Hiya! Still alive!

Thank you for all of your nice emails concerning my health and well being. I was at Candyland West (also known as Gray Gray and Gram's house) when not helping CRB and friends rehab her old house so that she can sell it. I am exhausted. And I did maybe a third of the work that pretty much everyone else did. But heavens! The drama! It was enough to wear anyone out. I am stunned that nobody was injured and that nobody ended up in jail. Seriously. Prima Donnas may be the death of me. But we did a kick ass job and, as far as I can tell, are all still friends. More or less.

Sadly, as I have mentioned before, Gram and Gray no longer have internet access. That sucks. I DID bring my laptop thinking that maybe I could make it to a coffee shop or something for a minute. But I am such a dork that I didn't bring the charger.

End result? I went twelve days offline. TWELVE DAYS people. No internets. If I hadn't been so busy, I would have been having withdrawals. As it is, I was so tired at night, that it didn't really affect me. Though I don't think we were home ten minutes before I turned on the computer. Ostensibly to print out the form that we need to send in for SugarPlum to go to church camp next week with her two best friends here. (And lawd, please remind me to tell you all about the insane momma of one of these girls. That woman is twelve kinds of crazy. Seriously, I may have to redefine Batshit Crazy.) But really, we all know why that computer got turned on and why, six hours later it is still on.

Two hundred fifty four emails, my friends. A great many of those were deleted w/o being read, of course. Those from amazon.com, overstock.com, eBay (are we sensing a trend?), and all that stupid spam. So, if you sent me something that needed a reply and haven't gotten it, it is entirely possible that I deleted it. I apologize. Resend it and I promise to follow up.

But not right now. Must sleep. Vacation Bible School starts Monday morning and I will have thirty second graders waiting for me. Yes, clearly, I am insane. Pray for me!

A Buttercup by any other name...

I recently found out that my oldest and dearest friend, CRB, is expecting a baby! She was the second friend to get married last year - Memorial Day Weekend - and she and her husband are tickled beyond belief. Nobody saw this coming, least of all the Mommy and Daddy. CRB is the mother of my two precious godchildren, who are now 11 and 15. Talk about your unexpected blessings! Though, I did have to point out to CRB that she and I are quite possibly the two most fertile women on the planet and that we really shouldn't be THAT surprised that this happened.

Daddy-to-be (D2B from here on out) is thinking that he doesn't want to find out the sex of the baby, he wants it to be a surprise. Which I find totally selfish. Because I NEED TO KNOW what this baby is and has she forgotten that it is all about ME?! (With the obvious exception if that one special friend of ours who shall remain nameless because he/she reads here regularly & will be PISSED if he/she knew that we spoke of him/her that way. Hee hee.) I need to know whether to buy pink or blue because while it seems like a good idea to just get green/yellow/purple stuff for the baby, once the little bundle of joy arrives that unisex stuff always looks far too masculine or feminine for your precious angel.

AND I do believe that you have HAD your surprise D2B!! How about when CRB said "I;m pregnant! SURPRISE! Yeesh!

Also? We need to name this baby. Before its birth. Although with CRB that can backfire. When she was pregnant with her son, the firstborn, she had decided to name him Joshua. For months we all "talked" to Joshua and sang to him and talked about Joshua and anticipated his arrival. About two weeks before he was born, CRB decided that they would name him after her father instead. It took me YEARS to get used to calling that kid by his actual name. To this day, I sometimes slip and call him Joshua.

So the rule I have made (because remember whom it is all about!) is that once this kid has a name, it cannot be changed. And if you do change it, I will always use the originally agreed upon name.

As a result, I have decided that until this baby has an actual name. I will be calling it Buttercup. Of course, CRB's daughter, A, thinks that Buttercup is far too girly and wants something more gender neutral. She decided upon Peanut. CRB, forever the diplomat, thought that perhaps we could all be happy by combining the two names. Which, leaves us with? Peanut Buttercup!!! So you know now that the name, boy or girl, has been decided. We are calling this kid Reese.

In the event that that name doesn't work out, here, in alphabetical order are my suggestions for alternatives. You make the call.


