Thoughts while unpacking...

• We have entirely too much crap.
• I can't find any of the useful crap.
• I have four boxes of lasagna noodles. Why?
• I have 874 boxes of jello. WTF?
• My children have turned boredom into an art form.
• My children do NOT, when bored, take kindly to being told that I have boxes that they can unpack.
• SugarPlum has learned not to say, "There's nothing to do."
• She now says, "Is there something fun I can do?"
• So I made her sweep and clean the baseboards and vents.
• Oddly enough, the boys got jealous of her "fun" and started cleaning the vents as well.
• Then they fought over who got to Swiffer the floors.
• My boys each have eleventy thousand billion pairs of socks. (give or take a million)
• I am remembering that in the Spring, I could never find a pair of socks for the both of them.
• Where did all the damn socks come from?
• We are going to have to replace the ovens. Like NOW.
• The ovens in the kitchen now are approximately 125 years old.
• Yes, that means that they predate the house by a good eighty years.
• I keep trying to finish the TXU post, but I can't seem to gather my thoughts enough to make it coherent.
• My husband leaves in 19 days.
• I need to refill my Xanax.
• And buy more vodka.
• Laundry is done. Must fold & put away. I'm determined to not let it get out of control.
• Let's all hold our breaths on that, shall we?

I'm still alive...barely

The movers delivered our stuff (AND totally scratched up my hardwood floors) Friday. Sadly, we were unable to actually move in to the house until Saturday afternoon because TXU SUCKS and we didn't have power until then. This particular fiasco merits a whole blog post of its own, but I am so exhausted right now that I don't have the energy to properly address it. Fear not, dear readers, you will soon learn of the rude, rude, rude, rude "customer service" people (also known as "big fat liars) employed by TXU.

Tomorrow we finally get cable and I will have more than two channels. Seriously, right now I only get two channels. Not that I have had time to watch TV. The cable guy came on Thursday, but obviously, since we had no power (because TXU SUCKS) they couldn't do much about the cable.

By Saturday evening, however, the fridge was up and running, the beer and margaritas were chilling and all people over the age of ten were unpacking boxes. (Where were YOU? We could have totally used your help!) Not that you would know it from looking around here. Where did all of this crap come from? And why must I unpack it? Okay, to be fair, SD has done FAR more than I. But we need to get this finished up (hahahaha! I dream big.), because SD abandons us in less than four weeks. Perhaps I have twisted that a bit. But this is my blog and I can say things how I want....

Oh, and PS....

CONGRATULATIONS HOLLI!!

Moving in...

Friday is the big day!! Hopefully by this time tomorrow, I will be in my house with my stuff and my DSL. This crappy connection on base is going to be the end of my sanity if I have to deal with it much longer.

So...pray that the movers are VERY careful and yet very efficient while unloading our stuff. Also, pray that the power gets turned on first thing in the morning. We are really paying for our procrastination this move!

Beer will be in the fridge as soon as the fridge is delivered. Margaritas will begin pouring shortly after we unpack the blender. Bring your own salt.

We interrupt this bloglessness to bring you this special news bulletin....

Dear Blogosphere,

We regret to inform you that although the residents of Candyland made it safely to TEXAS!!, they quickly melted away in the over 100 degree heat and are currently trying to recover from said meltiness.

They are presently in their sixth accommodation in as many days (the Air Force tried to give them temporary housing in a tiny, unsanitary, - nay DISGUSTING - two bedroom "apartment"(read hellhole) to which SugarMommy promptly replied, "I don't fucking think so!"

As a result, they were moved to a much nicer (albeit poorly air conditioned and no internet) four bedroom house that would accommodate their dogs. However, they could only live there for two days.

They are now residing in a beautiful two bedroom house with fantastic A/C which should aid in the deterring further melting (melt downs still anticipated from all parties at one point or another). Candyland will permanently relocated in their big, beautiful, home on Friday. There will be beer and margaritas for anyone who wishes to come help unpack boxes. Come one come all.

SugarMommy will post again ASAP

PS HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOM!! I LOVE YOU!!!!

In which we make like Willie Nelson (eventually)......

We have finally escaped from Ohio!! I thought that we might never leave. It has been just the freakiest of days.

SD got up this morning and took both our cars in to get the oil changed and tires rotated, etc. (I know, nothing like waiting till the last minute. We LOVE to fly by the seat of our pants) Then he had to go up to school to do the very end of the "out-processing" so that we could leave. Meanwhile, I had to pick the dogs up from the kennel by 11:30 and SD wasn't expected back until around 12:30 or 1:00. Since the hotel would have charged us $100 to bring the dogs up to the room for an hour, our landlord agreed to let me put the dogs in our "old" back yard for the hour or two until we were to leave. I made sure that both of the gates were latched because Yogi and Snazzy are master escape artists and that was all we needed. (Shhhhh, let ME tell the story, please!)

I got back to the hotel and was almost finished loading up the van when SD calls from the house to tell me that the gate was open and that the dogs were not in the yard. He said that he would be driving around looking for them. Inevitably our hotel suite had already been reserved for someone else who was waiting for us to get the hell out of there so that they could clean it and move in. So, we sat in the hotel lobby for a few minutes before I decided that two people looking was better than one.

I dropped Gram and the boys off at the park and SugarPlum and I scanned the neighborhood for the two escapees. After a half hour or so, I decided to stop at the swim club by our house and ask if anyone had seen them. Of course they hadn't, but I left my cell number, just in case. Just as I was about to leave, I glanced in the direction of our old house and lo and behold there they were. Our dogs were back in the yard, lounging around like they had never been missing. I yelled at SugarPlum that they were in the yard and we hopped in the van to go over there. And my sweet girl says to me, "Praise Him in the storm, Mommy!" Out of the mouths of babes.

Now, I have no idea whatsoever what happened. Did someone find them, see the address on their tags and put them back in the yard? Were they there the whole time and for some reason didn't come when SD called? Were they abducted by aliens who soon realized how retarded and ridiculously hyper they are and who quickly returned them? No clue. Just very happy that our dogs are safe and sound and with us.

We quickly hit the road after retrieving our wayward canines (to which Bear asked, "Mommy, why are we hitting the road?" Implying that, wouldn't that somehow damage our vehicle?). We headed south toward Louisville, KY since I hadn't gotten to go to the Bluegrass State. The one place I wanted to see and we never made it down here. And I got to see a bit of it. But now we are in Indiana, about to go to sleep in a Holiday Inn Express. It ain't the Ritz, but it ain't Motel 6 either, so I won't complain.

Pray that the rest of our journey is uneventful. Except for a little bit on Friday, when I get to see Holli and Bug, at long last, gets to meet Baby Faith.

'Night, y'all!

Most hysterical conversation from the move (thus far)

SD: The movers are about to start in our room, did you get everything that you needed to get out of there?

Me: Yeah. I got the suitcases all packed this morning. I'm all set.

SD: Um, are you sure you got everything?

Me: Yeeeees, I got everything.

SD: You know, they since it's going into storage before we get to TEXAS!! they have to take everything out of the drawers. So, are you sure you got everything out of your nightstand, maybe, that you want to get before they start packing in there?

Me: ..........OH CRAP!!! ::dashes upstairs::

Is there a point to this post? No, I'm afraid there is not.

First, I must apologize profusely to Lucinda for not saying anything sooner and thank her SO VERY MUCH for the Perfect Post award she chose me for last week. I am beyond honored that someone I like as much as Lucinda thought that my writing was good. I promise to TRY to pick one next month. If the chaos subsides...

Well, everything I own (except for candles, cleaning supplies, anything in an aerosol spray, and liquor) (oh, and of course the stuff in the suitcases)(and a couple of twelve packs of Diet Coke) is in boxes or is being wrapped in movers paper as we speaktype. Right now, for the second time in thirteen months, I am watching the movers carry out my belongings and load them on the truck. My mom is at the hotel with the SugarBabies, who are tired, cranky, and really just a joy to be around. I'm buying my mom a margarita later.

The movers are very nice. The boys have been thrilled with having a big, giant moving truck in front of their house all week. Mommy, not so much. I spent Tuesday and Wednesday running down to the street to haul Bug up from UNDER the big, giant moving truck. The place where the trailer connects to the cab (I can't think of the word for it...coupling?) is just about an inch taller than his head, so he sneaks out there every chance he gets to "work on the truck." It is only by the grace of God Himself that Bug hasn't been squashed by a passing car. As a result, the kids will likely not be coming over here to play in the yard as we had talked about. I can't handle that stress any longer. I know that our luck will run out eventually.

So, Candyland has been temporarily relocated to a lovely two bedroom suite about a mile from the house. It's nice, but to cram all five of us in there for seven days is awfully...well...insane. The kids ask about every thirty-eight seconds, "When can we go swimming?" "Can we go swimming in a minute?" "Can we go swimming after supper?" "Can we go swimming before bed?" "Why are we at a hotel with a pool if we aren't swimming???" Swimming, swimming, swimming, swimming, swimming AAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Someone may lose a limb before all is said and done. Purely accidental, of course. I'll pray that the judge is a mom of three and I'm sure that I will not only get off, but maybe receive a medal.

SugarPlum seems to be doing better. She hasn't been as surly as she has she was. Although yesterday, her world collapsed for a few minutes and I thought that she might have a nervous breakdown because she opened her report card and saw that she had made her first ever "B." (gasp!) She grieved this grade for about an hour. She cried. She sobbed. She screamed. She yelled. She told herself how stupid she was. She insisted that we see her for the stupid person that she thought she was. When we tried (over and over) to tell her that a "B" is a good grade and nothing to be ashamed of, she looked at us like we were crazy. We also showed her that the "B" was only for that one grading period (six weeks? nine weeks? not positive) and not for the whole semester, she still didn't care all that much. It was a "B," dammit, didn't we understand the gravity of the situation?!

The thing is, she really could have done better. Her grade was lower as a result of careless mistakes made when she was rushing through stuff. I am willing to cut her a lot of slack, however, knowing how turbulent her emotions have been about this move. No shame in a "B," but I have a feeling that she hated getting one enough that it will motivate her to really do her best from now on.

Bug, on the other hand, has been such a little butthead lately. He refuses to listen and acts almost defiant much of the time. I am almost afraid to let him meet Baby Faith next week, lest she teach him to flip me the bird and say, "Bite me." Logically, I know that he is desperately trying to figure out what his boundaries are and where exactly I will draw the line. There is comfort in knowing that the rules are still the rules. But, geez kid! Enough already.

Bear is just clingy the past couple of days. He is actually so sweet and mature much of the time it kills me. He has been so sweet to share and to help me with whatever I am doing. But once he reaches the end of his rope, then he just falls apart and loses any rational thought that might have existed. That is when I have to stop and just hold him. My sweet, sweet Bear.

Tonight is SD's graduation dinner. And it is formal. So, all of us who are in the middle of moving and living out of a suitcase, had to be sure and pack an evening gown to wear to this. And heels, jewelry, etc. Because that is what you want taking up room in your suitcase, right? Actually, instead of an evening gown, I am wearing some loose flow-y pants. My big old ass won't fit into any of my evening gowns (yes, I do have several, it is one of my vices) (shut up)and I refuse to buy a bigger one that I will only wear once. Because I WILL be losing this weight soon. I can't afford the new wardrobe to go with the big ass.

Okay, time to end this rambling post. I'm doing okay, don't worry about me. The Dr. gave me some really good drugs on Monday and they are helping tremendously. Better living through pharmaceuticals!

Countdown to chaos...

Okay, the movers will be here in eight hours. Am I ready? Kinda. Okay....some of the suitcases are packed. Sorta.

But, um, I..well...okay, I suck. But things will be ready when they need to be. I'm a "fly by the seat of your pants" kind of girl. Hell, that stuff will get to TEXAS!! one way or another. And if I forget to pack something, we will just buy a new one. Just kidding, honey.

So, if I am a sparse presence in the blogosphere for the next several days, you'll know why. I'll be the one hiding in the corner with a bottle of wine, rocking back and forth saying, "There's no place like home, there's no place like home..."

April showers bring May flowers and Mayflowers bring...the MOVERS!!!

Did you know...were you AWARE that it is now JUNE!!?? How the hell did this happen? This is totally unacceptable. If today is June 2, then that means that the movers will be here in four days and we will be out of this house and sharing that hotel suite in five days. Holy shit.

Who turned on the time warp machine and propelled me two months into the future? Because last time I looked, it was April and I had plenty of time to get this house ready for the movers. Now look at me. I am a mess. I am busy, busy, busy (well, when I'm not blogging anyway. A girl MUST have priorities.).

We are all at that point before the move where we are stressed out and snapping at each other. It happens every time, but this time I think it's worse because SD will be leaving for his remote a month after we get to TEXAS!!

SugarPlum has been biting everyone's head off for the slightest thing. She is really upset about having to move again. She is happy that we are returning to TEXAS!! but she is frustrated that just about the time that she really starts to form a circle of friends and her soccer team really starts playing well together, we have to move again. And she will be going to her third school in five years. We were only here for a year and we couldn't find a house in our old school zone. I think that it is all just so overwhelming to her. It is breaking my heart.

Bear is wavering between being excited about seeing his old friends and already missing his "Monty-sorry" school. He is also concerned about what the movers will be packing and what they won't. Are the movers going to take my vacuum cleaner to TEXAS!? Yes, they will take it to our new house. Are they going to take Tex, too? No, you can take Tex to the hotel with us. (Tex is the monkey he made at Build-a-Bear.) Are the movers going to take our couch to the new house? No, this couch has seen it's last move. We are leaving it here in Ohio. But we are getting a NEW couch! (This fact didn't serve as much comfort and now he is mourning the loss of the old couch before it is even gone.)

Bug is pretty clueless. He vaguely remembers the moving truck at our house last year so he just keeps asking when the big truck is coming back. The movers came a couple of last week and took SD's stuff to his remote assignment. They let Bug climb up and stand in the back of the truck. That is way cool when you are three! The rest of it he doesn't get. I'm sure he will be plenty pissed when they start packing all of the toys away, though.

I'm just ready to get on with it all. Except that I'm not. I knew going into this marriage what being a military wife entailed: the moves, the separations, the long hours and many obligations. But, after all these years, it is really wearing thin. And it kills me to see how hard it is on my kids. SD is committed for a few more years, but I think that we are all ready for the chance to be settled and just BE somewhere.

That isn't happening anytime soon, though. For now, I need to gather my strength, my sanity (such that it is) and get ready for this move back to TEXAS! Not tomorrow though. Tomorrow we are going to the zoo! Priorites, remember. And zoo trumps movers every. single. time.

Five years (and one day) of SugarBear!

Five years and one day ago, my life changed completely. I had been a mommy for four and a half years already, but on May 31, 2001, I became a mommy to a BOY. And I never saw it coming. I mean, I thought, "Babies are babies are babies, right? They don't know if they are boys or girls."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I knew that I was pregnant with Bear before I was ever even "late." I had had an ectopic pregnancy a couple of months before. I was heartbroken. So when the doctor gave us the go ahead to, *ahem*, start trying, we did. AND? About three weeks later, I woke up several days in a row feeling very queasy. I whipped out the omnipresent (at least at that time) EPT and sure enough, there were two lines. The second line was very faint. So faint, in fact, that I had to call SD in for a second confirmation. But it was there and I was pregnant. And sick. Oh, lord, I puked all day, every day for probably four months. I had to pull over on the side of the (very narrow British) road to throw up at least once a week. I lost 15 pounds in my first trimester.

When we finally told SugarPlum, she said that she really wanted a little sister. You see how that worked out for her.

The pregnancy was fairly uneventful. I got an emergency ultrasound after I had some spotting at 16 weeks. SugarPlum and I were at my folks' house in TEXAS! while SD was deployed to SW Asia. So, my mom and SugarPlum accompanied me to the sonographer's and we discovered that SP would be having a baby brother. She was none too pleased.

She came to terms with it fairly quickly, however, and began looking forward to having a baby brother. Finally, the time came and SugarPlum spent the night with our neighbors. SD took me to the hospital and we discovered, deja vu style, that I was dilated to two. Bah. But the OB didn't want us having to drive all the way home, so he told me to go walk around the base. Fortunately, it was a beautiful night. We walked from the hospital over to the post office and around the pond, then to the Officers Club where the bartender cruelly offered me a beer! Yeah, that's funny, offer a cocktail to the lady who is having contractions.

Finally, I got my epidural (which wore off about a half hour before Bear made his entrance. The nurse was great and let me nurse him almost immediately after SD cut the cord. Actually, I got to nurse him several more times after that in the L/D room because minutes before Bear was born, a little boy was born in the next room with no heartbeat. So the nursery was a little preoccupied with him. Talk about God giving you the big picture from he get-go! I ultimately ended up rooming with that mom since the maternity ward was full and doubling patients up. (Her baby ended up being fine.)

From the very beginning, Bear was a very, very different baby than SugarPlum. When he cried, he sounded just like one of those baby dolls or a parody of a baby crying, "Wah! Wah! Wah!" every night from 10pm to 1am. As he grew, he was so strong and self sufficient. He rolled over at six weeks. The night that happened, SD was away at a wedding so I videotaped it. I wanted proof for when everyone said, "Oh, yeah, right."

Plus, he made boy "noises." He made little grunts and had this very masculine laugh. And the first time we gave him a toy car, he went, "Vvvvvrrrrrroooooom!!!" How did he know to do that?! SugarPlum certainly didn't make those noises. He was always so busy playing with balls and blocks and trucks. He really wasn't a snuggly baby, he had to much to do. So I took my hugs and kisses when I could get them.

On his first birthday, I made him a "caterpillar" cake with different colored cupcakes. As soon as we sang "Happy Birthday" and gave him his blue cupcake, he smiled really big and planted his face in that cupcake. It was the best birthday picture EVER!

Over the past five years, my SugarBear has evolved into this sweet, funny, very snuggly boy. And he is MY boy. He is the one who tells me for weeks after I have been on a trip how much he missed me. "Mommy, when you were gone? A long time ago, remember? To see J's mommy? I really, really missed you." He is the one who will almost never turn down snuggle time with me.

And every single thing he does is with an intensity and wholeheartedness that is astounding. When he loves, it is with his whole self. When he is angry, well, Katie bar the door because you are about to bear witness to a fury rarely seen in the preschool set!** And when he is sad, it will break your heart. When he was three, he was sitting in his room looking rather downcast and told me, "Mommy, my a sad boy."

He loves his siblings so incredibly much. He thinks that his big sister just hung the moon. He is in awe of her every day. He wants to be in brownies, play on her soccer team, and go to school with her.

He is such a great big brother. I had never wanted to have kids as close together as Bear and Bug are, but now I see the advantages. Those two are like peanut butter and jelly. They enjoy each other's company so much. Best buddies. To hear Bear say, "C'mon Bug! Let's go put out that fire!!" just makes me so happy.

So, Bear, on your fifth birthday (plus one day because Mommy couldn't seem to get it together to post yesterday!), I want to let you know how much joy you bring to my life and how proud you make me every. single. day. I hope you enjoy your firefighter costume that matches Bug's, your new garbage truck, and your REAL vacuum cleaner. Yes, the vacuum you have been telling me you want for three months. I know what a big help you will be once your daddy has to leave.

Thank you for initiating me into the world of boys. The loud, intense, crazy world of little boys. I can't imagine what life would be without you my SugarBear. I love you so much.

**okay, before I freak you out, he has no "anger issues" and his anger is, mostly, expressed appropriately. For a four/five year old, at least.**