Friday, March 30, 2007

The end of the boob story (for now)

***funny note about Wednesdays' s subtitle - I got a BIG surprise Wednesday afternoon when SugarDaddy called me to tell me that he was in Chicago and would be in Candyland by about 10:30 that night. He made a spontaneous decision to come home for a few days. We are all so happy to have him home for a few days. He goes back to Turkey on Monday. I keep teasing him about making a transatlantic "booty call!""***

Okay the end of the boob story. At last.

I really wasn't too worried about the biopsy. I figured that since they couldn't see anything in any of the ultrasounds or anything that it wasn't anything to stress over. When asked about what I was going to be doing Tuesday, I said that I was going to the doctor so that he could tell me that I don't have cancer. Nothing to worry about. Right?


My appointment was at 10:45. I didn't anticipate it taking more than five or ten minutes. I got there barely on time. Okay, a couple of minutes late since I didn't account for the road construction. Stupid road construction. I dashed upstairs, checked in, sat down in the waiting room and took out my book. Then, "Mrs Lastname?" Wow they are fast! The only clinic on this whole base where I have always seen the doctor at my actual appointment time! I may never finish this book if they keep being so prompt.

The nurse took me to the exam room, took my vitals ("Your blood pressure is up a little" "You think?!") and then told me that the doctor would be in shortly and to put on the gown.

What? No. No! No gown! No! Gown! I don't need a gown! Why on earth would I need to put on a gown if all he's going to tell me is that the biopsy was all clear? For what possible reason would I need to disrobe and put on a gown? Crap. Good thing she took my blood pressure before she told me about the gown.

I changed and sat there for two and a half hours three minutes. The longest three minutes of my life. I sat there envisioning the surgery and chemo and everything else that I had dreaded. I was seriously fweaked out.

Dr. D came in and sat down. He said "I have your test results. Everything looked fine. Just benign breast tissue. Nothing suspicious at all. I want to check the site where I took the biopsy. Just want to make sure there aren't any problems."

Whew! My heart returned to my chest and began beating normally again. He recommended that I follow up with my regular doctor in six months to make sure that the lump hasn't changed or anything.

I got to call my husband and tell him that I DON"T have cancer. Of course, he wasn't there since he was on his way here. But, since he didn't tell me that I had to leave a message. Then I got to tell everyone I knew that I am cancer free. (as far as I know) YAYYYYYYY!

Now, I am going to go enjoy my husband. Since he leaves again Monday morning. If you call and I don't answer, you'll know why. :::big smile:::

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Yet more about my boobs...subtitled:

Some things should NEVER be a surprise

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE surprises. Birthday presents? Don't tell me, I want to be surprised. Friend in town for a few hours and wants to pop by? Super! (Just forgive the outrageous mess that is my humble (very humble) home) Diamond earrings just because it's Thursday? Fan-freaking-tastic. (also, a not-so-subtle hint to certain husbands...). But some things, well, there are certain things I like to have some advanced notice about.

Last Tuesday, the day finally arrived in which I was able to keep my appointment at the surgery clinic for the biopsy consultation. After the ridiculously inconclusive mammogram last month, I was glad to finally get the ball rolling (as it were) toward some answers about this lump I've been walking around with since January.

When I made the appointment, the lady told me at least three times that this appointment was "only a consultation. You understand that, right, Mrs. Lasttname? This is just a consultation for the biopsy." Are we all clear? It was only for a consultation. *ahem*

So I get there, check in, the nurse takes my vitals and gives me the gown with the obvious (to me anyway) instructions to tie it in the front. So I change and go back to reading my book. Soon, in comes the surgeon. Who happens to be the same guy who performed the surgery when I had the ectopic pregnancy four years ago. I wasn't a big fan of his then. Of course, I wasn't very pleased with anyone at that hospital that day.

This day, however, he was lovely. Very nice, very informative, very patient (heh), willing to answer all my questions. He asked my age, how many children I have, how many times I've been pregnant (depends on your POV: either four or five), and how long I breastfed my children total. (59 months!! That is almost three years! Holy crap!) And then? He was actually able to feel the lump! Which is more than I can say for the other two doctors I have seen for this. Then he marked the spot with a Sharpie. He got his ultrasound machine and tried to find said lump. He wasn't able to see it on the ultrasound either. But! He was very good to show me what I was seeing: the fatty tissue, the mammary glands (now depleted from 59 months!! of nourishing children) the breast tissue. But he couldn't see the lump which he assured me was a good thing. But, since he did indeed feel that lump, he thought that it would be a good idea to go ahead and do a fine needle biopsy.


Wha?! Huh?! The hell?! But...but...but...the lady! She said that this was just the consultation!!!! If I had know that you were going to stick a needle in my boob, I would have taken some Xanax first! NO FAIR!!!! On the other hand, this meant that I would have answers sooner rather than later, so, okay, fine.

(May I just say that they really need to reconsider the name of this procedure. "Fine needle biopsy?" There was nothing fine about that needle. In fact, I believe that "Big Ass Needle Biopsy" would be a more accurate name for it. Yes, it might scare a few people, but at least you have a more realistic expectation as to what is to come.)

So, Dr. D gives me a little shot of lidocaine (with an actual fine needle) in "the area." I am feeling confident that I can deal with this. He starts to put the not-exactly-fine needle in the breast tissue and I am thinking, "Well, this isn't so bad. Not nearly as bad as the thyroid biopsy. I don't know what I was so freaked out ab- - - HOLY MOTHER OF.......THAT HURTS! What kind of sadist is this man? Shitshitshitshitshit! How long is this going to take?"

Meanwhile Dr. D is telling me that he has to get samples from all angles of the lump, blah blah blah....meanwhile he jerks that big ass needle all over the place and I am trying not to come up off the table and nail him in the jaw. Finally, he takes the needle out and goes over to where the slides are laid out and says, "Let's see if we got enough for a sample."

Um, you better hope you got enough because I can assure you, Dr. DeSade, that you won't be sticking that thing in me again. Besides, there isn't that much there to begin with!

Luckily, he decided that there was enough. As he is finishing up the slides, he assures me again that he really doesn't think that I have anything to worry about. He tells me to come back in one week for a follow up and to get my results. *sigh*

When I started to get up, I got all hot and dizzy and nauseated. I really thought I was going to pass out. I managed to get my clothes on and bent over the trash can in anticipation of the puke that never happened. Thank goodness. But I kept thinking that if I could have just taken a Xanax before, I wouldn't be going through this.

There were, technically, no appointments available this week. Lucky for me, the nurse could sense my anxiety over this and said that she would "create an appointment." I like her. So, I was scheduled for this Tuesday at 10:45. Be on time!

More tomorrow....or Friday. I promise!

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Hot tea hurts when it comes out your nose

Conversation at the breakfast table

Me: So, Bug, your letter this week at school is "V." What are you going to take for Show & Tell tomorrow?

Bug: My Volcano book!!

Me: Gosh, I haven't seen that in a while. In case we can't find it, what do you want to take?

Bug: Just my Volcano book.

Me: Okay....but let's think of some other things that start with "V" just n case.

Bear: Violin! Valentine!

SugarPlum: Veterinarian! Vibrate! Hey, do we have anything that vibrates? You know, I'll bet that Bug would be the only one with a vibrator at school!

Me: *sputter* *cough* *cough* WHAT?

SugarPlum: You know, if we find something that vibrates, like that funny ball PawPaw got Bear for Christmas that year. He could say it's a vibrator!

Me: Um...yeah. SOOO! Why don't you go look for that Volcano book for me....while I clean up this tea I spewed all over the table.

*for the record, we never found the Volcano book. We did, however find a Velociraptor book, thus saving my family years of embarrassment at the Baptist Church preschool....*

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Spring Breaking

We are at Gram and Gray Gray's house for the last few days of Spring Break. Internet connections are spotty and weak (as they are pirated wireless signals) at best. So I will make this brief (mercifully) in the hopes of it actually getting posted.

All is well. The kids and I were going to go to the science museum for the "Elephant Encounter" where you were supposed to get up close and personal with live elephants. This would have been really neat for all of us. Unfortunately, about 100,000 other people thought it would be cool as well. Given Mommy's aversion to crowds, we (and when I say "we" I mean "the driver of the vehicle and the person who would have to pay $9 apiece to stand in a crowd of millions just to see an elephant from two miles away") chose to go to the National Ranching Heritage Center instead. SugarPlum has been studying TEXAS!! history this year and Bear's class did a unit on cowboys last week, so this outing was both timely and meaningful for all.

They really seemed to enjoy seeing the old pioneer houses and barns, etc. Bear declared every tiny dirt-floored one room shanty to be "beautiful." The favorite part, I think, was the old train depot complete with steam engine and cars. Although, the boys were quite disappointed that the train didn't move. Oh, well.

My mom worked at this particular museum when I was a child, so I grew up there and gave tours in period costume at times. I was surprised how much I remembered about those old houses. I had one daddy and his little girl following us for a while so that they could listen to what I told the kids. And of course, I did that "I remember when that wasn't here" thing that we all do when we get old. *sigh* SugarPlum was SO embarrassed. Which made it totally worth it.

Today, I am helping CRB and friends go evaluate her house (that her ex-husband lives in with their son) and decide what all needs to be done to make the thing "sale-able." Should be a big job. (see above: ex-husband/teenage son) But I love her, so whaddaya gonna do?

Tomorrow, we head back to Candyland. School starts Monday and I will have to start getting up waaaaaaay before the 10:00 I have become accustomed to here at Gram and Gray's.

