Blog Tour!! Mamasource.com

If I have ever, in my whole married life found a website that was made just for me it is this one. I have been an Air Force wife for over 13 years now. I have moved ::counting on both hands:: well, lotso times. And each time, I have felt fortunate to be a part of a squadron and a base full of other Air Force wives who are always happy to recommend various places and services in and around the town and area where we are settling. As much as one can settle in two to four years.

However, as I get more "settled" and get to know my neighbors, fellow church members, etc, I find from are natives the "real" scoop on what there is to know about my town. You know, "Oh! you don't want to go there for your haircut! That woman has had four shops in town and they gave all been shut down by the health department!" OR "You know, instead of getting your cakes at XYZ grocery store, you need to check out this little downtown bakery. The guy there has been the chef for the governor and even does pastries for the President sometimes!"

As I got more internet "savvy" (how dorky does that sound?), I joined message boards and read sites about pregnancy, babies, child rearing, etc. They were all VERY helpful. Really. But at the same time, I found myself thinking, "Well, that is just dandy that there are so many resources available to you moms in Atlanta/Dallas/Chicago/any other urban area." HOWEVER most military towns are not in thriving metropolises (metropoli?). Most of the places I have lived are slightly backwater towns with no children's museums, zoos, amusement parks or even what most would consider a real mall, for heaven sakes (unless you consider JC Penney the place to buy the "fancy clothes"). As such, the lion's share of the advice I saw was, if not useless, fairly impractical.

Then a few weeks ago, I was introduced to Mamasource.com. This, my fellow mommies, is a place where you can post questions and advice that is directed to other moms in your hometown!!!! What a concept! Now when I am wondering what in the heck I am supposed to do with the SugarBabies this summer, I can get suggestions of things to do that we can actually do!! Not "get a membership at the zoo so that you can go as often as you like" since the closest we have to a zoo is the pet store or perhaps the little prairie dog town that has popped up at the local park. NO! I get suggestions like "Hey, did you know that the local theater has a camp for kids every summer?" Or, "If you're planning on sending them to soccer camp, do the one at the University and not the one that the Candyland Soccer Association does. The CSA one is overcrowded and not well supervised." I can also get ratings from real moms like me about plumbers, hairdressers, childcare centers, restaurants...the possibilities are endless!! If I had just had this a few weeks ago, I might have been able to get the scoop on who the best orthopedic surgeon in town happens to be rather than being at the mercy of the Air Force.

To any mom who is feeling isolated, alone, clueless, and frustrated this site is a blessing. But to a military wife who finds herself in a new place before she can ever get acclimated to the old one, this Mamasource is a godsend. I wish that I had had this while I was preparing for each move. I can only imagine how helpful it would have been in finding a realtor, choosing schools, shopping...well, just about everything.

When you register, you enter your zip code and you start getting information and questions from moms who are not just in your flip flops, but who most likely bought them at the exact same Target store that you did! As PCS season gets into full swing for military families I know this will be an invaluable resource to many tired moms!!

From the Mamasource About page:

Mamasource is a safe and easy way to connect with other moms in your
local area. Find the advice, referrals and insight you need, in a supportive
community of moms helping moms. As a Mamasource member, you can:

Ask other local moms any question you need help with.

Read the questions other moms have asked- and see what answers they have received.

Share your own advice and practical referrals with other moms who need your help.

Mamasource is a free service, but to protect our members we are an invitation-only community. We have a strict no-spam policy and your personal information will never be shared with advertisers.

That is so great because I feel like I spend so much of my time online deleting the spam from the weight loss/healthy eating/cook this/buy this people. At least this won't add to it.

Sorry if I have sounded a bit crazy about this. I'm just so excited about Mamasource that I want to share it. I want to thank Miriam and the great moms at MotherTalk.com for sharing this opportunity with me. I think it will make the next few years in TEXAS!! (please, God, let it be years) much easier and more fun. Because, let's not forget...it's ALL about me.

A Buttercup by any other name...

I recently found out that my oldest and dearest friend, CRB, is expecting a baby! She was the second friend to get married last year - Memorial Day Weekend - and she and her husband are tickled beyond belief. Nobody saw this coming, least of all the Mommy and Daddy. CRB is the mother of my two precious godchildren, who are now 11 and 15. Talk about your unexpected blessings! Though, I did have to point out to CRB that she and I are quite possibly the two most fertile women on the planet and that we really shouldn't be THAT surprised that this happened.

Daddy-to-be (D2B from here on out) is thinking that he doesn't want to find out the sex of the baby, he wants it to be a surprise. Which I find totally selfish. Because I NEED TO KNOW what this baby is and has she forgotten that it is all about ME?! (With the obvious exception if that one special friend of ours who shall remain nameless because he/she reads here regularly & will be PISSED if he/she knew that we spoke of him/her that way. Hee hee.) I need to know whether to buy pink or blue because while it seems like a good idea to just get green/yellow/purple stuff for the baby, once the little bundle of joy arrives that unisex stuff always looks far too masculine or feminine for your precious angel.

AND I do believe that you have HAD your surprise D2B!! How about when CRB said "I;m pregnant! SURPRISE! Yeesh!

Also? We need to name this baby. Before its birth. Although with CRB that can backfire. When she was pregnant with her son, the firstborn, she had decided to name him Joshua. For months we all "talked" to Joshua and sang to him and talked about Joshua and anticipated his arrival. About two weeks before he was born, CRB decided that they would name him after her father instead. It took me YEARS to get used to calling that kid by his actual name. To this day, I sometimes slip and call him Joshua.

So the rule I have made (because remember whom it is all about!) is that once this kid has a name, it cannot be changed. And if you do change it, I will always use the originally agreed upon name.

As a result, I have decided that until this baby has an actual name. I will be calling it Buttercup. Of course, CRB's daughter, A, thinks that Buttercup is far too girly and wants something more gender neutral. She decided upon Peanut. CRB, forever the diplomat, thought that perhaps we could all be happy by combining the two names. Which, leaves us with? Peanut Buttercup!!! So you know now that the name, boy or girl, has been decided. We are calling this kid Reese.

In the event that that name doesn't work out, here, in alphabetical order are my suggestions for alternatives. You make the call.


Boy Names
Adolf
Beelzebub
Cecil
Diego
Ernest
Francisco
Gilligan
Harvey
Ichabod
Jimbo
Kermit
Leroy
Melvin
Norbert
Osama
Percival
Raul
Saddam
Turk
Ulysses
Vladimir
Wally
Xerxes
Yakov
Zebulon


Girl Names:

Appolonia
Bertha
Cora (heh)
Desdemona
Elvira
Fancy
Gypsy
Hortense
Imogene
Jamocha
Kimono
Lolita
Mildred
Norma
Octavia
Prunella
Roshanda
Shaquanna
Thelma
Urania
Velma
Wanda
Xaveria
Yvonne (heh)
Zsa Zsa

So, there you go. Choose wisely, my friends. I shall be having onesies monogrammed shortly after the ultrasound!

**Please don't be offended if I mentioned a name that is yours or that of a loved one. Some of these names, you would have to know their last name or their personalities to understand why they are funny!

Also? Butterflies!!!

There were dozens of these butterflies (along with a couple of monarchs) in our driveway last week. This one sat still long enough for me to take a few shots. Thank heaven, because it took me about 20 shots to get this picture. It kept opening and closing its wings. It stayed in one place for quite sometime - until Bug decided that he wanted to hold it. Bye bye butterfly!

I suspect that they were drawn to the berries that I have yet to identify. They look like little white blackberries, but they fell from the tree that hangs over our driveway form the house behind us. At any rate, if they bring out the pretty butterflies, then I'm happy!

Springtime in Candyland

*whew* I'm glad I got that off my chest!

Anywho....Holli has inspired me to share the pretties that the previous owners left behind at our house. They have been a very nice surprise and a much needed bit of happiness and beauty around here this week.

I LOVE having flowers in my garden. The irony of that is that if you asked anyone who knows me very well at all, they would laugh - nay, guffaw - at the notion of me actually "gardening." I'm not a dig/plant/water/get your hands in the dirt kind of girl. I'm more of a "hey! look what popped up in the flowerbed! I hope they come back next year!" kind of girl. And as such, this is what I will share with you.

