Thursday, August 11, 2005

SugarBug's Story part 1

Reading the Genuines' baby saga this week and seeing the sweet photos of little Colton Dean made me think about my babies' birth stories. I mentioned in my breastfeeding post that SugarBug is my miracle baby. I have decided to share his story. I think it may take more than one post, as it is somewhat complicated.

After SugarBear was born, I was fairly certain that I didn't want any more kids. I was very happy with two. SugarDaddy offered more than once to get a vasectomy. I still had that little "maybe" in the back of my head. Perhaps in four or five years, I would want another baby. So, I told him to wait. I was on the pill and I was nursing. I was proud of my decisions and confident in them. We moved back to the states when Bear was 14 months old. The kids and I came a month before SD so that I could find us a house in Texas. That all went fairly well. SD flew back right after Labor Day & we met him in our new city. We spent our first night back together (kids & all) in a suite at the Holiday Inn.

A couple of weeks later, we moved into our house & SugarPlum started in her new school. I was at Target and realized that I was "late." I have never been late that I wasn't pregnant, but as I had been under a great deal of stress, I thought surely it's just that. Remember, I was nursing and on the pill. So, right there in the Target restroom, I peed on the stick, put it back in the little Target bag, put the bag in my purse & drove to pick SugarPlum up from school. I had actually forgotten for a minute about that test. I pulled out a magazine & started to read when I thought I would check the test to confirm that it was negative. It wasn't.

I was a little freaked out. So I did what any girl does when she finds herself unexpectedly pregnant. I called my Mom crying. I bought another test and sure enough, two little pink lines. I was angry. I had so many plans now that I was back in Texas. My best friends and I were going to do so many things. I was confused. How could I possibly be pregnant? I was using birth control. I had been with my husband exactly twice! One person who is very close to me - I can't bring myself to tell you who, because I still can't believe it - told me that I had "other options." I was floored. No, I didn't have other options. I am and have always been very pro-life. I won't shove it down your throat, but will argue my point if provoked. For someone who knows and loves me as much as this person to say that to me felt almost like a betrayal. I was scared. I had an ectopic pregnancy before I had SugarBear. I was terrified that it could happen again.

My father-in-law had come to town to help us move in. My dad was in town. My best friend, Elizabeth had come to help us paint. And I was trying to act like nothing was wrong. I locked myself in the bedroom to cry. I took several showers - to cry. Elizabeth found the EPT box and came to ask if there was anything I needed to talk about. She held me while I cried. Everyone needs a friend like that. I called my one of my other best friends, The Queen. She listened while I talked and cried and gave me those good "phone hugs" that only your best friends can.

Poor SugarDaddy. I totally took out all of my feelings on him. I didn't want him anywhere near me. I got angry when he wasn't there to hold me. When he asked what he could do for me, I actually said to him, "I think you've done enough." What a bitch.

A few days later, my fears began to be realized. I started spotting and cramping. This was all very familiar. I am ashamed to say that part of me hoped that I was losing this baby. It was all so far out of my plan and my head was still spinning. However, I was certain that this pregnancy was in my fallopian tube, like the last time. I went to the ER and told them my history of ectopic pregnancy. They drew blood to determine that I was indeed pregnant & did the
very pleasant pelvic exam then ordered an ultrasound. The u/s tech saw what she thought might be a yolk sac in my uterus, but it was so early that she couldn't tell. She didn't see anything in my tube, but again, it was early. I was told to make an OB appt the next day. I went there the next day & had another pelvic ultrasound. The doctor told me that I did indeed have a uterine pregnancy and that he was pretty sure that the cramping and bleeding was from a twin that had miscarried. I was still not completely convinced, but I went home and cried some more. I didn't know how I felt.

Some days later, I can't even tell you how many because that time is all such a blur now, I was still bleeding and the cramping was getting worse and more localized. I knew that I had an ectopic pregnancy. I had felt these pains before. I had researched it after the first one. But nobody would listen to me. Finally one night, I was up all night, throwing up and writhing in pain. After we took SugarPlum to school the next morning, SD took me BACK to the ER. That was my first encounter with the woman I now lovingly call Dr. Dingbat. That's my nice name for her.

When I checked in, I told them my symptoms (nausea, vomiting, severe abdominal pain, dizziness, lightheaded) and my history. They took me right back. Dr. Dingbat came in and told me that the chances of me having an ectopic pregnancy at the same time as a uterine on were about one in 50,000. She thought that maybe I had appendicitis. This is in spite of the fact that the acute pain was in my left side. She sent me for another ultrasound. The same tech was there to do the ultrasound. She frowned. She called in the radiologist. There was blood and fluid loose in my abdomen. Perhaps from a ruptured fallopian tube? No, Dr. Dingbat was sticking with her appendicitis diagnosis. She called in a surgeon who was hesitant to operate on a pregnant woman. Luckily Dr. D prevailed in this, even if it was for the wrong reason.

So I went into surgery. Guess what. My appendix? A-OK. Oops. They opened look in the other side. My fallopian tube? Not faring so well. They cleaned up my insides and put things back together as best they could. I lost a LOT of blood. If I remember correctly, my hemoglobin was eleven. Dr. Dingbat asked me if I thought I needed a blood transfusion. Ummm, excuse me? Who is the doctor here? If someone might need a blood transfusion, are they in a condition to make that decision? I didn't get one. I should have. I went home the next day with vicodin and other drugs. I was supposed to go back the following week to see how I was doing and if the baby survived the ordeal. Surely it hadn't.

At her office the next week, idiot doctor checks my incisions. There were several, because she looked at my appendix first. Then, she got the ultrasound machine out to check the baby. If you have been pregnant, you probably know that you can't see or hear a baby at seven weeks except with an internal ultrasound. Einstein puts the gel on my belly and says, "Let's check and see if we still have a baby in here." I'm thinking lady, have you lost your mind? You are not going to see anything that way. Everybody knows that! Well, folks, God is amazing, because right there on that screen, clear as day was a teeny little bit of a baby with the strongest heartbeat I have ever seen. Miracle baby.

But that's only the beginning of the miracle...

Click here for ------->> Part 2 Part 3

No comments: