What do I want to be when I grow up?

As much as I hate to, I am thinking of going back to work. I'm not even sure what I would want to do. I haven't had a job in nearly 12 years (other than working in the baby room at the Mothers Day Out on Thursdays...occasionally). I have a degree in Early Childhood and I'm certified to teach thru sixth grade. I really don't want to go back to teaching. There are many things I would like to do, but I have no idea how to achieve any of them. At least not any time soon.

No secret that I'd like to be a lactation consultant and/or a doula. But I'd have to take lots of and classes and put in lots of volunteer hours to do this. And I just don't have that in my now. Something else I'd like to do is be a Family Life Educator. Honestly, I could probably get some sort of job that is kind of like that right now.

I'm not wanting to get rich. I just need to find a way to not be dependent on anyone else. Just to prove to myself that I can. I mean, I know I can...but I have been having a lot of self doubt. I've been trying to find some writing jobs. I really like writing and would love to do it more. But, it's difficult in the summer when the kids are home and all over the place. I can't concentrate enough to write anything of quality. (I know...obviously!) I want to spend time with my munchkins. They are actually pretty cool kids...when they're not making me homicidal. I try to write at night, after everyone is in bed, but then, evidently, I'm cheating my husband of time. BALANCE. It's elusive.

*sigh* Maybe after school starts in a few weeks. Yeah, because things always get EASIER after school starts. *hmph*

I don't know. I'm feeling sad and lost and introspective. I'm not caught in the "whirling vortex of despair," but I can see it from here. There is a lot going on that I really don't want to talk about right now to the whole internet. Sorry to subject you to this. I suppose I'm just hoping that someone will have some good advice for me. Time for me to put on my big girl panties and act like a grown up, I guess.

Thanks for listening....if you didn't fall asleep first.