Monday, July 31, 2006

Sweet Nothings from SugarBug

Okay, the kids and I listen, almost exclusively, to KLOVE which is a Christian radio station that is all over the country. And on that station one of the songs frequently played is a fun, upbeat song by Phillips, Craig and Dean called Friend of God. The lyrics are:

I am a friend of God
I am a friend of God
I am a friend of God
He calls me friend.

A few days ago, as the kids are singing along, I zero in on Bug, who is singing, with gusto:

I a friend of God
I a friend of God
I a friend of God
He calls me Fred!!!

Really, you think that God would have figured his name out by now!

Friday, July 28, 2006

Handy Household Hint #82

When implementing your fabulous new laundry plan of having the children put their dirty clothes directly into the washing machine rather than a sure to check the washing machine and all pants within to verify that there were no diapers or pull-ups accidentally thrown in. That stuff is a bitch to clean out of the washer. (Note: Paper towel over ALL surfaces.)

And THEN you have to rewash all of the clothes.

As a result, you may not be able to wear those comfy/cute black capris to the school register you son for kindergarten. You might have to wear those same tired denim capris that you have been wearing all week. You know, the ones you are ready to burn.

Stupid diaper.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Somebody, please, Get this man a blog!

In response to my recent sushi issues, Bob (recently, of TXU fame) had this to say.....

This kind of reminds me of that old Billy Joel tune, "Uptown Girl":

Up-chuck, girl!
You've been eatin' stuff that makes you hurl.
It's best you never let those bad eats fly,
Until you're moaning, almost heavin' dry.

So you're gonna be an up-chuck girl.
You'll been lookin' at that water swirl
As long as any chunks of hot cud slam
into the water of that porce-lin can --
Green eggs and ham.

Now, I ask you....Why does this man not have a blog?? The Blogosphere needs you, Bob!

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Please pass the Tums... *UPDATED*

Note to self:

Never, ever buy sushi from the commissary again.

*'scuse me*

Ummmmm, okay, I suppose I should clarify. It was just the vegetable rolls. No raw fish. I have to be in a place where I know for sure that the seafood is fresh before I eat that kind of sushi. Landlocked here in Texas is NOT that place! I think that it was just the wasabi and ginger that overwhelmed me. And my belly. Ugh.

Monday, July 24, 2006


(I know, Karin. This is pretty much March to November for you, right?!)


The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.

The trees are whistling for the dogs.

The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

Hot water now comes out of both taps.

You can make sun tea instantly.

You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron!

The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly.

You discover that it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.

You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.

You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.

Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"

You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.

Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying boiled eggs.

The cows are giving evaporated milk.

Ah, what a place to call home.

God Bless Our State of TEXAS!!

(This was an email goody from my Daddy. I take no credit for any of it. Although, I have thought some of these before!)

Friday, July 21, 2006

Weeks like these are made for Xanax

How to Celebrate your 36th Birthday:

*Make sure that your husband leaves for a year two days before.

*Have your mom come the day that husband leaves.

*Have your best friend come the next day.

*Get up early on your birthday by way of your cute little three-year-old blonde haired, blue-eyed alarm clock. Take daughter to soccer camp,

*Go to doctor (which seems to have become a tradition) who contradicts what the "experts" at the last base said. Finally convince Doogie that you DO INDEED need an endocrinology referral. Putz.

*Go to register Children #s 1 and 2 for school. But only get #1 registered because kindergarten registration begins next week. Of course.

*Enjoy cookie-cake that children prepared and decorated in your honor. Eat several pieces. mmmmmmm Chocolate chip!

*Go eat Mexican food and drink yummy margaritas with best friend in town!

*Stay up too late for no apparent reason.

*Wake up early again (see above).

*Take daughter to camp in husband's car because it is easiest to get out of driveway.

*Drop daughter off at camp. Drive home fantasizing about either nap or unpacking boxes. It's a toss up.

*At some point in reverie, realize that the pick up in front of you that you thought was going to turn left? Has yet to turn.

*Smash right into back of said pickup totally destroying hubby's front end. Radiator fluid everywhere. Unable to open either of the front doors, having to climb out the back.

