You may want to grab a bucket because here is where I go on and on (and on and on and on) about my amazing daughter. Really, it's nauseating....

Okay, yeah, I know I promised to tell all about my extended stay at Club Med. But now that I've been out of the hospital for a month, I've grown weary of talking about it. I was too tired and then too busy to write. And now, it just annoys the crap out of me that it happened at all. I'm sure I'll finish that post sometime soon. It WAS a pretty significant event in my life. I think I'm just trying to process it all. I mean, I nearly died. TWICE. Yeesh.

What has had me preoccupied the past couple of weeks is the very act of counting my blessings. I have the most amazing children on the planet. I look at them and wonder how I got THREE great kids. It's like hitting the jackpot on the slots. They are truly miraculous. Those boys....oh, they are such boys. They do everything with such a ferocity and intensity. Loving, playing, beating the holy hell out of each other. Even the intensity of their apathy is impressive -- if that makes any sense at all.

But my sweet girl. My SugarPlum. She is what has me baffled and filled with joy and pride and anxiety and dread. She is 14. FOURTEEN. And she is just the best teenager in the history of ever. She is such a little bundle of contradictions. She has a wisdom and a maturity beyond her years. She carries herself with such confidence and self-assuredness and she really doesn't care what people think about her. When I was fourteen ALL I cared about was what people thought of me. I remember being so horrified that my mother wouldn't buy me Calvin Klein jeans. FIFTY DOLLAR JEANS! In 1984!! I won't even spend $50 on jeans now. Heaven forbid something came from KMart or some other discount store. Oh, the horror. My poor mother. But all I cared about was what the popular girls were wearing. And I swore then that I would do everything in my power to make sure my kids had what was "in style." But my girl just really couldn't care less where the clothes come from or what the label says. As long as it's comfortable and it fits her style, she's happy. I have actually offered to take her shopping and she says "no, I have enough clothes and shoes, I'm good." WHUCK? I got her a Vera Bradley purse last summer (which she does love because it's got her school colors) and now she finally carries a purse. But recently, when I asked if she wanted to look at some purses, she looked at me like I was crazy & said "I have a purse."

She has the coolest group of friends who are like her. They are all great girls, good girls, who are sure of themselves and don't feel the need to put anyone down to make themselves feel good. They are funny and smart and high-achievers like SP. They each have a wicked sense of humor, which I love. They don't feel the need to act out in any major way or use coarse language (like one of their moms who has a potty mouth that makes sailors blush at times....ahem). In fact, at any given time, I can open SugarPlum's email and if one of the girls has a reaction to anything they simply reply "STRONG WORDS!" instead of cursing. When they see the acronym WTF, while they do know what it actually stands for, they say "Wow! That's Fantastic!" (Try it. It's even better than saying What the F^*k!), and when they see BS, they choose to interpret it as "Bacon Strips" or "Bible Study."

Which leads to one of my favorite things about my sweet girl. She is so mature that she actually actively tries to maintain her innocence about the world. And I don't mean in a sexual way (although that too), but just in everything about the world. It's like she knows that there are situations and scenarios out there that once revealed will change her forever, and she tries to avoid them. Sort of an "ignorance is bliss" attitude, only in a healthy way. There are certain TV shows that I don't let her watch. And she's okay with that. She told me that she appreciates that I look out for her that way. This has led to me loosening the reins a bit and previewing some episodes of House and Big Bang Theory for instance that can sometimes have quite a bit of sex and adult situations, but also sometimes are very good TV and okay for her to watch. We talk a lot about what is on the episodes she doesn't get to watch and she is good with not seeing them. I know that many of her peers get to watch whatever they want on TV, but she is happy to work within the boundaries I've set.

She is also VERY athletic. Something she certainly didn't get from me. I mean, I did ballet and modern dance until I was a junior in college and I loved it. And I played soccer for a few years as a kid, but I did not love it. This girl LOVES sports. This year, she played volleyball, basketball and did track & field. All the while she played on her competitive soccer team. And she is GOOD. She is a goalkeeper - you have to have a lot of self-esteem and a pretty thick skin to play goal keeper. (And an even thicker skin to be the keeper's mom!) She is planning on limiting herself to soccer next year in high school. (HIGH SCHOOL!!! Oh. Em. GEE.)

She is also a big choir geek like her mom. She LOVES choir. She was in the honor choir and the show choir this year. She has been blessed the past three years with an amazing choir teacher who has instilled in her a love of music and vocal skills and just the artistry of it all. So, she is planning to pursue that next year as well.

