Friday, June 26, 2009

Don't let the donuts win!

You know what's really loud? No, I mean make-you-get-out-of-bed-to-make-it-shut-up loud?

Krispy Kream Donuts. They are loud. And? Somehow they know my name.

My wonderful, handsome husband bought one of those "fundraiser" boxes of KK's yesterday. I didn't see them until we got home from soccer last night. And, since it was 104 at soccer practice last night, the only thing that sounded good to eat was something COLD. As such, I was able to resist the siren song of the plain, glazed bites of heaven. Then I went to bed & had actually forgotten about them. Hard to believe, but true, nonetheless. I was lying in bed reading Atlas Shrugged, minding my own beeswax when I heard it. It was faint at first...


I brushed it off as the wind in the trees and my imagination working together & continued to take in Dagny & Hank's intense relationship & Ayn Rand's eerie prophecy. (OMG!!!) But then it got louder & more insistent:

"Yo! Buff!"
"Buffi! C'mon!"

Finally, I had to get put of bed & make it stop before it woke the kids. Because they really, really needed their sleep. We can't have stupid donuts waking them. So, I made my way to the kitchen, book in hand, with every intention of merely speaking to the donuts and asking them to please be quiet, it was the middle of the night and people were trying to sleep, for goodness sake.

But those donuts would NOT shut up. So, I opened the box and took one out so that I could look it in the face & make myself clear - but its eyes sorta glazed over (<-----ha! see what I did there?!). I did what I had to do. I ate the little mf'er. And then? I ate another one, just to ensure that they got the message. I know, you're amazed at my self-sacrifice for these children. That shut them up for a while. Late this morning, I had to eat another one, just in case they got ballsy later this evening. Because I will not tolerate insubordination. Alas, their numbers are so depleted at this point, I think we may be safe. However, I think I may have heard the survivors snickering and saying something about my ass getting bigger. I'll probably have to put a stop to THAT before the night's over.