Boy Names
Adolf
Beelzebub
Cecil
Diego
Ernest
Francisco
Gilligan
Harvey
Ichabod
Jimbo
Kermit
Leroy
Melvin
Norbert
Osama
Percival
Raul
Saddam
Turk
Ulysses
Vladimir
Wally
Xerxes
Yakov
Zebulon


Girl Names:

Appolonia
Bertha
Cora (heh)
Desdemona
Elvira
Fancy
Gypsy
Hortense
Imogene
Jamocha
Kimono
Lolita
Mildred
Norma
Octavia
Prunella
Roshanda
Shaquanna
Thelma
Urania
Velma
Wanda
Xaveria
Yvonne (heh)
Zsa Zsa

So, there you go. Choose wisely, my friends. I shall be having onesies monogrammed shortly after the ultrasound!

**Please don't be offended if I mentioned a name that is yours or that of a loved one. Some of these names, you would have to know their last name or their personalities to understand why they are funny!

Meanwhile, back at the ranch....

Aren’t you glad that I left you with those questions for over a week? Did you memorize them and come up with answers in case there is a pop quiz over them one day soon?

Yes. I thought so. Because I know that legions of people come here every single day, several times a day just awaiting the precious drops of wit that pour from my fingertips. Heh.

I had no intention of taking an internet hiatus. As it turns out, Thanksgiving in Candyland did not work out, due to High School football play-offs, among other things. So, I packed up the SugarBabies and we came to my parents’ house for the holiday (actually, we went to my grandparents’ house on Thursday) and hung out there for the weekend. A good time was had by all.

Sort of.

I had forgotten that the internet at the old homestead is a bit wonky and, in fact, completely non-operative at this point. Had I realized that I might have stayed home. Okay, not really. But I might have planned my time a bit better. And possibly given someone the keys to Candyland so that they could guest post, or at least put something up for me. I have a few random things in the queue to be put up when I am at a loss for what to post. As it is, I was stuck with no internets and no blogs to read. Which forced me to (gasp!) actually read some BOOKS and even interact with other live human beings. It took a little getting used to, but I figured it out, eventually.

I wasn’t exactly brokenhearted over the family ditching me for the holiday. The task of cleaning my landfill house was becoming more daunting by the minute. This probably has a lot to do with the oh-so-tenuous grip that I have on my sanity at this point. I will write about this later as it might send me over the edge at this point to even discuss it. Suffice to say that there were moments Wednesday when we all questioned whether Mommy would be able to pull it together enough to finish packing and make the drive to Gray Gray and Gram’s house. Much less survive the weekend without strangling anyone in his or her sleep. (Names left out to protect my ass the innocent.)

Thanksgiving itself was a very nice day. I got to see my cousin who was the cute little flower girl at my wedding and is now a drop-dead-gorgeous 18-year-old senior in high school. She is just beautiful inside and out and I really enjoy every minute I get to spend with her. Also there was her brother, the devastatingly handsome 16-year-old high school quarterback who led his team to another playoff victory this weekend. Go Panthers! The SugarBabies think that these two relatives are the creme-de-la-creme of the human race. And I tend to agree. Our family certainly did well when we dipped into the gene pool! These two great kids took my SugarBabies to the park and entertained them for hours. Then the QB sat and watched the kids while they picked cotton left in the field next to my grandparents' house. The kids thought that they were in heaven. So did I! Aaaaaanyway, it was a nice, relaxing Thanksgiving with a whole family to keep an eye on the kids and give me some time "off."

I also got to spend some more time with one of my very favorite newlyweds, CRB, and even got to see one of our wonderful high school friends (the cutest boy in choir) Matt, and his partner, Andy. We had lots of good silliness and great conversation. We always do when we are together. I was hoping that I would also get to see our friend ARR, but her sweet kiddos celebrated their birthday this weekend, so her priorities (rightly so) remained elsewhere. (That's okay, there's always Christmas, sweetie!)