The clematis growing on my front porch. I love clematis and I'm hoping that next year it will climb all the way up the post. Any suggestions as to how to nurture it? I have no clue in these matters.

Irises! In my back garden! Who knew?! At our first assignment after we were married, there was a place called Swan Lake and Iris Gardens and it was one of the most beautiful places in the world to me (if you can get past the stench of swan poop). This takes me waaaaaay back to that "honeymoon period." *sigh*

LOOK how gorgeous this flower is! The purple! The yellow! How could you not be happy looking out your back window at this every day?!

You know the only thing that would make it better? Having my handsome husband here with me to enjoy it! I miss you honey! Only 53 more days!!! xoxoxo

You know who you are

If you're going to call my house, at least have the balls to not hang up. I have caller id, you know. Oh, and a brain.

TA DA!! (alternate title: Thank goodness THAT'S done!)

At last, pictures of the kick-ass coelacanth. And, of course of the lovely and talented SugarPlum - also known as Gimpy, the One-Armed Wonder Girl.





No grade as of yet. She still has to make her presentation. Her report reads as follows (this child is a gifted writer): The Coelacanth By Gimpy, the One-Armed Wonder Girl

The Coelacanth is an AMAZING animal. This fish that scientists thought became extinct with the dinosaurs was found alive off the coasts of Indonesia and Southern Africa in 1932. You won’t find one while swimming though; these cave dwellers live more than 300 feet underwater! To prevent from being crushed at this depth, Coelacanths have armor-like scales that also help protect them from predators. Another interesting feature of this 6-foot long fish is its fins, which look like little legs. In fact, it uses these fins to “walk” along the ocean floor while stalking its prey! The Coelacanth has another thing to help it hunt too…glowing eyes! Because it is a nocturnal hunter, this odd characteristic definitely comes in handy. A last weird thing about this fish is its spine. It isn’t made of bone; it is a liquid filled tube! This probably makes the Coelacanth quicker and more agile. With all these amazing characteristics, it’s no wonder that the Coelacanth has survived for so long!

See, this place can be fun and educational! Who knew.
I asked her how everyone else's projects looked. She told me about how one boy made this really cool sea urchin and that her BFF made a diorama of a coral reef. And that one boy made this "awesome Emperor Penguin!"

My response? "You mean to tell me that we could have made a freaking penguin?! I (okay, WE)We sat up all night pushing in toothpicks and nails and gluing of "scales" and spray painting the entire garage and all of that other crap when we could have decorated a bowling pin and been done with it? LORD HAVE MERCY ON ME." ***



Also? The price I paid to create said coelacanth (subtitled the evolution of Bitchy Smurf). Most of it has finally washed off. Would that the bitchiness was as easily annihilated!
Still. I think we did a great job. Even if my driveway is almost entirely blue.
***honestly? We had the best time doing this project together. I love to watch her mind work and see her problem solve. We giggled and talked and joked together. This is one of the good parts of being a mom. But if you tell anybody I said that, I will totally deny it. I have a reputation to protect, you know!

Something fishy...

Sorry for the dearth of posts (because I been so consistent for the past...year?!). I have been very busy building a coelacanth for my fourth grade science project.

What? What's that you say? You thought that at the age of {mumble, mumble}, surely I would have completed the fourth grade? Well, so did I. But, being mother to Gimpy: the One-Armed Wonder Girl, it has fallen to me to do the actual construction portion of the dinosaur fish. She has been providing the instruction (read:barking orders) as to how the fish should be assembled. She'll make a great sweatshop foreman someday.

There were many, many options as to what to do for this science project. It is about the ocean and they could do a model of pretty much any sea creature (real ones anyway) or done a model of different areas of the ocean. So many things that would have been much easier and less taxing to my (and her) creative abilities. But, no, my over-achieving Wonder Girl chose a Coelacanth. The fish that has armoured, spiked scales, fins that have what are almost legs, and the strangest most specific color I have ever known. It took a week of looking through fabric and craft stores to find materials that would be acceptable, feasible, and affordable.

As it is, my fingers are spray painted blue (I am thinking of changing my name to 'Bitchy Smurf"), there are little foam circles and bits of florist's foam all over the house, and I have stepped on too many broken blue toothpicks to excuse as accidental at this point. I am beginning to hate this fish. And Mrs. ScienceTeacher (who is actually a good friend of mine). And all fourth graders, just on principle.

I'll post a picture of my her creation when it is complete. If my fingers still work after pushing 2,000 toothpicks/spikes thru felt and into the styrofoam/body. And if I'm not totally stoned from the spray-paint. I never said this project didn't have its perks.

I damn well better get an 'A.'

Sweet Nothings from the Sugar Babies

Yes, another "list post" but if I don't get these things down now, I will forget and some of them are too priceless to pass up:


*Easter Sunday, after church:

Bear:...after Jesus died on the cross for us, they took him and put him in a tube.

SP: {{huge eye roll}} A TOMB. Not a tube. They put him in a tomb!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Back porch one sunny afternoon & Bug climbs up the steps to the hot tub and proceeds to shake his booty:

"I have to do my hiney practice now...."

(This, too elicited a big eye roll from his big sister. But, being ten, very little doesn't.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Also after Sunday School one afternoon:

"What did you learn about in Sunday School today?"

"Oh, you know, about God and those people."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Uh huh. We learned about when Jesus washed those people's feet."

"Hmmmm. And how did he wash their feet?"

"With a hose."


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Bedtime, while I am rocking Bug:

::Bear playing in his bed doing flips and rolls and being generally obnoxious and distracting::

"Bear! Settle down, lay still and be quiet!"

"But Mommy! I have a lot of plays that need to get out before I can go to sleep!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"SugarBug! Who loves you most in the whole wide world?"

"Mommy! And Daddy! And SugarPlum and Bear and Rebeka and Gram."

"And Gray Gray?"

"No...I just like him."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

::Mommy hears Bear heading her way and he is sobbing::

"What's the matter sweetie? Did you get hu......why don't you have any clothes on?"

"We were having a {{sniff, sniff}} naked contest and I {{sob, sniff}} fell on the wooden part of my bed and hurt my leg!"

"A naked contest? What in the world is (this is when I decided that there are some things that I just don't want to know)...let's go find a band-aid for your leg."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

With apologies to Holli

"Someone has GOT to come see this spider!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"SugarPlum! You were right! That IS Mars out there!"

::confused stares from Mommy and SugarPlum::

"What are you talking about?" (must be read with the general disgust that only a 10 year old big sister can convey)

"Outside! You were right! That IS Mars!"

"Bear. Where is Mars? I don't know what you are talking about."

"Outside! Over there! That red stuff that says how hot it is. My teacher told us that! is! MARS!"
*giggle & sigh*

"Mercury. That stuff is called Mercury. Not Mars."

(this conversation went on for a long time and got funnier, but I don't think that I can do the rest of it justice.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lordy, I love these children!

Rachel, don't read this...

I need help. (hush) I am hosting a bridal shower for a good friend (and the best babysitter in the history of the world!) in a couple of weeks. I am at a loss as to what sort of things to do at the shower. There will be quite a mix of people as it will be at our (Baptist) church which is the church her grandmother attends. There will be college students, grandmothers and everything in between.

My favorite shower activity is to write down what the bride says while opening gifts and then read it back as what she will say on her wedding night. "Oh, wow! I was hoping for one of these!" "WOW! It's bigger (or smaller) than I thought it would be!" "This is so wonderful." "I'm not sure what to do with this.."

However, I'm not sure how well this would be received by the "grandmother" portion of our guest list. Which, quite honestly, makes up a large percentage of that list.

When I host baby showers (which, in the Air Force is quite often), I always have the guests decorate onesies and/or cloth diapers (to use as burp rags) with fabric markers. I was thinking maybe having guests decorate dish towels or cloth napkins. Would that be dorky? Or helpful? And, since this is largely an older crowd, would it be fun to have embroidery thread and have guests embroider the towels? I'm at a loss.

So, do you have any great ideas? I want this to be a nice shower without being boring OR offensive to anyone. HELP!!!!!