In addition to all of that, she is ridiculously smart and is an officer in the Nat'l Jr Honor Society and the Fellowship of Christian Athletes. PLUS she was asked by one of her coaches to start and lead, along with her best friend, a girls' Bible study on Wednesday mornings. I can go in her room at night, after she should have turned out the light and she is reading. Her Bible. For real. I walk in unannounced and there she is, deep in the Word.

When I was in the hospital all that time and after I got home, she looked after me and her brothers. She is the best big sister in the history of ever. She loves those boys without reservation. Oh, yes, they make her insane. But she still loves on them and makes up games for them and will remember to tell me all the funny, crazy things they say & do while I am gone. I was never, ever that good of a big sister. When I have been out of energy and laying in bed (because this whole recovery thing has been much more taxing than I ever imagined), she will make supper for the boys and has even on occasion put them to bed. And that doesn't count all the hundreds of nights she's spent babysitting.

Why am I telling you all of this? I have no idea. I've just been overcome with how remarkable this sweet, amazing girl is. Through all of the turmoil of the past couple of years, she has kept her composure better than I. And she has been an amazing example to all of us. Is she going to therapy? Oh, yes. Nobody, especially someone 14, can deal with all she has dealt with and not need an outlet. But she's fine with that too, and acknowledges how much it's been helping her. And she talks to me. That is so amazing to me. She talks to me and she likes me. She tells me so, unsolicited. And her friends do too. Because they are awesome. Also, she does do the moody, eye-rolling, heavy sigh, slamming of the door thing. But when I step back, I am so grateful because it just reassures me that she is a REAL teenager and not some teen-bot.

So, I'm sorry for gushing. It's not even her birthday. But I am so thankful to God for this perfect child. There will never be enough words to thank Him for my Angel Girl. I wouldn't want to navigate this world without her. She's fantastic. For real. Please don't let me screw her up!

Blessings Abound!

Ever have one of those weeks where God is shouting at you, "I'VE GOT IT UNDER CONTROL! SEE??" Yeah, that's what last week was like. One big picture of God's mighty power & grace. Blessing did abound!

I posted last week that God had laid Philippians 4:6-7 on my heart and that it was getting me thru the week.

6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

I really just thought God was helping me thru the stress of the last week before school starts. Things were busy and tense and I needed to let Him take care of it. I had no idea

If you saw my Facebook Saturday, you know that the transmission blew on my van . In Dallas. While I was taking my mom & the boys to the hotel. It was 101 degrees outside. Bear noticed the smell and then I saw smoke, thinking it was one of those "junkers" beside us as we exited the George Bush Freeway. Yeah, the smoke was coming from MY junker! That's when I started getting stressed. Really, really stressed. Then, that's when the blessings began.

BLESSINGS

1. The smoke started less than half a mile from the hotel. I managed to get to the hotel, avoiding being stranded in traffic, in the heat, in the middle of Dallas. I got Mom & the boys somewhat settled at the hotel & called USAA, who towed the van to the Honda dealership.

2. SugarDaddy had left about 45 minutes before I did and had SugarPlum & my dad with him at the soccer tournament. So, we had 2 cars there.

3. Another one of the soccer families was staying at the same hotel as us, so they took SP & my dad back to the hotel & then to the next game so that SD could meet me at the dealership.

4. Mom took care of the boys the whole time, walking them over to Black Eyed Pea for supper and then back to the hotel to swim.

5. After being informed that it would cost us $5000 for the dealership to replace the transmission & determining that we couldn't make an informed decision about buying a replacement THAT DAY, SD & I made it to the second game in time.

6. My wonderful friends, Mr & Mrs Jackalord got us a trailer and towed the van back to Candyland (2 hours each way!) with Mr. J's pickup. Who does that? AMAZING friends, that's who. We really didn't know what we were going to do otherwise.

7. After we got home, my beautiful friend, Charity, offered us the use of a car for as long as we needed it. That keeps us from having to rent a car while the van is being fixed or...if that is just going to be too much, it keeps us from having to jump into something without taking time to make a wise decision.

AND THEN...just to put icing on the blessing cake....God decides to show me that He really does have it ALL under control.

8. We finally heard from both of the boys' football coaches. (I'd been worried about football practice & how it would all work since last year it was a big hassle getting all three kids where they needed to be since it sometimes required me to be three places at once) Both of them have practice this year at the same place...at the same time....NOT on a soccer night! Woo hoo!!! Go God!

