As long as I don't have to have the Cinnamon Roll hairdo....

Since SD and I told the kids about the divorce, I have really worried about what effect this will have on all of them. SugarPlum is pretty good about talking to us both about what she is thinking and feeling, so far at least. And, since she is older, I know that she at least understands what is happening anyway.

As far as the boys, I have worried about whether they really "get" it. SD had to leave last April for school and so, it's been just the four of us for nearly a year now. I feel like, as parents, we have done a pretty good job of putting our kids first and trying to make this transition as painless as possible....though there is no possible way to make it NOT hurt.

After we told them, the boys seemed not that affected by the news. While I know that the change in our marital status changes their lives very little, I had a feeling that maybe they didn't really understand what we meant when we told them that we were getting a divorce. There was a part of me that thought that maybe when we said, "Mommy and Daddy are getting a divorce," we could have as easily said "Mommy and Daddy are getting a camel" and it would have meant about the same thing. Only the camel would have been way cooler, natch.

So...I asked them, "Do you understand what 'divorced' means?" No, they didn't. I told them that, basically, as far as their lives were concerned, all it meant was that Mommy & Daddy wouldn't be married anymore. Which means that Daddy might have a girlfriend. Or that one day, Mommy might have a boyfriend. I asked if that was kind of weird to think about. And yes, it was. They didn't really have much to say about what they would think if Daddy had a girlfriend. Hmm.

What if Mommy had a boyfriend? "We'd beat him up. And then shoot him with a rocket."

Damn.....

So, isn't there anyone that might be okay for Mommy to have for a boyfriend one day? They thought about this. For quite some time. And here is what they came up with. If, one day, I decide that I want to date, I have permission from my boys to date TWO guys.

Peyton Manning

(okay...I can deal with that)

OR

Han Solo

Not Indiana Jones, only Han Solo

(mmmm....Han Solo!)

Sorry Guys. The SugarBoys have spoken. Unless you want to chance getting shot by a rocket.....

100 (or so) Things About Sugar Mommy

A long, long time ago - a whole lifetime ago, it seems - I did the infamous "100 Things About Me" meme. So much has changed since then - it's almost like reading about another person - that I thought I might do it again. I'm not sure that I will make it to 100. I'm almost positive that there is nobody out there who cares that much, but I'm feeling vain, I suppose....

100 (or so) Things About Sugar Mommy

1. I am a Christian.
2. Thank goodness, because if I wasn't I don't think I would have survived the past few years.
3. I am a mom.
4. My children are, quite possibly, the three funniest people on the planet.
5. No, seriously.
6. I am a grad student. Going to school to become a counselor.
7. Amazing it only took me 40 years to decide what I want to be when I grow up.
8. My bachelor's degreee is in Human Development & Family Studies.
9. I taught kindergarten - which was exactly, precisely what I wanted to do after graduation.
10. After I had SugarPlum, I was a stay at home mom. Which was even more exactly, precisely what I wanted to do!
11. I've been very blessed.
12. Now I don't ever want to be a teacher again.
13. I've discovered that I don't like small children in groups for extended periods of time. I LOVE kids, but not groups of them.
14. Except for YOUR kid. Your kid is awesome and I would love to teach 30 of him/her all the time.
15. I'm slightly sarcastic.
16. Which is sort of like saying the surface of the sun is slightly warm.
17. Fortunately, my daughter shares this trait so we have some hilarious conversations.
18. She and I also share of love of words and wordplay. I can crack that girl up for 15 minutes with one really bad pun.
19. She and I make up silly names for people on reality shows like American Idol and Top Chef.
20. In the past we have giggled over "Blondie Tattoo Arms," "Scallop Girl," "Nipple Head," "Skanky Ballerina," "Old Dude" and so far on this season's AI, we have "Crazy" and "The Orifice" (the last on because I don't want to cuss, the guy really is a....poopy-head.)
21. The flip-side of the love of words is that I am a huge grammar freak. Not that I don't make mistakes, I do. Even on Facebook, I have to go back and correct mistakes. It's a disease.
22. I try not to inflict this upon others, but if I do, it is almost completely out of love.
23. However, a misplaced apostrophe can come close to sending me over the edge some days.
24. This does make me very good at editing papers. (you have no idea how many times I have gone back and corrected this post. Or how many more times I likely will.)
25. I suck at math. Seriously.
26. Almost as much as housework.
27. I REALLY suck at housework.
28. I'm prone to procrastination (another tremendous understatement).
29. Which means that I may never finish this list.
30. The irony of my procrastination thing is that I hate to be late to things. I'm not against being "fashionably late" to an event, especially if there is a social hour beforehand.
31. But it drives me crazy to walk in late to things.
32. I wasn't always like this, I'm not sure when the switch was flipped.
33. I suffer from a laundry-list of ridiculous minor ailments that give me fits. I know I must seem like a hypochondriac sometimes, but if I tell you I don't feel good, it's probably true.
34. I'm probably Dr. House's dream patient...or his worst nightmare. I'd love to find a way to put it all together and fix it.
35. I am very, very loyal and very forgiving - to a point. If you are my friend or someone I love, you have to do something REALLY major to get rid of me.
36. I've known one of my best friends since junior high. We have gone years at at time without talking before, but I don't think that either one of us to could live without the other. I love you CRB.
37. Another best friend was my pledge trainer in college. She's very bossy and a giant dork but I love and adore her and couldn't live without her either.
38. My OTHER best friend I met when we were stationed in England. We met the same day our three-year-old daughters did (at different places) and have been friends ever since. (Our girls have as well!) She's been through a lot with me. The Queen is amazing.
39. I sound like I'm in the third grade talking about my "best friends."
    
40. But I won't let anyone walk all over me forever.
41. I avoid conflict - sometimes to a fault.
42. I try to look at the big picture and try to decide if something is really worth confronting someone over (don't sweat the small stuff...).
43. Sometimes I'm right, sometimes I'm wrong.
44. I also try to step back and evaluate how my choices and actions will affect my kids.
45. I think it's very important to tell the people you love that you do indeed love them. Ask my close friends & family - I always say "I love you" when I get off the phone or when you leave. You never know when you won't have that chance again.
46. I am trying to learn how to be the mom of a teenager.
47. That's fun.
48. I thought I was the only one around here allowed to be moody.
49. Evidently NOT.
50. I must say, however, that my daughter is one of the most amazing teenagers in the history of EVER.
51. I love to cook.
52. But I don't cook low fat or low cal, so be aware.
53. My fridge is never without butter or heavy cream. And I almost always have the ingredients to make some kind of fresh pie.
54. Mmmmmm, pie.
55. I'm also one of those "healthy-food moms," ironically.
56. I read labels for everything. My kids don't get sodas or much juice or junk food. I check everything for HCFS and MSG and other gross chemicals that pollute food. I don't ban or prohibit foods with those things, I just figure the less we all consume of them the better.
57. And I don't try to tell other parents what to feed their kids (unless you ask me), or even mine for that matter. If my kids are at your house, they can eat whatever you give them.
58. That doesn't always work out well - last week someone let Bear have a Mountain Dew. He didn't go to sleep until midnight.
59. I'm very sentimental about things.
60. This could easily turn me into one of those people on Hoarders if I'm not careful.
61. Especially since my grandmother died, my mom has been bringing me some of her things. She calls to ask if I want something and I ALWAYS say yes. I don't know where I'll put it all but if it's my MawMaw's, I want it, by golly.
62. I honestly have no idea where I will put it all.
63. I really get into politics.
64. I won't climb on my soapbox.
65. But I will say that Ronald Reagan was the greatest president that we have ever had. Period.
66. I might be a tiny bit addicted to Facebook.
67. I love how FB keeps me in touch with friends and has put me back in touch with old friends.
68. I used to be addicted to Diet Coke.
69. But the aspartame really doesn't help with the chronic migraines. So I limit myself on Diet Cokes now. Some days, though, a girl REALLY needs a Diet Coke.
70. Now I'm more likely to go to Sonic for a cherry-limeade. Mmmmmmm. Heaven in a styrofoam cup.
71. Oooh, and chili-cheese fries. (#s 50 & 51 are exempted in cases of possible Chili-cheese fry/cherry-limeade consumption....but only for me)
72. I may be a bit of a hypocrite.
73. Also, I have a potty mouth.
74. I can make a fighter pilot blush.
75. I keep it clean in front of the kids and in polite company for the most part.
76. But don't piss me off.
77. Just ask TXU. (I wasn't kidding about the potty mouth)
78. Speaking of procrastination, I will have to come back and finish this later. Laundry beckons...
79. Laundry still not finished (see #26)
80. I am getting old.
81. At the eye dr last month I discovered that while I am still near-sighted, I am getting far sighted as well. How is that even possible?
82. I have to wear my glasses to watch TV or drive.
83. But I have to take them off to look at a menu in a restaurant.
84. That is so very wrong.
85. I nap more often than is probably considered normal or acceptable for most adults.
86. I have a very close and loving relationship with my pillow and we miss each other if we are apart for very long .
87. I have the most eclectic (that's a nice word for "weird") mix of music & artist on my iPod: Simon & Garfunkel, Audio Adrenaline, The Beach Boys, Third Day, Frank Sinatra, George Strait, Ben Folds, Casting Crowns, Amy Grant, Billie Holliday, Crosby Stills & Nash, Patsy Cline, Journey, Mahalia Jackson, Mercy Me, The Newsboys, The Police, Rufus Wainright, Sidewalk Prophets, TobyMac, Sister Hazel, Ziggy Marley, The Weepies....that's not even half of them. I'm such a dork. (Also? A little pissed that I can't get the Beatles from Amazon Mp3...)
88. Also....okay, it's not my iPod, it's really my phone - not an iphone - but iPod has become generic like Kleenex or Q-tip, right?
89. More to come....(more procrastination)
90. I am terrible with money.
91. I have gotten better at watching my spending, but I stink at keeping up with it all.
92. This may become an issue soon.
93. I really need my own accountant.
94. I think I want to learn to play golf.
95. I just don't know if I have the patience.
96. I also want to learn to shoot a gun.
97. I looooove the beach. I like to just sit on the beach and read and listen to the waves.
98. I just realized that I haven't done my reading for class tomorrow....so I guess I won't finish this list today after all.....
99. I have learned the last few years that I have to just trust God with everything without trying to manipulate a situation into going the way I want it to. And when I DO manage to trust Him, things seem to go much more smoothly. Or at least I have a peace about (and within) the chaos.
100. Believe it or not, that wasn't everything, but the rest will have to remain a mystery. Sorry to disappoint you.

This thing only took me two weeks to finish. Clearly, I need to take another look at my priorities....

I knew that time machine would come in handy!!

Just found this in my spam:

You have won #1,625,000.00GBP in the MICROSOFT EMAIL PROMOTION AWARD
for the last quarter of the year 2011.Contact Mr Mark Anderson with your
full contact details.

See that? In the LAST quarter of 2011! Christmas should be great this year! Just gotta get all of my personal info to Mr Mark Anderson. I'm sure he's an honest, upstanding guy, right??

House Hunters...marital bliss?

I don't know if it's because of my recent escapades in real estate or what, but I have become addicted to House Hunters on HGTV. I'm not sure what it is about it, maybe it's because they look at three houses, period, and then they have to choose. (Okay, also, I have a hunch that maybe they look at more than three houses, but only show three and have the people choose from those). I Think it's funny that nine out of ten times they pick the most expensive house. No matter how much over budget it is, they pick the expensive one. No matter how much better one of the cheaper ones might be, they pick the expensive one. It's weird.

I also find it disconcerting how many people can't see beyond the furniture that is already in the house (hint: the sellers are not leaving the furniture) or the paint colors (easily fixed). There are lots of things I wonder about as I watch this show.

BUT, I really want for their to be a follow up show...House Hunters Two Years later....to see how many of these people are still married. You can tell the good, healthy marriages and the ones that are going to fall apart soon. You can see the look in the eyes of the wife whose husband is going on and on about how "finally I can have a 'man cave' all to myself" when they have five kids...you can see her imagining the police finding his body in the man cave a few years later, having mysteriously choked on a Lil Smokie. Or the husband whose wife bitches about how the kitchens all need "granite and newer appliances" when they are looking for a four bedroom Colonial in the DC suburbs and have a budget of $125,00.

My absolute favorites though are the House Hunters International episodes where they tell us, "Dave and Susan have been living in the same Midwestern town for their whole entire lives. Now they have three kids. Since Dave's work has been taking him back and forth to Dubai for the past several months, the family has decided to pick up and move there so that they can have more time together..." Then Dave and Susan look at three properties. A crappy two bedroom apartment with "a great view of the city," a more suburban type home with four bedrooms, a western kitchen and bathrooms as well as amenities in the community, and a ridiculously expensive high rise apartment in the heart of the city with "amazing" views of the building Dave works in. Now, you know that Susan, having packed up kids and life, really wants just a little bit of familiarity with this move, given the sacrifices she is making for Dave's career. But Dave insists that the high rise is "just really all he envisioned with living in this city." Uh huh. I'll bet you good money Susan and the kids are back in their Midwest hometown within 18 months. Dave's an ass.

I also like on the International version when we hear that "Jim and Diane have been married for 22 years and have two kids. They have decided that they would really like a vacation home in Tahiti so that the family can go there whenever they want." I believe this translates to "Jim got caught screwing around and this is his last ditch effort to keep Diane from invoking the full force of that prenup." Because, geez. Who buys a vacation house in Tahiti? It takes 18 hours minimum to fly there. Not exactly a weekend get-away. Haven't these people heard of Key West or even Costa Rica? No, Diane is making sure Jim feels as much pain as possible and thinks twice before he unzips his pants for anyone else.

I'm continually baffled by the people who pick the house right on the freeway just because it has a hot tub. Seriously, they sell hot tubs all over town. You could put a hot tub in the yard of that house close to the park. Or the lady whose only gripe about a house is that they laundry room is "practically in the kitchen." Jeepers! Put up a divider or a curtain or even a door! The rest of the house is great. THAT is your one gripe?

With all of that said, I wish I had had House Hunters when I was looking for a house. I really like this house we are in now, but it makes you wonder...and the relationship stuff doesn't even come into play. Huh....

Snowpocolypse** 2011: One Mom's Chronicle

Monday: Morning: What a nice day. I can't believe it's supposed to get cold again, dang it. I have a lot I want to get done this week. The weatherman always says that there's going to be all of this snow & ice, but then it's just cold and dreary. Ugh, I should probably get groceries anyway, just in case. We'll eat them one way or another. Afternoon: Can't believe they cancelled SugarPlum's basketball game because the weather might get bad. How bizarre. Those clouds DO look a little ominous though. And that wind is getting chilly. Oh, well, a free night with nothing to do! What a treat! Night: Huh, I think that is ICE coming from the sky. That's what it sounds like. Oh! And snow! Wow....I can't believe they actually called the night before to say that school is cancelled tomorrow. That's kind of awesome since I don't even have to get up and check in the morning!

Tuesday: Morning*ish*: What the hell is all that noise? Why are they boys up? Holy smokes it's 4:30 in the morning and they are up and watching TV?! I'm sending them back to bed. That's ridiculous. I'm not getting up at 4:30.... Still morning: I cannot believe how loud they are being. I can hear those boys all the way across the house! It's like they are right outside my bedroom window. ::stomps into boys' rooms to kill them scold them:: OH MY MAUDE! They are outside at 6:30am in the -23 wind chill screaming like banshees! Everyone to their rooms until I say you can come out!

Still morning: Bug wants to know if he can please eat some breakfast. FINE. Make yourself something to eat.

The rest of the day is kind of a blur. I talked about it here. Before I lost my ever-loving mind.

Wednesday: Morning: I put the boys to bed last night with strict instructions to NOT get up before 7:00 and that under no circumstances are they to go outside without express permission from me AFTER I am fully awake and have ingested caffeine. By the time I get up I'm pretty sure that they had been watching TV for at least 9 hours. As best I can tell, each one of them opened a new box of cereal and then didn't put their bowls in the sink.

I have no idea what time it actually is until I look at my phone because Texas is having "rolling blackouts" to compensate for the extra power being used due to the cold as well as the generators that have been lost...or they're just messing with us. The power has gone out more than once and the kids think it's pretty cool except that it totally screwed up their level on Wii Lego Star Wars. We all have to make sacrifices. I have decided to sacrifice doing laundry and vacuuming today so that my fellow Texans can have power. I'm selfless that way.

Afternoon: Kids want to go play outside. Which is fine with me. Bug puts on approximately 12 shirts (no exaggeration). He says that he is "Keeping the most special parts of my inside body warm & toasty." I'm not asking what that means. Those who can't find gloves opt to put socks on their hands. Whatever. At 4:00 Candyland ISD calls to announce that school is cancelled again tomorrow. This isn't fun anymore. Why didn't I go to the liquor store Monday when I had the chance? Actual Facebook post: Another damn day out of school. *ahem* What I MEANT to say was, "Yippee! Another 24 hours of quality time with my delightful and impeccably behaved children. What a blessing." Now, send vodka.

Evening: Kids have informed me that I have "mad pie skillz." Little brown nosers. They finished off the cherry pie and want me to make another. Which in reality, I totally would except that I am out of sugar. How did THAT happen? I also caved and did a couple of loads of laundry because I cannot get to my garage door if I don't. That seems like it might be a fire hazard. Turns out wearing 83 layers of clothes to go play in the snow creates one giant assload of laundry. Also, now I'm considering that a fire might not be a bad way to get rid of all this laundry. USAA doesn't read blogs, right?

Thursday: Morning: I have no idea what happened Thursday morning. I woke up at some point with a brain-splitting migraine and went back to sleep. All I have to say is my teenage daughter is one of the most amazing kids on the planet.

Afternoon: I tell SugarPlum that I am DETERMINED to get something accomplished around this house today. And I did. I totally redesigned the blog. Moments after the boys go to play out in the front yard, I see a figure pass in the yard that looks very much like one of our dogs...because it IS one of our dogs. CRAP. I find my snow boots (I find it quite remarkable that I have TWO pairs of snow boots here in Texas!, but I do) and start to chase her. (Incidentally the most exercise I have gotten in MONTHS) Bug corners her in a neighbor's yard and we finally manage to get her home. Snazzy is looking at us like "I don't see what the big deal is..." So, that was exciting.

*3:30* It's official, CLISD hates me. School is cancelled again tomorrow. It's like Mother Nature has put me under house arrest with a bunch of meth-addled monkeys. Even Bear has said that he is tired of snow days and that he is "homed out."

Evening: Trying to decide what to make for dinner and the kids ask if we could please have macaroni & cheese. Why, of course you can!! Also, Bear helps me make some brownies. (Which is always a good choice for meth-addled monkeys)

I have totally lost track of time now, what day is it? I let the boys stay up MUCH later than normal because the DVR is recording 2 shows at the same time and won't show the clock. Never noticed that before. While I put the boys to bed - which takes forever since they are "so tired they can't get ready for bed!" - SP reluctantly cleans the kitchen [points of clarification: reluctantly = bitching and complaining the whole. entire. time. and grumbling afterward; cleaning = gingerly swiping at some of the dishes that may be in the general vicinity of the sink with a scrubbing brush and then haphazardly tossing them toward the dishwasher].

After those two tasks are done (and I use the word "done" in its most loosely interpreted, general sense), SP and I watch American Idol together. She redeems herself somewhat by suggesting that one of the more horrifyingly bad contestants was "singing in the key of WTF." I love her.

Friday: Today has dawned (at the crack of 10) with Bear passing some very impressive level on Kirby's Epic Yarn (I don't know what that means. But he is very proud of himself). The child was supposed to be on week 2 of being grounded from all electronics, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Which means that I cracked by Tuesday afternoon. Ai Yi Yi.

Afternoon: SugarPlum has copped a bit of an attitude asking if I plan to go to the store today because she still needs snacks to take to the weekend youth retreat at church. Told her she wouldn't be going to the youth retreat if the kitchen didn't get cleaned. Still, I am so stir crazy, I have GOT to get away from these people. I assume that most of the grocery stores and especially Wal Mart are going to be insane today, so I went to Braums to get milk and also picked up some chips and sodas for Ms. Attitude to take with her. Because, who are we kidding? Kitchen or no kitchen, I have got to get that kid outa here before someone loses a limb. She may be the world's greatest teenager, but she's still a teenager. And I have been trapped in the house with her for four days now. SEE YA!

Evening: After taking SP to the church, we come home and the boys web-cam with their dad. Then they want to know what's for supper. And could we pleeeeeezze have those frozen pizzas? WHY YES YOU CAN. So, frozen pizzas, a couple of episodes of Psych from Netflix (we LOVE that show), and the boys are off to bed. Who knows what Saturday holds? Pray for SUN.

to be continued......

Saturday: Holy cow! It's in the 50's outside! So, why are these boys playing on the computer? The sun is shining! The snow is melting! You can see the sidewalks! I give them the choice to either go play outside or clean the house. Bug actually throws a big whiny fit about how he "just wants to read a book!" For realz. As if I generally forbid reading around here. Well, it's gonna be cold and nasty again tomorrow, so everyone can read then. Although, so help me if there is no school Monday I cannot be held responsible for the repercussions.

If those dogs don't stop whining, I may be tempted to "liberate" them from the backyard. And this time I'm not chasing them down. Same with the boys.

I have actually - finally - unpacked those two random boxes that have been sitting in my bathroom for two months. Wow...we've been in this house for two months! Have gone from a huge master bath with a dressing area, five cabinets, two medicine cabinets and four very big drawers to a bathroom with two (albeit decent sized) cabinets and two medium sized drawers. I know I am still very blessed with this house but I am having a hard time finding places for all this crap. Where did all these bottles of hair and body products come from and why did I move them?

>>>YOU ALREADY HAD TWO SNACKS. GO BACK OUTSIDE OR YOU HAVE TO SCRUB THE TOILETS.<<<

I think I may have earned some computer time...

I might actually cook supper. Meatloaf sounds good. What is the world coming to?

To be continued more later......

GOOD NEWS! The boys have a friend next door. A little girl who's in the 3rd grade and used to go to the same school that the boys did last year. They are all playing together right now. BAD NEWS: This girl is one of the most annoying, whiny children I have ever had the privilege of knowing as a sub. And her father was legendary at said school for being a real jackhole. And now I live next door to him. Awesome.

I CAN'T DECIDE NEWS: Whiny girl only lives there on the weekends. She actually lives in Oklahoma now with her mom. Hmmmmm. So will Jackhole Dad be better or worse w/ daughter not being there? Will the boys and/or dogs aggravate him? We shall see.....

UPDATE**It has been brought to my attention that Aunt Becky has come up with an even better name than "Snowpocolypse" for this storm. On her blog, she has called it "SnOMG 2011" and I really like that even better. (And not just because it is much easier to type) (though that might play into it some) (or even a lot) (but still). I've grown weary of "Snowpocolypse" since that's what everyone seems to be calling it now. She also called it "The SnoTorious BIG." But since that's harder to type we'll stick with SnOMG. (Okay, fine. Are you happy now?)

Alrighty then....

So, a new life, a new template. A new start. I am starting over. Starting life as a single mom & a grad student. So I decided I needed a new look around here, too.

Some of you know what I am talking about. You've either been around here long enough, you've read my archives, or you know me in real life. I'm not going to go into it again because I'm weary of it. And it doesn't matter. I'm starting over. I'm going to be me again.

The old Sugar Mommy template came from the wonderful and generous Genuine who offered to design a template for me as a thank you for being the wife of a military member who has defended our country. Well, soon, I won't be. And so, a fresh start.

I don't know how many times I've said it, but I want to try to write more often. I mean, I've set the bar pretty low lately, so it's not that much of a challenge. But I read my archives from 2005-2007 and I see that I managed to preserve so many memories. And since then, I've let many monumental and minor memories slip away. That makes me sad. I want to preserve the things that are happening now. I mean, they aren't as little and cute. But all three of the SugarBabies say and do the most amazing things. And it would be a shame to let them be forgotten.

Most days, I'm not bitter. I'm sad about the way things have turned out, but I have had an amazing life so far and I have an amazing life in front of me. So, things are changing around here. But they are staying the same too. So. If you're interested, stick around. If not, then move along. If you're new here, read some of my archives, I used to be chock full of the funny! And if you're just here to get dirt on me, well, I'm trying to clean up my language, so I'll just keep those thoughts to myself.

**I'm a little pissy that I can't get Echo to install. So for the time being, I have lost all of my comments. There was a time when my internet buddies got me through the most horrifying times of my life as well as the most joyful. I'm still working to fix that.

Dear Jack Frost, what did I ever do to YOU?

Tomorrow is day two of TEXAS! Snowpocolypse 2011.

Today the boys got up at 4:00. FOUR O'CLOCK IN THE F(&^*G MORNING. True story.

They went outside and proceeded to scream their bloody heads off at 6:30 in the f*^*(g morning. Way to make friends with the new neighbors, guys. Also, the wind chill was -23. No lie.

At 6:35, they were each banished to their respective rooms for two hours by a very cranky lady who may have been their mother...it's all such a blur.

At 8:35, Bug gingerly woke me to ask if he & Bear could please fix themselves some breakfast.

The rest of the day was filled with whining, complaining and pleas for more cookies. When the kids got tired of bringing me cookies, they asked to go back outside. Bug left all three (yes) of his winter coats at school, so he is wearing SugarPlum's old down parka from 3rd grade. Not pink, but DEFINITELY girly. Also, there aren't enough gloves for everyone since I threw out all of the mismatched ones in the last move, so it's getting a little cutthroat. AND Bear is wearing my snow boots since his are too small (and when did his feet get THAT BIG?). So SugarPlum is a little pissy until she finds the boots I bought last Christmas when we were at Candyland West (aka grandparent's house).

I made soup and a cherry pie for supper. Put the boys to bed on time and watched a movie with SP.

Since it never got above 16 degrees today, nothing melted and there is no school tomorrow. And I heard the weatherman say that this might not begin to melt until Friday. FRI.DAY. Folks, I didn't think to go to the liquor store before the storm hit. Something's gotta give. For the love of Frosty, let there be school on Thursday. Also, for everyone's sake, pray that those boys both sleep in. At least until 7:00. I'm a much better mommy after, say 9:30 or so.

Arrr arrrrr

(If you begin to feel offended by this post at any point, please see the note at the end.)

Due to the big (ish) move and the big changes and the slight bullying issue, my boys have been attending a private Christian school here in Candyland. It's ironic because I have spent the past eight years singing the praises of the Candyland Independent School District. Because honestly, the public schools here are fan-freakin-tastic. My kids have all been blessed with wonderful teachers almost every year and have learned so much. In fact, SugarPlum has remained at the junior high she's been attending since the sixth grade and next year she will go to one of the three fantastic high schools that CISD has to offer. (Heaven help me) Really, you can't go wrong when it comes to high schools here, especially.

But...(you knew that was coming, right?)

Bear needed a fresh start. A place where he felt safe and could count on some spiritual guidance as well as an almost zero tolerance for any kind of bullying. And Bug...well, my little Buggy is one smart kid. And he was getting bored and failing to see the point of doing the work at school last year. Oh, he was making good grades but he was also making his teacher (who was amazing) and his mommy insane. He really likes having attention. And since the State of Texas has mandated that there can be up to 22 students to a class in the lower grades, it makes it hard for a smart guy to get attention when the teacher is having to devote time to the kids who don't get it. It's not the teacher's fault. I've been in her shoes. 22 Kindergarteners. One me. Not good. So, in order to get attention, Bug was acting out and getting in trouble. More and more often. I feared for what second grade held for him.

I decided that, for these and a host of other reasons, my boys needed the guidance and supervision on a private, Christian school. They have really flourished there. They both love that they get to study the Bible and that they have chapel weekly. Bear comments often about how he has friends and how he doesn't feel so sad and picked on. Bug's teachers have recognized how smart he is and also how easily distracted and bored he can get. And since there are only ten (yes TEN) kids in each class, they are able to keep closer tabs on him and change their tactics with him to keep him challenged and engaged. I LOVE it.

Here's the thing. Since the classes are so small, they are able to do little plays and presentations that the parents are invited - nay, encouraged - to attend. These little things only last a few minutes, but they require a huge chunk out of my day to plan around them. They usually fall at just about the time I need to go pick up SugarPlum. Also? They are mind-numbingly boring.

Maybe it's because this is my third kid, but honestly, the ten minute vignette Willie the Walrus is something I feel like I can go the rest of my life without seeing. Just like the Johnny Appleseed "play" they did in the Fall. Problem? All the other mommies show up, video camera in hand, to see their little angels and Bug is left feeling like his mommy doesn't care. No, really, he said that. For reals. And so, I will trudge myself up there in the middle of a busy Wednesday afternoon, the day after MY school starts to watch Bug go "Arrr arrr" in his three second role as a sea lion (I KID YOU NOT). I will take care to be ON TIME this time because I was a few minutes late to the Johnny Appleseed play and they were already finished. So they performed it again. Just for me. Oh, yes they did. And all the other, good mommies looked at me with their "tsk tsk" faces the whole entire time. Which meant that I had to applaud like the entire Barrymore family had assembled to perform Macbeth for my sole benefit.

My only plea...is there any way that perhaps we could find a way to serve cocktails at these little theatrical events? Just a small cordial would really go a long way in helping motivate me to get there. A small glass of wine, a mini-martini....something? It doesn't have to be huge. Just enough to get me through the tedium. Just consider it, Candyland Christian School. I know I'm not the only mom who feels this way.

Also, the Family Night/Silent Auction? Would raise a LOT more money if you had an open bar. Just sayin.

***Please recognize how very tongue-in-cheek this post is. I LOVE seeing Bug and all the kids perform and wouldn't miss it for the world. I love and adore each and every teacher at CCS and wouldn't change one single thing about it.****

***Also, I am not advocating drinking at school events and would never, ever even consider drinking and driving my children anywhere. Or anyone. Or even just me. Oh, for crying out loud, you get what I am saying, right?!!***

No, she's 168 months old....

Do you see that over there? ------>

In the sidebar, under profile? Did you notice the change? SugarPlum is now 14. FOURTEEN. Years. Old. It happened a few days ago. Nobody asked me if it was okay or anything. Just BAM....she wakes up Wednesday and suddenly, she is fourteen years old.

I mean I guess I saw the warning signs. She is a good three inches taller than me. She keeps stealing my shoes. When anyone folds laundry, they have to ask whose jeans those are, hers or mine (Which, can I say, is kind of awesome that I can wear the same size jeans as my teenage daughter? One of the few perks of the chaos that has been my life the past couple of years.). She has *ahem* curves and stuff. She has that eye rolling/heavy sigh thing down to a science.

But all-in-all, I think I hit the jackpot when it comes to teenagers. She likes me! Or at least she pretends to. But I think that she really does like me. She tells me that her friends think I'm hilarious - in a good way. She is so mature and responsible that it is almost scary. It's kind of a relief when she does do the heavy sigh/eye roll combo because it lets me know that she is a normal kid. And she is so unbelievably freaking smart. No, really. I could go into detail, but then I'd be obnoxiously braggy so we'll just leave it at that. And athletic - still playing soccer (she is such a kick-ass goal keeper!), basketball, volleyball, and track...and she has the muscles and body to prove it.

Her little brothers think she hung the moon. Bug told me recently that he LOVES it when SP babysits because it's fun and she makes cool stuff to eat and he likes how she puts them to bed. For real. She also makes up all these neat games for them that involve knights and dragons and all kinds of imagination. Plus, she snuggles them and reads to them and encourages them....

So much for not being obnoxiously braggy.

I guess that having a teenage daughter isn't so bad after all. But I know I'll pay for it with these boys. *sigh* Even though they are pretty awesome, too.

I love you SugarPlum!

I resolve....

Okay, I usually refuse to make New Years Resolutions. Things that seem like a good (or at least achievable) idea in early January, don't always turn out to be so fantastic a few months later. But here are a few (I think maybe) I can actually attain:

1. Get at least three more boxes unpacked before school lets out for the summer. (I just moved the second week of December) I think I may have actually unpacked SIX boxes now! (1/28)
2. Fold the clean laundry before the children outgrow it. Woo hoo!! The laundry was all folded and put away for about four hours last week. I make no promises for the future. (1/26)
3. Clean out my purse. Specifically all of those useless receipts. Okay, this WAS done. But more receipts have taken their place)
4. More pie. *sigh*
5. Make sure that plate cover thingy stays in the microwave.
6. Cordless phones ON THE CHARGERS at least three times a week.
7. Toss out all of the stupid return address labels with the old address on them. DONE! Yay!
8. Figure out what happened to all of the boys' socks. still a mystery...
9. Hang up that one jacket that keeps getting moved from chair to couch to ottoman to chair....
10. Take another nap. I have been very successful in this respect. YAY ME!

I think I can achieve at least 50% success. We'll see.

Blessed be the pies that bind....

It's that time of year again. I kind of love and hate this holiday madness that leads up to Christmas. I appreciate the significance of the holiday. God gave us His Son. GAVE us His son so that we might be able to spend eternity with Him in heaven. People talk about "Baby Jesus" as just a blip in history, but He's not a blip. He IS everything. That baby grew up to die for us. And His Father knew when time began that it would happen. It's mind boggling - especially when I look at my three SugarBabies and know that I won't even let the boys play in the front yard without supervision. Much less save mankind....

Anyway, the spiritual part of Christmas I cherish....the madness of the "Holiday Season?" Not so much. I don't like the pressure. I don't like the hurriedness. I don't like the anxiety. And this year, since my whole world has been turned upside down and shaken like a bottle of hot Dr. Pepper, I really was dreading it. In addition to the normal holiday stress, I am adding in a move, a MAJOR paper due for my grad school class, my Maw Maw not being with us, and various and sundry other emotional grenades that I am choosing not to blog about. It's a recipe for disaster, that's what it is.

Instead, I am choosing to forgo the crazy and appreciate this for what it is: the gift of time with my kids. The opportunity to carry on traditions an create new ones. We will put up the tree like we always do and decorate as soon as we are in the new house. Those decorations will NOT be shoved in the garage - they will be clearly marked and put in the living room where they belong and the tree will go up right after the beds are put together (priorities, people: sleep always wins). These sweet SugarBabies aren't going to be mine for much longer (when you look at the big picture). As fast as time has been moving, I know that if I blink twice, they will be off to college and then married with families of their own. So I am going to hold tight while I can and create memories.

Since an entire generation of our family has essentially passed on without our permission, I am now, finally, one of the grown-ups. Until now, we would go to my mom's house and then travel to my grandparents' or my Uncle's house for Thanksgiving. All I had to do was show up. Oh, sometimes, I would run to the store the night before to get an extra pan of dressing or some rolls, but I was never responsible for the BIG stuff. But this year, we are going to my Uncle Todd's house as usual - except my Maw Maw won't be there - and that will be weird and all kinds of wrong. There will be a hole. A huge gap where hugs and kisses and unconditional love and encouragement used to be. Oh, and no corn relish. She made it like nobody else can.

So, I've decided to take over pies. Maw Maw hadn't really done pies for years - my aunt did that. But since my Aunt is having everyone at her house and she and my mom are doing the lion's share of the food for dinner, I am taking over part of the pie making. Partly because I love making (and eating!) pies. And what's Thanksgiving without pie?! Also, and more importantly, because my kids like making the pies with me. And that is what I treasure most.

There's no cheating** either. We don't get the cans of apple or cherry or pumpkin pie filling. (Okay I guess we cheat a little, because we DO buy the canned pumpkin and the tart cherries in water. But only because there's no place to get fresh cherries here in Candyland like when we had our cherry tree in Ohio. And gutting a pumpkin? Ugh. No thanks.) But we DO peel and chop the apples. And we DO stir in the ingredients that turn the canned fruit into pie once it's baked. It's somehow magical to watch something as yucky as pumpkin guts turn into something as yummy as pumpkin pie. Same with the cherries. Every. time we make a cherry pie, one of the kids asks to eat one of the cherries before they go into the pan. And every time it's followed by an AWESOME pucker-face that I must get a photo of before it's too late.

But a few hours later, once it's all cooled, those concoctions are suddenly the yummiest thing in the house. And the waiting becomes AGONY. Already, I am hearing cries of "We have to wait till THURSDAY to eat them?" Yes. Yes we do. But it's our reward for patience.

Then? The look of pride on the SugarBabies faces as family gushes about how amazing the pies are and what a great job they did making them. I wouldn't trade it for the world. And I know with out a doubt that my MawMaw and my Nada Jane and my Grandma are looking down with pride as I pass on the tradition of good food and family ties. Because the rest of it just doesn't matter.

So we are off to finish the pies. Oh, and FUDGE. SugarPlum makes the most amazing fudge. It's magical. I have no idea how she does it, but it is HER signature. Her tradition to pass down to future generations. <-------See there? I just blinked again. Gotta go make memories.

**Exemption to the cheating clause: Pie crust. Pillsbury makes a much better crust than I (read: edible) and the mess is then kept to a minimum. This way we all win.

Dear Maw Maw

Dear Maw Maw,

You've been gone six months now. Some days - most days - I miss you so much that there aren't words that can describe how sad I feel or how much it hurts. I think back and regret so much the number of times I told myself that I would call you "tomorrow" only then I would forget. I even forgot to call on your birthday last year. And I know that you didn't mind. You always told me that you were just glad to hear from me. Once, when I called a WEEK late for your birthday, you said that any time you heard from me & the kids was like your birthday. But remembering that only makes me feel more sad. Because I could have & should have given you more "birthdays" than I did.

I found you a Christmas present tonight while I was shopping. This neat set of angels. They were kind of rustic and funky. I even had them in my cart before I realized that we wouldn't be opening presents with you this year. And I nearly lost it right there in the store.

I still have your number programmed into my phone. I can't bear the thought of deleting it. It would be like you never existed or something. Only, I can look in the mirror most days and see your face. God blessed me with your face and your voice and your mannerisms. I surprise myself some days when I hear your voice talking to my children. I know that you are the only reason that Bug is still alive. You are the reason I am able to laugh at most of the crazy things those boys do and appreciate them for the smart, funny, stubborn little men they are. You remind me all the time that the qualities that make me crazy right now are the very ones that will serve them well in the future. And you were right about SugarPlum from the first time you laid eyes on her and told me that she is a wise old soul. She is that indeed! You tell me constantly to let the little things go. To laugh when they have rolled in the mud. To appreciate the art in the "circus" they have drawn on the wall. In Sharpie. I know from you that what matters the absolute most is that they know that they are loved more than anything in the whole wide world and that nothing they could ever do will negate that love. That I have unfailing faith in their ability to achieve whatever they want in life.

So much has happened in the past six months. My whole life has turned upside down and I have laid in bed so many times and sobbed because all I want is to talk to you about it. Am I doing the right thing? Am I screwing up my kids? Am I strong enough to get through this? Because, sometimes the doubt eats at my very soul. You were always so soothing and wise and funny and knew just what to say to ease my worries. You also knew when to just be quiet and hold me and listen & not try to solve my problems. Your arms around me made me know that the world couldn't hurt me. I wish I could just lay in your lap and cry until I feel better. You always let me sob until there were no more tears. And you always had plenty of Kleenexes to clean up the snot.

But in those moments when I feel like I might just be ripped in two from missing you, I hear your voice in my head telling me, "You can do this, Buffi. You MUST do this. You can do what I never could for so many reasons. Be the mom and the woman I always wanted to be. Who I taught you to be. Stand up for yourself. Be the example those babies need. You are smart and strong and capable. And I love you and I am right here." So I am going to do the right thing for you, Maw Maw. And for me. And for those SugarBabies that we love so much. I promise I will make you proud. You spent nearly 40 years convincing me that I am everything you knew I was. You did that for all of your grandbabies. I can't speak for all of us, But I know that Bek and Tell and I wouldn't be who we are without your love and confidence in us.

But tonight, can you find a way to come in my dreams and hold me and let me cry until I know it'll be okay? Because missing you hurts almost as much as anything in the world. I know that I will see you some day soon. You and Paw Paw will come and get me in that ice cream truck we all heard in March (because really, why on EARTH was there an ice cream truck at a cemetery in March, if it wasn't you two?) and we will all be home together soon. But that seems like a long way away. And I have a lot to do before then. Even if it is just the blink of an eye up there in Heaven.

I love you so much Maw Maw. I'm glad that you aren't sad or in pain any more. And I am so thankful that God helped me find comfort in your memory. Kiss Paw Paw for me. And know that we miss you two more than we ever knew it was possible to miss anyone.

Love,

Buffi

My Quarterly Post

A friend of mine who shall remain nameless *cough*Pam*cough* has requested that I post the silly Facebook "10 Second Interview" because she wants her mom to see it. Or something like that...I don't totally undertand. I think she's just bullying me into posting. BUT, since I haven't posted since MAY, I thought I'd comply and share. Enjoy.

In a zombie attack, will you hide, fight back, or just blend in?
This happens every morning. I just tell them to eat their breakfast already & get dressed for school.

Fork, spork, or chopsticks?
I prefer to be fed by my cabana boys.

No matter how badly I needed the money, I'd never...
Oh, never say never...that doesn't work out well for me

What question should they ask Miss America or Miss Universe contestants?
What is it that happened in your childhood that makes you seek the approval of millions of strangers rather than simply being confident in who you are?

What are the odds that this interview never ends and is just a psych experiment?
Oh, I thought that was a given...

Who do you take after? Mom or Dad?
depends on who takes first

You can see my place, but don't look in my...
I know you're trying to find where I hid the body, but you won't trick me THAT easily...

My friends would shocked if they knew...
nice try

I'd be the happiest person in the whole world if...
everyone would just do what I tell them to.

Winter, Spring, Summer, or Fall?
...all you have to do is call/ and I'll be there yeah yeah yeah/ You've got a friend. (What?)

Toilet Paper - Over the top, or under the roll?
Over the top - I have very strong feelings about this...

What memory would you rather forget?
I can't remember

What celebrity do people say you look like?
Tom Selleck

I will dedicate my life to the invention of...
a mute button that will work on children

The sitcom about my life would be named...
you mean my life ISN'T a sitcom? DAMN. Does that mean that people are *actually* laughing at me?

Jessica Alba or Jessica Simpson?
Jessica Rabbit

We should criminalize...
Justin Beiber

Do you typically bring da noise, da funk, or da jell-o salad?
I always bring da Xanax

What should you really be doing right now?
folding laundry, duh

Where is Waldo?
He's with Hoffa

Luke Skywalker or Han Solo?
Han Solo - always Han Solo...mmmmm

What are three ways you're making the world a better place?
SugarPlum, SugarBear and SugarBug (okay - once he makes parole)


Why did Jack and Jill really go up the hill?
Well, you what they SAY, but we all know what REALLY happened right? Jill is such a ho.

Which of the following describe you? Teenage? Mutant? Ninja? Turtle?
Ninja, totally (okay...Mutant...we all know it)

Ever broken a bone?
Mine or someone else's?

Do you sleep on your side, back, or stomach?
I usually sleep in my bed

Fame or Fortune?
Fortune...I want everyone to leave me alone

Where was sexy before Justin Timberlake brought it back?
I heard it was in Topeka...who knew?!

What would your olympic event be?
whining

Thongs are...
eeeewwwwww

Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, or Slytherin?
Gesundheit!!

I wish my cell phone had an...
app that would clean my house

What will spend your lotto winnings on?
shoes...and maybe some purses...

I collect...
dust

How many hours of sleep do you need?
far more than I actually get

I wish my boyfriend/girlfriend would...
my attorney has advised me to NOT answer this question at this time

What's your favorite comfort when you're ill?
my bed

Quick! Name a book you've recently finished reading!
Backseat Saints by Joshilyn Jackson

My philosophy is...
God said it, I believe it, end of discussion.

What's your favorite type of cheese?
Gorgonzola!

What's your favorite Jelly Belly flavor?
Grapefruit

Nothing beats...
like a nice sturdy leather belt.

Do you like thick milkshakes or runny milkshakes? Or are you one of those weirdos who calls them 'frappes'?
For some reason this whole question sounds vaguely pervy to me.

What color underwear are you currently wearing?
wouldn't you like to know?

What music should they play at your funeral? (example: Get On Up)
Why? Have you heard something I should know about?

What does the tooth fairy do with all those teeth?
Well, for the past several years, she has put them in my nightstand...

When I'm bored, I...
do stupid, time sucking apps on Facebook

What would be an appropriate name for your car?
I call her Odie.

Politics are...
something that raises my blood pressure

Naked food fights are...
When is food NOT naked?

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear. Fuzzy Wuzzy had no...
Rogaine.

How many traffic tickets have you received?
So now, USAA is asking the questions?

How many days past expiration are you willing to drink milk?
Milk never makes it to the expiration date in my house.

Milk chocolate, dark chocolate, or white chocolate?
Yes, please.

Is there anything you'd like to add before we continue?
Yes, $5million to my checking acct. Can you make that happen?

If I lived in the year 2100, my profession would be...
professional old lady

What's your favorite charity?
"Get Buffi to a tropical island resort ASAP, Internat'l." Won't you give to this worthy cause??

Waffles are...
yes, they are.

I am the eggman. They are the eggmen. I am...
On your way to a padded room?

If everyone would leave me alone, I could...
sleep

What's your ideal climate?
Lows in the upper-60's, highs in the mid-80's, about 30% humidity....all the time. Oh, and pollen free. If there is a place like this I am totally moving there.

Why does paper beat rock?
I have ALWAYS wondered about that

I squeeze my toothpaste from the...
tube

If at first you don't succeed...
do it the way your wife told you to, you dork.

What's the fastest you've ever driven?
Oh, no. You're not gonna trick me THAT easily officer.

What would your clown name be?
my name is already Buffi, what more do you want?

Which side is your good side?
the side where you don't piss me off

On a scale from 1 to crazy, I'm about a:
pineapple

I miss...
sanity

How many times have you broken your cell phone?
I have NEVER broken my cell phone. The toilet once tried to drown it, though.

My hourly rate is...
WAY more than you can afford

What's the most embarassing song you've done Karaoke to?
I don't do Karaoke...for that very reason

When I was little, I used to believe that...
my Daddy was Superman (actually, I still think that)

If I were pregnant, I'd probably crave...
arsenic

Quiet drinks in a lounge or loud rockin' party?
Quiet ALWAYS wins

Batman or Superman?
I'd settle for an HONEST man

Are you a glass half full or glass half empty person?
depends on what's in the glass

Have you ever fallen asleep at work?
I live at work. So, yes.

Which sport is the best to watch?
SugarPlum playing soccer

I'll wait until nobody is looking, then I'll...
take a nap

Do you have an innie or an outie?
wouldn't you like to know?!

Where do you go when you want to be alone?
I have three kids, I am never, ever alone. EVER.

What is/was your imaginary friend's name?
I had two: Suzy & Jennifer

What's your favorite song lyric?
He lives! He lives!

Fill in the blank: I'm a member of "Generation _________"
that's paying for all of the other generations, evidently

Have you ever been on TV?
yes, I was a total dork. I know you're stunned

What's your nickname?
Mommy

I love the scent of...
clean laundry

I feel naked without my...
clothes

If you had an extra toe, what would you do with it?
uh...give to someone who was lacking a toe???

I will never tell anyone...
exactly

What was the first thing you bought when you got your first credit card?
probably clothes

Righty or lefty?
Right...on so many levels

Quick! Make up a sport! (example: Awesomeball)
Ultimate Naptime

I believed in Santa Claus until I was...
what do you mean "believED?"

What's your favorite book?
To Kill a Mockingbird

I'd like to teach the world to...
stop whining

I think Global Warming is...
a load of crap

I have a pierced...
heart

What's the best compliment you've ever received?
SugarPlum told me that one of her favorite things about her best friend was that B reminded her of me.

People think that I'm...
far more stupid than I actually am, evidently

The 80's were a decade of...
BIG HAIR & Aquanet

Quick! Write the last sentence of your autobiography.
...and in my will, I'll be leaving trillions of dollars the charities I have supported all these years.

What's the weirdest topping you've ever had on a pizza?
corn & peas (it was England....I had no idea)

Make up a new word right now:
fringleschmertz

I'm the best at...
procrastination

I knew I was an adult when...
crap. I'm an adult?!

Everything is negotiable in a relationship, except...
honesty

I'd be totally screwed without...
EXACTLY

What's the worst that could happen?
Never EVER ask that.....

The key to success is...
on that keychain I lost in the last move

If I had a DeLorean, I'd...
be kinda pathetic

Complete this sentence: Life is like a box of...
spark plugs

Do you like your peanut butter crunchy or smooth?
smooooth

When the world ends, I will be...
Home already!

Boxers or briefs?
what kind of dog is a brief??

How many people have you dated?
why, what have you heard?

Metric or Imperial units?
uhhhhh

Would you rather own a dog named Growler or a parrot named Captain?
no, thanks

I wouldn't mind being stuck in a closet with...
a box of Girl Scout cookies

The best ride at Disneyland is...
That would require my going to Disneyland and dealing with the crowds and that never ends well for anyone

In retrospect, do you wish you had studied harder or had more fun?
yes

I'm afraid of...
facebook apps

I'd be nothing if it weren't for...
oxygen

Propose a new toothpaste flavor:
margarita

Beauty or Brains?
Aww...you're so sweet

Bikini, Tankini, or Linguini?
Lamborghini

When do you normally go to bed?
never before the third date

I can't believe I lost my...
don't even go there

What's your favorite restaurant?
Wherever you want to take me

I don't get mad. I get...
a martini.

I wish my ex would...
again, my attorney.....

Memorial Day 2010

IT IS THE SOLDIER

It is the Soldier, not the minister
Who has given us freedom of religion.

It is the Soldier, not the reporter
Who has given us freedom of the press.

It is the Soldier, not the poet
Who has given us freedom of speech.

It is the Soldier, not the campus organizer
Who has given us freedom to protest.

It is the Soldier, not the lawyer
Who has given us the right to a fair trial.

It is the Soldier, not the politician
Who has given us the right to vote.

It is the Soldier who salutes the flag,
Who serves beneath the flag,
And whose coffin is draped by the flag,
Who allows the protester to burn the flag.

©Copyright 1970, 2005 by Charles M. Province

I'm a Berry Punny Girl!

I think that I may have single-handedly pissed off all the birds in Candyland. That's quite a feat, when you think about it. But the avian population is all atwitter right now over my actions. <----- (See what I did there? Birds? Atwitter? Hahaha! Just me then?)

Remember a few years back when I was so pleased and happy with the abundance of butterflies on my driveway who were attracted by the strange little berries? Well, I have yet to identify the berries, but now I HATE the little buggers. My driveway is pretty much covered with those berries, only they aren't attracting butterflies any more. They are attracting birds. All kinds of birds: robins, grackles, wrens, pigeons, and I don't know what else. But what I do know is that well fed birds crap all over my driveway. Yes, the driveway attached to this house that I am trying to sell.

I have been at a loss as to what to do about the berries. They really do look like little albino blackberries. According to the birds, they are quite delish. Being that they are freshly fallen berries - full of juicy goodness - I knew that if I tried to sweep them up, it would only lead to a big, mushy mess and a ruined broom (I know this because of the time one of the SugarBabies - not naming names, but it rhymes with "Rug") accidently spilled a huge container of fresh blackberries onto my beige tiled kitchen floor. So much for that broom (for the record, however, Clorox spray bleach + Sonic Scrubber = clean floor!). When I was on the phone with SD, he suggested the leaf blower, but I really don't have anywhere to blow them to, plus when I tried to scoop them up, we're back to the big-old-mushy-mess problem.

Then, in a stroke of genius, I realized the solution to my problem. Two words: Shop. Vac. (Okay, technically, that may just be one and a half words). I unraveled the superty-duper long extension cord and hooked that Shop Vac and went to town sucking up those berries from my drive way.

And the birds? Are none too pleased with me. Even over the giant sucking sound (paging Ross Perot...) I could hear them berating me.Shaking their little birdy fists at me. They were practically SHOUTING, "No, don't suck up the berries! That's our schmorgasboad. (even spell checker is stumped by that word)! How will we feed our babies?!" I felt a little like the mean Homeowners' Assn lady in "Over the Hedge."

Then I realized that my life is not created by Pixar or Dreamworks. (Because if it were, I would totally have a nanny & a maid.) (And a live-in masseur.) (And Mark Harmon would be my husband). AAAaannyyways, I stayed firmly grounded and continued sucking up berries - which almost completely filled up the Shop Vac -until the boys who are doing my yard while SD is gone - offered to blow what little was left them into a pile and haul them off for me. Teenage boys are so great...at least to me. Until MINE are teenage boys and then I'll probably have a different opinion.

So, right now, I firmly believe that the ShopVac is one of the greatest inventions in the history of the world. Right up there with the microwave oven and TiVo (seriously, I can pause live television!). Sadly, the berries will probably be back tomorrow. But I will prevail. I WILL PREVAIL!

(Okay, you know that I have just tempted Mother Nature and now she is going to totally kick my ass)

My Maw Maw

I know that I one of the lucky few, but up until about two years ago, all of my grandparents were still alive. I grew up 30 miles from both sets of grandparents and I have wonderful memories of all of them. In their own ways, they were each remarkable people who overcame so much to even grow up, much less have successful lives. They are each such a blessing to me.

Over the last two years, both of my grandfathers died. And last night, I found out that my Maw Maw died. Her husband (my Paw Paw, naturally) had a stroke about a year ago and died in October. I think that she finally just couldn't take living without him any more.

My Maw Maw (sorry, that sounds so childish, but that's who she is and I can't just call her "my grandmother) is probably who I was closest to. She grew up the youngest of four girls, born in the midst of the Great Depression in the middle of the dust bowl. They lived in a half-dugout house in West Texas. Her daddy died when she was 10. I know that it was a terrible, terrible death and that it influenced the rest of her life. How could it not? Eventually, they moved to Oklahoma and she met my very handsome (her words) Paw Paw. They got married when she was 16 and she became a mom at 18.

When I was little I thought that my Maw Maw was the most perfect person on the whole planet (and she likely was!). Her house always smelled like heaven to me. And anything that came from her house smelled like it - my brother & I would even say, "This smells like Maw Maw!" Clothes, toys, blankets...whatever, if it came from Maw Maw's house, I didn't want it washed until the smell had completely worn off. I can't even describe the mixture of Downy, potpourri, perfume, good food and grease from Paw Paw's machine shop. But all together, it was just perfect.

Maw Maw always made me feel like I was the smartest, most talented, prettiest girl in the world. If I was sad, being in her lap made things so much better. Or even the sound of her voice. I knew that I could tell her anything and my secret would be safe.

And as I grew up, she never wavered in her support. She told me more than once that I was the best mother that she had ever known. Which was HUGE because, evidently, she had never told MY mom that. Up until I had kids, Maw Maw was the best mom she ever seen. And you know that when you are in the middle of raising kids, hearing you are a good mom means the world. Especially when you hear it from the most perfect person on the planet.

Maw Maw also managed to make my kids feel so special and loved and appreciated. When she was going through chemo a couple of years ago, Bear made her paper hat to wear. And not only did she wear it, she made sure that my mom took a picture so that Bear could see her wearing it. And she would make a point to ask the kids to sing "Amazing Grace" or, really, any other song for her & followed it with lavish praise that would make the singer feel so proud and talented. Every picture they drew was beautiful and every poem or story they wrote was Pulitzer-worthy. Plus they were the smartest, most beautiful children on the planet. Just like their Mommy & Daddy (her words).

Maw Maw really loved nothing more than to sit and listen to her grandkids and great-grandkids play and laugh. My boys, of course, kept her in stitches. When my babies were born, she just wanted to hear them cry or laugh or make noise or just breathe.

I always thought that the phrase "a hole in my heart" was kind of trite and goofy. But really, I understand now. My Maw Maw made me who I am today. My confidence and self-esteem (and my deep, abiding appreciation for cute shoes) are in large part due her influence - her unfailing support and truly unconditional love - in my life. I'm having a very had time imagining this world without my Maw Maw. But, I know without a doubt that she is in heaven with my Paw Paw and she is happy and finally at peace.

I love you so much Maw Maw. Thank you for all you have been for me. Give Paw Paw a big hug and a kiss for me. I'll see you in heaven. Save a place for me.

So, who's the [insert horrifying name here] now?

Here is something I forgot about the internet - nothing is a secret. Especially when you are stupid enough to link to your blog on your Facebook for the world to see. And when you do that, eventually, SOMEONE is going to find out that you called their kid an asshole. To the world. On the internet.

And probably, that person is going to be someone you consider a friend - a friend who is far more courageous than you are and who will call you and let you know that now ALL the moms know that you called their kids names. And THOSE moms? Those moms are really wonderful people who you like and respect and now you horrified to learn that they know you are a total moron. And probably think you are a total bitch. For good reason.

Here's the thing....for all these years, this blog has been my place to vent. Few people from my "real world" knew about this blog so I was free to go on about the things in my life - good and bad and funny and mundane. This was my safe place to get that out and get support from my "blog friends" who have gotten me through more than you can even imagine.

But, the internet is a funny beast. And as I spent more and more time on Facebook, my worlds started to inter-mingle and I went a step too far. I can't even fathom how your heart fell into your stomach and your anger rose when you read my words. And I apologize profusely. I know that the Mama Bear in you must be as furious about what I did as I was last week. Probably more so, because I am an adult who knows better. And, honestly, each of your boys is a sweet kid. I know that. And I am ashamed and mortified and heart-broken at how I have behaved and made you all feel.I know that there is no way that I can "undo" what I wrote and put out there, but I have taken it down and am so, so sorry. I hope that one day you can forgive me.

Feeling a little "Mama-Bear-ish"

Dear Parents of Certain Third Grade Boys,

I get it. I really do. All you moms and dads grew up here together in Candyland, Texas and have been friends your whole lives. As a result, your kids have been friends since they day they were born. They spend weekends together and see each other over the summers and play on the same sports teams. I think that's fantastic. I am also almost a little envious because it's obvious your particular children are and will likely be the "cool kids" all the way up through high school. They are smart and good looking and have loads of self-confidence. But, and I hate to be the one to break it to you, they are little [jerks].

I will be the first to admit that Bear is kind of nerdy and awkward. He is very naive and probably a little less mature than your boys. But he is also sweet and innocent and one of the most loving, empathetic children I have ever known. Yes, he tries too hard. He will do almost anything to get to play with "his friends." He has been friends with your boys since Kindergarten and he really doesn't get why they don't want to hang out with him any more. And there isn't anything wrong with the fact that they don't want to hang out with him - the differences between him and your boys becomes more and more obvious every month. I am encouraging his friendships with other kids who are more like him.

But I wish that there was a way that I could actually communicate with all of you to PLEASE explain to your boys that there is no reason at all for them to be mean to Bear. They don't have to sit next to him at lunch. But they also don't have to make a big show of not letting him sit near them in the cafeteria - and THEN taunt him during recess about how he didn't GET to sit with them at lunch. They don't have to pick him to be their sit-up partner in PE, but they also don't have to say, "I pick Joey - NOT BEAR!" Please explain to your boys that just because it's easy to make my Bear cry, they shouldn't make that their daily goal.

I know most of you well enough to know that if you could see how they treat Bear, that you would be horrified. But I don't want to be "that mom" who calls and tattles on your kids for being mean to mine. I am doing my part by trying to explain to my son that if he cries when the boys say things that it will only get him labeled a "crybaby" and they will keep trying to make him cry. But there's a fine line there that I'm having trouble discerning at times. I don't want to make my kids think it's not okay to feel their feelings, but I am also trying to let them know that they don't have to express every feeling they have every moment they feel it. My heart hurts for my little boy. And his teacher even encouraged me to take him home early for some extra snuggle time yesterday because even SHE saw that your sons were really giving him a hard time.

I know that Bear only has to get through the end of the school year and then we are moving. It's kind of a relief because at least he'll be getting a fresh start. I feel like he has been labeled now and has a big target on him. If we were staying here, I would probably move him to a different school, which breaks my heart because I LOVE our school. But my boy is feeling beat down more and more. I hope that he recovers. Hell, I hope that I recover.

In the end, though, I have decided that I would much rather have a slightly dorky kid who is smart and empathetic and so full of love than an uber-athletic, popular [jerk]. ANY DAY.

Love,

Sugar Mommy

**edited** This post has put back in drafts for quite a long time since I originally posted it. I called these boys a name that was entirely inappropriate. It was not okay for me to do that. However....the rest of the sentiment and the facts behind this post remain. I've decided that since it is part of what really happened in our lives, I am going to post the edited version of it because I don't want to forget.

Grammar Nazi strikes again....

Yes, I know it's been a loooonnggg time, and now I'm just posting a picture again, but this makes me laugh & I need to share.

"Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13