I got to spend time with Mr. & Mrs. Jackalord at her parents’ new home. The kids loved that, as there are animals and other kids there. Woo hoo! My boys enjoyed watching the "big boys" have a paintball war. I enjoyed relaxing and having some adult conversation!

Eventually, though, it was time for us to return to Candyland. My mom was a saint and let me sleep in on Sunday so that I would be able to drive without killing us all. We made it home in time for to make pizza and watch a couple of episodes of Zoboomafoo before bedtime. Shortly thereafter, I continued my unraveling process. Thank heaven SD gets home in 16 days. It can't come a moment too soon!

Happy Christmastime!!!!!!!

Well, stick a needle in my neck and call me Bussi

That pretty much sums up my day.

I had to be at the hospital at 7:15 Friday morning. Ugh. Two of the ladies from my church generously came to help me out. Ms. Kay, who was Bug's "teacher" when he was two, came and got the kids ready for school and stayed with Bug. Her mother, Ms. Louise, who cared for Bug at Mom's Day Out for his first two years, drove me to the hospital and stayed with me throughout my adventure there.

Basically, I checked in, changed into one of the hospital's lovely, chic, open back gown (so that all could glimpse my ginormous ass), then I climbed into bed with Joshilyn's lastest book, Between Georgia. And I began the waiting game. On the upside, I got through half of the book (oh, and WHAT a great book it is!). On the down side, that hospital was damn cold! Especially when all that is between you and the a/c is a twenty-seven year old wisp of cotton. Then I remembered that I had a blanket. Heh.

After waiting an hour and a half, then nurse came to get me for my procedure.

Nurse: What's your name?

Me: Sugarmommy Lastname. But I go by Buffi.

Nurse: Bethany?

Me: No, Buffi: B-U-F-F-I

Nurse: Bussi?

Me: Yeah, because that's a name you hear all the time...
::on the inside::

Me (out loud): No, Buffi. You know like the Vampire Slayer.

Nurse: Oh!! Buffi!!

Me (on the inside): Dimwit.


And it was all downhill from there. I eventually made it into the ultrasound room where the sonographer looked (unsuccessfully) on the left side of my throat for the nodule that was on the right side of my thyroid. Actually, she was really nice and, in her defense, the report she had only said that there was a nodule, not which side it was on. She quickly found it. I'm just cranky.

Then the radiologist came in and looked at the pictures and briefed me on what was to happen. He gave me a small shot of lidocaine in my throat to numb the skin and then proceeded to stick at least four loooooong needles in my throat to reach that stealthy nodule on my thyroid and retrieve some cells. Who knew that your thyroid actually had nerves?! Those needles hurt like a sonofabitch when they went into the thyroid! All in all, if you are considering letting someone stick needles in your neck, I would advise against it.

Then the brainiac nurse came to pick me up and deliver me back to my room. There, I waited, drifting between reading my (very wonderful) book and dozing. Periodically interrupted to have my blood pressure taken. (And of course it was a little high. Duh! They just stuck a bunch of freaking needles in my neck! AND? You interrupted my book. Again!) All the while, Ms. Louise sat with me and read her book.

Finally, the nurse came in to tell me that it was almost time to go. Actually what she said was, "The doctor said that you could go after 90 minutes. That's two hours. So, you got back in here at 9:40 and it's 11:30 now, so we'll go ahead and get your paperwork ready..."

Did you catch that?
Louise and I looked at each other with that did she just...? look on our faces. We agreed not to confuse the poor thing with the facts so as to escape before any damage was incurred by either one of us. I think that we were both afraid of losing a leg or something.

I arrived home just as Bug was finishing his lunch and heading to his room for his nap. I assured Ms. Kay and Ms. Louise that I would be fine getting Bug down for a nap and then take one myself. Which I did. For three and a half hours. With the blessed cooperation of my SugarBug, I slept until about five minutes before Bear and SugarPlum arrived home via another church friend. SugarPlum then assured me that if I needed to go back to bed that she could take care of the boys for me.

And then I cried. Because, holy cow, how sweet is that?!

So, I am good. I should have test results next week. I am expecting all to be fine. If it's not, well, you'll know that too!