Pray for me.

so much for this being short.....sorry

Friday, March 09, 2007

Dragonflies? Yes. Crickets? Yes.

Grasshoppers, no.

Out of the blue and with no explanation before or after.....

"Mommy, three-years-olds DON'T like grasshoppers."

So, now you know.

Monday, March 05, 2007

Finally, the voice of reason!

My only regret is that I am not the one who authored this. It expresses all of my pet peeves. I'll admit, I do forward a LOT of emails, but the only names you'll see on anything from me are mine and yours! (except sometimes on gmail, because it always messes me up!)

E-mail safety
A friend who is a computer expert received the following directly from a system administrator for a corporation. It is an excellent message that ABSOLUTELY applies to ALL of us who send e-mails. Please read the short letter below, even if you're sure you already follow proper procedures.

Do you really know how to forward e-mails?

50% of us do, 50% DO NOT.

Do you wonder why you get viruses or junk mail? Do you hate it? Every time you forward an e-mail, there is information left over from the people who got the message before you -- their e-mail addresses and names. As the messages get forwarded along, the list builds and builds and builds, and all it takes is for some poor sap to get a virus and his or her computer can send that virus to every E-mail address that has come across his computer. Or, someone can take all of those addresses and sell them, or send junk mail to them in the hopes that you will go to the site and that person will make five cents for each hit.

How do you stop it? There are several easy steps:

1. When you forward an e-mail, DELETE all of the other addresses that appear in the body of the message (at the top). That's right, DELETE them. Highlight them and delete them, backspace them, cut them, whatever it is you know how to do. It only takes a second. You MUST click the "Forward" button first and then you will have full editing capabilities against the body and headers of the message. If you don't click on "Forward" first, you won't be able to edit the message at all.

2. Whenever you send an e-mail to more than one person, do NOT use the "To" or "Cc" fields for adding e-mail addresses. Always use the "BCC" (blind carbon copy) field for listing the e-mail addresses. This way the people you send to will only see their own e-mail address. If you don't see your "BCC," option click on "To" and your address list will appear. Highlight the address and choose "BCC." It's that easy. When you send to "BCC" your message will automatically say "Undisclosed Recipients" in the "To" field of the ones who receive it.

3. Remove any "FW" in the subject line. You can re-name the subject or even fix spelling.

4. ALWAYS hit your "Forward" button from the actual e-mail you are reading, not from the one who sent it to you!! Ever get e-mails where you have to open ten pages first to read the one page with the wanted information on it? By Forwarding from the actual page you wish to be viewed, it eliminates extra e-mails people have to wade through.

The best thing to do is copy and paste!!!!

5. Have you ever gotten an e-mail that is a petition? It states a position, asks you to add your name and address and then requests that you forward it to ten or 15 people or your entire address book. As it is forwarded on and on it can collect thousands of names and e-mail addresses.

FACT: That petition is worth a couple of bucks to a professional spammer because of the wealth of valid names and e-mail addresses on it. If you want to support the intent of the petition, send it as your own personal letter to the most effective source. Your position may carry more weight as a personal letter than does a laundry list of names and e-mail address on a petition.

And think about this -- Who is supposed to actually send the petition in after the names are collected? And don't believe the ones that say that the e-mail is being traced. It just ain't so!

6. One of the emails I hate is the one that says something like, "Send this e-mail to ten people and you'll see something cute run across your screen," or sometimes they just tease you by saying something really good will happen soon. IT AIN'T GONNA!!!!! Trust me, some of the same ones went around ten years ago!

I don't let the bad luck ones scare me either, they get trashed (could be why I haven't won the lottery??

7. Before you forward an Amber Alert or a Virus Alert, or some of the other ones floating around nowadays, check them out before you forward them. Most of them are junk mail that have been circling the net for YEARS!

Is it real or not? Almost everything that is questionable can easily be checked out at Take that moment. If it's not real, don't pass it on.

Please, let's stop the junk mail and the viruses!

Now here's an idea!!! Let's send this to everyone we know, but strip any addresses off first, please . This is something that SHOULD be forwarded!

Author Unknown

Thursday, March 01, 2007

In the words of Bonnie Tyler....

Do you ever feel like you need a hero? I have been feeling rather hopeless in the past few years about the state of humanity. People just don't seem to care any more and I wonder what this world is coming to.

Then, along came Hula Doula. My new hero! She stepped in and saved five little boys when their mother was obviously teetering on, and rapidly plunging off of, the edge. I'm not sure that I would ever be courageous enough to take the action that Hula did to ensure the safety of these boys. She is an angel here on Earth. I'm certain that I can find five little boys who would totally agree with me.

And so, I am proud to award Hula Doula the Perfect Post award for February. You inspire me to make myself a better human being. **smooches**

for more Perfect Posts visit Suburban Turmoil and Petroville