean!

Me: Did you really get it all clean or did you just push everything to the edges of your room so that the middle *looks* clean but if one pays any attention at all, she can see the piles of CRAP lining the perimeter? Because if it's the latter, I will have to say, no, it is NOT clean and you cannot go to Izzy's house until it is.

SugarPlum: :::BIGGEST SIGH EVER::: followed by *slamming door *

That's what I thought.


Me: Slam that door again and I'm taking it off the hinges!

Comversations that make my mom laugh her ass off (10 year-old version)

Me: SugarPlum!

SP: ............

Me: SUGARPLUM!!!

SP: what??? (very distant)

Me: SUGAR!PLUM!

SP: ::walking in, batting eyelashes:: Yes, Mommy?

Me: When I call you, you come here. Don't yell "What," you come the first time.

SP: ::eye roll:: What did you need Mommy?

Me: I have no idea anymore.

*sigh*

Conversations that make my mom laugh her ass off (Theme for the rest of the week)

Remember when your mom told you, "One day you will grow up and have kids and I hope that they will act just like you are now!"! Well, evidently, it worked. And my mother is experiencing unspeakable joy over this fact.

To wit:


Me: ::standing in the kitchen, cooking dinner::

Bear: Mommy, may I please have a cookie?

Me: Buddy, we are going to be eating supper in about 15 minutes.

Bear: So, can I have a cookie?

Me: No, because it's almost suppertime.

Bear: Well, can I have a yogurt then?

Me: Bear! We're eating supper soon! No yogurt.

Bear: Well....a popsicle then? I can have a popsicle?

Me: *sigh* Supper! 10 minutes!! No popsicle!

Bear: But I'm starving!!!

Me: Well, call CPS then because you are not getting anything before supper. Now, go play.

Bear:.........can I have just one piece of candy?

ME: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!

It's Spam-a-licious!

Every time I click on my Spam file in my Gmail account, I notice that in the little "random link bar" across the top of the page, it a link for various Spam recipes. Each one more gross sounding that the last. I have been known to throw up in the back of my throat a little when reading some of these.

Of course, I couldn't keep all of that Spam-tastic goodness to myself, so I have decided to collect these links and share them with you. Misery love company.

Spam Vegetable Strudel (Spam! and vegetables! in phyllo!)

Creamy Spam Broccoli Casserole - The name just says it all (urp!)

French Fry Spam Casserole The hell?

Spicy Spam Kabobs I don't even want to know...

Vineyard Spam Salad (Spam, grapes, and peapods - doesn't get any better than that!)

Spam Veggie Pita Pockets they're trying to make it sound healthy. it's not working.

Spam Quiche Ew. That's all. Just EW.

Spam Primavera?! Now they're just messing with me

Do you get the feeling you're in a Monty Python sketch?

If any of you decide to try one of these recipes, please let me know the results. Once you've recovered from the aftermath, that is. Try not to be too graphic. I've a weak constitution.

Ask me anything! (within reason)

Okay, a few posts back, I lost my mind and actually encouraged you people to ask me questions so that I could stock the old blog...as it were. So, here are some of the questions and answers. You people are crazy. Ask more if you want. I promise to try to answer as best I can. Unless you are a smarty pants like Bob here:


Q: Why does string theory require at least ten dimensions?

A: Archduke Franz Ferdinand (hey, makes as much sense as anything else I might come up with.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next question comes from my dear precious friend CRB (who, incidentally is the mother of Buttercup, who should be making her appearance next month):

Q: Why is it that some people don't hear or maybe don't have the little voice in their head that tells them to S.T.O.P what they are doing before someone goes postal on them????!!!!

A: Gee are we talking about any ex-husband person in particular here or is this just something you've been pondering for a while? I have no answer for this one either, though if I did, I would probably be able to write a book, make a gazillion dollars and then we could escape to a spa for a month or so. AND? perhaps hire somebody to "take care of" these problem ex-husbands people of whom you speak.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Karin and Angel asked me a couple of really great questions, but, as I am trying to make this theme last several posts, you will have to wait until tomorrow to see them! Now, what else do you want to know?

Thought for the day

SugarBabies Halloween 2007

Everyone here in Candyland just enjoyed the heck out of Halloween this year. Not much trick-or-treating was done, but plenty of candy was cpllected to drive Mommy crazy for weeks to come. These shots were taken just before we went in to our church's carnival.

No, Bug isn't wearing a skirt. I couldn't find the trick-or-treat bags, so we went retro and used pilllow cases. You know, like in the olden days.

Cleopatra hams it up.

In related news.......all Halloween candy faces likely relocation to the bin due to many, many conversations much like the following:

Mommy? Can I have a piece of candy?

No Bug. You just had a piece of candy two minutes ago.

That's okay, I'll get a different kind.

But it's still candy. No.

No, Mommy! It'll taste completely different than the other one. I'm getting chocolate this time.

Wha? No. No more candy. *sigh*

Yes, indeed, I have lost my ever lovin' mind

For some reason, that I still cannot understand, I signed up for NaBloPoMo - National Blog Posting Month. (See badge in sidebar) This means that I pledged to post each and every day in November. Because I have been so consistent about posting in the past year and a half or so. Yeah.

I haven't even managed to post every WEEK, much less every day. Maybe this is my subconscious way of getting me back into the swing of things. I suspect that it is simply my subconscious fucking with me. Bastard.

So, do you think I can do it? I have no idea. It's worth a shot.

Wanna help? Since I am needing blog material, I am actually encouraging you to ask me questions. You know, everything you ever wanted to know about Sugar Mommy but were afraid to ask.

Be nice.

Perturbed

I have a question that I'm not sure if anyone who reads here will have the answer to. But here it is:

What the hell is so funny, cool, or whatever about taking pumpkins and other decorations off of people's front porches and lawns and smashing them in the street? I'm assuming it is teenagers roaming around at night, but I can't be sure. I just don't understand what it is about tearing up the prized decorations of children and of other people that is so appealing. To anyone.


Now, my kids' pumpkins get put out on the back porch every year for this very reason. But the very sweet lady next door goes all out every year decorating her house for the season. It is always very tasteful and lovely with neat looking pumpkin topiaries and jack-o-lanterns. And every year, they get smashed in the street. This just makes me angry. And even though, they aren't ours, my kids are devastated that someone would do that to Ms. Sherry's pumpkins. They just don't get it.

If someone can explain it, please do. Because I am feeling very unforgiving right now. I guess that I just don't get it either.


Halloween pictures of the SugarBabies will be posted later, I promise. I have to get to work just now....