Probably not. When I started writing this post, I said that I was okay. But I think that I was very much NOT okay, because the next day, I was having a "discussion" with SD and ended up shaking up my big bottle of crazy and spewing it all over him. It actually ended up being a good thing, though at the time, I am almost certain that he considered calling the men in the white coats. More than once. But by the end of my incoherent rant (which differs from my blog posts how?), I felt much better having given voice & words to the depression and anxiety that I have been dealing with over the past several years. It ebbs and flows, my depression. I mentioned possibly being bipolar a few weeks ago. I really don't think that I am. But I do think that I cycle in and out of depression quite often. I just don't get the "manic" parts of bi-polar. No, I still haven't talked to Dr. C about this because...well, I suppose because I still am not sure I can handle the answer.
Anyway, these are the words that I have associated my depression & anxiety. (How much more of a downer could I be?)
- despair
- alone
- overwhelmed
- dark
- helpless
- agitated
- ashamed
- pit
- hopeless
- anxious
- ache
- sleepless
- exhausted
- empty
- numb
- hurt
- fatigue
- pretending
- smoldering
- unfocused
- disappointing
- angry
- stress
- blurry
- crazy
- inadequate
- difficult
- medicated
- moody
- distracted
- insane
- trying
- misunderstood
- spinning
- ill
- brain
- dying
- low
- over-stimulated
- sensory deprivation
- messy
- apathy
- misunderstand
- suffering
- distorted
- cloudy
- worthless
- incapable
- dishonest
- black
- lifeline
- adrift
- entangled
- pathological
- joyless
- abyss
- reason (or lack of)
- rain
- undeserving
- bottomless
- falling
- regret
- frustrated
- disorder
- therapy
- fear
- lost
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