*Listen as asshole cop lectures you about how he "could give you a ticket for an expired license" but won't since is it just one day over.

*Spend much of morning crying hysterically and dealing with insurance company.

*Take lots of Motrin & Xanax. Praise God for TriCare.

Monday, July 17, 2006

D-day draws nigh....

Okay, our sense of humor is fading fast around here. SD leaves Tuesday and we are all feeling the impending doom. In less than 24 hours I will be a single parent. This is not something I was cut out for. I am better as part of a team. And my teammate is bailing on me. Okay, okay, to be fair, he IS returning as often and as soon as he possibly can.

SugarPlum ended up with a migraine Thursday evening (the first of two or three in the past several days). We were going out to dinner and she didn't even want to go eat Mexican food. And really, girly LOVES her fajitas. I gave her some medicine and some HeadOn (which works miracles usually...thanks Angel!!) and let her stay home while we grabbed supper. When we got home she had fallen asleep and woke up shortly after a little disoriented and still in a lot of pain. Finally SD carried her to our bed and I snuggled her and read to her for a while. Eventually, I got her one of my Fioricet, which finally worked.

I'm not surprised. She has been the one feeling the most anxious about her Daddy leaving. She won't let us talk about it or even allude to it. If I say something like, "You know, next week, I'm really going to need your help..." she tears up and tells me that she just doesn't want to talk about it. She has been having trouble going to sleep and has been SOOOO moody. I mean, even moodier than normal for a nine-year-old little girl. Scary! This week, she is going to soccer camp, so maybe she will have a constructive outlet for her feelings. Maybe. Or maybe she will be even MORE tired and cranky. It's a toss-up.

The boys, of course, really have no idea what is going on. I mean, they have heard us saying that Daddy's leaving, but I am pretty certain that they don't get it. I'm not sure what will happen tomorrow when he is actually gone. The phrase "all hell breaking loose" keeps running through my mind for some reason. Bear has been having random meltdowns about relatively minor things over the past two weeks. It's almost painful to watch because you can tell that he really cannot control what is going on. His emotions are on edge and get away with him sometimes. Bug, really, has no clue. He reacts to everyone else's emotions, which is enough, honestly.

I've had a few migraines of my own. No big surprise. But I have kept my Xanax use to a minimum. I have really just been enjoying my time with SD. We have used the hot tub some (at night - sitting in the hot tub when it is 105 degrees just doesn't appeal to me), snuggled some and, yes, picked a few fights of course. I'm fairly sure I'll be a disaster tomorrow.

SD, to his credit, is really trying to keep his emotions in check and spend as much time with the kids as he possibly can. He takes them with him on several of his trips to Lowes every day and he makes them breakfast every morning.

Wednesday, we took out a second mortgage on our newly financed house and made a trip to the local water park. The kids had a blast. SD got soooo burned. In spots. He let SugarPlum put the sunblock on him and it wasn't the most even application. We have all been chipping in, taking turns applying aloe to his shoulders and back. We're nothing if not helpful.

SD did get my new cooktop and oven installed. I had forgotten how much I love a gas stove! He has let the kids help him with much of what he has done. Tomorrow, he is taking them to ride bumper boats at a place in town. I'm going to let them have that fun all to themselves. It's supposed to be over 100 all week.(it's not even 10:00 am & it is over 90 degrees already) Blech. (although, as Christine pointed out, at least we have a/c!)

So, as I mentioned a while back, SD leaves Tuesday and my birthday is Thursday. My big plans? I have a doctor appointment! I'm crazy that way (no, really, I am crazy, you know). Actually, one of my very best friends, CRB, is coming to town Wednesday to keep me from losing it and she is staying at least thru Friday and maybe all weekend. Also, Mrs. Jackalord is coming on Saturday. I have the most wonderful friends. Anyone else want to come join us? We have plenty of room. And my mom will be here to babysit. Wheeeeee!

Stay tuned tomorrow for much self-pity and woe....

Friday, July 14, 2006

Letters I'd love to write, but probably never will... *updated*

Dear TXU person(s) who read my post:

I know that you read my post about the atrocious behavior of your customer service representatives (also known as "big, fat liars" and in one instance "bitch from hell) (except for Von) (and Bob*). I saw you on my stat counter. I saw more than one of you.

