Sweet Nothings from the Sugar Babies

Yes, another "list post" but if I don't get these things down now, I will forget and some of them are too priceless to pass up:


*Easter Sunday, after church:

Bear:...after Jesus died on the cross for us, they took him and put him in a tube.

SP: {{huge eye roll}} A TOMB. Not a tube. They put him in a tomb!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Back porch one sunny afternoon & Bug climbs up the steps to the hot tub and proceeds to shake his booty:

"I have to do my hiney practice now...."

(This, too elicited a big eye roll from his big sister. But, being ten, very little doesn't.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Also after Sunday School one afternoon:

"What did you learn about in Sunday School today?"

"Oh, you know, about God and those people."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Uh huh. We learned about when Jesus washed those people's feet."

"Hmmmm. And how did he wash their feet?"

"With a hose."


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Bedtime, while I am rocking Bug:

::Bear playing in his bed doing flips and rolls and being generally obnoxious and distracting::

"Bear! Settle down, lay still and be quiet!"

"But Mommy! I have a lot of plays that need to get out before I can go to sleep!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"SugarBug! Who loves you most in the whole wide world?"

"Mommy! And Daddy! And SugarPlum and Bear and Rebeka and Gram."

"And Gray Gray?"

"No...I just like him."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

::Mommy hears Bear heading her way and he is sobbing::

"What's the matter sweetie? Did you get hu......why don't you have any clothes on?"

"We were having a {{sniff, sniff}} naked contest and I {{sob, sniff}} fell on the wooden part of my bed and hurt my leg!"

"A naked contest? What in the world is (this is when I decided that there are some things that I just don't want to know)...let's go find a band-aid for your leg."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

With apologies to Holli

"Someone has GOT to come see this spider!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"SugarPlum! You were right! That IS Mars out there!"

::confused stares from Mommy and SugarPlum::

"What are you talking about?" (must be read with the general disgust that only a 10 year old big sister can convey)

"Outside! You were right! That IS Mars!"

"Bear. Where is Mars? I don't know what you are talking about."

"Outside! Over there! That red stuff that says how hot it is. My teacher told us that! is! MARS!"
*giggle & sigh*

"Mercury. That stuff is called Mercury. Not Mars."

(this conversation went on for a long time and got funnier, but I don't think that I can do the rest of it justice.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lordy, I love these children!

Rachel, don't read this...

I need help. (hush) I am hosting a bridal shower for a good friend (and the best babysitter in the history of the world!) in a couple of weeks. I am at a loss as to what sort of things to do at the shower. There will be quite a mix of people as it will be at our (Baptist) church which is the church her grandmother attends. There will be college students, grandmothers and everything in between.

My favorite shower activity is to write down what the bride says while opening gifts and then read it back as what she will say on her wedding night. "Oh, wow! I was hoping for one of these!" "WOW! It's bigger (or smaller) than I thought it would be!" "This is so wonderful." "I'm not sure what to do with this.."

However, I'm not sure how well this would be received by the "grandmother" portion of our guest list. Which, quite honestly, makes up a large percentage of that list.

When I host baby showers (which, in the Air Force is quite often), I always have the guests decorate onesies and/or cloth diapers (to use as burp rags) with fabric markers. I was thinking maybe having guests decorate dish towels or cloth napkins. Would that be dorky? Or helpful? And, since this is largely an older crowd, would it be fun to have embroidery thread and have guests embroider the towels? I'm at a loss.

So, do you have any great ideas? I want this to be a nice shower without being boring OR offensive to anyone. HELP!!!!!

Don't F*** With Miss America

I don't care how old she is. This pretty lady can still kick ass and take names. I LOVE this story!

SugarPlum, Interrupted

Monday afternoon....

:::cell phone rings:::

"Mrs. LastName? This is the nurse at Candyland Elementary School. SugarPlum hurt her shoulder in PE this afternoon and you may want to go ahead and come get her."

"Ummm, okay. I'm over here at Candyland Early Childhood Education Center about to pick up my son (Bear). I will be over there in a few minutes."

"Well, do you want to come in and pick her up or would you rather her meet you out front?"

"If she could just meet me out front, that would be better, so that I won't have to unload the boys."


Yeah. I'm thinking that lordy that child can be a drama queen. And I really need to go to the grocery store on on the way home and now I will have a whiny 10 year old with me.

Bad Mommy.

I pull up to CES and the nurse is wheeling my child out in a wheelchair. Oh. shit. She and some other kids got tripped up in PE playing Capture the Flag and a little boy's head hit her squarely in the chest. Or shoulder. At that time it was unclear, but my girl was in such pain that she couldn't walk.

After dropping my boys off with a friend, I took SP to the ER, where we waited for approximately three weeks. Or two hours. Hard to say. When we finally got called, they x-rayed her chest and put us in a room. A friend of ours who works there came in and said that he saw the films and, "Dang! You did a good job, girl!" Somehow neither of us found this encouraging.

When the doctor came in, he showed us the film and we saw that SP's collarbone was not just broken, but broken in two places. Overachiever. She was put in a brace, given a prescription for Tylenol 3 and sent home. And THEN the fun began. Honestly, she handled all of it better than I would have when I was ten. Hell, probably better than I would now!

Of course, this is the week that fourth graders in TEXAS!! take the TAKS test. Being the freakishly smart child that she is, her teachers were a little dismayed, but understanding, that she would be absent for a couple of days.

Dismayed is an understatement when describing SP's reaction when she realized that there will be no soccer for the next three or four months. Her coach was less than thrilled to learn that he was losing his goalie. I'm just glad to have my baby.

Honestly, the child is even more of a badass than her brother. She has been getting by on nothing but Motrin for the past two days. She went back to school today, determined to make up the TAKS. AND? When offered the opportunity to go home after the test was finished? She chose to stay at school. See? Overachiever. *sigh*

The turmoil in our house because of this borders on hilarity. While Bug napped Wednesday, SP watched one of the Harry Potter movies in my room. Bug woke up much sooner than expected and got to catch the last half of the movie. The child who thought Cars was scary (WTF?) and he LOVED Harry Potter. Wednesday night at church, the boys told everyone who would sit still long enough about SP's accident. Only they don't completely get it, so it was like some twisted game of "Telephone" with people asking me all night how SP broke her chest bone,. Or her leg. Or her arm. Or whatever. And whenn would she be getting out of the hospital. Yeah.

The boys are feeling helpless and want to do something to help and comfort their big sister. Sadly, any attempts hugs and/or kisses were met with "WATCH OUT!" for fear of inflicting even more pain. So, now they come over to her and ever so gingerly kiss her on the leg or hand. It is just heartbreakingly sweet. And Bear was thrilled last night when SP, after having gone to the bathroom all by herself, needed help pulling her pants back up. That sweet boy was beaming at having been able to help his big sister. Heavens, I do love these children.

However.

The patient has decided that Mommy's bed is MUCH more comfy than her own and has taken up residence there. On my side. She must heal soon or I may never sleep again. *yawn*

Because, you know, it's all about ME.

Still more phrases I rarely use in conversation with adults

previous editions here, here, and here


* Get your hands out of your pants.

* You really need a spoon to eat that yogurt.

* If I see Legos in your mouth one more time, they are all going in the trash.

* Do you need to go poop in the potty?

* You do it the first time I ask.

* If I have to ask you again, you are going to lose a sticker.

* No. It's cold outside, you have to wear shoes.

* And a sweatshirt. No tank tops until it's over 80 degrees.

* I WILL take that giraffe away.

* Why did you put lotion in your HAIR??

* You only pee in the potty.

* Who's my potty boy??

* I have the Easter Bunny on speed dial and I WILL call!

* Stop looking at your brother.

* Is that chocolate syrup on the back of your head?

* No, we can't have your birthday party at NASA.

* Or Sea World.

* Please don't sit on your brother.

* Stop making that noise.

* For crying out loud, STOP MAKING THAT NOISE!

* You have such a snotty nose.

* No, I really don't want to go see your "great big, humongous snake poopy."

* But we do need to wipe your hiney a little better, I do believe.


Now it's your turn. Share one (or more) of your "favorite" phrases!

Warm Weather Approacheth

All right ladies, it's that time of year once again!!! I think we need to be reminded of a few things. So my sisters, PLEASE, raise your big toes and repeat after me...