I still haven't heard about the van. The transmission guy says it will be early next week before he can tell me something. But honestly, I'm not worried. God has made it clear that He's got this one. I just need to get out of the way. Which brings to mind another verse in Philippians:

And my God will supply every need...Phil 4:19

All's well in Candyland

I know, I know. TWO WEEKS. Two weeks since my last post. Crazy, right?

I'm fine. Everyone is fine. Things were a little tense around here, but nothing too extraordinary. I have just been trying to re-prioritize since things have gotten a little out of whack. We went to visit my parents for a few days. Then we all went to the lake for a couple of days and even rented a boat! A good time was had by all.

Now I am focusing on spending time with SD and the SugarBabies since school starts next week. I am reeeaaaalllllly happy that school is starting next week. But it is also a little bittersweet. I am looking at all the time I wasted when I could have been taking the kids to the water park or the library or the park....or just spending time enjoying them more. I hate that. Fortunately, they had each other to play with (and fight with).

All three kids are SO excited about school starting. SugarPlum starts jr. high and is just beside herself. Last night she went to the Candyland Junior High 6th grade skating party. She had a blast and got to see her buddies and meet a few new kids, too. She is growing up so very, very fast. I'm torn between being proud and being sad, once again at how time flies. She gets her schedule and locker, etc Thursday evening. She is really looking forward to it. She's been speculating on what classes she will get and who will be in them. I remember not being able to even imagine what jr high would be like. She seems much less apprehensive than I was. But she has always had such amazing self confidence and maturity, so I'm not surprised.

Bug starts Kindergarten and is about to burst with excitement. Candyland Elementary only has one Kindergarten class, so we already know his teacher (who is NOT the old biddy who was Bear's kindergarten teacher, thank goodness!) and he loves, loves, loves her. And she seems to already be pretty fond of him. This is such a relief, considering what a hard time we had with Bear's teacher. Mrs. Kindergarten sent them all a postcard a couple of weeks ago and he was over the moon! I'm really looking forward to this year with her.

Bear starts 2nd grade. He seems happy to be starting, but I think a lot of that is that he is just so bored at home! I'm a little concerned for him because he just doesn't seem to be able to focus lately. And he seems too quick to freak out over things. His teacher last year loved him and really tried to find ways to help him learn. She recognized that he is highly intelligent and she worked with me to figure out his learning style. I am hoping that his teacher this year will be as accommodating. He is such a sweet child but can be really, very frustrating. Right now, I am having him work on handwriting because his somehow got worse by the end of last school year. I may have a new ulcer by the end of the week.

So....that's what's going on. I'm going back to my babies. I should be posting more regularly once everyone is settled into the school routine. Until I find a job anyway. We'll see. Thank you to all of you who have checked in on me, emailed, called, Twittered. I am so happy to have you. People who don't blog just don't get how I can have these friends from all over the world who I love like I do you all. That's too bad for them. You all are wonderful.

What do I want to be when I grow up?

As much as I hate to, I am thinking of going back to work. I'm not even sure what I would want to do. I haven't had a job in nearly 12 years (other than working in the baby room at the Mothers Day Out on Thursdays...occasionally). I have a degree in Early Childhood and I'm certified to teach thru sixth grade. I really don't want to go back to teaching. There are many things I would like to do, but I have no idea how to achieve any of them. At least not any time soon.

No secret that I'd like to be a lactation consultant and/or a doula. But I'd have to take lots of and classes and put in lots of volunteer hours to do this. And I just don't have that in my now. Something else I'd like to do is be a Family Life Educator. Honestly, I could probably get some sort of job that is kind of like that right now.

I'm not wanting to get rich. I just need to find a way to not be dependent on anyone else. Just to prove to myself that I can. I mean, I know I can...but I have been having a lot of self doubt. I've been trying to find some writing jobs. I really like writing and would love to do it more. But, it's difficult in the summer when the kids are home and all over the place. I can't concentrate enough to write anything of quality. (I know...obviously!) I want to spend time with my munchkins. They are actually pretty cool kids...when they're not making me homicidal. I try to write at night, after everyone is in bed, but then, evidently, I'm cheating my husband of time. BALANCE. It's elusive.

*sigh* Maybe after school starts in a few weeks. Yeah, because things always get EASIER after school starts. *hmph*

I don't know. I'm feeling sad and lost and introspective. I'm not caught in the "whirling vortex of despair," but I can see it from here. There is a lot going on that I really don't want to talk about right now to the whole internet. Sorry to subject you to this. I suppose I'm just hoping that someone will have some good advice for me. Time for me to put on my big girl panties and act like a grown up, I guess.