Don't F*** With Miss America

I don't care how old she is. This pretty lady can still kick ass and take names. I LOVE this story!

SugarPlum, Interrupted

Monday afternoon....

:::cell phone rings:::

"Mrs. LastName? This is the nurse at Candyland Elementary School. SugarPlum hurt her shoulder in PE this afternoon and you may want to go ahead and come get her."

"Ummm, okay. I'm over here at Candyland Early Childhood Education Center about to pick up my son (Bear). I will be over there in a few minutes."

"Well, do you want to come in and pick her up or would you rather her meet you out front?"

"If she could just meet me out front, that would be better, so that I won't have to unload the boys."


Yeah. I'm thinking that lordy that child can be a drama queen. And I really need to go to the grocery store on on the way home and now I will have a whiny 10 year old with me.

Bad Mommy.

I pull up to CES and the nurse is wheeling my child out in a wheelchair. Oh. shit. She and some other kids got tripped up in PE playing Capture the Flag and a little boy's head hit her squarely in the chest. Or shoulder. At that time it was unclear, but my girl was in such pain that she couldn't walk.

After dropping my boys off with a friend, I took SP to the ER, where we waited for approximately three weeks. Or two hours. Hard to say. When we finally got called, they x-rayed her chest and put us in a room. A friend of ours who works there came in and said that he saw the films and, "Dang! You did a good job, girl!" Somehow neither of us found this encouraging.

When the doctor came in, he showed us the film and we saw that SP's collarbone was not just broken, but broken in two places. Overachiever. She was put in a brace, given a prescription for Tylenol 3 and sent home. And THEN the fun began. Honestly, she handled all of it better than I would have when I was ten. Hell, probably better than I would now!

Of course, this is the week that fourth graders in TEXAS!! take the TAKS test. Being the freakishly smart child that she is, her teachers were a little dismayed, but understanding, that she would be absent for a couple of days.

Dismayed is an understatement when describing SP's reaction when she realized that there will be no soccer for the next three or four months. Her coach was less than thrilled to learn that he was losing his goalie. I'm just glad to have my baby.

Honestly, the child is even more of a badass than her brother. She has been getting by on nothing but Motrin for the past two days. She went back to school today, determined to make up the TAKS. AND? When offered the opportunity to go home after the test was finished? She chose to stay at school. See? Overachiever. *sigh*

The turmoil in our house because of this borders on hilarity. While Bug napped Wednesday, SP watched one of the Harry Potter movies in my room. Bug woke up much sooner than expected and got to catch the last half of the movie. The child who thought Cars was scary (WTF?) and he LOVED Harry Potter. Wednesday night at church, the boys told everyone who would sit still long enough about SP's accident. Only they don't completely get it, so it was like some twisted game of "Telephone" with people asking me all night how SP broke her chest bone,. Or her leg. Or her arm. Or whatever. And whenn would she be getting out of the hospital. Yeah.

The boys are feeling helpless and want to do something to help and comfort their big sister. Sadly, any attempts hugs and/or kisses were met with "WATCH OUT!" for fear of inflicting even more pain. So, now they come over to her and ever so gingerly kiss her on the leg or hand. It is just heartbreakingly sweet. And Bear was thrilled last night when SP, after having gone to the bathroom all by herself, needed help pulling her pants back up. That sweet boy was beaming at having been able to help his big sister. Heavens, I do love these children.

However.

The patient has decided that Mommy's bed is MUCH more comfy than her own and has taken up residence there. On my side. She must heal soon or I may never sleep again. *yawn*

Because, you know, it's all about ME.

Still more phrases I rarely use in conversation with adults

previous editions here, here, and here


* Get your hands out of your pants.

* You really need a spoon to eat that yogurt.

* If I see Legos in your mouth one more time, they are all going in the trash.

* Do you need to go poop in the potty?

* You do it the first time I ask.

* If I have to ask you again, you are going to lose a sticker.

* No. It's cold outside, you have to wear shoes.

* And a sweatshirt. No tank tops until it's over 80 degrees.

* I WILL take that giraffe away.

* Why did you put lotion in your HAIR??

* You only pee in the potty.

* Who's my potty boy??

* I have the Easter Bunny on speed dial and I WILL call!

* Stop looking at your brother.

* Is that chocolate syrup on the back of your head?

* No, we can't have your birthday party at NASA.

* Or Sea World.

* Please don't sit on your brother.

* Stop making that noise.

* For crying out loud, STOP MAKING THAT NOISE!

* You have such a snotty nose.

* No, I really don't want to go see your "great big, humongous snake poopy."

* But we do need to wipe your hiney a little better, I do believe.


Now it's your turn. Share one (or more) of your "favorite" phrases!

Warm Weather Approacheth

All right ladies, it's that time of year once again!!! I think we need to be reminded of a few things. So my sisters, PLEASE, raise your big toes and repeat after me...


The Open Toed Shoe Pledge

As a member of the Cute Girl Sisterhood, I pledge to follow the Rules when wearing sandals and other open-toe shoes:

I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.

I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free.
I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.

I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.

I will shave the hairs off my big toe.

I won't wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker, mother, sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there.

If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back into place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it.

I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholl's if my feet need him.

I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids' sizes. This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat and I would hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle.

I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages.

I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/coworker when she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her that her toes are as long as my fingers and no sandal makes creepy feet look good.

I will promise if I wear flip flops that I will ensure that they actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I will swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them.

I will promise to go to my local nail salon at least once per season and have a real pedicure (they are about $15 or 20 and worth EVERY penny).

I will promise to throw away any white/off-white sandals that show signs of wear... nothing is tackier than dirty white sandals.

Don't keep this to yourself - pass it on to other sisters.

HALLELUJAH!

"Don't be afraid!" he said. "I know you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified.6 He isn't here! He is risen from the dead, just as he said would happen. Matthew 28:5-6

To read in context, visit here.

Happy Easter!

My son. He is a badass.

Bear lost his third tooth. He has pulled all three of them himself. The first one at school. The second one at church. The latest tooth was pulled Tuesday morning before he ever got out of bed. Before he ever even sat up in bed.

"Mommy! Feel my tooth!"

"Yeah, it's really, really loose! I'll bet that we can pull it today!"

:::reaches in mouth and yanks tooth out of his head:::

"Look!"

*sigh* Boys are weird.

question: Should the Tooth Fairy provide extra compensation when the child does all the work getting the thing out? So far the going rate around here is a buck a tooth.

My favorite email exchange so far this year....

Just a little fun between friends.....


From: CRB
To: Buffi
Subject: fyi
Date: Mon, 2 Apr 2007

for your information

PPPPPLLLLEEEAAASSSSEEEE

should I ever piss you off to the point of ending our friendship you must promise to continue to update me on the children somehow...see

i am sick and tired of getting really attached to my friends children only to 'lose' them when said friends bail (ie G & R)

and in return I would extend the same offer to you although totally unnecessary since you haven't pissed me off since 1989...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Buffi wrote: IF you piss me off that much, I shall punish you by sending my children to live with you. Whether or not you choose to update me on their lives is entirely up to you.

I love you!!! hee heee heeeeeeee!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

~B

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CRB wrote: Bravisimadear!!!

The end of the boob story (for now)

***funny note about Wednesdays' s subtitle - I got a BIG surprise Wednesday afternoon when SugarDaddy called me to tell me that he was in Chicago and would be in Candyland by about 10:30 that night. He made a spontaneous decision to come home for a few days. We are all so happy to have him home for a few days. He goes back to Turkey on Monday. I keep teasing him about making a transatlantic "booty call!""***


Okay the end of the boob story. At last.

I really wasn't too worried about the biopsy. I figured that since they couldn't see anything in any of the ultrasounds or anything that it wasn't anything to stress over. When asked about what I was going to be doing Tuesday, I said that I was going to the doctor so that he could tell me that I don't have cancer. Nothing to worry about. Right?

Right????

My appointment was at 10:45. I didn't anticipate it taking more than five or ten minutes. I got there barely on time. Okay, a couple of minutes late since I didn't account for the road construction. Stupid road construction. I dashed upstairs, checked in, sat down in the waiting room and took out my book. Then, "Mrs Lastname?" Wow they are fast! The only clinic on this whole base where I have always seen the doctor at my actual appointment time! I may never finish this book if they keep being so prompt.

The nurse took me to the exam room, took my vitals ("Your blood pressure is up a little" "You think?!") and then told me that the doctor would be in shortly and to put on the gown.

What? No. No! No gown! No! Gown! I don't need a gown! Why on earth would I need to put on a gown if all he's going to tell me is that the biopsy was all clear? For what possible reason would I need to disrobe and put on a gown? Crap. Good thing she took my blood pressure before she told me about the gown.

I changed and sat there for two and a half hours three minutes. The longest three minutes of my life. I sat there envisioning the surgery and chemo and everything else that I had dreaded. I was seriously fweaked out.

Dr. D came in and sat down. He said "I have your test results. Everything looked fine. Just benign breast tissue. Nothing suspicious at all. I want to check the site where I took the biopsy. Just want to make sure there aren't any problems."

Whew! My heart returned to my chest and began beating normally again. He recommended that I follow up with my regular doctor in six months to make sure that the lump hasn't changed or anything.

I got to call my husband and tell him that I DON"T have cancer. Of course, he wasn't there since he was on his way here. But, since he didn't tell me that I had to leave a message. Then I got to tell everyone I knew that I am cancer free. (as far as I know) YAYYYYYYY!

Now, I am going to go enjoy my husband. Since he leaves again Monday morning. If you call and I don't answer, you'll know why. :::big smile:::

Yet more about my boobs...subtitled:

Some things should NEVER be a surprise


Don't get me wrong. I LOVE surprises. Birthday presents? Don't tell me, I want to be surprised. Friend in town for a few hours and wants to pop by? Super! (Just forgive the outrageous mess that is my humble (very humble) home) Diamond earrings just because it's Thursday? Fan-freaking-tastic. (also, a not-so-subtle hint to certain husbands...). But some things, well, there are certain things I like to have some advanced notice about.

Last Tuesday, the day finally arrived in which I was able to keep my appointment at the surgery clinic for the biopsy consultation. After the ridiculously inconclusive mammogram last month, I was glad to finally get the ball rolling (as it were) toward some answers about this lump I've been walking around with since January.

When I made the appointment, the lady told me at least three times that this appointment was "only a consultation. You understand that, right, Mrs. Lasttname? This is just a consultation for the biopsy." Are we all clear? It was only for a consultation. *ahem*

So I get there, check in, the nurse takes my vitals and gives me the gown with the obvious (to me anyway) instructions to tie it in the front. So I change and go back to reading my book. Soon, in comes the surgeon. Who happens to be the same guy who performed the surgery when I had the ectopic pregnancy four years ago. I wasn't a big fan of his then. Of course, I wasn't very pleased with anyone at that hospital that day.

This day, however, he was lovely. Very nice, very informative, very patient (heh), willing to answer all my questions. He asked my age, how many children I have, how many times I've been pregnant (depends on your POV: either four or five), and how long I breastfed my children total. (59 months!! That is almost three years! Holy crap!) And then? He was actually able to feel the lump! Which is more than I can say for the other two doctors I have seen for this. Then he marked the spot with a Sharpie. He got his ultrasound machine and tried to find said lump. He wasn't able to see it on the ultrasound either. But! He was very good to show me what I was seeing: the fatty tissue, the mammary glands (now depleted from 59 months!! of nourishing children) the breast tissue. But he couldn't see the lump which he assured me was a good thing. But, since he did indeed feel that lump, he thought that it would be a good idea to go ahead and do a fine needle biopsy.

NOW.

Wha?! Huh?! The hell?! But...but...but...the lady! She said that this was just the consultation!!!! If I had know that you were going to stick a needle in my boob, I would have taken some Xanax first! NO FAIR!!!! On the other hand, this meant that I would have answers sooner rather than later, so, okay, fine.

(May I just say that they really need to reconsider the name of this procedure. "Fine needle biopsy?" There was nothing fine about that needle. In fact, I believe that "Big Ass Needle Biopsy" would be a more accurate name for it. Yes, it might scare a few people, but at least you have a more realistic expectation as to what is to come.)

So, Dr. D gives me a little shot of lidocaine (with an actual fine needle) in "the area." I am feeling confident that I can deal with this. He starts to put the not-exactly-fine needle in the breast tissue and I am thinking, "Well, this isn't so bad. Not nearly as bad as the thyroid biopsy. I don't know what I was so freaked out ab- - - HOLY MOTHER OF.......THAT HURTS! What kind of sadist is this man? Shitshitshitshitshit! How long is this going to take?"

Meanwhile Dr. D is telling me that he has to get samples from all angles of the lump, blah blah blah....meanwhile he jerks that big ass needle all over the place and I am trying not to come up off the table and nail him in the jaw. Finally, he takes the needle out and goes over to where the slides are laid out and says, "Let's see if we got enough for a sample."

Um, you better hope you got enough because I can assure you, Dr. DeSade, that you won't be sticking that thing in me again. Besides, there isn't that much there to begin with!

Luckily, he decided that there was enough. As he is finishing up the slides, he assures me again that he really doesn't think that I have anything to worry about. He tells me to come back in one week for a follow up and to get my results. *sigh*

When I started to get up, I got all hot and dizzy and nauseated. I really thought I was going to pass out. I managed to get my clothes on and bent over the trash can in anticipation of the puke that never happened. Thank goodness. But I kept thinking that if I could have just taken a Xanax before, I wouldn't be going through this.

There were, technically, no appointments available this week. Lucky for me, the nurse could sense my anxiety over this and said that she would "create an appointment." I like her. So, I was scheduled for this Tuesday at 10:45. Be on time!


More tomorrow....or Friday. I promise!

Hot tea hurts when it comes out your nose

Conversation at the breakfast table


Me: So, Bug, your letter this week at school is "V." What are you going to take for Show & Tell tomorrow?

Bug: My Volcano book!!

Me: Gosh, I haven't seen that in a while. In case we can't find it, what do you want to take?

Bug: Just my Volcano book.

Me: Okay....but let's think of some other things that start with "V" just n case.

Bear: Violin! Valentine!

SugarPlum: Veterinarian! Vibrate! Hey, do we have anything that vibrates? You know, I'll bet that Bug would be the only one with a vibrator at school!

Me: *sputter* *cough* *cough* WHAT?

SugarPlum: You know, if we find something that vibrates, like that funny ball PawPaw got Bear for Christmas that year. He could say it's a vibrator!

Me: Um...yeah. SOOO! Why don't you go look for that Volcano book for me....while I clean up this tea I spewed all over the table.


*for the record, we never found the Volcano book. We did, however find a Velociraptor book, thus saving my family years of embarrassment at the Baptist Church preschool....*

Spring Breaking

We are at Gram and Gray Gray's house for the last few days of Spring Break. Internet connections are spotty and weak (as they are pirated wireless signals) at best. So I will make this brief (mercifully) in the hopes of it actually getting posted.

All is well. The kids and I were going to go to the science museum for the "Elephant Encounter" where you were supposed to get up close and personal with live elephants. This would have been really neat for all of us. Unfortunately, about 100,000 other people thought it would be cool as well. Given Mommy's aversion to crowds, we (and when I say "we" I mean "the driver of the vehicle and the person who would have to pay $9 apiece to stand in a crowd of millions just to see an elephant from two miles away") chose to go to the National Ranching Heritage Center instead. SugarPlum has been studying TEXAS!! history this year and Bear's class did a unit on cowboys last week, so this outing was both timely and meaningful for all.

They really seemed to enjoy seeing the old pioneer houses and barns, etc. Bear declared every tiny dirt-floored one room shanty to be "beautiful." The favorite part, I think, was the old train depot complete with steam engine and cars. Although, the boys were quite disappointed that the train didn't move. Oh, well.

My mom worked at this particular museum when I was a child, so I grew up there and gave tours in period costume at times. I was surprised how much I remembered about those old houses. I had one daddy and his little girl following us for a while so that they could listen to what I told the kids. And of course, I did that "I remember when that wasn't here" thing that we all do when we get old. *sigh* SugarPlum was SO embarrassed. Which made it totally worth it.

