Because there is never enough drama around here

So here's the whole story.....I was born a poor black child...no, wait, that's not it....

Wednesday night, I noticed that the air conditioner wasn't, well, conditioning the air. It was getting warmer in the bedrooms, not cooler. It was then that I realized that I hadn't changed the a/c filter since SugarDaddy left in July. Okay, to be more precise, SD changed it sometime before he left. But I watched. Ostensibly so that I would be able to do it again in a month or so. *cough*

So, I shut off the a/c and made plans to go ot Lowes and buy a new filter after work Thursday. Which I did. Then Bug and I picked up Bear and SugarPlum at their respective schools (Thursdays are exhausting) and Bug fell asleep as soon as we left Lowes (see? exhausting!). Aaaaaanyhoo, got home, put Bug in bed, and installed the filter. Whilst installing said filter, Bear tell me, "Mommy, I need to show you what Bug did to the air conditioner while we were outside yesterday."

Ummmmmm, yeah, the filter change wasn't terribly effective.

Bug had opened the breaker box and pulled off the switch thingy (sorry for the technical jargon), swished it around in the mud a bit and placed it back in the box. Yes, dear readers, the air conditioner wasn't air conditioning because the damn thing, for all intents and purposes, wasn't plugged in. So, I took the switch thingy in, scraped off as much dirt as possible without placing it in water (I may be blonde, but I'm not suicidal!) and took it back out to put it in the switch thingy box. Only it wouldn't go in. At least not without me trying things that I was afraid might get me killed. So, I did what any temporarily single-mom would do in this situation: I called a guy.

I called my former neighbor Ed (remember him?), only he wasn't home yet, so I left a message with his daughter.

Fast Forward (had to believe) to soccer practice, I am telling Bear's coach's wife about the a/c ordeal and she says that her husband can come over and fix it. Like right after practice. I tried to tell them that it could wait until Friday, but he insisted that it was fine. So, they followed me home and, after much running back and forth (by me) turning breakers on and off and checking whether I even had the thing on and turned down, the a/c finally started! YAYY!!!!

Just then, SugarPlum asks, "Where are the dogs?"

No. NO! Not again. But, oh, yes, the Houdini dogs struck again. In the midst of the all of my running from the a/c unit, I had left the gate open. I did make sure that the driveway gate was closed. I simply forgot that Snazzy, and, as it turns out, Yogi, can squeeze through the two sides of the gate. Moron. (Me, not the dogs) (Well, yes the dogs, too. They have a good life here. Why run away???)

Just as we realize that the dogs are out, the doorbell rings. And it's Ed and his lovely wife. Ed asks what is wrong with my a/c. I tell him nothing NOW, but that the dogs had gotten out again. Ed replies, "Well, shit, Buffi. I guess I'll go find them for you!"

And he did. Because Ed rocks (and so does Mrs. Ed!).

And all of the SugarBabies went to sleep without incident. And I drank a beer and watched ER. (OMG!! Are you loving ER this season??) (I'm saving Grey's for when I am not so distracted. Really, it deserves my full attention, don't you think?!) (So, nobody spoil it for me)

Oh, yes, and what really SHOULD have been the big news of the day: All biopsies and blood tests, etc, came back good. I am officially, once and for all cancer-free. For now. In my thyroid anyway.

So there you go. Five minutes of your life you'll never get back. If you lasted this long. Happy Friday, everyone!!!

Well, stick a needle in my neck and call me Bussi

That pretty much sums up my day.

I had to be at the hospital at 7:15 Friday morning. Ugh. Two of the ladies from my church generously came to help me out. Ms. Kay, who was Bug's "teacher" when he was two, came and got the kids ready for school and stayed with Bug. Her mother, Ms. Louise, who cared for Bug at Mom's Day Out for his first two years, drove me to the hospital and stayed with me throughout my adventure there.

Basically, I checked in, changed into one of the hospital's lovely, chic, open back gown (so that all could glimpse my ginormous ass), then I climbed into bed with Joshilyn's lastest book, Between Georgia. And I began the waiting game. On the upside, I got through half of the book (oh, and WHAT a great book it is!). On the down side, that hospital was damn cold! Especially when all that is between you and the a/c is a twenty-seven year old wisp of cotton. Then I remembered that I had a blanket. Heh.

After waiting an hour and a half, then nurse came to get me for my procedure.

Nurse: What's your name?

Me: Sugarmommy Lastname. But I go by Buffi.

Nurse: Bethany?

Me: No, Buffi: B-U-F-F-I

Nurse: Bussi?

Me: Yeah, because that's a name you hear all the time...
::on the inside::

Me (out loud): No, Buffi. You know like the Vampire Slayer.

Nurse: Oh!! Buffi!!

Me (on the inside): Dimwit.


And it was all downhill from there. I eventually made it into the ultrasound room where the sonographer looked (unsuccessfully) on the left side of my throat for the nodule that was on the right side of my thyroid. Actually, she was really nice and, in her defense, the report she had only said that there was a nodule, not which side it was on. She quickly found it. I'm just cranky.

Then the radiologist came in and looked at the pictures and briefed me on what was to happen. He gave me a small shot of lidocaine in my throat to numb the skin and then proceeded to stick at least four loooooong needles in my throat to reach that stealthy nodule on my thyroid and retrieve some cells. Who knew that your thyroid actually had nerves?! Those needles hurt like a sonofabitch when they went into the thyroid! All in all, if you are considering letting someone stick needles in your neck, I would advise against it.

Then the brainiac nurse came to pick me up and deliver me back to my room. There, I waited, drifting between reading my (very wonderful) book and dozing. Periodically interrupted to have my blood pressure taken. (And of course it was a little high. Duh! They just stuck a bunch of freaking needles in my neck! AND? You interrupted my book. Again!) All the while, Ms. Louise sat with me and read her book.

Finally, the nurse came in to tell me that it was almost time to go. Actually what she said was, "The doctor said that you could go after 90 minutes. That's two hours. So, you got back in here at 9:40 and it's 11:30 now, so we'll go ahead and get your paperwork ready..."

Did you catch that?
Louise and I looked at each other with that did she just...? look on our faces. We agreed not to confuse the poor thing with the facts so as to escape before any damage was incurred by either one of us. I think that we were both afraid of losing a leg or something.

I arrived home just as Bug was finishing his lunch and heading to his room for his nap. I assured Ms. Kay and Ms. Louise that I would be fine getting Bug down for a nap and then take one myself. Which I did. For three and a half hours. With the blessed cooperation of my SugarBug, I slept until about five minutes before Bear and SugarPlum arrived home via another church friend. SugarPlum then assured me that if I needed to go back to bed that she could take care of the boys for me.

And then I cried. Because, holy cow, how sweet is that?!

So, I am good. I should have test results next week. I am expecting all to be fine. If it's not, well, you'll know that too!