I will warn you, dear readers and friends, that this is a post that I never wanted or intended to write. But circumstances have warranted me addressing this situation directly at this time.
You may recall a month ago, my Kaboom post. I posted it the day that SD admitted to me that he had been having an affair for six months. I was shocked, horrified, devastated, angry, furious, (please recall the sander reference from a recent post), you get the idea. With the help of some very good friends, I made it through those first few days. And SD survived intact through those first few days.
I had a hard time hearing all of the facts, but hear them I did, each and every one of them. I heard how he met with her on four separate occasions. About how they talked on the phone for hours and hours. (She was an old friend from his childhood. The fact that he was speaking to her on the phone was not a problem to me. I trusted him.) They exchanged emails and letters containing various fantasies; some about leaving their spouses and running away together. No, none of that was easy to hear. In fact, it was gut wrenching.
I was numb for several days. SD was convinced that I was going to leave him. Many of my friends were appalled that I hadn't left him. But, I love that man. And nearly thirteen years ago, we made a vow to be with each other for better or for worse. Well, here was the worse.
SD apologized over and over. He told me that he realized how much he loves me and how much he has to lose. He went to talk to his priest. He did backslide and emailed Hester (that's my name for "her") and I caught him. That is the one time that I thought I might leave. It is the one time I did yell. And my friends were all very proud of me.
But, still, the main underlying thing was (and is) that I love him. And he loves me. Even if he forgot for a minute. So, right after Christmas, we started marriage counseling with my Pastor. He was not soft on SD. He said SD was a lucky man that I am willing to stay, because I have Biblical basis to leave the marriage. He said that SD must earn my trust back. SD agreed that this was true and that he would do whatever is necessary to earn my trust and love. We have been working so hard. There have been no more secrets. I have the passwords to all of his email accounts and I know where he is at all times. We have a joke about him getting a personal Lo*Jack system. I know about all of his phone calls and he knows about any phone calls that bother me (this means YOU).
He is owning up to his mistakes. He is accepting the consequences as they come: the friends we can't visit on vacation because right now they can't stand the sight of him, the awkward feelings during television shows when a joke is made about infidelity, and all of the other things that happen a million times a day that he never considered when he was in the midst of this affair. He is "owning" this problem, and I am proud of that part, at least. He tries so hard every day to show me how much he loves me. And I am beginning to trust him again. And I never stopped loving him. Honestly, our marriage is in a better place than it has been in many, many years. I am not glad that this happened, but since it did, I am proud of what how we have handled it.
So, why did I need to tell you this? Because, some people don't think that SD has suffered enough, evidently. And in order for him to suffer, I must suffer as well, I guess. Hester's husband, whom I like to call Chester (because we like rhyming things in our house) can't seem to let this go and focus his energy on rebuilding his marriage. He has repeatedly threatened my husband in different ways, so much so that I am ready to call the police if it doesn't stop. He apparently feels the need to take time out from his law practice several times a day to check my humble little mommy blog (I see you on my stat-counter...big brother is watching, Chester!), and he is not pleased that I am so happy with my husband! In fact, just yesterday he sent an email to SD threatening to post excerpts from one of those scandalous letters in my comments section. And that is the straw that has broken the camel's back. So, to you Chester, I say BRING IT ON.
It's out there. I know it. All. You may think that I am some frail, pathetic, blonde dingbat. But I have news for you, Chester. I am strong. I am a military wife. I am a Texan. I am a mommy. There is very little you can do or say to me that I can't handle. I can kick ass and take names. And if I start to falter, I have friends from all over this beautiful country, hell, from all over this WORLD who are ready and standing by to come and back me up. Trust me, you really don't want to go there.
So, Chester, perhaps you need to focus your energy on your own marriage and fixing what is broken there. It's not me you are mad at. I didn't do anything to you. But when you and your batshit crazy sister-in-law start calling MY house and trying to dictate what I do in MY life and what I write in MY blog, that's when you people have gone TOO FAR.
We'll take care of this end of the problem. You take care of things in your house. Leave us alone. Perhaps, in the end, we can all live happily ever after. And if that is the case, maybe none my family will ever have to hear from your family ever, ever again.
I wish you all nothing but happiness. Truly. I am not a nasty, bitter person. But don't piss me off.
And to the rest of you...thank you for reading this and supporting me. I have said it before, but you all are the best. Well...most of you are anyway
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