Would it have killed you to leave a comment saying, "I'm sorry?" That would have gone a long way in restoring my faith in your company. As it is we will be switching to another company this week. And telling all of our friends. Remember Texas is a big state with six Air Force bases alone. Not to mention Army, Navy, Marines and Coast Guard. Word travels fast among military folks. Sucks to be you.

Yours (but not for long),

*I know that Bob is NOT a customer service person. But he is my hero...thus, the mention.

Dear Creepy Sacker Guy at the grocery store,

When I go to the store at 11:00 in the evening wearing grubby old sweats, a faded college t-shirt, no makeup except for the mascara circles under my eyes and my (dirty) hair in a ponytail, you saying, "You look nice tonight!" in that creepy way you do does NOT impress me. It sorta skeeves me out.

And the way that you always make it a point to hightail it to my lane when I am shopping there is less than endearing. You know I am married. You have seen my three monkeys children. I'm not available and even if I were, sackers with such obvious acne problems are not my style. Actually, I outgrew sackers in the 11th grade. Leave me alone.

NOT yours,


Dear USAF,

SD will be unable to attend the "remote assignment" you had planned for him. Due to *ahem* a recent (re)discovery. I am very sorry for any inconvenience that this may cause.

Dutifully yours,


Dear Yogi and Snazzy, (my dogs)

They are squirrels. They live up there in the trees. No matter how high you jump or how much you bark, you won't catch one. Get over it and move on.

Irritated, but still loving you,


Dear SugarBabies,

Enough with the whining. Soon my head will explode. While that may sound like it would be entertaining, it will not be fun for any of us. So stop the damn whining. All of you. Or you can live out there with the dogs and chase squirrels all day.



Dear Sun,

Okay, we get it, you're hot. We are in TEXAS!! now. We understand. However, 108 degrees is just taking things too far. Cool off already, will ya?

Sweatingly yours,


Dear Blog Stalker,

Seriously, how long has it been? And still, I see you on my stat counter several times a week. I think they make a pill for that. It's funny that you haven't just bookmarked my site and have to use the same search terms every. single. time. Really, get a life. You have moved from aggravating to simply pathetic.

Go away,


Dear Target Employees,

For the last time, NO! I do not want to apply for a Target card and save 10% on my purchases. I have told you all that about eleventy skrillion times now. STOP ASKING ME!! Soon you will be seeing me wearing a sign communicating my feelings about your damn Target card. And there might be some not-very-nice words on it. Enough already.

(And while we are at it, please share this information with your buddies at Kohls, JC Penney's and Macy's.)

Sick of it (but not enough to shop at Wal-Mart),

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Six Days till Lonely-ville plus a large portion of TMI

Well, I've changed my mind. I've decided that SD cannot go away for this remote assignment. No, I am not afraid of being a single parent. (Okay, maybe I am a little bit.) I am a take charge kind of girl when I have to be and I know that the kids and I will be fine. I have proven to myself that I can keep the house, if not clean, then not disgusting, either. This may seem like common sense to most folks, but I have finally found it within myself to actually tidy up after each meal. Amazing how much easier it is to keep the kitchen clean that way. Why didn't anyone ever tell me that? (I know, Mom. I KNOW.)

And, I have kept up with the laundry (for the most part) by insisting that the children put their clothes not into a hamper or (heaven forbid) on the floor, but directly into the washing machine. Then, when it approaches full, I wash them. (BTW, those Shout Color Catchers are the best thing ever invented. E-V-E-R. You could throw a white sock into a load of reds and the sock will still come out white if there is a Color Catcher in there. I hardly ever sort the laundry any more. If I had to, it'd never get done. Nobody even asked me to blog about those. This is my gift to you.)

And, no, I am not afraid to be alone in the house. I have done that many, many times.

