Sweet Nothings from the Sugar Babies

Yes, another "list post" but if I don't get these things down now, I will forget and some of them are too priceless to pass up:


*Easter Sunday, after church:

Bear:...after Jesus died on the cross for us, they took him and put him in a tube.

SP: {{huge eye roll}} A TOMB. Not a tube. They put him in a tomb!!

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*Back porch one sunny afternoon & Bug climbs up the steps to the hot tub and proceeds to shake his booty:

"I have to do my hiney practice now...."

(This, too elicited a big eye roll from his big sister. But, being ten, very little doesn't.)

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*Also after Sunday School one afternoon:

"What did you learn about in Sunday School today?"

"Oh, you know, about God and those people."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Uh huh. We learned about when Jesus washed those people's feet."

"Hmmmm. And how did he wash their feet?"

"With a hose."


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*Bedtime, while I am rocking Bug:

::Bear playing in his bed doing flips and rolls and being generally obnoxious and distracting::

"Bear! Settle down, lay still and be quiet!"

"But Mommy! I have a lot of plays that need to get out before I can go to sleep!"

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"SugarBug! Who loves you most in the whole wide world?"

"Mommy! And Daddy! And SugarPlum and Bear and Rebeka and Gram."

"And Gray Gray?"

"No...I just like him."

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::Mommy hears Bear heading her way and he is sobbing::

"What's the matter sweetie? Did you get hu......why don't you have any clothes on?"

"We were having a {{sniff, sniff}} naked contest and I {{sob, sniff}} fell on the wooden part of my bed and hurt my leg!"

"A naked contest? What in the world is (this is when I decided that there are some things that I just don't want to know)...let's go find a band-aid for your leg."

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With apologies to Holli

"Someone has GOT to come see this spider!"

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"SugarPlum! You were right! That IS Mars out there!"

::confused stares from Mommy and SugarPlum::

"What are you talking about?" (must be read with the general disgust that only a 10 year old big sister can convey)

"Outside! You were right! That IS Mars!"

"Bear. Where is Mars? I don't know what you are talking about."

"Outside! Over there! That red stuff that says how hot it is. My teacher told us that! is! MARS!"
*giggle & sigh*

"Mercury. That stuff is called Mercury. Not Mars."

(this conversation went on for a long time and got funnier, but I don't think that I can do the rest of it justice.)

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Lordy, I love these children!

Rachel, don't read this...

I need help. (hush) I am hosting a bridal shower for a good friend (and the best babysitter in the history of the world!) in a couple of weeks. I am at a loss as to what sort of things to do at the shower. There will be quite a mix of people as it will be at our (Baptist) church which is the church her grandmother attends. There will be college students, grandmothers and everything in between.

My favorite shower activity is to write down what the bride says while opening gifts and then read it back as what she will say on her wedding night. "Oh, wow! I was hoping for one of these!" "WOW! It's bigger (or smaller) than I thought it would be!" "This is so wonderful." "I'm not sure what to do with this.."

However, I'm not sure how well this would be received by the "grandmother" portion of our guest list. Which, quite honestly, makes up a large percentage of that list.

When I host baby showers (which, in the Air Force is quite often), I always have the guests decorate onesies and/or cloth diapers (to use as burp rags) with fabric markers. I was thinking maybe having guests decorate dish towels or cloth napkins. Would that be dorky? Or helpful? And, since this is largely an older crowd, would it be fun to have embroidery thread and have guests embroider the towels? I'm at a loss.

So, do you have any great ideas? I want this to be a nice shower without being boring OR offensive to anyone. HELP!!!!!

Don't F*** With Miss America

I don't care how old she is. This pretty lady can still kick ass and take names. I LOVE this story!

SugarPlum, Interrupted

Monday afternoon....

:::cell phone rings:::

"Mrs. LastName? This is the nurse at Candyland Elementary School. SugarPlum hurt her shoulder in PE this afternoon and you may want to go ahead and come get her."

"Ummm, okay. I'm over here at Candyland Early Childhood Education Center about to pick up my son (Bear). I will be over there in a few minutes."

"Well, do you want to come in and pick her up or would you rather her meet you out front?"

"If she could just meet me out front, that would be better, so that I won't have to unload the boys."


Yeah. I'm thinking that lordy that child can be a drama queen. And I really need to go to the grocery store on on the way home and now I will have a whiny 10 year old with me.

Bad Mommy.

I pull up to CES and the nurse is wheeling my child out in a wheelchair. Oh. shit. She and some other kids got tripped up in PE playing Capture the Flag and a little boy's head hit her squarely in the chest. Or shoulder. At that time it was unclear, but my girl was in such pain that she couldn't walk.

After dropping my boys off with a friend, I took SP to the ER, where we waited for approximately three weeks. Or two hours. Hard to say. When we finally got called, they x-rayed her chest and put us in a room. A friend of ours who works there came in and said that he saw the films and, "Dang! You did a good job, girl!" Somehow neither of us found this encouraging.

When the doctor came in, he showed us the film and we saw that SP's collarbone was not just broken, but broken in two places. Overachiever. She was put in a brace, given a prescription for Tylenol 3 and sent home. And THEN the fun began. Honestly, she handled all of it better than I would have when I was ten. Hell, probably better than I would now!

Of course, this is the week that fourth graders in TEXAS!! take the TAKS test. Being the freakishly smart child that she is, her teachers were a little dismayed, but understanding, that she would be absent for a couple of days.