Today, I am helping CRB and friends go evaluate her house (that her ex-husband lives in with their son) and decide what all needs to be done to make the thing "sale-able." Should be a big job. (see above: ex-husband/teenage son) But I love her, so whaddaya gonna do?

Tomorrow, we head back to Candyland. School starts Monday and I will have to start getting up waaaaaaay before the 10:00 I have become accustomed to here at Gram and Gray's.

Pray for me.

so much for this being short.....sorry

Dragonflies? Yes. Crickets? Yes.

Grasshoppers, no.

Out of the blue and with no explanation before or after.....

"Mommy, three-years-olds DON'T like grasshoppers."

So, now you know.

Finally, the voice of reason!

My only regret is that I am not the one who authored this. It expresses all of my pet peeves. I'll admit, I do forward a LOT of emails, but the only names you'll see on anything from me are mine and yours! (except sometimes on gmail, because it always messes me up!)


E-mail safety
A friend who is a computer expert received the following directly from a system administrator for a corporation. It is an excellent message that ABSOLUTELY applies to ALL of us who send e-mails. Please read the short letter below, even if you're sure you already follow proper procedures.


Do you really know how to forward e-mails?

50% of us do, 50% DO NOT.

Do you wonder why you get viruses or junk mail? Do you hate it? Every time you forward an e-mail, there is information left over from the people who got the message before you -- their e-mail addresses and names. As the messages get forwarded along, the list builds and builds and builds, and all it takes is for some poor sap to get a virus and his or her computer can send that virus to every E-mail address that has come across his computer. Or, someone can take all of those addresses and sell them, or send junk mail to them in the hopes that you will go to the site and that person will make five cents for each hit.


How do you stop it? There are several easy steps:


1. When you forward an e-mail, DELETE all of the other addresses that appear in the body of the message (at the top). That's right, DELETE them. Highlight them and delete them, backspace them, cut them, whatever it is you know how to do. It only takes a second. You MUST click the "Forward" button first and then you will have full editing capabilities against the body and headers of the message. If you don't click on "Forward" first, you won't be able to edit the message at all.

2. Whenever you send an e-mail to more than one person, do NOT use the "To" or "Cc" fields for adding e-mail addresses. Always use the "BCC" (blind carbon copy) field for listing the e-mail addresses. This way the people you send to will only see their own e-mail address. If you don't see your "BCC," option click on "To" and your address list will appear. Highlight the address and choose "BCC." It's that easy. When you send to "BCC" your message will automatically say "Undisclosed Recipients" in the "To" field of the ones who receive it.

3. Remove any "FW" in the subject line. You can re-name the subject or even fix spelling.

4. ALWAYS hit your "Forward" button from the actual e-mail you are reading, not from the one who sent it to you!! Ever get e-mails where you have to open ten pages first to read the one page with the wanted information on it? By Forwarding from the actual page you wish to be viewed, it eliminates extra e-mails people have to wade through.

The best thing to do is copy and paste!!!!

5. Have you ever gotten an e-mail that is a petition? It states a position, asks you to add your name and address and then requests that you forward it to ten or 15 people or your entire address book. As it is forwarded on and on it can collect thousands of names and e-mail addresses.

FACT: That petition is worth a couple of bucks to a professional spammer because of the wealth of valid names and e-mail addresses on it. If you want to support the intent of the petition, send it as your own personal letter to the most effective source. Your position may carry more weight as a personal letter than does a laundry list of names and e-mail address on a petition.

And think about this -- Who is supposed to actually send the petition in after the names are collected? And don't believe the ones that say that the e-mail is being traced. It just ain't so!

6. One of the emails I hate is the one that says something like, "Send this e-mail to ten people and you'll see something cute run across your screen," or sometimes they just tease you by saying something really good will happen soon. IT AIN'T GONNA!!!!! Trust me, some of the same ones went around ten years ago!

I don't let the bad luck ones scare me either, they get trashed (could be why I haven't won the lottery??

7. Before you forward an Amber Alert or a Virus Alert, or some of the other ones floating around nowadays, check them out before you forward them. Most of them are junk mail that have been circling the net for YEARS!

Is it real or not? Almost everything that is questionable can easily be checked out at Snopes.com. Take that moment. If it's not real, don't pass it on.

Please, let's stop the junk mail and the viruses!

Now here's an idea!!! Let's send this to everyone we know, but strip any addresses off first, please . This is something that SHOULD be forwarded!

Author Unknown

In the words of Bonnie Tyler....

Do you ever feel like you need a hero? I have been feeling rather hopeless in the past few years about the state of humanity. People just don't seem to care any more and I wonder what this world is coming to.

Then, along came Hula Doula. My new hero! She stepped in and saved five little boys when their mother was obviously teetering on, and rapidly plunging off of, the edge. I'm not sure that I would ever be courageous enough to take the action that Hula did to ensure the safety of these boys. She is an angel here on Earth. I'm certain that I can find five little boys who would totally agree with me.

And so, I am proud to award Hula Doula the Perfect Post award for February. You inspire me to make myself a better human being. **smooches**

for more Perfect Posts visit Suburban Turmoil and Petroville

I don't even want to contemplate the alternative...

::boys playing with dinosaurs::

"....and then the t-rex goes "gggrrrrrrrrrrr!!! I gonna eat you!"

and the little one runs away

and then.....(more dino-story plotline)

....and then this is ass-poison!"

Mommy: ::looking up from her People magazine:: Whaaaa? What did you just say?! what poison?

Bear: Ass-poison!

Mommy: "Ass-poison?" What are you talking about?

Bear: Ass. Poison. See this is an asteroid and it has poison in it. So, it's ass-poison! And it kills the t-rex when it crashes into the Earth! Cool huh?

Mommy: ::sighing with relief:: Yes, very cool. Carry on.

*Mrs. Kindergarten is going to LOVE this.*

A few words for the parents in front of Candyland Elementary School

1. When you stop in the middle of the street and wait for your child to be realeased from school, it not only backs up traffic for blocks, preventing all of the other parents from being able to park and pick up our kids, it also endangers your kids and all of the other kids trying to get to their moms (or whomever is picking them up). Cut it out. Find a parking place. Nothing is worth compromising the safety of your child. Or mine.

2. When you DO park, pull all the way over to the curb, please. Stopping near an open spot is not the same as parking.

3. When you have a yield sign it means just that. YIELD already, dammit! I don't care if you do have a Lexus SUV. You still have to wait until traffic has cleared before it is your turn. Moron.

4. When you are dropping your kid off in the morning and you need to escort him in, please do not park and get out in the "loading and unloading only" area. Even for "a sec." It screws everyone else up. And besides, if you were to go about 22 feet around the curve, you would find a parking lot. Very handy for these situations.

5. Standing next to the driver's side window and talking to your friend after school has let out also blocks traffic. I don't care what position you hold on the PTA board, I am going to run over your Juicy clad ass AND your Kate Spade bag next time it happens.

6. Having a new Suburban does NOT automatically give you right of way.

7. Turn your damn music down. I don't appreciate the migraine I get from hearing your bass nor do I want my children learning the "lyrics" to anything that 50 Cent, Nelly, or whoever that is you have blasting from your windows has recorded. Sheesh.

8. This is an Elementary school for goodness sake. When someone angers you with his/her poor driving skills or etiquette, consider your language before you begin to berate that person. Do you want to hear those words coming form your child's mouth? I certainly don't.

Enough already!!!

All alone on my anniversary....

Thirteen Years ago today, I married a wonderful, sweet, young Lieutenant in the United States Air Force. He ripped me away from my family and dragged me to South Carolina, of all places. He has since dragged me all over the world and it has been quite a ride. But I don't regret any of it. Now he is a wonderful sweet, old Lieutenant Colonel (select) in the United States Air Force. And, even though, thirteen years ago today I couldn't have even imagined it, I love him even more. More than I knew it was possible to love someone.