No, the reason that I have decided that SD must stay is that I finally found my libido again. It must have been in one of those boxes for the past several years. I don't know if it is being back in Texas (although heaven knows that last time we were here I didn't have it. It was gone for a long, long time. And oh! how we missed it!!), finally finding the right combination of drugs to stave off the years of PPD, or that I have NOT been pregnant and/or nursing for over six months now. But WOO HOO the libido is back and we have been enjoying its return! And girls, let me just share a little about that man of mine: he is good. Very good. And so he must stay.

Yes, there are "things" that can tide me over somewhat until he is back for Christmas, but it's just not the same. I need my man. Seriously.

The Air Force will understand. Right? RIGHT???

Damn. It's gonna be a long twelve months.

Monday, July 10, 2006

Why is it....

  • that for every box I unpack, three more pop up to take its place?
  • that my kids are constantly hungry, but never for what I say they can eat? "Mommy! I'm starving!! Can I have a fourth popsicle? A candy? No, I don't want a yogurt/cereal bar/piece of fruit that doesn't require peeling and/or slicing." If you are starving, doesn't that indicate that you would be happy to eat whatever someone is willing to give you to eat??
  • that I cannot, even after more than two weeks, decide where I want the furniture placed?
  • that even though this is the biggest house we have ever owned, there still doesn't seem to be enough room for all of our stuff?
  • that we have so much damned stuff???
  • that I can't get my three year old son to even consider using the potty?
  • that I am eating very little, snacking even less and yet my ass is getting bigger and bigger?? I'm tired of this weight gain. GO AWAY FAT!!!
  • that regardless of how tired I am, I can't seem to make it to bed before 1:00? This is going to cause a problem next week after SD has left the continent.

(on a side note...YEESH! I'm going to be a single parent in eight days!! This fact alone scares the bejeebers out of me!)

Friday, July 07, 2006

Backtracking, apologizing and explaining (okay, and ranting and raving)....

also known as The Longest Post EVER

Okay, so about the TXU saga. I am afraid that maybe I was a little harsh in a recent post when discussing TXU. I also am afraid that I offended one of my favorite readers of all time (who doesn't have a blog but should really get one), let's call him "Bob." Don't get me wrong all (but one) of the "Customer Service Representatives" with whom SD & I spoke were more accurately described as "Big Fat Liars" and one in particular will always be known in my heart of hearts as the "Bitch from Hell."

HOWEVER one very pretty person, the lovely and angelic Von (that was her name), restored my faith in humanity and has kept me from cursing TXU altogether. I will explain more in a moment. For now, lets begin the saga of How TXU Ended Up on my Shit List:

Yes, I will admit that at first, we brought some of this on ourselves by waiting until the last minute to get our power connected. SD thought that I had taken care of that little formality and I thought that he had. So, Tuesday came and the power was turned off at our new home. Fortunately, we were still in our lovely two bedroom home as our household good would not arrive until Friday.

Tuesday afternoon, we called TXU and we were told that unless we payed $150, they could not get the power turned on until Friday. This was slightly inconvenient since SD was planning on fencing along the driveway to keep our Houdini-esque dogs in the backyard. But as we are now on a budget (you know, because we bought this great house...totally worth it), we decided that we could wait until Friday. SD was ensured that the power would be on between 8:00 and 5:00 (LOVE how they narrow it down).

So, as Friday approached, SD finished the fence and we discussed how we hoped, for the movers sake if nothing else, that the power would be on closer to 8:00 than 5:00. The temperatures had been in the upper 90s all week and then there was the whole darkness thing going on inside.

Friday morning, the movers arrived at about 8:30. No power. I took the kids to Vacation Bible School at 9:00, ran a couple of errands and then stopped by the house at about 10:00. Still no power. I went to get lunch, picked up the boys (SugarPlum stayed at the church for Sports Camp. Have I mentioned that I LOVE my church?) and took them back to the base house for naps. I called SD at about 2:30. The movers were sweating their asses off...still no power.

At this point, I called TXU's customer service line to verify that we were indeed on the schedule to have our power connected that day. The person with whom I was finally connected was obviously NOT from this country and I question whether she was in this country. She was very nice, although, I was irritated. She put me on hold (of course) and came back to tell me that "your power will be connected thees day. Yes, thees day by meednight." MIDNIGHT? I was less than pleased to receive this news. But...okay. Fine. We weren't planning to check out of our temporary house until Saturday morning anyway.