Dismayed is an understatement when describing SP's reaction when she realized that there will be no soccer for the next three or four months. Her coach was less than thrilled to learn that he was losing his goalie. I'm just glad to have my baby.

Honestly, the child is even more of a badass than her brother. She has been getting by on nothing but Motrin for the past two days. She went back to school today, determined to make up the TAKS. AND? When offered the opportunity to go home after the test was finished? She chose to stay at school. See? Overachiever. *sigh*

The turmoil in our house because of this borders on hilarity. While Bug napped Wednesday, SP watched one of the Harry Potter movies in my room. Bug woke up much sooner than expected and got to catch the last half of the movie. The child who thought Cars was scary (WTF?) and he LOVED Harry Potter. Wednesday night at church, the boys told everyone who would sit still long enough about SP's accident. Only they don't completely get it, so it was like some twisted game of "Telephone" with people asking me all night how SP broke her chest bone,. Or her leg. Or her arm. Or whatever. And whenn would she be getting out of the hospital. Yeah.

The boys are feeling helpless and want to do something to help and comfort their big sister. Sadly, any attempts hugs and/or kisses were met with "WATCH OUT!" for fear of inflicting even more pain. So, now they come over to her and ever so gingerly kiss her on the leg or hand. It is just heartbreakingly sweet. And Bear was thrilled last night when SP, after having gone to the bathroom all by herself, needed help pulling her pants back up. That sweet boy was beaming at having been able to help his big sister. Heavens, I do love these children.

However.

The patient has decided that Mommy's bed is MUCH more comfy than her own and has taken up residence there. On my side. She must heal soon or I may never sleep again. *yawn*

Because, you know, it's all about ME.

Still more phrases I rarely use in conversation with adults

previous editions here, here, and here


* Get your hands out of your pants.

* You really need a spoon to eat that yogurt.

* If I see Legos in your mouth one more time, they are all going in the trash.

* Do you need to go poop in the potty?

* You do it the first time I ask.

* If I have to ask you again, you are going to lose a sticker.

* No. It's cold outside, you have to wear shoes.

* And a sweatshirt. No tank tops until it's over 80 degrees.

* I WILL take that giraffe away.

* Why did you put lotion in your HAIR??

* You only pee in the potty.

* Who's my potty boy??

* I have the Easter Bunny on speed dial and I WILL call!

* Stop looking at your brother.

* Is that chocolate syrup on the back of your head?

* No, we can't have your birthday party at NASA.

* Or Sea World.

* Please don't sit on your brother.

* Stop making that noise.

* For crying out loud, STOP MAKING THAT NOISE!

* You have such a snotty nose.

* No, I really don't want to go see your "great big, humongous snake poopy."

* But we do need to wipe your hiney a little better, I do believe.


Now it's your turn. Share one (or more) of your "favorite" phrases!

Warm Weather Approacheth

All right ladies, it's that time of year once again!!! I think we need to be reminded of a few things. So my sisters, PLEASE, raise your big toes and repeat after me...


The Open Toed Shoe Pledge

As a member of the Cute Girl Sisterhood, I pledge to follow the Rules when wearing sandals and other open-toe shoes:

I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.

I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free.
I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.

I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.

I will shave the hairs off my big toe.

I won't wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker, mother, sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there.

If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back into place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it.

I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholl's if my feet need him.

I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids' sizes. This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat and I would hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle.

I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages.

I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/coworker when she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her that her toes are as long as my fingers and no sandal makes creepy feet look good.

I will promise if I wear flip flops that I will ensure that they actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I will swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them.

I will promise to go to my local nail salon at least once per season and have a real pedicure (they are about $15 or 20 and worth EVERY penny).

I will promise to throw away any white/off-white sandals that show signs of wear... nothing is tackier than dirty white sandals.

Don't keep this to yourself - pass it on to other sisters.

HALLELUJAH!

"Don't be afraid!" he said. "I know you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified.6 He isn't here! He is risen from the dead, just as he said would happen. Matthew 28:5-6

To read in context, visit here.

Happy Easter!

My son. He is a badass.

Bear lost his third tooth. He has pulled all three of them himself. The first one at school. The second one at church. The latest tooth was pulled Tuesday morning before he ever got out of bed. Before he ever even sat up in bed.

"Mommy! Feel my tooth!"

"Yeah, it's really, really loose! I'll bet that we can pull it today!"

:::reaches in mouth and yanks tooth out of his head:::

"Look!"

*sigh* Boys are weird.

question: Should the Tooth Fairy provide extra compensation when the child does all the work getting the thing out? So far the going rate around here is a buck a tooth.

My favorite email exchange so far this year....

Just a little fun between friends.....


From: CRB
To: Buffi
Subject: fyi
Date: Mon, 2 Apr 2007

for your information

PPPPPLLLLEEEAAASSSSEEEE

should I ever piss you off to the point of ending our friendship you must promise to continue to update me on the children somehow...see

i am sick and tired of getting really attached to my friends children only to 'lose' them when said friends bail (ie G & R)

and in return I would extend the same offer to you although totally unnecessary since you haven't pissed me off since 1989...

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Buffi wrote: IF you piss me off that much, I shall punish you by sending my children to live with you. Whether or not you choose to update me on their lives is entirely up to you.

I love you!!! hee heee heeeeeeee!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

~B

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CRB wrote: Bravisimadear!!!