Monday, September 06, 2010

My Quarterly Post

A friend of mine who shall remain nameless *cough*Pam*cough* has requested that I post the silly Facebook "10 Second Interview" because she wants her mom to see it. Or something like that...I don't totally undertand. I think she's just bullying me into posting. BUT, since I haven't posted since MAY, I thought I'd comply and share. Enjoy.

In a zombie attack, will you hide, fight back, or just blend in?
This happens every morning. I just tell them to eat their breakfast already & get dressed for school.

Fork, spork, or chopsticks?
I prefer to be fed by my cabana boys.

No matter how badly I needed the money, I'd never...
Oh, never say never...that doesn't work out well for me

What question should they ask Miss America or Miss Universe contestants?
What is it that happened in your childhood that makes you seek the approval of millions of strangers rather than simply being confident in who you are?

What are the odds that this interview never ends and is just a psych experiment?
Oh, I thought that was a given...

Who do you take after? Mom or Dad?
depends on who takes first

You can see my place, but don't look in my...
I know you're trying to find where I hid the body, but you won't trick me THAT easily...

My friends would shocked if they knew...
nice try

I'd be the happiest person in the whole world if...
everyone would just do what I tell them to.

Winter, Spring, Summer, or Fall?
...all you have to do is call/ and I'll be there yeah yeah yeah/ You've got a friend. (What?)

Toilet Paper - Over the top, or under the roll?
Over the top - I have very strong feelings about this...

What memory would you rather forget?
I can't remember

What celebrity do people say you look like?
Tom Selleck

I will dedicate my life to the invention of...
a mute button that will work on children

The sitcom about my life would be named...
you mean my life ISN'T a sitcom? DAMN. Does that mean that people are *actually* laughing at me?

Jessica Alba or Jessica Simpson?
Jessica Rabbit

We should criminalize...
Justin Beiber

Do you typically bring da noise, da funk, or da jell-o salad?
I always bring da Xanax

What should you really be doing right now?
folding laundry, duh

Where is Waldo?
He's with Hoffa

Luke Skywalker or Han Solo?
Han Solo - always Han Solo...mmmmm

What are three ways you're making the world a better place?
SugarPlum, SugarBear and SugarBug (okay - once he makes parole)

Why did Jack and Jill really go up the hill?
Well, you what they SAY, but we all know what REALLY happened right? Jill is such a ho.

Which of the following describe you? Teenage? Mutant? Ninja? Turtle?
Ninja, totally (okay...Mutant...we all know it)

Ever broken a bone?
Mine or someone else's?

Do you sleep on your side, back, or stomach?
I usually sleep in my bed

Fame or Fortune?
Fortune...I want everyone to leave me alone

Where was sexy before Justin Timberlake brought it back?
I heard it was in Topeka...who knew?!

What would your olympic event be?

Thongs are...

Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, or Slytherin?

I wish my cell phone had an...
app that would clean my house

What will spend your lotto winnings on?
shoes...and maybe some purses...

I collect...

How many hours of sleep do you need?
far more than I actually get

I wish my boyfriend/girlfriend would...
my attorney has advised me to NOT answer this question at this time

What's your favorite comfort when you're ill?
my bed

Quick! Name a book you've recently finished reading!
Backseat Saints by Joshilyn Jackson

My philosophy is...
God said it, I believe it, end of discussion.

What's your favorite type of cheese?

What's your favorite Jelly Belly flavor?

Nothing beats...
like a nice sturdy leather belt.

Do you like thick milkshakes or runny milkshakes? Or are you one of those weirdos who calls them 'frappes'?
For some reason this whole question sounds vaguely pervy to me.

What color underwear are you currently wearing?
wouldn't you like to know?

What music should they play at your funeral? (example: Get On Up)
Why? Have you heard something I should know about?

What does the tooth fairy do with all those teeth?
Well, for the past several years, she has put them in my nightstand...

When I'm bored, I...
do stupid, time sucking apps on Facebook

What would be an appropriate name for your car?
I call her Odie.

Politics are...
something that raises my blood pressure

Naked food fights are...
When is food NOT naked?

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear. Fuzzy Wuzzy had no...

How many traffic tickets have you received?
So now, USAA is asking the questions?

How many days past expiration are you willing to drink milk?
Milk never makes it to the expiration date in my house.

Milk chocolate, dark chocolate, or white chocolate?
Yes, please.

Is there anything you'd like to add before we continue?
Yes, $5million to my checking acct. Can you make that happen?

If I lived in the year 2100, my profession would be...
professional old lady

What's your favorite charity?
"Get Buffi to a tropical island resort ASAP, Internat'l." Won't you give to this worthy cause??