And so now, I present to you:

25 Things About SugarDaddy:

1. He's hot.
2. Seriously, you should see him in a flight suit. H.O.T.
3. He is a wonderful daddy.
4. He is very romantic.
5. He is very infuriating (sometimes).
6. He is so smart it is just scary.
7. He is very expressive.
8. Sometimes too expressive.
9. But it's better than the stone cold silent alternative.
10. He remembers every little anniversary.
11. He doesn't mind that I don't remember every little anniversary.
12. He cooks the most awesome spaghetti sauce.
13. He still sees me as I looked 15 years (and 35 lbs!) ago.
14. He's very forgiving of my procrastination and forgetfulness.
15. I hope.
16. Since I still haven't gotten his anniversary present (or his Valentines) in the mail yet.
17. Even though I know that it takes a couple of weeks for mail to reach him.
18. Because I suck.
19. But this is supposed to be about him, isn't it?
20. He is a great kisser.
21. He has a great butt.
22. He is an incredibly gifted musician.
23. He can play just about anything on the piano.
24. He sings me songs.
25. He is the love of my life and I don't ever want to try to live it without him.

I love you, my wonderful husband. I can't wait until you get home. I'm just not as good of a...me without you.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Like weeds

I have come to an important decision. I am no longer going to be buying the fresh fruits and vegetable, lean meats, organic yogurt, milk, orange juice and all of the other healthy foods that I have been purchasing all these years. I just can't afford it. From now on, it's Pop Tarts, chips, sodas, coffee, and lots of over-processed foods.

What?

I know that those foods cost as much or more than the fresh, healthy stuff. It's not the food that I can't afford. It's the clothes and shoes that are bleeding me dry. These children are growing at a ridiculous rate. SugarPlum has shot up two pant sizes since school started. And two shoe sizes as well. Every day, when she gets dressed, I dread the conversation that will inevitably ensue about her pants being too short. Seriously. Two inches above her ankles. And she gets mad at me as if I somehow shrunk the pants. This happens with Bear as well, only he doesn't care as much and pretty much wears what I tell him to. Gotta love five year olds. And boys.

And the shoes. You should see the feet on these kids. If we ever move to Colorado, we'll save a bundle on skis. I bought them both new sneakers in August, just before school started. Good quality, name brand (not cheap!) sneakers. Because, I knew that they would likely last all school year without coming apart. But they barely had time to get dirty. By October, they both needed new sneakers. Bear came to me and said that his shoes were coming unsewn at the top. I was MAD. Those were N*kes, dangit. They weren't supposed to come apart in two months. Then I looked at and felt his foot in the shoe. They were coming apart because his toes were poking through the top, they were so small. Ouch. SugarPlum outgrew hers about three weeks later. So much for the BOGO at Shoe Carnival. Couldn't those two have coordinated this?

I have begged, pleaded, insisted, and ordered them to stop growing already. They refuse to comply. They go on eating all of that healthy food and growing taller before my eyes. And it must stop.

Thus, no more health foods. I must staunch this growth before we have to file for bankruptcy. So, from now on, its Froot Loops & Koolaid for breakfast; bologna sandwiches (on white bread! *gasp*), chips and soda for lunch; and pizza bites with CheezWhiz for supper. Snacks will be brought to you by Little Debbie and Dolly Madison. Mommy, can I have a banana? No, here, eat a twinkie. Coffee and sodas will be available at all times.

I may even teach them to smoke.

That ought to do it.

Happy Valentines Day!!

It sucks to be by myself on Valentines Day. But I have these three beautiful children to snuggle and love. (And two of them are home all day today, since Bear woke up with a fever of 102.4!) And, my wonderful, wonderful husband sent me a huge bouquet of tulips! I was going to post a picture, but I can't find the cable that connects the camera to the computer. I'm a dork. But they look a lot like the picture above. Same vase even! Only there are more of them. And they are even prettier.

Last year, Valentines was a little tense, still. This year, our marriage is stronger than ever. We are doing better at communicating...although it is sometimes a challenge when you are separated by an ocean and two continents! However, we are committed to doing this. Failure is not an option!

So, I love you my wonderful husband. I can't wait until you are home.

Also....thank you to all of my wonderful friends who have done all they can to make sure I'm not too sad this Valentines Day! I love you all!

I'm exhausted just typing this **UPDATED**

So....HonestyRain posted this weekend about how her family has started eating healthier and included the planned menu for the week. And let me just say that if I could get to Canada every night, I would totally be eating at her house. Except for the vegetarian meatloaf. Because that is just wrong.

I got to thinking about how crazy our eating habits have become over the past few months. I have always been a mommy who cooks healthy. Anyone who knows me can tell you that. Except that I don't cook lowfat. Because, yuck. But we almost always have a protein (or "crotein" as Bug says) and at least one vegetable. And I try not to be too carb heavy - if we have potatoes or rice, the kids are often disappointed that we don't have rolls. And I really don't ever fry stuff. Mostly because I don't want to have to clean up that mess, but also because greasy stuff makes me gag. (That said, I AM a Texas girl, and so I do make Chicken Fried Steak every so often. I am required to by law.)

Lately though, things have slipped a little. I am probably still pretty healthy by many people's standards, but not my own. We have eaten more fast food than I would like to admit. And we have even had cereal for supper more than once in the past few weeks. I'm not proud.

As I was reading HonestyRain's post, I got to thinking that maybe I should do a better job of planning our meals. Then I thought about our schedule for the next few weeks and realized that I don't even know when we are going to eat supper. Let alone what I am going to fix.

Until the end of the month, both Bear and SugarPlum will have basketball AND soccer practice. In addition, I am going to start a yoga/Pilates class at our church. (Aren't you proud Peaches?) As a result, our schedule looks like this: (edited Monday evening)
Monday: Bear - soccer 5:30 - 6:30 Bear's soccer practice got moved to Sunday afternoons at 2:00!! Now we can eat supper before b-ball practice. YAY!SP - basketball 6:00 - 7:15

Tuesday: SP - soccer 5:30 - 6:45 (or so)
Bear - B-ball 5:30 -6:30
Mommy - Yoga/Pilates 5:30 - 6:30

Wednesday: Church supper 5:00
All three - children's choir 5:30-6:30
Wednesdays are fantastic, because supper is taken care of and the kids are occupied...by someone else!
Thursday: SP - soccer 5:30 - 6:45
Bear - soccer 5:30 - 6:30 5:00 - 6:00, the coach has agreed to drop him off at the church if he's done before my class is over!Mommy - Yoga/Pilates 5:30 - 6:30

Friday NOTHING!!! Gray Gray & Gram coming.

**1. No, the soccer practices are NOT at the same places. 2. The b-ball practices are at the church, same as the yoga/Pilates and they have childcare, so at least there's that.

Since my boys reeeeeeaaaallly need to be in bed by 7:30, I ask you, When in the hell are we supposed to eat? I am guessing that we will be eating at like 4:30 and having some sort of snack before bed. That, or we are back to picnicking at practices!

But really, do you know what I think I really need? (Other than a refill on my Xanax) A driver. And/or a chef. And/or a nanny. No, no, no. What I need? is a wife.

Wham, Bam, Thank You Mammogram

Well, well, well. I never knew what fun it would be to have my boobies squished between two pieces of plastic. But these things happen when, in the course of your (sorta) monthly breast exam, you come across a little knot the size of a pencil eraser.

Okay, first, you hyperventilate.

Then you stay up all night obsessing about how you are going to die of breast cancer, because of course, you do the (sorta) monthly breast exam just before you turn off the light at night. And only then because, for some reason, you realize that perhaps it has been a little more than a month (or two)(or three) since the last time you did it. So, you perform the obligatory circular feeling of the tissue all the way to the pits on the left side and then on the right. Then, as you are about to smugly tell yourself that everything is fine, as it should be, you find yourself saying HUH? What is that? Crap. That's not the same "mammary" feeling thing.

So, after a very tumultuous night of "sleep" you call the doctor first thing in the morning. Of course you have to call the flight surgeon, because that is your doctor. Totally who you want to trust your boobs to. And of course, the first appointment you can get is in two weeks. Fine. So you have two weeks to obsess. And continue to check a couple of (fifteen) times a day to see if maybe, maybe that lump has disappeared.

Sometimes, it takes a minute to find it. And you get your hopes up. But in a bit, there it is. Pesky thing.