The Open Toed Shoe Pledge

As a member of the Cute Girl Sisterhood, I pledge to follow the Rules when wearing sandals and other open-toe shoes:

I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.

I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free.
I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.

I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.

I will shave the hairs off my big toe.

I won't wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker, mother, sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there.

If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back into place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it.

I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholl's if my feet need him.

I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids' sizes. This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat and I would hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle.

I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages.

I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/coworker when she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her that her toes are as long as my fingers and no sandal makes creepy feet look good.

I will promise if I wear flip flops that I will ensure that they actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I will swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them.

I will promise to go to my local nail salon at least once per season and have a real pedicure (they are about $15 or 20 and worth EVERY penny).

I will promise to throw away any white/off-white sandals that show signs of wear... nothing is tackier than dirty white sandals.

Don't keep this to yourself - pass it on to other sisters.

HALLELUJAH!

"Don't be afraid!" he said. "I know you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified.6 He isn't here! He is risen from the dead, just as he said would happen. Matthew 28:5-6

To read in context, visit here.

Happy Easter!

My son. He is a badass.

Bear lost his third tooth. He has pulled all three of them himself. The first one at school. The second one at church. The latest tooth was pulled Tuesday morning before he ever got out of bed. Before he ever even sat up in bed.

"Mommy! Feel my tooth!"

"Yeah, it's really, really loose! I'll bet that we can pull it today!"

:::reaches in mouth and yanks tooth out of his head:::

"Look!"

*sigh* Boys are weird.

question: Should the Tooth Fairy provide extra compensation when the child does all the work getting the thing out? So far the going rate around here is a buck a tooth.

My favorite email exchange so far this year....

Just a little fun between friends.....


From: CRB
To: Buffi
Subject: fyi
Date: Mon, 2 Apr 2007

for your information

PPPPPLLLLEEEAAASSSSEEEE

should I ever piss you off to the point of ending our friendship you must promise to continue to update me on the children somehow...see

i am sick and tired of getting really attached to my friends children only to 'lose' them when said friends bail (ie G & R)

and in return I would extend the same offer to you although totally unnecessary since you haven't pissed me off since 1989...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Buffi wrote: IF you piss me off that much, I shall punish you by sending my children to live with you. Whether or not you choose to update me on their lives is entirely up to you.

I love you!!! hee heee heeeeeeee!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

~B

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CRB wrote: Bravisimadear!!!

The end of the boob story (for now)

***funny note about Wednesdays' s subtitle - I got a BIG surprise Wednesday afternoon when SugarDaddy called me to tell me that he was in Chicago and would be in Candyland by about 10:30 that night. He made a spontaneous decision to come home for a few days. We are all so happy to have him home for a few days. He goes back to Turkey on Monday. I keep teasing him about making a transatlantic "booty call!""***


Okay the end of the boob story. At last.

I really wasn't too worried about the biopsy. I figured that since they couldn't see anything in any of the ultrasounds or anything that it wasn't anything to stress over. When asked about what I was going to be doing Tuesday, I said that I was going to the doctor so that he could tell me that I don't have cancer. Nothing to worry about. Right?

Right????

My appointment was at 10:45. I didn't anticipate it taking more than five or ten minutes. I got there barely on time. Okay, a couple of minutes late since I didn't account for the road construction. Stupid road construction. I dashed upstairs, checked in, sat down in the waiting room and took out my book. Then, "Mrs Lastname?" Wow they are fast! The only clinic on this whole base where I have always seen the doctor at my actual appointment time! I may never finish this book if they keep being so prompt.

The nurse took me to the exam room, took my vitals ("Your blood pressure is up a little" "You think?!") and then told me that the doctor would be in shortly and to put on the gown.

What? No. No! No gown! No! Gown! I don't need a gown! Why on earth would I need to put on a gown if all he's going to tell me is that the biopsy was all clear? For what possible reason would I need to disrobe and put on a gown? Crap. Good thing she took my blood pressure before she told me about the gown.

I changed and sat there for two and a half hours three minutes. The longest three minutes of my life. I sat there envisioning the surgery and chemo and everything else that I had dreaded. I was seriously fweaked out.