I called and gave SD this news. Needless to say, he was a little miffed. So, he decided to call TXU himself. And the person he spoke with confirmed that the power "would be turned on thees day by meednight." Heh.

SD got up early Saturday morning and went over to the house to start unpacking the kids rooms so that they could be somewhat oriented when they got there. Big surprise. No power. So....he calls TXU. He asks to speak to a supervisor. The supervisor tells him that it would likely be Monday and possibly Tuesday before the power is connected. She also says that he was informed of this fact.

Meanwhile, I am packing up everything from the base house to take to our new home. Just as I am about to load the food into the van, my phone rings. He shares his conversation with me and in a repeat of the previous Saturday, I said, "I don't fucking think so."

So, I got on the phone and I called TXU again. I spoke first with the Customer Service Representative. I explained apologetically that I was fairly certain that there was little he could tell me that I didn't already know and that I needed to speak with a supervisor (really, no need to shoot the messenger). A few minutes later, I was connected with the aforementioned "Bitch from Hell."

She informed me that we were told when we called that it could be as late as Tuesday before the power was turned on. I told her that no, when we called to set up service we were told that it would be turned on Friday by 5:00. I continued by saying that THEN, when I had called the day prior, that I was assured that it would be on by midnight. I said that it was obvious that somewhere along the line, I was lied to at least once. That pissed her off and she said that it was right there in the notes that we were told it could be Tuesday. When I tried to contradict her, she kept cutting in and being more and more rude. I told her I didn't give a damn what the notes said, that perhaps she should listen to the recording of the call (and you KNOW that there is one) and get the truth. (Let me just say that I was making every effort to be calm, nice and level-headed. The three Xanax I took were helping quite a bit) By the third time I was interrupted and all but told I was stupid, I thought to myself, "Oh, hell no!"

I told her to stop interrupting me and listen already. I told her that I had the notes that SD wrote while on the phone with the TXU rep on Tuesday. That we were told that it would be Friday between 8:00 and 5:00. I also said that if we had been told that it might be as late as Tuesday, I could assure her that we would have paid the $150 to expedite the connection. I then said that it was obvious that there was nothing that she could do to help me and that I needed to speak with HER supervisor. She then gave me a little "HM!" and said that she would need to put me on hold to connect me. And then she did. Put me on hold.


I sat there for thirty minutes before I gave up. Fifteen minutes into the "hold" I realized that the same song was playing over & over on loop. The song? Famous Last Words of a Fool. Now that was just ugly. And mean. Someone at TXU thinks that they are really cute with that. I think that it is just in really bad taste. And now....I was beyond pissed.

I hung up and called again. And the phone went straight back to dial tone. So I tried again. And the same thing happened. That's when I realized, THAT BITCH BLOCKED MY NUMBER! No fucking way.

You can't get rid of me that easily. My parents came over to the temp house to stay with the kids while I went to the lodging office to use THEIR phones and the internet connection. On my way, I called our realtor. Who is absolutely the best realtor EVER. She said that she didn't know anyone off the top of her head, but that she knew people who knew people and that she would give me a call back. (Which she did. And she had contacted the publisher of the newspaper. Who knows everybody.)

I tried calling the TXU number in the phone book. But for some reason, I kept getting that weird "fast" busy signal. So I got online. I emailed "Bob," who works for TXU. I had no idea what he does at TXU, but I figured it couldn't hurt to ask. I asked him that if there was anything he could do to please give me a call on my cell. I also found a different number on TXU's website and called that. Once again, I nicely told the person who picked up first a little about what was going on and that I would like to speak with a supervisor. The person with whom I was connected seemed somewhat sympathetic. (It didn't hurt that I cried and pulled the "my husband is leaving very soon for twelve months and we MUST get into our house so we can get settled before he goes" card.) He put me on hold (uh-oh), and then, suddenly, the call was disconnected. I sighed heavily and tried not to scream (too loudly).

I called again. I played the whole "you seem like a lovely person and I hate to trouble you but may I just go ahead and speak with a supervisor, please" game. He asked where I was calling from and when I told him, he said he would transfer me to someone in that area. Aha!!! How uncharacteristically logical!! This is when I was connected with the now revered (and very pretty) VON.

