Monday, May 01, 2006

How to piss me off *UPDATED*

Good: Sulk around the house, sighing over how bored you are every time your friend next door can't or won't come play with you. Bonus points for the big snit you have when I present you with the long list of ways I can relieve your boredom.

Better: Leave your Girl Scout project out in your room, next to the glue bottle AND leave your door open. THEN act all surprised when one of your little brothers goes in there and pours said glue all over the little wormy/butterfly things you were making for the camporee swaps.

As an added bonus, get pissy and yell at me when I tell you that you will have to pay for half of the cost to replace the craft materials. You know that your brothers like to go into your room and you have been repeatedly "encouraged" to shut and lock your door if you don't want them in there.

Best: Come downstairs at 9:30 at night, a full hour after I tucked you in and said very clearly, "Stay in bed and go to sleep. I don't want to see you unless you are on fire or bleeding from your eyeballs." Then tell me that you need to find your math journal.

Proceed to look for your math journal for a few minutes and proceed to lose your shit when you can't find it.

Become frantic and insist that the boys must have taken it from your backpack the day prior.

When faced with fairly concrete evidence to the contrary, get truly hysterical and tell me that your teacher is going to be mad because...

(wait for it)

...because you haven't had your math journal in class for the past several days. So, really, all that about your brothers taking it out of your back pack was a load of crap.

Then, ask me to write a note to your teacher (saying what, that you can't find your math journal? She already knows that) and get mad when I say that the math journal was your responsibility and now you must face the consequences of not keeping up with it. Including buying a new one if necessary.

Honestly, the whole crying yourself to sleep thing did make me feel a little bit bad for you, but not overwhelmingly. I have been saving your butt a little too often lately and it's time to grow up a little. Life sucks sometimes. Figure that out and come to terms with it now, little girl. Might not make it any easier, but at least it won't be such a big surprise.

***The missing math journal? The one that either A)up and walked off by itself; or B)SugarPlum's brothers absconded with and destroyed, leaving behind absolutely no evidence whatsoever?? Remember that (if not, see above)? IT HAS BEEN FOUND! Miracle of miracles. It was beneath a box upon the dining room table. The table which our girl insists she thoroughly searched, leaving no stone (or box) unturned. How did it get there? Magic? The Borrowers? Evil Mommy bent on destroying her life by the end of the third grade? It's a real conundrum. the glue for her Brownie project is missing. So, never fear, there is enough anger and accusation to go around. Line forms to the left.****

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