Thanks for listening....if you didn't fall asleep first.

Counting our Blessings

I have to be very, very vague in this post.

The Candyland periphery has experienced some tragedy. Not to the SugarBabies or SD or me. OR any of our families. But it is a difficult time around here nonetheless.

Days like this make me hug my loved ones a little tighter. As much as I might bitch about my husband or kids, I still feel like the luckiest woman in the world to have them. Each one is an amazing blessing.

So, please do me a favor. Go find your husband or wife or kids or best friend (or allof the above) and hug them, look into their eyes and tell them that you love them. You never know when that won't be an option ever again.

And to YOU: I truly love you guys, The ones who have been around here almost since the beginning and have seen me some great times and some really NOT great times. (Mesolithics!) You'll never know how much it means to me.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

He is risen, indeed!

"I am the resurrection and the life. Anyone who believes in me will live, even after dying.26 Everyone who lives in me and believes in me will never ever die. John 11:25 NLT

Happy Resurrection Day from all of us in Candyland!

A letter from God to His children

Dear Children,

It has come to my attention that many of you are upset that folks are taking My name out of the season. Maybe you've forgotten that I wasn't actually born during this time of the year, although I do appreciate being remembered anytime.

How I personally feel about this celebration can probably be most easily understood by those of you who have been blessed with children of your own. I don't care what you call the day. If you want to celebrate My birth just, GET ALONG AND LOVE ONE ANOTHER. Now, having
said that let Me go on.

If it bothers you that the town in which you live doesn't allow a scene depicting My birth, then just get rid of a couple of Santas and snowmen and put in a small Nativity scene on your
own front lawn. If all My followers did that there wouldn't be any need for such a scene on the town square because there would be many of them all around town.

Stop worrying about the fact that people are calling the tree a holiday tree, instead of a Christmas tree. It was I who made all trees. You can & may remember Me anytime you see any tree. Decorate a grape vine if you wish: I actually spoke of that one in a teaching explaining who I am in relation to you & what each of our tasks were. If you have forgot that one, look up John 15: 1 - 8.

If you want to give Me a present in remembrance of My birth here is my wish list. Choose something from it.

1. Instead of writing protest letters objecting to the way My birthday is being celebrated, write letters of love and hope to soldiers away from home. They are terribly afraid and lonely this
time of year. I know, they tell Me all the time.

2. Visit someone in a nursing home. You don't have to know them personally. They just need to know that someone cares about them.

3. Instead of writing George complaining about the wording on the cards his staff sent out this year, why don't you write and tell him that you'll be praying for him and his family this year. Then follow up. It will be nice hearing from you again.

4. Instead of giving your children a lot of gifts you can't afford and they don't need, spend time with them. Tell them the story of My birth, and why I came to live with you down here. Hold them in your arms and remind them that I love them.

5. Pick someone that has hurt you in the past and forgive him or her.

6. Did you know that someone in your town will attempt to take their own life this season because they feel so alone and hopeless? Since you don't know who that person is, try
giving everyone you meet a warm smile. It could make the difference. Also, you might consider supporting the local Hot-Line: they talk with people like that every day.

7. Instead of nit picking about what the retailer in your town calls the holiday, be patient with the people who work there. Give them a warm smile and a kind word. Even if they aren't allowed to wish you a "Merry Christmas" that doesn't keep you from wishing them one.
Then stop shopping there on Sunday. If the store didn't make so much money on that day they'd close and let their employees spend the day at home with their families.

8. If you really want to make a difference, support a missionary, especially one who takes My love & Good News to those who have never heard My name. You may already know someone like that.

9. Here's a good one. There are individuals & whole families in your town who not only will have no "Christmas" tree, but neither will they have any presents to give or receive. If you don't know them (and I suspect you don't) buy some food & a few gifts & give them to the Marines, the Salvation Army or some other charity that believes in Me & they will make the delivery for you.

10. Finally if you want to make a statement about your belief in and loyalty to Me, then behave like a Christian. Don't do things in secret that you wouldn't do in My presence. Let people know by your actions that you are one of mine.

P.S. Don't forget; I am God and can take care of Myself. Just love Me & do what I have told you to do. I'll take care of all the rest. Check out the list above & get to work; time is short. I'll help
you, but the ball is now in your court. And do have a most blessed Christmas with all those whom you love and remember, I LOVE YOU.

**Although I wish I could take credit for this, I must admit that I got this in an email Friday and decided it was too good not to share. Merry Christmas!