Finally, you go to the flight surgeon, who is twelve, and get to tell him about you boob and the extra stuff that shouldn't be there. And then, the twelve year old "doctor" in the flight suit gets to feel you up. And he can't find it. And you can't find it. For a minute. But, there it is and you show him and then? He still can't find it, but, following the advice of the civilian nurse who is in the room as a "chaperon" (and is NOT 12, but very experienced and one of my favoritest people in the world) takes your word for it and gives you a referral for a mammogram and ultrasound. And a biopsy.

Crap. Another biopsy. Those are so fun. (but that's not till March...I'll have something to post about next month!)

Can I drop the whole second person scenario now? It's getting tedious, don't you agree?

The mammogram "people" managed to get me in in a week. Very nice. They gave me a sheet about how to "prepare for the mammogram. I glanced over it & read that I could keep taking my medicines (good thing...all I need is to stop taking the crazy pills at this point) and not to wear deodorant the day of the procedure. Good thing this is happening in February. As I was drinking my tea the day prior, I read over the sheet once more, I saw that I was also to cut back on caffeine consumption the week before. Oops. Evidently, caffeine can make your boobs tender and lumpy. Who knew.

The day before, all of the kids were home from school, sick. I stood over them that night, doing some voodoo to make sure that all were well enough for school the next day. Because I was not putting this off, dammit.

Fortunately, everyone woke up healthy-ish yesterday morning. And Mommy was such a joy to be with that all gleefully exited the van. After dropping off Bug at school, I dashed to the clinic to have my boobies squished. WHEE!

I got to sit in the waiting room for about 17 months twenty minutes. During that time, I was able to peruse the heart-warming memoir of a breast cancer survivor whose symptoms and "discovery" very closely mimicked my own experience. Wonderful.

At last, I was called back and Kelly explained the procedure and gave me these little tiny bb's to stick to my nipples. Nobody warned me about this. Because I know from experience that adhesive on the nippular area never ends well. (as an aside, I am slightly disturbed by the number of posts I have had concerning my boobs) She then placed my right boob in the vice and began to lower it. Then she did the same on the left. Then different angles of both. (A little to the left...lower you chin...now say "MILK!" click)

And? Well, it really wasn't that bad. Not an activity that I would choose for fun. But, better than childbirth. But honestly, what isn't? I theorize that the mammogram much be worse for a woman with actual boobs. But, as a member and officer of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee (I'm Recording Secretary, but someday...President!), it wasn't so bad.

Next I proceeded to the Ultrasound portion of our program. The radiologist himself (who wasn't 12! He was probably 14) did the ultrasound of my boob. And the very first thing he did? He ripped that bb bandaid off of my nippular area. YOUCH! This was, by far, the worst part of the whole day. Seeing my face, he says, "Oh, sorry." But he didn't mean it. Bastard.

Nah, he was nice. He got to feel me up, too. But he was able to find the lump. The ultrasound was pretty thorough. He said that he really couldn't see the "area of concern" of either the mammogram or the ultrasound "which is a good thing." He recommended that I get another mammogram in four years or so.

I'm not sure what the status of the biopsy is now. I'm torn about whether I want to go ahead and have it, just to completely rule out the scary possibilities or trust that it is probably just a lymph node or something. Any input on this decision (as if I have any say in it) is welcome.

So...there you go. CRB was waiting with bated breath for this post. Hope that it met your expectations. Next up....Sugar Mommy goes to the dentist!

How many times...

....does this have to happen before I learn????


For crying out loud.

Must fold now.

Lucky to be alive, that child

Sometimes there are days that I love and adore my children. Okay, I always love my children, but I do not always adore them. Sometimes I am amazed at how well behaved, considerate and thoughtful they can be. Then there are the other times. We have had many "what the fuck?!" moments around here lately. But Sunday night. *sigh* Sunday night....well it was the crowning "what the fuck" moment of the year thus far.

Bug had been quite the little shit all weekend. He had been pushing the limits. Seriously. Dumping the clothes out of the dresser, refusing to go potty (that's a whole other entry), defiance. But then he would be all sweet and cuddly and make me love him again. Those toddlers, they're crafty.

After Gray Gray & Gram left Sunday afternoon, he was really on a tear, though. When I called him for supper I noticed that he had little bits of styrofoam all over him. And I do mean all. over. him. WTF? I chastised him appropriately, told him that that styrofoam is NOT a toy, and we had supper. After supper, I was cleaning up the kitchen and Bear came and got me to tell me that Bug had torn up more styrofoam and , oh yeah, "I was fanning it. With my pants." WTF?

I go in the boys' bedroom to see...the blizzard. Seriously. It looked like, well, Denver in there. (sorry, Hula) Bug was naked - except for the nine pairs of underwear he was wearing. WTF???And, the pièce de résistance, he had pulled about half of the freshly folded laundry out of his drawers. Huge pile of pjs, underwear, socks and shirts. Hadn't we just gone over that two days ago? Arrrrggghhhh! I was FURIOUS. (I suppose I could say that I was pissed off, but that would be a terrible pun and so I won't subject you to that.) (heh)

I told them that they had to pick up the chunks of the styrofoam while I refolded the clothes to put back in the drawers. A moment later, Bear tells me, "Uh, Mommy? Bug tee-teed on those clothes. All over them." And yes, they were soaked. What. the. fuck?!? Was it an accident? No. As Bug explains it, the clothes "were on fire" and he was the firefighter putting it out. My hero. This is when I lost it.

WHAT, in the name of Elmo, is wrong with this child?

It was all I could do not to scream at him. (Well, yes, I will admit, I did scream a little.) (Little is a relative term, right?) I then gathered up all of the soiled clothes and took them to the laundry room to rewash them. Because that is my favorite thing EVER to do. I continued to supervise the cleaning up of the styrofoam and berate any boy who stopped to complain. That shit was everywhere, all over their room. And it's a big room. Once the big chunks were picked up, I made them sit on their beds (Bug was n*ked, since I had taken all nine pairs of underwear off in preparation for bedtime) while I vacuumed the teensy tiny static-filled bits up. That took forever, it seemed. And for a child who hates loud noises, that was the most heinous punishment I could come up with.

With the clean up complete, I got both boys ready for bed. Bug wasn't allowed to sit with us for the bedtime story but I did snuggle and rock him while I sang our bedtime songs. I'm not a monster. And they both went to sleep without any protest. I think that they could sense they had pushed me to the very edge.

Not surprisingly, this week has been better. Actually, Bug has been in underwear *dry* all week. The impression of Mommy-on-the-brink seems to have tempered the rebellion somewhat. Don't know how long that will last. For their sake and mine, I hope it will be a while.

A Perfect Post

I have been wanting to award a Perfect Post award for sometime now. Every month, I read a post and think to myself, "When Lindsay sends me that reminder this month, I am going to nominate this post." And then I forget. Can't for the life of me remember what it was I wanted to nominate.

But, last week, I popped over to Small Things to check up on Kristi. Her husband is in the Navy and he is deployed to Iraq right now. I have to say that as awful as it is having SD away for a year, I thank God every day that he is in a place that is relatively safe and not in the line of fire and putting his life at risk every day. Truly.

Over at Small Things I found a post entitled This military wife is getting mad. Kristi found a way to so very eloquenty and vehemently express her opinion on the war, and the news about the war and all of the BS that is surrounding and clouding all of it. And I realized that her words were almost exactly what I would have said, were I as articulate and well spoken as she.

And so I am delighted to award Kristi with the Perfect Post Award for January. You make me proud to be a military wife and proud to call you friend!

For more Perfect Post nominees, head over to Suburban Turmoil and Petroville!

How to tell a joke (if you're three)

Bug: Mommy, say "knock knock" to me

Me: Knock, knock to me.

Bug: NO!! Mommy, YOU say "knock knock" to me!

Me: Knock, knock to me!!

Bug (exasperated): No, Mommy! See you say "Knock knock" and the other person says "who's there" and you say "banana" and they say "banana who?" and then you say "banana with chocolate and motorcycles on it!" hahahahahahaaha!!!!

::more laughing::

That's funny, huh, Mommy?!

Me: Funniest thing I've heard all day, kiddo!