Dr. D came in and sat down. He said "I have your test results. Everything looked fine. Just benign breast tissue. Nothing suspicious at all. I want to check the site where I took the biopsy. Just want to make sure there aren't any problems."

Whew! My heart returned to my chest and began beating normally again. He recommended that I follow up with my regular doctor in six months to make sure that the lump hasn't changed or anything.

I got to call my husband and tell him that I DON"T have cancer. Of course, he wasn't there since he was on his way here. But, since he didn't tell me that I had to leave a message. Then I got to tell everyone I knew that I am cancer free. (as far as I know) YAYYYYYYY!

Now, I am going to go enjoy my husband. Since he leaves again Monday morning. If you call and I don't answer, you'll know why. :::big smile:::

Yet more about my boobs...subtitled:

Some things should NEVER be a surprise


Don't get me wrong. I LOVE surprises. Birthday presents? Don't tell me, I want to be surprised. Friend in town for a few hours and wants to pop by? Super! (Just forgive the outrageous mess that is my humble (very humble) home) Diamond earrings just because it's Thursday? Fan-freaking-tastic. (also, a not-so-subtle hint to certain husbands...). But some things, well, there are certain things I like to have some advanced notice about.

Last Tuesday, the day finally arrived in which I was able to keep my appointment at the surgery clinic for the biopsy consultation. After the ridiculously inconclusive mammogram last month, I was glad to finally get the ball rolling (as it were) toward some answers about this lump I've been walking around with since January.

When I made the appointment, the lady told me at least three times that this appointment was "only a consultation. You understand that, right, Mrs. Lasttname? This is just a consultation for the biopsy." Are we all clear? It was only for a consultation. *ahem*

So I get there, check in, the nurse takes my vitals and gives me the gown with the obvious (to me anyway) instructions to tie it in the front. So I change and go back to reading my book. Soon, in comes the surgeon. Who happens to be the same guy who performed the surgery when I had the ectopic pregnancy four years ago. I wasn't a big fan of his then. Of course, I wasn't very pleased with anyone at that hospital that day.

This day, however, he was lovely. Very nice, very informative, very patient (heh), willing to answer all my questions. He asked my age, how many children I have, how many times I've been pregnant (depends on your POV: either four or five), and how long I breastfed my children total. (59 months!! That is almost three years! Holy crap!) And then? He was actually able to feel the lump! Which is more than I can say for the other two doctors I have seen for this. Then he marked the spot with a Sharpie. He got his ultrasound machine and tried to find said lump. He wasn't able to see it on the ultrasound either. But! He was very good to show me what I was seeing: the fatty tissue, the mammary glands (now depleted from 59 months!! of nourishing children) the breast tissue. But he couldn't see the lump which he assured me was a good thing. But, since he did indeed feel that lump, he thought that it would be a good idea to go ahead and do a fine needle biopsy.

NOW.

Wha?! Huh?! The hell?! But...but...but...the lady! She said that this was just the consultation!!!! If I had know that you were going to stick a needle in my boob, I would have taken some Xanax first! NO FAIR!!!! On the other hand, this meant that I would have answers sooner rather than later, so, okay, fine.

(May I just say that they really need to reconsider the name of this procedure. "Fine needle biopsy?" There was nothing fine about that needle. In fact, I believe that "Big Ass Needle Biopsy" would be a more accurate name for it. Yes, it might scare a few people, but at least you have a more realistic expectation as to what is to come.)

So, Dr. D gives me a little shot of lidocaine (with an actual fine needle) in "the area." I am feeling confident that I can deal with this. He starts to put the not-exactly-fine needle in the breast tissue and I am thinking, "Well, this isn't so bad. Not nearly as bad as the thyroid biopsy. I don't know what I was so freaked out ab- - - HOLY MOTHER OF.......THAT HURTS! What kind of sadist is this man? Shitshitshitshitshit! How long is this going to take?"

Meanwhile Dr. D is telling me that he has to get samples from all angles of the lump, blah blah blah....meanwhile he jerks that big ass needle all over the place and I am trying not to come up off the table and nail him in the jaw. Finally, he takes the needle out and goes over to where the slides are laid out and says, "Let's see if we got enough for a sample."

Um, you better hope you got enough because I can assure you, Dr. DeSade, that you won't be sticking that thing in me again. Besides, there isn't that much there to begin with!

Luckily, he decided that there was enough. As he is finishing up the slides, he assures me again that he really doesn't think that I have anything to worry about. He tells me to come back in one week for a follow up and to get my results. *sigh*

When I started to get up, I got all hot and dizzy and nauseated. I really thought I was going to pass out. I managed to get my clothes on and bent over the trash can in anticipation of the puke that never happened. Thank goodness. But I kept thinking that if I could have just taken a Xanax before, I wouldn't be going through this.

There were, technically, no appointments available this week. Lucky for me, the nurse could sense my anxiety over this and said that she would "create an appointment." I like her. So, I was scheduled for this Tuesday at 10:45. Be on time!


More tomorrow....or Friday. I promise!

Hot tea hurts when it comes out your nose

Conversation at the breakfast table


Me: So, Bug, your letter this week at school is "V." What are you going to take for Show & Tell tomorrow?

Bug: My Volcano book!!

Me: Gosh, I haven't seen that in a while. In case we can't find it, what do you want to take?

Bug: Just my Volcano book.

Me: Okay....but let's think of some other things that start with "V" just n case.

Bear: Violin! Valentine!

SugarPlum: Veterinarian! Vibrate! Hey, do we have anything that vibrates? You know, I'll bet that Bug would be the only one with a vibrator at school!

Me: *sputter* *cough* *cough* WHAT?

SugarPlum: You know, if we find something that vibrates, like that funny ball PawPaw got Bear for Christmas that year. He could say it's a vibrator!

Me: Um...yeah. SOOO! Why don't you go look for that Volcano book for me....while I clean up this tea I spewed all over the table.


*for the record, we never found the Volcano book. We did, however find a Velociraptor book, thus saving my family years of embarrassment at the Baptist Church preschool....*

Spring Breaking

We are at Gram and Gray Gray's house for the last few days of Spring Break. Internet connections are spotty and weak (as they are pirated wireless signals) at best. So I will make this brief (mercifully) in the hopes of it actually getting posted.

All is well. The kids and I were going to go to the science museum for the "Elephant Encounter" where you were supposed to get up close and personal with live elephants. This would have been really neat for all of us. Unfortunately, about 100,000 other people thought it would be cool as well. Given Mommy's aversion to crowds, we (and when I say "we" I mean "the driver of the vehicle and the person who would have to pay $9 apiece to stand in a crowd of millions just to see an elephant from two miles away") chose to go to the National Ranching Heritage Center instead. SugarPlum has been studying TEXAS!! history this year and Bear's class did a unit on cowboys last week, so this outing was both timely and meaningful for all.

They really seemed to enjoy seeing the old pioneer houses and barns, etc. Bear declared every tiny dirt-floored one room shanty to be "beautiful." The favorite part, I think, was the old train depot complete with steam engine and cars. Although, the boys were quite disappointed that the train didn't move. Oh, well.

My mom worked at this particular museum when I was a child, so I grew up there and gave tours in period costume at times. I was surprised how much I remembered about those old houses. I had one daddy and his little girl following us for a while so that they could listen to what I told the kids. And of course, I did that "I remember when that wasn't here" thing that we all do when we get old. *sigh* SugarPlum was SO embarrassed. Which made it totally worth it.

Today, I am helping CRB and friends go evaluate her house (that her ex-husband lives in with their son) and decide what all needs to be done to make the thing "sale-able." Should be a big job. (see above: ex-husband/teenage son) But I love her, so whaddaya gonna do?

Tomorrow, we head back to Candyland. School starts Monday and I will have to start getting up waaaaaaay before the 10:00 I have become accustomed to here at Gram and Gray's.

Pray for me.

so much for this being short.....sorry

Dragonflies? Yes. Crickets? Yes.

Grasshoppers, no.

Out of the blue and with no explanation before or after.....

"Mommy, three-years-olds DON'T like grasshoppers."

So, now you know.

Finally, the voice of reason!

My only regret is that I am not the one who authored this. It expresses all of my pet peeves. I'll admit, I do forward a LOT of emails, but the only names you'll see on anything from me are mine and yours! (except sometimes on gmail, because it always messes me up!)


E-mail safety
A friend who is a computer expert received the following directly from a system administrator for a corporation. It is an excellent message that ABSOLUTELY applies to ALL of us who send e-mails. Please read the short letter below, even if you're sure you already follow proper procedures.


Do you really know how to forward e-mails?

50% of us do, 50% DO NOT.

Do you wonder why you get viruses or junk mail? Do you hate it? Every time you forward an e-mail, there is information left over from the people who got the message before you -- their e-mail addresses and names. As the messages get forwarded along, the list builds and builds and builds, and all it takes is for some poor sap to get a virus and his or her computer can send that virus to every E-mail address that has come across his computer. Or, someone can take all of those addresses and sell them, or send junk mail to them in the hopes that you will go to the site and that person will make five cents for each hit.


How do you stop it? There are several easy steps:


1. When you forward an e-mail, DELETE all of the other addresses that appear in the body of the message (at the top). That's right, DELETE them. Highlight them and delete them, backspace them, cut them, whatever it is you know how to do. It only takes a second. You MUST click the "Forward" button first and then you will have full editing capabilities against the body and headers of the message. If you don't click on "Forward" first, you won't be able to edit the message at all.

2. Whenever you send an e-mail to more than one person, do NOT use the "To" or "Cc" fields for adding e-mail addresses. Always use the "BCC" (blind carbon copy) field for listing the e-mail addresses. This way the people you send to will only see their own e-mail address. If you don't see your "BCC," option click on "To" and your address list will appear. Highlight the address and choose "BCC." It's that easy. When you send to "BCC" your message will automatically say "Undisclosed Recipients" in the "To" field of the ones who receive it.

3. Remove any "FW" in the subject line. You can re-name the subject or even fix spelling.

4. ALWAYS hit your "Forward" button from the actual e-mail you are reading, not from the one who sent it to you!! Ever get e-mails where you have to open ten pages first to read the one page with the wanted information on it? By Forwarding from the actual page you wish to be viewed, it eliminates extra e-mails people have to wade through.

The best thing to do is copy and paste!!!!

5. Have you ever gotten an e-mail that is a petition? It states a position, asks you to add your name and address and then requests that you forward it to ten or 15 people or your entire address book. As it is forwarded on and on it can collect thousands of names and e-mail addresses.

FACT: That petition is worth a couple of bucks to a professional spammer because of the wealth of valid names and e-mail addresses on it. If you want to support the intent of the petition, send it as your own personal letter to the most effective source. Your position may carry more weight as a personal letter than does a laundry list of names and e-mail address on a petition.

And think about this -- Who is supposed to actually send the petition in after the names are collected? And don't believe the ones that say that the e-mail is being traced. It just ain't so!

6. One of the emails I hate is the one that says something like, "Send this e-mail to ten people and you'll see something cute run across your screen," or sometimes they just tease you by saying something really good will happen soon. IT AIN'T GONNA!!!!! Trust me, some of the same ones went around ten years ago!

I don't let the bad luck ones scare me either, they get trashed (could be why I haven't won the lottery??

7. Before you forward an Amber Alert or a Virus Alert, or some of the other ones floating around nowadays, check them out before you forward them. Most of them are junk mail that have been circling the net for YEARS!

Is it real or not? Almost everything that is questionable can easily be checked out at Snopes.com. Take that moment. If it's not real, don't pass it on.

Please, let's stop the junk mail and the viruses!

Now here's an idea!!! Let's send this to everyone we know, but strip any addresses off first, please . This is something that SHOULD be forwarded!

Author Unknown

In the words of Bonnie Tyler....

Do you ever feel like you need a hero? I have been feeling rather hopeless in the past few years about the state of humanity. People just don't seem to care any more and I wonder what this world is coming to.

Then, along came Hula Doula. My new hero! She stepped in and saved five little boys when their mother was obviously teetering on, and rapidly plunging off of, the edge. I'm not sure that I would ever be courageous enough to take the action that Hula did to ensure the safety of these boys. She is an angel here on Earth. I'm certain that I can find five little boys who would totally agree with me.