Waffles are...
yes, they are.

I am the eggman. They are the eggmen. I am...
On your way to a padded room?

If everyone would leave me alone, I could...

What's your ideal climate?
Lows in the upper-60's, highs in the mid-80's, about 30% humidity....all the time. Oh, and pollen free. If there is a place like this I am totally moving there.

Why does paper beat rock?
I have ALWAYS wondered about that

I squeeze my toothpaste from the...

If at first you don't succeed...
do it the way your wife told you to, you dork.

What's the fastest you've ever driven?
Oh, no. You're not gonna trick me THAT easily officer.

What would your clown name be?
my name is already Buffi, what more do you want?

Which side is your good side?
the side where you don't piss me off

On a scale from 1 to crazy, I'm about a:

I miss...

How many times have you broken your cell phone?
I have NEVER broken my cell phone. The toilet once tried to drown it, though.

My hourly rate is...
WAY more than you can afford

What's the most embarassing song you've done Karaoke to?
I don't do Karaoke...for that very reason

When I was little, I used to believe that...
my Daddy was Superman (actually, I still think that)

If I were pregnant, I'd probably crave...

Quiet drinks in a lounge or loud rockin' party?
Quiet ALWAYS wins

Batman or Superman?
I'd settle for an HONEST man

Are you a glass half full or glass half empty person?
depends on what's in the glass

Have you ever fallen asleep at work?
I live at work. So, yes.

Which sport is the best to watch?
SugarPlum playing soccer

I'll wait until nobody is looking, then I'll...
take a nap

Do you have an innie or an outie?
wouldn't you like to know?!

Where do you go when you want to be alone?
I have three kids, I am never, ever alone. EVER.

What is/was your imaginary friend's name?
I had two: Suzy & Jennifer

What's your favorite song lyric?
He lives! He lives!

Fill in the blank: I'm a member of "Generation _________"
that's paying for all of the other generations, evidently

Have you ever been on TV?
yes, I was a total dork. I know you're stunned

What's your nickname?

I love the scent of...
clean laundry

I feel naked without my...

If you had an extra toe, what would you do with it?
uh...give to someone who was lacking a toe???

I will never tell anyone...

What was the first thing you bought when you got your first credit card?
probably clothes

Righty or lefty?
Right...on so many levels

Quick! Make up a sport! (example: Awesomeball)
Ultimate Naptime

I believed in Santa Claus until I was...
what do you mean "believED?"

What's your favorite book?
To Kill a Mockingbird

I'd like to teach the world to...
stop whining

I think Global Warming is...
a load of crap

I have a pierced...

What's the best compliment you've ever received?
SugarPlum told me that one of her favorite things about her best friend was that B reminded her of me.

People think that I'm...
far more stupid than I actually am, evidently

The 80's were a decade of...
BIG HAIR & Aquanet

Quick! Write the last sentence of your autobiography.
...and in my will, I'll be leaving trillions of dollars the charities I have supported all these years.

What's the weirdest topping you've ever had on a pizza?
corn & peas (it was England....I had no idea)

Make up a new word right now:

I'm the best at...

I knew I was an adult when...
crap. I'm an adult?!

Everything is negotiable in a relationship, except...

I'd be totally screwed without...

What's the worst that could happen?
Never EVER ask that.....

The key to success is...
on that keychain I lost in the last move

If I had a DeLorean, I'd...
be kinda pathetic

Complete this sentence: Life is like a box of...
spark plugs

Do you like your peanut butter crunchy or smooth?

When the world ends, I will be...
Home already!

Boxers or briefs?
what kind of dog is a brief??

How many people have you dated?
why, what have you heard?

Metric or Imperial units?

Would you rather own a dog named Growler or a parrot named Captain?
no, thanks

I wouldn't mind being stuck in a closet with...
a box of Girl Scout cookies

The best ride at Disneyland is...
That would require my going to Disneyland and dealing with the crowds and that never ends well for anyone

In retrospect, do you wish you had studied harder or had more fun?

I'm afraid of...
facebook apps

I'd be nothing if it weren't for...

Propose a new toothpaste flavor:

Beauty or Brains?'re so sweet

Bikini, Tankini, or Linguini?

When do you normally go to bed?
never before the third date

I can't believe I lost my...
don't even go there

What's your favorite restaurant?
Wherever you want to take me

I don't get mad. I get...
a martini.

I wish my ex would...
again, my attorney.....

1 comment:

Roxanne said...

I don't know you. . .just clicked over here from FTK and trolled around (while avoiding my 1,000 word essay for graduate school) and you just cracked me RIGHT THE HECK UP with this. HILARIOUS. Hope you're feeling better. :)