Naptime is the New Happy Hour

I wish that I could take credit for that snappy title up there, but it is actually the title of the new hilarious book by Stephanie Wilder-Taylor. You know who she is. She wrote that fantastic book, Sippy Cups are not for Chardonnay and got filleted on The Today Show over it. Some people have that pole shoved so far up their butts they can't even attempt to have a sense of humor. If you are one of THOSE people, then you are probably wondering how in the hell you got here you probably won't enjoy this book either.

For the rest of us, who enjoy living our lives with tongue firmly placed in cheek, this book is just what we need! Stephanie is a real mom and makes no apologies for it. She cops to bribing her kid with chocolate milkshakes to eat cauliflower and to letting her watch TV for more than 30 minutes of TV a day. (gasp!) In fact, she even gives us little hints as to how to "decode" the Smug Mommies at the playground by using "New Mommy Math." For example, if a Smug mommy tells you that her little darling only watches "one hour of mind-enriching, educational television a day, just go ahead and add two hours. If she tell you 'No TV ever!' add six. It's
that simple!... Similarly, if Smug Mama tells you that her child is allowed only two small cookies after dinner, feel safe adding five more. If she tells you no cookies, only fruit, go with eight."

Wilder-Taylor is wonderful at getting us past our mommy-guilt and making us see that we are all just doing the best we can. And that anyone who tries to make you think otherwise is full of it. She even gives some suggestions for alleviating that stress that can make your head explode, including:

• Make time for Twinkies. A lot more time.



• Three words: Amateur Strip Night



• Get some dental work done just for the Percocet, become addicted, & then if insurance covers it, kick you addiction at Crossroads in Antigua for at least ninety days

I found myself laughing out loud all the way through this book. SD is really tired of me reading it to him. Honestly, I had to restrain myself from sharing excerpts from each chapter with YOU. But then you might not get it for yourself and I really couldn't spoil that pleasure for you. See what a loving soul I am?

Not that there's anything wrong with that.....

If there is anything that I would call an absolute MUST in parenting - something no mommy or daddy should be without -it's a sense of humor. With humor, you can enjoy your kids and the ridiculous things that they do and say. Without humor, you are nothing but another Joan Crawford just waiting to blow up all over your children. (No! More! wire! hangers!) As such, I believe that any parenting manual worth its salt should contain a healthy dose of humor. Or, maybe because I'm just ADD enough that I need some humor to keep me focused.

Well, I found a book that is just CHOCK FULL of humor and wonderful advice on raising these little monkeys who occupy two of my bedrooms and most of my heart. The Gay Uncle's Guide to Parenting...candid counsel from the depths of the daycare trenches by Brett Berk is a parenting book like no other. The title alone makes me giggle. And since my children have gay uncles of their own (Hi Uncle Matt! Hi Nana Andy!) (not blood related, but even better - we got to CHOOSE them!), I HAD to read this. "Uncle" Brett reminds me so much of my dear friend Andy that I read this with Andy's voice in my head. Andy is ALWAYS giving me parenting advice.

What Bret has over Andy is credentials: BRETT BERK, M.S., Ed., worked as a classroom teacher and a preschool director, and now acts as a research consultant to some of the world’s biggest producers of kids’ media, toys, and consumer products. He and his partner of eighteen years divide their time between New York City and a house in upstate New York.

Is he a parent? No. But this actually can be a good thing. Brett is able to give advice as an outside observer, without the emotion that can cloud a parent. His advice and recommendations are common-sense, logical and dead-on right. Plus, the stories that he uses to illustrate his points are HILARIOUS.

“When your toddler’s bowel movements seem more important than world peace, mealtimes require strategic negotiations, and you haven’t had a night out in
eight months, it’s time to admit something needs to change."

I love this book. My friends are sick of it because I keep calling to read them portions of it. It could be the smug attitude I have when reading the excerpts that may or may not have a bit of an "I told you so-ness" to it that is making them weary. I can't be sure. You'd have to ask them. Except don't.

The Liar's Diary

I know. I haven't been posting much lately. I have been too busy reading. Books! MotherTalk has been affording me the opportunity to read some fantastic books lately. As well as a reason to sit down and read them. The only problem is, I end up losing sleep because the books they send me inevitably being so good that I get caught in that "just one more chapter" trap. I guess SugarPlum comes by that honestly.

So, last weekend, I finished The Liar's Diary by Patry Francis. Oh, man. I had heard about this book and I had wanted to read it. I was so excited when it came. I will say that I am not really a big mystery reader. Not really my genre. That said, this book has so many unexpected twists and turns that had me guessing until the end. I loved it!

Francis starts by introducing Jeanne. A mother of a teenage boy, doctor's wife, school secretary. She seems to be comfortable in her life. Things aren't perfect by any means, but she appears to be happy.

Appears.

Appearances are not always accurate as we quickly find out. I really don't want to give away to much of the plot, but I will share this from MotherTalk:

At the center of the story is Jeanne Cross, living the average suburban life
until Ali Mather arrives in town and strikes up a friendship, not only with
Jeanne, but with her husband and son as well. And this friendship, in the end,
will take a deadly turn though the reader will need to decide which person–and
diary–holds the truth.

As I read the story, I found myself gasping more than once. The surprises and revelations throughout the book kept me sucked in. The characters are so multi-faceted and complex. Their interactions and connections are so unexpected at times, eliciting an occasional "Aha!"

By the end of the book, I found myself both sad and gratified for the characters I loved. I can't tell you much without spoiling the whole thing for you. You will just have to trust me that this is a story that will draw you in and not let go. It really makes you take a good look at your own life and consider what little lies we tell ourselves just to get through the day. AM I really happy? ARE my children healthy? What secrets am I hiding, even from myself? Because, sometimes, those secrets can lead to our own destruction. (Or not....this is why I don't write books...)


Oh, and PS. I've been reading Patry's blog and I have totally fallen in love with her. You will, too, I have a feeling....

Making me feel like a FANTASTIC mom

I recently had the privilege to read The Sky Isn't Visible From Here by Felicia Sullivan. This is no typical, lighthearted chic-lit. No Bridget Jones. This is real - far more reality than I have ever imagined. Books like this make me need to call my mom and thank her for being so...normal. For taking god care of me and making sure I always had everything I needed. And if you are one of my IRL friends reading this you are saying, "DAY-UM!"

Felicia grew up with a mother who was addicted to cocaine, alcohol and eventually, crack. She and Felicia lived with a series of me who encouraged her mother's addiction and abused both of them. Her mother began calling her "Lisa" at a young age because her lover couldn't pronounce "Felicia." Thereby, essentially taking away the girl's identity at a very young age.

In spite of all these obvious obstacles, Felicia managed to graduate from high school and go to an Ivy League college. There, she was determined to become a different person. She wanted to become the opposite of her mother - a smart, elegant, successful WASP who came from a good family. And she managed to pull it off for a while. Unfortunately, the demons came back to haunt her and Felicia fell into a drug and alcohol addiction of her own.

By the end of the book, Felicia, with the love and support of her step-father among other things, is overcoming those demons once again. She doesn't wrap it all up in a pretty package. She still has such conflicted feelings about her mother. She ends the book with a chapter titled "Before Cocaine" where she describes a trip to Coney Island as a young girl with her mom . It recalls a happy time where the day is all about just the two of them. Where Felicia feels her mother's love and protection. Even there though, she is afraid to tell her mom how much she loves her, for fear of ruining the moment. It concludes with Mom telling Felicia "You're mine" and Felicia chanting "I'm yours. I'm yours."

Bittersweet? Yes. But real? Absolutely.

I can highly recommend The Sky Isn't Visible From Here. With one caveat. You won't be able to put it down. Sullivan's heartbreaking story pulls you in and makes you long to hold that little girl AND to take the woman and shake her and ask what the hell is wrong with her. It's a world that makes me angry and sad and indignant. It makes me thankful for what I have and who I've had the chance to become. And it amazes me that anyone could convey such a life with the clarity and eloquence that Felicia has. I would like to thank her for sharing her story of pain and strength.

You can also read Felicia's blog where she continues to share herself and her life with us. You won't be sorry.

BOB Books...finally

Oh, I have been horribly, horribly remiss. Several weeks ago, I was scheduled to review the BOB Books. First, I had the wrong date written down. Then my grandfather died. After that, I was simply overwhelmed with....life I suppose. Ironically at the same time, I seemed to be suffering from the blahs. Is it possible to die of ennui? Finally, Marjorie shot me an email earlier this week asking, ever so nicely, (because Marjorie is one of the most diplomatic, lovely people I have ever met on the internets) if I had any plans to ever review the books because this was the last week of the campaign. So I am suitably shamed. And if I had checked my email earlier this week, I would have been shamed much, much sooner. Thus, here is my review.

I am no stranger to BOB books. As a former kindergarten teacher and staunch proponent of phonics, I like to stay familiar with the various phonics programs. SugarPlum seemed to have taught herself to read, so I never ventured to purchase anything like that. But last year, as Bear started learning to read, I got a set of BOB books to help him along (you know, since Mrs Kindergarten seemed to think that he was brain damaged or something). Then when I had the opportunity to have another set for him, I jumped at it!

Simply stated, BOB Books are lovely. They aren't flashy, colorful or exciting. Not that there's anything wrong with that. But these books have spare, simple stories with fun, minimalist drawings. Enough to help a young reader along in his/her reading but not so much as to distract. They have easy to relate to characters with easy names - Mat, Sam, Dot, and Cat. The books help early readers to stay focused on sounding out words and figuring out the "trick" of reading. Using a step-by-step process, they build skill and before you know it, your kid has read a whole book! How cool is that when you are FIVE?! They are great for building confidence in young readers - giving them a taste of reading success and assurance that soon, they will be able to read those exciting, interesting books that they bring home from the library. Bear beams when he reads one of these to me or SD. And he is always quick to grab one to read to Gray or Gram when they visit Candyland. In fact, he likes them SO MUCH that he asked to take them for Show & Tell. I'm going to talk to Mrs Firstgrade about that before we send them. Don't need to piss off another teacher!

As such, BOB books are not something that will hold a child's attention when he is being read to. Case in point, Bug was SOOO excited when I pulled the books out. That lasted about two minutes. He declared them "bowing." (That's "boring" to those of us without a speech impediment. Though not nearly as adorable.) These are not the books that he will pick for you to read at bedtime. They aren't, in my opinion, something to pick to get your three year old interested in reading. But that's okay. Save them for a couple of years when he can start to read to himself. At least that is what I am telling myself about Bug. If he makes parole by then.

Maximum Ride: Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports

Several weeks ago, I was driving my babysitter home and we were discussing the books that SugarPlum likes to read. She and SugarPlum have similar tastes - Harry Potter, Eragon, Narnia and various other fantasy books. She mentioned that she had gotten hooked on James Patterson's Maximum Ride books. She said that she thought that SugarPlum might enjoy them and that she would loan them to her.

Shortly thereafter, Mother Talk sent out a request for people to review the third installment in the series, Maximum Ride: Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports. My initial inclination was to have SugarPlum read it and write the review here and on her blog for her friends. Then I realized that perhaps it would be a good idea to read it before I gave it to SP so that I could make sure it was okay. I'm picky that way.

(Of course that was a moot point because SP and her bestfriendinthewholewideworld, the Princess went to the big Harry Potter party the night of the debut of book seven. After that she was sucked back into all things Harry. She's still not quite over it, even though she's read it seven times now.)

After we got back from the beach, I saw the book and, honestly, I wasn't that excited about reading it. Not my genre, and not my age. But I promised, so, eventually anyway, I got busy reading. And? I was hooked.

It was a little awkward at first, starting on the third book. But Patterson does a great job catching you up if you missed the first two. The books main protagonist, Max, is a fourteen year old human-bird hybrid (yes, really) - the result of recombinant DNA experiments by some mad scientists who are now planning on taking out half the world's population. The scientists, not the bird kids. Max leads her "flock" of other bird kids, ranging in age from six to fourteen, after they have escaped from the headquarters of the mad scientists' ("whitecoats") union.

Patterson captures the snark, attitude and insecurities of a fourteen-year-old girl perfectly. Honestly this is what made the book most enjoyable for me. The story switches voices between characters several times throughout the book, which is a little hard to follow at first. However, I really think that for teens, who are used to that sort of storytelling on the TV shows they watch, it probably flows and makes perfect sense. The characters are fairly well developed, but, again, I'm certain that some things would likely have made more sense had I read the first two books. One fun thing is that Max's best friend, Fang has a blog http://maximumride.blogspot.com/ that does exist and that you can read comments from readers and "supporters" of the flock. Welcome to the 21st Century!

The plot was exciting enough to hold my interest and make the book enjoyable. There were a few "yeah rights" in there as I read along (you know, beyond the whole DNA hybrid/mad scientists business), like how the kids were broke at some times, yet had the money to get into a Dallas Cowboys football game and later purchase four transatlantic plane tickets. That aside, it was fun to read.

I believe that I will let SugarPlum read this series. Many of the situations are a little mature, but then so is she. I found no terribly objectionable language (at least nothing worse than I have found in the HP books) and no drinking/drugs or sexual situations. I know that SP will enjoy these books if she can tear herself away from those "other ones."

For more information, you can visit the book's website http://www.maximumride.com/.

It includes a cool CGI TV commercial, plus nearly 2 million message board
posts from kids who love Max and the flock. Also, the publisher had two separate
“clicking” contests here. The first was to garner 1 million clicks to keep the series going (into a fourth book), and they garnered the first million clicks in just one week. The second was to garner 5 million clicks to tell Hollywood there should be a Max movie. That 5 million was garnered within the next two weeks.

(Info from MotherTalk)

There has been talk of this series "replacing Harry Potter." Honestly I can't see anything replacing Harry. But is this a series that might get young adults excited about reading much the same way that Harry did? Yes, I think it might be. And so does the author of this article. Maximum Ride: Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports has the cynicism that appeals to teens as well as the kids vs. the evil adults theme that is fuels the healthy rebellion that all teens must express. These kids are out to save the world from the thoughtless, power-hungry, environment-polluting adults. How much better can you get?!

Blog Tour: The 24-Hour Pharmacist

You all know what a Google-chondriac I am. My struggle with migraine headaches, thyroid problems and depression is well documented here. Neither have I been shy about sharing my dismay at my fatigue and my ever-expanding ass. SD often teases me about my ardor for drugs, both prescription and OTC. The up side of this is that I really do research the medicines I take or consider taking or giving to my family. As such, I am considered by some of my friends as the "go-to" person for advice on many medical issues. I also have a very good friend, Mike, who has a PhD in Pharmacy and often call him when I have questions about pharmaceutical options.

When I found out from Mother Talk that I was going to get to review The 24-Hour Pharmacist by Suzy Cohen, R.Ph., I was very excited. Maybe this would give Mike a break from my weekly phone calls! When I opened the book, it wasn't what I expected. I'm not sure WHAT I expected, to tell you the truth. But what I found was even better than what I thought I would get in this book. Although if I would have just gone back and read the description that they gave me initially, perhaps I would have had a clue. (Having a clue is often an issue for me as regulars here can attest.)

"As a pharmacist for almost two decades, Suzy Cohen knows that medication can often be invaluable. But she has also learned to "think outside the pill" and recommend natural options that are often just as good or better at promoting health without the risk of dangerous, drug-induced side effects. In this comprehensive, one-of-a-kind resource, she answers such questions as: How can I stop my husband/wife from snoring? Are vitamin pills worth it or worthless? Are there alternatives to antidepressants? What kind of surge protection is there for hot flashes? How can I train my body to lose fat?"

Suzy Cohen is the author of the syndicated column Dear Pharmacist. A column I knew nothing about until now, but it may well become one of my favorites.

Like her column, The 24-Hour Pharmacist is just chock full of common sense. (Incidentally, another thing I seem to be deficient in many days) I suppose that I thought that the book would hold descriptions of different kinds of drugs, their uses and side effects. Instead it is actually a book that addresses the actual reasons behind common complaints such as depression, fatigue, lack of libido, and thyroid problems, among many. She explains, in a way that makes you say "Oooohhhh! Yeah!," how imbalances in certain nutrients and enzymes can lead to these medical problems and gives advice on how to go to the root of the problem and correct these imbalances.

One of the things that I found most interesting is that she identifies so-called "drug muggers," medicines that strip your cells of necessary nutrients and throw your body out of balance causing many common complaints and exacerbating existing conditions. She offers advice on how you can change your diet and add natural supplements in order to perhaps wean yourself off of some drugs AND what nutrients and dietary changes can counter-balance the drug-mugging effects of medications that you simply cannot stop taking. I was particularly interested in the suggestions to prevent and treat migraine headaches, as well as explanations of possible causes of them.

Cohen addresses all of this with a great sense of humor, which makes the book an enjoyable read. Girlfriend is one phunny pharmacist! Thus I read through the sections such as erectile dysfunction simply because I wanted to see what she had to say. She titles one section Viagra Excites Investors, Makes Profits Rise. Heh. I loves me a good double entendre. However, I must say that there was something that applied to my life in some way in almost every chapter.

Throughout the book, Cohen encourages readers to "think outside the pill." She also makes it clear throughout that nobody should stop taking any medications without first consulting his/her doctor. She also encourages readers to consult a doctor before trying some of the "natural" treatments. She gives many options for treatments for the conditions discussed and offers advice as to what order to try the remedies in as well as who should or shouldn't try certain ones. For example, did you know that id you aren't zinc deficient, that if you swab liquid zinc in your mouth, it will taste bitter and nasty. Other levels of nutrients and hormones aren't quite so easy to assess and Cohen recommends several labs who will test those levels for you without having to go through your doctor.

I am looking forward to going to the health food store and trying some of the remedies that Suzy Cohen suggested. Especially the ones for migraine and fatigue. Although, think that maybe she can help my inability to catch a clue as well, in the section where she addresses "brain fog." I can wholeheartedly recommend this book to all my fellow hypochondriacs. I'm certain that you will enjoy it as much as I have!

Less Crying, More Laughing?

More than once I have opined (and whined) on parenting issues. I am continually dismayed by the fact that in spite of having a degree in child development, a great deal of the time I have no freaking idea what to do about these children of mine. Much of the time they are wonderful, sweet loving children. But there are times when I would all but swear that they are indeed the spawn of Satan so defiant and unbelievably aggravating are they. And while I often promised myself (in my childless days, of course) that I would never scream at, spank, shame, or otherwise torment my children, I find myself doing just that on more occasions than I would normally care to admit. Because I have the information that I need to raise these children effectively. But sometimes....sometimes, my brain fails to access that information. Especially after the cheerful call, "It's jammie time!" has progressed to "Get your damn pajamas on already or someone is getting their little butt spanked!" Allegedly.

SO

During my twelve days of exile I had the opportunity to finish reading Elizabeth Pantley's The No-Cry Discipline Solution: Gentle Ways to Encourage Good Behavior Without Whining, Tantrums, and Tears I was so relieved and happy that I almost cried. This book. It is wonderful. Now, let me tell you that I am somewhat skeptical of most parenting books. I read them. I take bits and pieces and apply them to my life. But usually, they end up pissing me off because of the arrogant, "If you will just do things exactly this way, you should never have a problem with your children ever again!" attitude that they convey. No, they never come out and say that, but most of them give a "one size fits all" approach to parenting that just ain't true. So I find myself with a little bit of Sears, a little Spock, a dollop of Dobson, a pinch of Penelope Leach, with a smidge of Ferber in there for good measure. But every time I read one of those books I spend so much time sorting through the "yeah, right, whatever" that I am totally annoyed by the time I get to the end. If I get to the end.

Now, Elizabeth Pantley is my kind of gal. She is a mom of four. She admits she's not perfect. She is also a parenting educator and the author of the wildly successful No Cry Sleep Solution which I knew nothing about until my children had been through my own personal method the "Be quiet and go to sleep, for the love of Pete it's 3:00 in the morning and I'm freaking exhausted"solution. Although, "solution" might be a bit of a misnomer come to think of it.

Hmmmm? Oh, back to the point.

So, Ms. Pantley is a real person. She is a person who acknowledges that every parent is different. And every child is different. And every day with every child is different. And that what works for Martha and her son may not work for her daughter. Or for me and my kids. AND? She admits that what works for three months will likely, at some point not work anymore. Yes, I think that you are probably getting MY point.

What I love is that she isn't saying "do this and all will be peachy." She told me (because she wrote this just for me, you know...but we're letting you in on it, LUCKY YOU!) that most importantly I need to get to the source of the problem. You know, fix what is really wrong and not just treating the behavior. Sorta like giving a kid throat lozenges for strep throat instead of penicillin. Much of this I knew. Make sure that the kiddos have had enough sleep. Make sure that they aren't hungry -- low blood sugar accounts for a good share of the behavioral problems around here. But also, is she scared? Confused? Insecure? Sometimes, just figuring that much out can solve the problem.

The thing that I appreciate is the "bag of tricks" that she offers. They vary from distracting little ones from what is causing issues, to offering choices to, yes, time outs. She also gives parents permission to maybe overlook the small stuff and just laugh! When it looks like a meltdown is on the horizon, laughter and love can nip it in the bud and make a potentially long, tearful snotty hour-long ordeal into a gigglefest that can lead to your little guy revealing what was wrong. Which is so much better than than the screaming and crying that might happen otherwise. And that doesn't even account for what the kids will do.

Speaking of screaming. Elizabeth (because now we are on a first name basis, I call her Liz & she calls me Buff) also acknowledges that sometimes we all end up yelling at our kids. Even her. *gasp* No, it's not ideal. But we are human. And we mess up. But then, we apologize to the victim of our rant and move on.

Thing is, even though most of these things I knew, I guess that of the textbooks I read while studying my for degree and all of the subsequent parenting books I have read, not one of them gave me practical applications for their "solutions." But this book does! So, last week, when Bug thought that he would throw a big stinkin' fit because he didn't want to go to bed and refused to get his pajamas on, I laughed and made a game of it. And? Things went so much better and Bug got to bed so much more quickly than if I had followed my usual impulse to force his pj's on him and sit on him to brush his teeth. Nope. While he growled at me (yes, really) and expressed his anger in the bathroom, I turned him toward the mirror and made "angry faces" with him until we laughed and got his teeth brushed. When he ran away from the pajamas, I chased him while laughing and got them on him and then we joined Bear in the bedroom for our story and song. And it was all delightful. And instead of issuing the edict that it is naptime and dragging him off to bed, I pretend we are going into a cave (more on that in another post) or parachuting into his bed. So much happier!

As such, I have applied this to more situations lately and it's been good. Just don't ask about getting ready for VBS yesterday. Because there may or may not have been some yelling. Because I can't be delightful all the time.

But I'm trying. And truly, I can wholeheartedly recommend Pantley's No Cry Discipline Solution. Go check it out. There are even videos of Mrs Pantley offering tips from the book (off to the right about halfway down the page). See? I told you she is just lovely! And you know coming from an expert like me, that is high praise. *cough cough*

Look! Another review! I've been busy...

You know my feelings about rude people and what should and should not be done in certain situations. *ahem*

So, when I started reading Late Night Talking by Leslie Schnur, I knew that I would totally identify . Jeannie Sterling is the host of a late night radio talk show called "Sterling Behavior" where she "vents with her listeners about everyday injustices, from rude cell phone users and poor gym etiquette, to bad drivers and many other annoyances of modern urban life."

Sound familiar? Perhaps like a certain mommy blogger who vents about the people at the gym or terrible customer service or the idiots picking their kids up from school? Because, of course, she is perfect.

But, to make this some truly great chick-lit, you must have some hunky guys with whom our heroine can fall in (or out) of love. And this book has some great ones! Her handsome best friend whom she knows inside out -- as well as he knows her -- suddenly becomes more than just a friend. You know that this can lead to no good, girls, yet it still makes a great read! And then there is her cocky, very wealthy, devastatingly handsome boss. Whom she can't stand - on principle more than anything else. Who will win her heart for good? Okay, we all know that answer, but it's fun to see how it happens. You will end up happy by the end of the book, I promise!

Adding to the great plot is Jeannie's relationship with her best friend and producer Luce. I could identify with so many of the complicated aspects of their friendship. Honestly this was my favorite part of the book. Their relationship is real and shows how your best friend can sometimes be the only person who knows your faults and still loves you. AND? She is the only person who can tell you when you are making an ass of yourself. (Not that I would know anything about that. No comments from CRB, Mrs Jackalord, or the Queen, please)

Back to the rantings....these can be best conveyed by Leslie Schnur's own personal list of pet peeves she shares on her website:

The rude behaviors that really piss me off, in no particular order.


People who talk in the movies. You're not in front of your TV. You're in public, remember?


People who eat in live performances. Those people are actually alive up there on the stage. You're not at the movies where you forget that you're not in front of your TV.


People who don't pick up their dog's poop. Definitely grounds for a $50 fine.


Spitting in public. This is what separates Man from the llama.


Littering. If everybody threw his trash on the ground, where would we be? In your living room!


Not holding a door for someone, and not saying "thank you" when someone holds the door open for you. It's good to be the king…if only you were!


Talking loudly on your cell phone in public. Cell phone rudeness has
been discussed ad nauseum…but apparently, it's just not enougheum.


Drivers who don't signal and don't wave a "thanks" when you let them
in. I'd call you a pig, but I hate to disparage the little pink critters.


Stealing a parking space, taking up two spaces, and/or parking illegally in a handicapped space. Don't even think about getting through the pearly gates.


Leaving pee on a public toilet seat. Need I say anything more?


Leaving your sweat on the machines at the gym, leaving your stuff all over the dressing room bench. It tells me more about you than I want to know.


Adults who ride their bikes on a sidewalk. They invented something special for machines with wheels. It's called a street.


Being mean to a waiter, bank teller, or other service person Be kind to people trying to help you, because it's not always their fault.


And vice versa: haughty or indifferent service. Be nice and helpful,
because it's your job.


Line cutters. Those whose sense of entitlement is bigger than their…well, you know.


Strollers blocking doorways, aisles, sidewalks. Talk about entitlement. Have baby, will be rude.


Parents who let their toddlers run around in a restaurant. They're only cute if their ours.


People who crack their gum. Unless appearing uneducated and low class is important to you.


Clipping nails in public. That's why they call it "personal" grooming. Oh, and because
it's disgusting.


People who ridicule others by making pet peeves lists. As if they've never yelled at a taxi driver for taking the long way when had he not been talking loudly on his phone the whole time he might've paid more attention and then she wouldn't be sitting here behind the garbage truck while the meter is running, as if money grows on trees!

Are there ANY of these you don't agree with? Do you see now why I LOVE this book? I do believe, knowing you as well as I do, dear internets, that you, too will love and adore this book. (could there be MORE commas in that sentence?) So why are you still here? Go! Buy! Read!!