And so, I am proud to award Hula Doula the Perfect Post award for February. You inspire me to make myself a better human being. **smooches**

for more Perfect Posts visit Suburban Turmoil and Petroville

I don't even want to contemplate the alternative...

::boys playing with dinosaurs::

"....and then the t-rex goes "gggrrrrrrrrrrr!!! I gonna eat you!"

and the little one runs away

and then.....(more dino-story plotline)

....and then this is ass-poison!"

Mommy: ::looking up from her People magazine:: Whaaaa? What did you just say?! what poison?

Bear: Ass-poison!

Mommy: "Ass-poison?" What are you talking about?

Bear: Ass. Poison. See this is an asteroid and it has poison in it. So, it's ass-poison! And it kills the t-rex when it crashes into the Earth! Cool huh?

Mommy: ::sighing with relief:: Yes, very cool. Carry on.

*Mrs. Kindergarten is going to LOVE this.*

A few words for the parents in front of Candyland Elementary School

1. When you stop in the middle of the street and wait for your child to be realeased from school, it not only backs up traffic for blocks, preventing all of the other parents from being able to park and pick up our kids, it also endangers your kids and all of the other kids trying to get to their moms (or whomever is picking them up). Cut it out. Find a parking place. Nothing is worth compromising the safety of your child. Or mine.

2. When you DO park, pull all the way over to the curb, please. Stopping near an open spot is not the same as parking.

3. When you have a yield sign it means just that. YIELD already, dammit! I don't care if you do have a Lexus SUV. You still have to wait until traffic has cleared before it is your turn. Moron.

4. When you are dropping your kid off in the morning and you need to escort him in, please do not park and get out in the "loading and unloading only" area. Even for "a sec." It screws everyone else up. And besides, if you were to go about 22 feet around the curve, you would find a parking lot. Very handy for these situations.

5. Standing next to the driver's side window and talking to your friend after school has let out also blocks traffic. I don't care what position you hold on the PTA board, I am going to run over your Juicy clad ass AND your Kate Spade bag next time it happens.

6. Having a new Suburban does NOT automatically give you right of way.

7. Turn your damn music down. I don't appreciate the migraine I get from hearing your bass nor do I want my children learning the "lyrics" to anything that 50 Cent, Nelly, or whoever that is you have blasting from your windows has recorded. Sheesh.

8. This is an Elementary school for goodness sake. When someone angers you with his/her poor driving skills or etiquette, consider your language before you begin to berate that person. Do you want to hear those words coming form your child's mouth? I certainly don't.

Enough already!!!

All alone on my anniversary....

Thirteen Years ago today, I married a wonderful, sweet, young Lieutenant in the United States Air Force. He ripped me away from my family and dragged me to South Carolina, of all places. He has since dragged me all over the world and it has been quite a ride. But I don't regret any of it. Now he is a wonderful sweet, old Lieutenant Colonel (select) in the United States Air Force. And, even though, thirteen years ago today I couldn't have even imagined it, I love him even more. More than I knew it was possible to love someone.

And so now, I present to you:

25 Things About SugarDaddy:

1. He's hot.
2. Seriously, you should see him in a flight suit. H.O.T.
3. He is a wonderful daddy.
4. He is very romantic.
5. He is very infuriating (sometimes).
6. He is so smart it is just scary.
7. He is very expressive.
8. Sometimes too expressive.
9. But it's better than the stone cold silent alternative.
10. He remembers every little anniversary.
11. He doesn't mind that I don't remember every little anniversary.
12. He cooks the most awesome spaghetti sauce.
13. He still sees me as I looked 15 years (and 35 lbs!) ago.
14. He's very forgiving of my procrastination and forgetfulness.
15. I hope.
16. Since I still haven't gotten his anniversary present (or his Valentines) in the mail yet.
17. Even though I know that it takes a couple of weeks for mail to reach him.
18. Because I suck.
19. But this is supposed to be about him, isn't it?
20. He is a great kisser.
21. He has a great butt.
22. He is an incredibly gifted musician.
23. He can play just about anything on the piano.
24. He sings me songs.
25. He is the love of my life and I don't ever want to try to live it without him.

I love you, my wonderful husband. I can't wait until you get home. I'm just not as good of a...me without you.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX