Saturday, July 16, 2005

A Note to my Oldest Son (but really to any of you people to whom I allegedly gave birth)

Why, oh why, oh why must you continue to do what I have just, seconds before, told you to STOP DOING?! I know that you have no hearing deficiencies. When I so much as breathe the words candy or cookie or swimming pool, you come running as if your life hinged on it. So why must you to continue to tear up that piece of paper after I have asked you nicely and then demanded in my "mean mommy" voice that you cut that shit out?! Of course I would never say that out loud, just as I would never actually shake you until your eyeballs pop out of your disobedient little head. But, at moments like this I do fantasize about it. This selective hearing is getting on my nerves and causing me to call people like your Auntie Kristina and scream until she is deaf. All of Mommy's friends will be so happy if you will just fall into line and make me stop screeching.

Thank you for your kind consideration,

Your loving Mommy

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