I SO rock

Very busy, crazy days here lately. Bear was sick all week and finally went to school on Friday. We got a new, roll-top computer desk (veeerrry pretty!) that was delivered Saturday. Then we had a new, humongous area rug for the family room Wednesday, which means no more hard, cold wood floor any more. Yaaaay!

The result of the new desk and carpet was that I had to take the computer apart. For several days, I was using my laptop exclusively (once the DSL was back up). I was pretty apprehensive about trying to put the computer back together and had a tech-saavy friend from church on stand-by to come over and rescue me from the process. Because let's face it. If you know me at all, you know how NOT mechanically or technically inclined I am!

Imagine my surprise when I was able to get everything up and running all by myself!! I was feeling pretty smug. Only two issues came up. (heh) First...the keyboard was oh, about three millimeters too wide for the little drawer. And? While the computer sat disassembled, one of my children (I'm not naming any names, but I'm fairly certain that this child is of the three-year-old persuasion) broke the printer. Pulled some stuff out of it. My tech-saavy friend took a look at it and said that while it could be repaired, it would be at least $90. So, after consulting SD, we decided to go ahead and get a new keyboard and printer. Bug and I journeyed to Circuit City yesterday and purchased both (note to self: don't take Bug to an electronics store by myself again soon).

Today, I braved the big, bad PC again and successfully installed the printer and the new keyboard!! This much not seem like a big deal to some of you, but I have never done this before and I am feeling very empowered. As SD said the other night, now I can move to India and work in tech support. We're gonna be rich!

Thoughts and questions and stuff nobody cares about but me...

• My DSL has been spotty and, finally, non-existent for several days.
• The guy finally came to fix it today.
• He was here for five hours.
• I kid you not.
• I missed my nap.
• *yawn*
• So, did you miss me?
• Bear had gone all this fall & winter with out getting sick.
• I actually allowed myself to think that maybe he had outgrown the croup thing.
• Stupid.
• He is now coughing, wheezy and running a fever.
• So, he is laying in my bed watching Noggin.
• I think that someone needs to teach Diego to use his "inside voice."
• I have a feeling that we will be going to the Urgent Care Clinic later.
• I hate the Urgent Care Clinic.
• Even more than Diego.
• If that's possible.
• The only up side is that this keeps him away from Mrs Kindergarten for a day or two.
• She is totally on my shit list right now.
• But that deserves an entire post that I can't seem to compose right now.
• Tomorrow maybe.
• *snort*
• I recently discovered that in addition to the other wonderful things they can do, Mr Clean Magic Erasers can take Sharpie off of hardwood floors.
• I don't recommend them for taking Sharpie off of the face of a three year old, however.
• I mean, it DOES take the Sharpie off.
• Along with a layer or two of skin.
• Leaving what looks somewhat like a carpet burn.
• Please don't call CPS on me.
• We were supposed to get snow and sleet, etc. this weekend.
• But all we got was two inches of rain.
• Gray Gray and Gram didn't get to come again.
• That sucked.
• But, Bear & SP got to play their basketball games.
• They both lost.
• Bear told my dad, "Well, my team scored 14 points and the other team scored.........a lot more than 14 points."
• Heh.
• Better wrap this up so that I can go pick SP up from school.
• And take Bear to Urgent Care.
• Bah.

Seriously, I am so over this weather

Jack Frost, you evil bastard

Things that were supposed to happen this weekend:

~*~ Gram & Gray Gray coming to town (as usual)
~*~ My best friend, CRB, and her daughter coming to town
~*~ SugarPlum's first basketball game of the season
~*~ SugarBear's first basketball game EVER
~*~ SugarBug's friend, M's, birthday party at the "paint your own ceramic" place
~*~ Beginning new Sunday School program at church
~*~ Lots of fun time with friends and family


What ACTUALLY happened this weekend:

~*~ Stuck in house all by ourselves for three days straight with lots of time to think about how much we miss Daddy.

Good times.

Well, winter finally decided to come to Candyland. And it's here with a vengeance. The rain started Friday morning and by noon the temperature had plummeted to nearly freezing. By the time I picked the kids up from school, there was ice on the van. We haven't left the house since we got home Friday afternoon.

After looking at the radar and weather forecasts Friday morning, I called my parents and CRB and told them both not to come. The roads were going to be really icy well before they made it to Candyland PLUS there is no guarantee as to when they would be clear for them to get out of here. You know it was bad if I told people not to come and relieve the monotony.

Bear and SP were disappointed that their games were cancelled. Bug is still clueless about the birthday party, even though we had picked out a crown, fancy hair stuff and a fuzzy scarf for his friend M's birthday. (Don't ask me, these were the things that he picked out and insisted that he had to get her. He's a funny little guy!)

SP was even more disappointed that CRB and her daughter (my beautiful god-daughter!) didn't get to come. She is b-o-r-e-d. But, what self-respecting ten year old isn't? She mentioned today that this reminds her if the Little House book, The Long Winter. I agreed, with a few caveats. We have plenty of food, central heat, communication with he outside world, it's only three days, and there is no blizzard.
We have had an okay weekend so far, though. Mostly we have slept in (even Bug!), snuggled, watched movies, baked and, of course, it wouldn't be a weekend without the boys beating the crap out of each other ten or twelve (thousand) times. The whining though, has been kept to a minimum. By the children anyway. I have been whining to anyone who will listen. And even a few who didn't want to listen. So, if your phone rings this afternoon...check your caller ID!

School is out today, thank goodness. Hopefully the roads will clear some so that everyone can go to school tomorrow. Togetherness is good, but come on!

Bwahahahahahahaha!!!!

A good friend sent me this joke and I'm still laughing. Hope it makes your weekend a better one!

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom."You know what? ' says the 6 year old. "I think it's about time we started cussing."

The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues, "When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with "ass." The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

When their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."

WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can just stay there until I let you out!"

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast,young man?"

"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios."

Bittersweet weekend

SD's last weekend, being what it was, was pretty great. From my perspective, anyway. We got to spend some really great family time together, I got to sleep in (which is always a plus!!) and...then he left. Which sucked. Big time.

Before that, though, we had a blast celebrating SugarPlum's birthday. Friday night, my parents came to town, as usual. So, while they watched the boys, we took SP out to dinner. She decided that she wanted to go to the nice seafood restaurant down the street and she had lobster tail and grilled shrimp. Yes, you read that right, lobster tail and grilled shrimp. It was her birthday and we told her that she could have anything that she wanted. When Pop Pop was here a few weeks ago, we took him to that restaurant and that was what he ordered. He shared a bit with SP and girlfriend was hooked! I was skeptical as to whether she could actually eat all of that food, but that child ate every. single. bite. All of the lobster. All of the shrimp. All of the grilled vegetables. All of the rice. PLUS a huge salad and probably half a loaf of bread. I was gobsmacked. The waitress was duly impressed as well!

After supper, we went home and she opened presents. Her Daddy got her a very nice doll from Norway. Gray Gray and Gram got her some books and some new goalie gloves. Bug gave her some CDs and Bear gave her some more books. Mommy got her some clothes to wear to her birthday party and SD & I got her a new clock radio. She LOVES the clock!

Her party was fantastic! She invited seven friends to go rock climbing at an old grain elevator that has been converted to a rock climbing facility. Some of the girls were a little nervous, but everyone seemed to really enjoy themselves. My SugarPlum, as it turns out, should have her nickname changed to Spider Girl!! She climbed in the boulder room, she climbed the 50 foot walls a few times and then, a the end of the party, she impressed everyone by scaling the 120 foot wall! Everyone in the place cheered when she reached the top. She was a little sore Sunday morning. To say the least.

So.......I was going to show you pictures, but blogger is being a PITA (big surprise). So, you'll just have to go see them over at Flickr.


PS We miss you so much already SD. The bed is very cold. Come home soon!

How time flies....

Ten years ago today I got the job I had wanted for my whole life. I finally became a Mommy.

Mommy to the smartest, kindest, funniest, most beautiful girl in the whole wide world.

Thank you, my Angel for initiating me into this wonderful club. I could never dream of a child better than you. You make all my dreams come true (and occasionally some of my nightmares!).

Happy 10th Birthday, SugarPlum!!