Von was horrified at the way I had been treated and said that of course I should be angry and dismayed. She asked if she could put me on hold so that she could see where the service guy was and find out what the hold up might be. I was understandably reluctant to be put on hold and explained my apprehensions. She assured me that she would be back but that if we were disconnected somehow, she said that she would call me back and read my number to me, I am assuming from her Caller ID. So I agreed to be put on hold.

Von checked back with me as she sought the answers and solution to my problem. She said that according to what her records said, our electricity should either be on already or that is should be soon. She said to check the meter and that there should be a tag on it. If the tag was blue or grey, the power should be on and if the tag was red or orange, the power was still off but assured me that it would be on very soon. I thanked her profusely and told her how wonderful she was.. Then I called SD and relayed this new information to him. He said that the tag on the meter was grey, but that the power was still off.


I started to call Von again when SD called me back to tell me that the lights were on and we were now with power. YAAAAAY!!!!! The guy had just been to the house and switched the tags then went down the street to flip the switch...or whatever it is they do. All I know is that if I had been at the house, I would have kissed that guy on the mouth (no tongue, though. It's not like I won the lottery!).

Later, when I had loaded up the kids and all of our crap and was FINALLY headed to the house, "Bob" called. He was so nice. He really doesn't have much to do with the customer service side of TXU, but he was going to give me the names of people to call who had the power to make things happen. "Bob," you rock!!

I will share with you the disclaimer from all TXU advertising:

TXU Energy (REP Certificate No. 10004) is not the same company as TXU Electric
Delivery and is not regulated by the Public Utility Commission of Texas, and you
do not have to buy TXU Energy's products to continue to receive quality
regulated services from TXU Electric Delivery.

So, here we sit now in our fully lit, air conditioned (and still box-filled) home. All's well that ends well, right? But I can tell you for damn sure that we will be switching power companies. As much as I love Von (and "Bob") I can't abide being treated as I was by everyone else at at that company over the week.

Don't mess with SugarMommy.


Wednesday, July 05, 2006

No, the boxes haven't eaten me. Yet.

I know. I KNOW. I suck. I haven't posted in nearly a week. I had fully intended to do a 4th of July post, but never even turned the computer on Monday or Tuesday (actually, now that I think about it, I don't think that I turned it on on Sunday, either). If you want, you can read my post from last year here. I have been online so little and when I am it is mostly to check email. Then I sometimes sneak in a few blog reads and then get back to this settling in business.

Which is much easier said than done.

You would think that with as much as I have neglected you, my dear blog friends, that the boxes would be unpacked and we would be able to see all of the carpet in the bedrooms and perhaps even have a vague notion as to where to place the living room furniture. Ah, but see, there you would be mistaken. Because with all of the tidying up after the children, going to Lowes and Home Depot no less than 17 times a day and, of course, napping, very little actual unpacking has taken place in the past several days.

The children's clothes and various other "necessities" have been unpacked and distributed accordingly.

The kitchen is a sight to behold. It is unpacked and some might even dare to mention the words "tidy" or "organized." (those people would not include my mother who seems intent on sending me right over the edge with her attempts at reorganization and "suggestions" on where things "might go better.") Nonetheless, there is still one counter top that is loaded down with all of the miscellaneous crap that has yet to find a resting place. It will look even better next week when the new oven and cooktop are in there. That is my birthday present. And I am thrilled with that!

SD has spent the past two days (with the help of the Jackalords yesterday) building the coolest swingset/treehouse that the kids have ever seen. It was all I asked that he do before he leaves for his remote. Because I need for those children to have something to occupy their time once I am a single parent! But seriously it is so cool. Even the teenage boy from next door had to come over yesterday and take a look and tell us how great it was.

Now, I must find it in me to open up those boxes and place the knick-knacks, hang the pictures and put away th rest of the clothes. (And you will be proud to hear that in almost two weeks, I have yet to fall behind on the laundry. That is a record!) One day, I will return to the blogosphere and read all of you and, yes, even leave comments! But for now...back to work. Where is that box cutter??